View Full Version : The Following Annoucement has been paid for...

AWF Productions
2007-02-06, 12:39 AM
A camera cuts in to see Mr. Reilly in the ring at a suddenly televised AWF House Show.

Mr. Reilly: It seems...that the rank and file of AWF Fandom isn't happy with a lot of the things that have transpired here lately...not content with the heavily formatted house shows, the lack of television time. Well, if you want the AWF on the air...you shall have it!

The fans begin to cheer...

Mr. Reilly: I have decided that in two weeks, the AWF will present Edge of Survival, featuring the AWF Rumble...a battle royal where you must either toss your opponent over the top rope, or as a bonus, force them to submit!

The cheers continue....

Mr. Reilly: However, this year...there will be a special treat! You see, the winner this year will be crowned the AWF Champion! Every one of you favorite AWF Superstars will be competing....from Y3B Blaster to Vin Ghostal, to Sixswitch to Stone Cold Skywarp to...

Reilly grows annoyed as he realizes the crowd is chanting "Better Than You."


Suddenly Sinner begins to play and The HeartBrend Kid Sean O'Con and the Game Erik Summer make their way out to the cheers of the crowd.

Mr. Reilly: You two better

*Suddenly, HBK seizes the mic, angering the boss*

HBK: To borrow a line from StoneCold, if you want Reilly to shut up, give me a hell yeah.


Game: You realize that gimmick infringement is technically a violation of copyright...

The two begin to laugh and mock the owner...

HBK: Listen boss...and I use that term with all the malice I can muster...you were the one who suspended us. We needed time off for surgery and rather than go on tour, we elected to have our assorted injuries fixed, so that we could do what we do best and continue slaughter the backstage hacks you employ in this fed. You, being the assmunch you are, CHOSE to suspend us for having this done.

Game: The simple fact is this Reilly. You need us...the fans want us...you can't fire us...you're paying us anyway, so it is time we came back here and do what we do best. Now, we can do this the easy way...or the way we've been doing it the past few weeks and doing our best to wreck your little show.

Reilly suddenly snatches the microphone away.

Mr. Reilly: You two little basturds...you think you can come on to my show, make demands...and be ALLOWED back?

The chants of the crowd grow louder and louder...

Mr. Reilly suddenly smiles: All right...you two want to come back? You want to compete at Edge of Survival in the Rumble? O'Con, you want to go on to Archivemania and face Amarant Odinson? Fine...

The crowd explodes!

Mr. Reilly: BUT...before any of that happens, you have to do something for me. See...I haven't gotten my money's worth from you two slackers...so if you want to come back, you have to agree to and win a match for me.

The two partners begin to laugh...

Mr. Reilly: This Friday...you two must compete in any unannounced match of my choosing, against any number of competitors of my choosing. You MUST win...if not, you agree to allow me to void your contracts.

The two confer for a moment before HBK responds.

HBK: You're on...

Mr. Reilly goes to speak again, but before he can, BTU drills him with a combo superkick to the jaw, sending the owner flat to the mat, the two give him their typical good bye before bailing from the ring to the delight of the crowd, leaving the owner in a heap and his security rushing to tend to him.
Kitchen Measures (http://kitchenmeasures.com/)

Vin Ghostal
2007-02-06, 02:04 AM
Backstage, we find Keith Kincaid with a small AWF Mayhem set behind him.

KK: Wow…ladies and gentlemen, we’ve just seen D-Generation Next put the…

(voice from offscreen): Cut cut cut! No no no no no!

A man in a gold suit with giant gold sunglasses enters from the right, waving his arms in an exaggerated “cut” motion.

?: All wrong, it’s all wrong. You just managed to put a fat guy in Milwaukee asleep mid-Cheeto. Let’s clear the stage, shrimp.

The man pushes Kincaid out of the frame

?: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the master of disaster, the reason for the season, the man you’ve all be praying for and waiting for and tuning in hoping for…Vin Ghostal!

Ghostal enters, his gold outfit almost blindingly shiny under the bright lights

V3: Now, people, please do not adjust your sets. That thin sheet of utter boredom that usually coats this program has been removed. Should your picture seem clearer somehow…that is no accident. After all, the stars shine brightest on a clear night, and you people have been force-fed nothing but clouds and pollution since D-Generation Next “took over” the AWF. Well, I am happy to report that those days are over. My name is Vin Ghostal, and along with my faithful Executive Producer, Zane Benedict, I’m here to finally give you a reason to tune into this program every week.

