View Full Version : Something for all you G.I.Joe fans

2003-01-17, 02:58 AM
Okay, for all of you fellow Joe fans out there, this is the way that the ‘G.I.Joe’ Movie should have gone, part 1:

Serpentor, a wealthy businessman who provides Cobra’s funding as well as taking command occasionally, calls together Cobra’s leaders: Cobra Commander, Destro, the Baroness, Tomax, Xamot, Dr. Mindbender, Zartan, Storm Shadow, and Overkill. He proposes to the group that Cobra Commander’s gross incompetence has led to their continuous defeats at the hands of G.I.Joe. Cobra Commander asks the rest of the group to defend him, but instead is made out to be incompetent by all of them.

Meanwhile, an intruder pulls onto the shores of Cobra’s stronghold in a one-man submarine, and hides the vehicle before continuing with their mission. A sword cuts through the perimeter fence with ease, and resistance from the Cobra soldiers guarding the entrance is met with several swift blows. Inside the building, the disturbance is detected by the Tele-Viper manning the scanning post, and the alarm is activated- just as Cobra Commander’s fate is about to decide in Serpentor’s control centre.

Cobra Commander leads the rest of the group out to meet the intruder head-on, but spying the intruder himself heading towards Serpentor’s control centre, he leads the group in another direction as a patrol of Crimson Guards rushes the intruder. The intruder breaks a small glass orb, releasing a smokescreen towards the patrol, and leaves twelve Crimson Guards unconscious; two of them tied up. The shield doors to Serpentor’s control centre begin to close just as the intruder arrives. A series of flips, jumps, rolls and somersaults brings the intruder into the central chamber. Two orbs are thrown to the sides, concussing all of Serpentor’s bodyguard but two, who are soon taken out of the equation with a couple of well-placed blows.

Serpentor stands against the intruder himself. A spray of razor-sharp darts erupts from above the intruder; causing them to dive out of the way. As Serpentor activates his emergency escape route, the intruder jumps onto the platform with him and reveals her identity (sort of). She calls herself Pythona, and claims to be the mother of Storm Shadow, as well as an accomplice of Cobra Commander. Suddenly, the leaders burst into the chamber, ready to attack the intruder. Serpentor instructs them to stand down, as Pythona reveals about the newest addition to the technology of G.I.Joe.

At this time, the Joes are testing the B.E.T. (Broadcast Energy Transmitter) in the arctic. The B.E.T. functions superbly; and Cobra are right there to steal it. In the midst of their attempt to capture the B.E.T. however, Cobra loses their benefactor when Serpentor is injured by the Joes and Cobra Commander refuses to aid him. Instead, he signals retreat and has his forces fall back to a mountain range several miles behind them. Roadblock leads a team to capture them, but they reach Cobra just as Cobra Commander claims that they have found ‘sanctuary’. A number of defence drones and some mysterious new Cobra guards (later referred to as Arch-Vipers) capture the Joes.

Pythona appears with Nemesis, a highly powerful android who inspired the design of the Crimson Guards’ uniforms. Cobra Commander tries to run, and is brought back by Nemesis. Cobra Commander claims that Grand Mamba, Cobra Commander’s co-conspirator, will have their heads. The majority of the Cobra force, with the exception of their leaders and the Dreadnoks, are taken to a holding cell while they await further news. Pythona asks Zartan to assist her. Zartan is easily bribed into gathering intelligence on Serpentor’s containment.

Back at the Joe camp, Beach Head is training Chuckles (an undercover specialist), Jinx (a female ninja), Longball (a sports fanatic who is very good at overcoming obstacles), Law (a dog handler for the M.P.) and Eagle (a paratrooper). Falcon (who is actually a lieutenant) is nowhere to be found. It turns out that Falcon is goofing off; showing a girl named Heather where Serpentor is being held. Duke finds him, and assigns him guard duty for failing to perform his duties.

Heather is actually Zarana, sister of Zartan. She gives Pythona all the intelligence that she has gathered on Serpentor’s prison. Pythona leads a strike team to free Serpentor, consisting of Nemesis, the Dreadnoks and herself. They use a fake ID bracer to get past the outside gate, and Pythona’s sword, Serpent Kiss, is more than adequate for tearing a hole in the flexi-glass shield beyond that. Nemesis’ trap-shot cannon disables the pressure-alarm floor, whilst Pythona is able to disable the infrared sensors with some well-placed shuriken throws.

Negating the spider trap takes a combined effort from Buzzer, Ripper and Torch, with the heat from Torch’s flamethrower unable to melt the cables, Ripper and Buzzer have to cut their way through. They finally reach the outer-chamber: a surround of 8-feet thick reinforced concrete. A few well-placed demolition charges take care of that, bringing the rescue party into conflict with Alpine, Bazooka and Gung Ho.

In the ensuing conflict, Gung Ho suffers four broken ribs, a fractured forearm and a third-degree concussion; Alpine receives a severe back injury and a broken leg; and Bazooka suffers a gunshot in the abdomen, a broken ankle, a separated shoulder, head trauma and a ruptured spleen. Falcon (who was supposed to be on guard duty) is faced with a court-martial for gross misconduct and neglecting of duty. And Serpentor escapes.

Back at Fortress Viper, Cobra Commander faces charges of treason from Grand Mamba, his own brother. Cobra Commander responds with ‘the only betrayal here, dear brother, is your own’. Pythona approaches and enquires as to Cobra Commander’s condition. Apparently, Pythona was Cobra Commander’s lover after Storm Shadow’s father died: by Cobra Commander’s hand. Although Storm Shadow is not (officially) in attendance at the meeting, he overhears the conversation and decides that he has to reconcile with Snake Eyes, who was honest with him from the beginning. He decides to free the captured Joes.

Cobra Commander’s trial continues, with all sorts of accusations thrown at the former leader of Cobra. After the evidence is presented, Grand Mamba and Serpentor begin to walk away. Grand Mamba instructs the Arch-Vipers to beat him, saying that ‘first we’ll make him suffer; then when he begs for mercy, we shall kill him’. Grand Mamba then presents the master plan to Serpentor. The B.E.T. would be used to power a number of microwave-generating satellites, which would allow Cobra to enslave every life form on the face of the Earth, while being completely shielded from the microwaves in their underground base.

Storm Shadow chooses now to make his move. The Arch-Vipers are good, but just not good enough to beat him. He springs the Joes from their cells, and instructs them to follow him if they want a way out. They are all captured by a super-intelligent recovery system called the S.T.R.U.T. (Scanning, Tracking and Recovery Utility Technology), with the exception of Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow and Roadblock. However, Roadblock has been blinded by one of the drones and relies on Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow to guide him. During the confusion, Cobra Commander has escaped and reveals to the trio that he knows another way out of Fortress Viper. Having been crippled by the Arch-Vipers, Cobra Commander agrees to show them the way, if he can go with them. Reluctantly, his offer is accepted, and with a final word of ‘Scarlett’, (Snake Eyes muttering under his breath), the quartet leave.