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Mirage
2005-03-10, 12:41 AM
IC, as always!

camera sweeps in through a swing door to a gym stopping at a pair of feet, the camera slowly creeps up past a pair of hairy knees, and higher, pausing at the generous genital regions, past the toned six pack, again higher to the firm breasts? breasts!? camera goes higher, *aaaaaah!*, a manly woman is focussing in on the camera

Rage: Hey you, Martha! get away from the camera, you're supposed to be spotting Helmut!

Martha: There he is!

Rage: *slaps forehead* idiot! I can see him too!

*Martha smiles and claps hands*

Rage: El stupido! I don't mean see him, I mean spot him, whilst he is working out, y'know like watch!

Martha: See!

Rage: No, make sure he's ok!

Martha: Oh, hehe

Manly Martha backs away to spot Helmut[i/]

Rage: and as for you, you cheap good for nothing cameraman! you're supposed to be focusing on me, not that manbeast!, now let's try that again!

[i]promo music hits, camera zooms in through gym doors, stops at Rage's boots, camera raises past the not so hairy knees, pauses on the not so generous genital regions, keeps going higher, past the 4 pack, I mean 6 pack, pauses on the pectorials, and stops at the face of, yes that's right, The Big Ragebowski

Rage: Hi, I'm the Big Ragebowski, you may remember me from the AWF, I held every title and never lost a match, do you wanna know why?

promo music starts again

Rage: It's because I took care of my body, I believe in training every day.........

clip of Rage doing push ups

Rage: 1001, 1002, 1003, 1004............

clip ends

Rage: I belive in being good to your body...........

clip of Rage lifting weights

Rage: I believe in a strong mind...........

clip of Rage playing chess

Rage: Checkmate

Opponent: What are you talking about? have you even played this before??

Rage: Shhh!

Opponent: No I won't shhh, you...

Rage grabs camera, scuffling is heard, camera is back on, we see Rage with a bishop sticking out of his nose, clip quickly ends

Rage: Most importantly I believe, in me!

*looks to mirror*

Rage: and you can too! why don't you make the right decision, why don't you make the only decision! you want fame?

past clip of Rage getting boo'd

Rage: You want fortune?

past clip of Rage in womens dress crying in ring

Rage: You want women?

many clips of Rage being slapped and dumped on tv

Rage: Then you want....to join my gym! That's right, for only $100 a month you can have a body at least half as good as mine! So call 555 RAGE and make the right choice

Rage gives thumbs up and smiles!, cheesey white revolving star appears out of still shot smile*

cameraman: okay we're done, we'll show you a wrap of the finished product and see what you think.

Rage: great! do you think I would have looked better if we'd done this from the other side, y'know with maybe a little light coming in and reflecting off my jaw?

cameraman: eveything was fine Rage, let's check it out

moments later, Rage is watching the final edit on his desk

Rage: Hehe, I like that, do I always look this good?

scenes from his past career are now on display on the footage

Rage: What? Where did you get this? What is this crap?!

cameraman: with all due respect Mr Ragebowski, sir, we thought we'd go for a more humour kind of approach to bring the custoemrs in, y'know like maybe the Homer Simpsons of the World?

Rage: Homer Simpsons?

cameraman: the ratings show it would be a popular choice and shold help no end in getting the much eneded subscriptions for your gym, I mean c'mon,. let's face it, it's not very busy out there, you've got some big German guy working out, out there and some beast who's probably a woman.

Rage: I wanted this trailer to bring in celebrities, superstars, people like me

cameraman: once again, with all due respect sir, you aren't really a celebrity anymore

Rage looks at cameraman, and back at the footage, he picks up the tv and slams it to the ground

cameraman: what are you doing?

Rage: nobody talks to me like that, nobody, i am the big ragebowski, the single most greatest superstar the awf has ever seen!!!!

Rage picks up the cameraman and Rageplex's him through his desk!

hearing the scuffle, helmut and martha rush to the office

Helmut: Rage, what is wrong with you? we were only thinking of the nest, when we hired the guy he said it would sell

at boiling point, the Ravishing One dives across the room for Helmut, Martha drags Rage off but is pushed aside. Picking up a conveniently placed former title belt RRR beats Helmuts head with it until he is completely out of it!

as he turns round, Martha is stood there with a stuffed beaver! launching the taxidermied woodland critter towards Rage it hits him in the groin! After the Beaver shot Rage is done, Martha the manbeast drags out helmut and the cameraman and leaves the gym

about half an hour later....

Rage: Uhhhhhh.................

those losers!

if that's what everyone thinks of me, then I need to do something about it!

looks to his portraits on the wall with the strategically photoshopped belts around his waist and grins

Rage: I'm gonna have to go back to the AWF and show all of those leftovers how a real superstar does it!

Rage leaves his office and passes an old caretaker near the exit

Rage: Hey old man!

Caretaker: who me?

Rage: you're old and a man aren't you?

caretaker: what?

Rage: here!

*throws keys*

Rage: the gym's yours! I've got bigger business to take care of!

Rage looks back at the gym, remembering the dodgy films he had made there in the past and walks off down the street vowing to once again reach the top of the AWF!

Galvatron91
2005-03-10, 02:25 AM
OOC: Class! Rage and King back...Lock returned recently...good times!

Ignavus
2005-03-10, 02:25 AM
OOC: I.. am... so... amused... it.. hurts

Tempest
2005-03-10, 02:33 AM
Originally posted by Ignavus
OOC: I.. am... so... amused... it.. hurts

Do not worry. It is an old guard thing.

Extreme_Kup
2005-03-10, 12:15 PM
OOC: Alright! I hope this means your returning for good dude. I missed those promos of yours. Its gonna be great to see them after every AWF show yet again. Welcome back Rage.