It’s time to put the ‘entertainment’ back into sports entertainment. Believe me, I’ve worked in the entertainment business my whole life. Movies, TV…I know what sells. You people don’t want to see all this hardcore nonsense, do you? Of course not. You want to see drama and intrigue! You don’t want to see all this extreme violence…you want to see a good story! That’s what professional wrestling is all about, isn’t it? Sports entertainment? Of course it is! You people want to be entertained, and that’s where Vin Ghostal comes in. Believe me…you’ll thank me later.

And if you think D-Generation Next, or anyone else, is going to stop Vin Ghostal from becoming the ONLY four time AWF Champion ever…well…


Ghostal leaves the frame, and Zane Benedict comes to the center.

ZB: And…CUT!!!

2007-02-06, 09:13 AM
D-Generation Next? I think the syphilis has finally rotted his brain... we're Better Than You.

And apparantly faces again...

2007-02-06, 12:10 PM
Somewhere..inside a rotten apartment....

We see a very filthy looking apartment as the cameras open up a new scene after the recent Ghostal segment. Soon enough, the cameras zoom into a man lying face first on the ground. This man seems to be lying on a pool that is made up of beer and a couple of regurgitated pizzas. After a few seconds, the man rolls over to show that it was former/current(?) one half of the AWF tag team champions, D-Extreme. The camera gives a large zoom in on the man's face which is now oozing out some drool from his mouth until we hear an off screen sound of a phone ringing.


Soon enough, a woman's voice is heard.

Voice: "Hello? Is this the apartment of Ignavus and D-Extreme? If so, please be reminded that the AWF will be bookin you guys at the upcoming pay per view Edge of Survival. Unlike last year, we EXPECT that you two to be present and accounted for. Mr. Reily will NOT tolerate another excuse that you guys slept late or the monkeys invaded your damn apartment unit yet again for you not to show up. Show up on the event and maybe we would have something for you guys to do. Not show up, and maybe Ignavus would lose his remaining testicle..good day."

After the message is played, a long resounding beep is heard from the background as we still get a shot from the drooling D-Extreme. The beep finally stops and soon enough, the drooling D-Extreme blinks his eyes a couple of times before he sat up from the pool of beer. He wpes away the drool from his mouth and scratches his head before he looks around his own apartment unit.

D-Ex: "Wh...wha? Edge of Survival? Igz?"

He looks for his partner, but he is nowhere to be seen. He slowly gets to his feet and scratches his rear end before he makes his way to the ref to get something. D-Ex opens the refridgerator door to notice that there are no contents aside from a piece of paper. He pulls it out of the ref and reads it.

D-Ex: "D-Ex, had to leave the apartment for some family event. Sorry, had to take your six pack cause I was too lazy to buy something for my folks on my way back. Signed, Ignavus?"

He turns around and the cameras zoom in on the horrified look of D-Ex. The camera zooms out as D-Ex looks up onto the ceiling and raises all hands in the air as he shouts.


Once he shouts, the scene fades.

2007-02-06, 04:33 PM
Originally posted by Brendocon
And apparantly faces again...

Come now...we could set fire to the arena, kill 20000 fans and still be over. Whether people love us or hate us, the bottom line is they need us to make the show interesting!

As for the match, the only question I have is where are we drinking after our victory?

2007-02-06, 04:37 PM
Originally posted by Galvatron91
Come now...we could set fire to the arena, kill 20000 fans and still be over.

I like the sound of testing this theory...

As for the match, the only question I have is where are we drinking after our victory?

What's with the "after"?

2007-02-07, 01:11 AM
Originally posted by Brendocon
What's with the "after"?

We can't go to a bar AND have a match at the same time...can we?

Now, I never said we'd be sober DURING the match...

2007-02-07, 12:36 PM
The scene opens with miserable AWF interviewing lackey, Keith Kincaid, sat in a surprisingly plush studio with very comfortable-looking seats. Sat opposite him are Judge Death and Baxter, with Death slouched and the Bugg seemingly worried about the odd creaking noises his seat is making.

KK: "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to an AWF interview show with no name! I'm Keith Kincaid, and joining me in the studio - "

JD: "Iss thhiss not thhe placce where Oprah Winffrey makess her shhow?"

KK: "Yes, yes it is."

JD: "Impresssivve...how did we manage to get in here?"

KK: "We can be persuasive when we want to..."

Brief cut to a broom cupboard with the door locked and held in place with wooden planks. The door occasionally shakes as what sounds suspiciously like an entire daytime TV crew yell and shout on the other side.

KK: "...Anyway...thankyou for joining me, Judge and Bugg - or Ravenous Justice, if you prefer."

BX: "It is most pleasing
To be here, despite a lack
of delicacies."

JD: "Wait, when did you sstart to like me, ffool?"

KK: "I didn't, but I'm reading this from autocue. So the AWF's been on hiatus for a while, and nobody saw you two around - where have you been?"

BX: "We travelled to fair
Japan, the homeland of my
People, the sumos."

KK: "You're Japanese?"

Baxter gives Keith a very nasty glare.

KK: "Oh...yeah, right, of course you are. So did you study with the oft-honoured technical wrestlers that work there? Kenta Kobashi, Jushin Liger, Ultimo Dragon...?"

Judge Death and Baxter simultaneously blink, then exchange a glance.

JD: "Thhey havve wresstling in Japan, too?"

Scene fades...

...And we cut to pre-recorded footage. A small commerical jet touches down on an airstrip. The door slides down, stairs are attached, and Death steps out, looking around with a smile - or something like it - on his face. Then Baxter trips up and stumbles into him, sending the two rolling down the stairs painfully, as The Vapors begin to play in the background. Death and Baxter stare into the Eastern sky with crossed eyes...

I've got your picture, of me and you...
You wrote 'I love you', I love you too...

Next, we see Baxter at the wheel of a small 'tuk-tuk' taxi, weaving nimbly through congested, neon-lit streets. People look on in confusion as Death leans out of the side, yelling into a megaphone about sins and punishment and other judgey business.

I sit there staring when there's nothing else to do!
Oh, it's in colour, your hair is brown...

Baxter and JD scramble into a photo booth, with more than a little difficulty.

Your eyes are hazel, and soft as clouds...

Death's face winds up squeezed firmly against the lens for a moment, before it slides down, leaving a lovely trail of saliva in its wake.

I often kiss you when there's no-one else around!

Baxter puts one heckuva lip-lock on JD...before pulling back and realising that it's actually Takeshi Miike he's snogging. The Bugg screams and runs off.

I've got your picture, I've got your picture,
I'd like a million of them all by myself...

Baxter raises a polaroid camera - FLASH! The photo appears on screen; Death's dancing with three girls in French Maid outfits. And he's wearing one, too.

I want a doctor to take your picture,
So I can look at you from inside as well...

At the airport, Baxter accidentally nudges JD, and Death falls onto the conveyor belt for the x-ray machine. The operator blinks as JD's stomach contents are revealed to include a Rubik's Cube, a Lordi album and a bouncey-ball.

You got me turning and I'm turning
And I'm turning and I'm turning and I'm
Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

Baxter stares down the length of a table holding fifteen people's sushi dishes, before lifting the table up and holding it against his mouth, letting the food all tumble in, plates included. The other patrons stare in disgust as the Bugg's mighty molars deal with all that crockery.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

Sat at a similar table, Judge Death fumbles around with his chopsticks, growing steadily more irritated with the things with each passing second, before he eventually roars in beastly rage and uses them to stab the poor old guy sitting next to him many times over.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

The various chefs in the kitchen rip off their pristine white uniforms to reveal black ninja garb, and vault over the counter with impressive somersaults, wielding various raw fish as weapons. Large beads of sweat appear on Baxter and JD's faces.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

The ninja chefs leap forward with Flying Seppuku Death Haiku Strikes (or something), but Baxter and Death simply take two paces to the side, then look on dispassionately as the chefs soar clean through one of the paper walls and end up in a koi pond outside.

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women,
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark...

Cut first to Baxter and Death surrending their possession at Customs. Baxter's second suitcase contains a single club sandwich that takes up the case's entire volume, whilst Death's case contains his near-infamous 'rabbit coat' and an inflatable woman. Then we see Baxter and JD arguing later over a map, with Death pointing one way and Baxter pointing the other. They both then proceed to march in opposite directions without letting go of the map; oddly, it doesn't tear, thus causing the two to lose their footing and fall over...in the middle of a Tokyo road-crossing. They are quickly submerged beneath a horde of commuters.

Everyone around me is a total stranger,
Everyone avoids me like a Cyclone Ranger...

Cut first to Death standing at a bus stop, surrounded by men dressed as Pokémon, looking very awkward. The guy dressed as Charmander can't find his wallet. Death whistles innocently. Then cut to Baxter leaping out of a phone booth dressed as the Masked Rider. A very large Masked Rider. With a costume that doesn't fit.

That's why I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so...

Judge Death, sat in some form of cockpit, taps at a few buttons and switches. We switch to an exterior shot, showing the RX78 GP02A Gundam launching from a forest and soaring over Osaka. Death forces the machine to land atop a high-rise building, then makes it do the Macarena.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

Baxter struggles into the cockpit of a red Zaku II and takes off, only to find that the machine can't handle the additional weight. It crashes on top of Osaka's famous castle, reducing the building to little more than shattered brickwork.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

The shockwave from Baxter's crash makes Death's mech lose its balance and fall to its doom like King Kong. After it rolls to a stop, the emergency programming makes it launch the judge via ejector seat; he lands comfortably in a dumpster, which Baxter also happens to be in.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

Baxter and Death stagger out of the bin, little stars floating around their heads...to be confronted by those ninja chefs from before, now quite soaked and not at all happy. Baxter and Death smile, feebly.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

Sometime in the evening, Death and Baxter are being chased through the Akihabara district by those ninja chefs. JD and the Bugg hold their arms over their heads as small tuna are tossed at them like shurikens.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

The chefs suddenly halt, point to the sky, and run away in a blind panic. JD and Baxter stop, laughing, then hear something behind them. They turn to find Mechagodzilla looming overhead.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

Mechagodzilla roars, making Death leap into Baxter's arms like a movie damsel in distress. The enormous creature begins to move forward, eyes glowing ominously, and the Bugg drops the judge and high-tails it. JD picks himself up off the ground and follows.

Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!

Buildings fall all around them as the dynamic duo hop into another tuk-tuk and Baxter puts pedal to the metal, Death looking back and paling considerably as Mechagodzilla's laser eyes begin to melt the tarmac into a molten river that steadily approaches the small vehicle from behind...

As the music reahces its end, the little car finally starts to outpace the laser beams, and Death laughs whilst making offensive gestures back at the giant robot...but shuts up when he sees the titan's finger-rockets arcing towards them. They hit, the car explodes, Baxter and JD are propelled into the air and fly straight at the camera which cuts out at the last second.

Back in the studio, Baxter is fidgeting, Death scratches the back of his helmet awkwardly, whilst Keith just stares, boggle-eyed.

JD: "Yeah, sso...thhat wass ffun."

Uncomfortable silence.

Vin Ghostal
2007-02-07, 11:34 PM
Originally posted by Brendocon
D-Generation Next? I think the syphilis has finally rotted his brain... we're Better Than You.

IC: See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Their schtick is so dated, so stale, and so repetitive, that you can't even tell when they're working a new gimmick!

That notwithstanding, I don't really care what lame gimmick you nitwits are working these days. You're old, overpushed, coddled hacks, and you've got no better a chance than anyone else on the roster to win the Royal Rumble. Frankly, there's only one odds-on favorite to win, and you're looking at him. After all, out of the 100...that's right...100 participants in the original Rumble, only two outlasted me, and they're both LONG gone. What does that say for those of you that are left? I think it says that you've got...no chance!

OOC: And can I just say that I love Extreme_Kup's promos? His character has always been one of my faves.

2007-02-08, 08:30 AM
Originally posted by Vin Ghostal
Frankly, there's only one odds-on favorite to win, and you're looking at him.

Only because my sunglasses are mirrored on the inside...

StoneCold Skywarp
2007-02-08, 09:44 PM
Only thing that's "long gone" around here buddy is your self-proclaimed stroke.

StoneCold's back for one last glory run, one last beer-bash, one last time, through the curtains, glass-smashin, marchin' my god-damn way to the ring and kickin' a WHOLE lotta ass in the process, one last time to lock my sights on what should rightfully belong to me.

The AWF Heavyweight title.

Skywarp 3:16 says I'm gonna whup your ass.

2007-02-09, 12:54 AM
The Mad Bomber's been gone a long time. Been thinking, been drinkin'. But all good things have to come to an end, and with the resurgence of the AWF, it's about time for me to get back on the Harley and teach the young up and comers that nobody, but NOBODY, gets a free pass.

Look out, AWF. The Bomber's back. And he's coming after all y'all.