PDA

View Full Version : Movie Site Material Archive


Blackjack
2010-03-31, 12:13 PM
Because I'm bored, that's why. And it's short! ;) For those who have no clue what this is: click here (http://www.hasbro.com/transformers/en_US/play/entertainment.cfm).

*************************************

CYBER MISSIONS 1
Airdate: 21 January 2010
Written By: Scott Beatty

SYNOPSIS
A holographic image of Optimus Prime in the database of Vector Sigma brings us up to date on the recent Autobot/Decepticon conflict. Ironhide and Bumblebee watch this footage in the NEST base. Suddenly, a tank opens fire outside the base. Ironhide leaves to investigate, while Bumblebee is left to secure Vector Sigma. As Ironhide leaves, Soundwave breaks in and uses a sonic boom to knock out Bumblebee.

Outside, the Decepticon tank crashes through the jungle, and Ironhide slams him in vehicle mode. The Decepticon, Bludgeon, transforms and battles with Ironhide. In the NEST base, Bumblebee has recovered, and opens fire at Soundwave, who repels the sonic boom back with his powers. Bumblebee lets rip with both his shoulder cannons, overwhelming Soundwave and defeating him. Bludgeon, meanwhile, uses a tree to bludgeon Ironhide. Ironhide tells Bumblebee not to disturb the fight, as it's between the two of them...

To be continued...

Featured Transformers: Optimus Prime (Computer Image), Bludgeon, Ironhide, Bumblebee, Soundwave

REVIEW
(Two out of ten)
It's basically a short CG advertisement for the NEST: Global Alliance sub-lines, with a couple of G1 references thrown in, for the visitors to Transformers.com to watch for free. But it's got very little charm, what with the dialogue sounding unclear at times, and the CG not being any good. Is it so hard to animate a moving mouth? And Soundwave having his fists perpetually clenched like his toy is stupid. Still, the plot's simple (a simple two on two fight) and it's free, at least, and it's interesting enough, though not really good. Still it sets the pace for more videos. Oh, and Bludgeon.

NOTES
Cyber Missions is a monthly installment at transformers.com, done mainly by TG studios. It features the newest toy of the month, generally.

Basically it's just a commercial for the toys out at that time. Bumblebee and Soundwave are based on their NEST two-pack toys, with Soundwave's G1 homage paintjob and Bumblebee's shoulder cannons. Ironhide's paintjob has the streaks on his new Recon Ironhide toy. Bludgeon is one of the newest toys at that time.

Vector Sigma and Alpha Trion are obvious references to G1.

GOOFS
Prime says that the Autobots are the keepers of the AllSpark, although at that post-movie time, the AllSpark is gone.

Prime's dialogue is truncated, ending at 'once and for...' when there should've been an 'all' at the end.

Why are there no other soldiers guarding NEST's base? Or at least perimeter guards which could detect Soundwave coming...

The shade of Soundwave's blue changes in intensity between scenes, and his yellow streaks disappear and reappear at random.

Considering how big Soundwave should be in the movie, he's out of scale compared to Bumblebee.

Soundwave says that Bumblebee's the Autobots' smallest soldier, when Arcee, Skids and Mudflap should hold that record. Of course, it's yet another shameless reference to G1...

Blackjack
2010-03-31, 12:59 PM
Cyber Missions 2
Airdate: 7 February 2010
Written By: Scott Beatty

SYNOPSIS
After a recap of the first episode, Bumblebee has sealed Soundwave in a vacuum bubble, rendering his sonic weapons useless. Ironhide pursues Bludgeon through the jungles around the NEST base. Optimus Prime comms him, telling Ironhide to avoid confronting Bludgeon until reinforcements arrive. Ironhide engages camouflage, which apparently is so good that Bludgeon doesn't see him until he smacks into him.

Ironhide and Bludgeon rumble, exchanging insults as they do. After a few blows, Ironhide invites Bludgeon to join the Autobots. Not wanting to anger Megatron, Bludgeon jumps off a cliff to escape Ironhide.

Featured Transformers: Optimus Prime (Computer Image), Bumblebee, Soundwave, Ironhide, Bludgeon

REVIEW
(One out of Ten)
The episode takes too much time of recapping the first episode, and frankly it's bad. Prime narrating the whole thing is rather banal. Ironhide changing into his Recon colours would be a nice touch if he hadn't used it before, but it's another shameless hawking of a toy. Bludgeon's turned from an evil bad guy to a coward, while Ironhide's triggerhappy characterisation in the movies is changed to a guy who gives Bludgeon a second chance. The conclusion is too sudden. Frankly, it's a bad second installment to a decent first one.

NOTES
Soundwave's now under Autobot custody. Oh, he now has proper hands instead of the toy fists he was seen with in the first Cyber Mission.

Bludgeon finally uses a sword in this episode, instead of a tree.

Instead of killing the Decepticons, this is the first time we see the movieverse Autobots take one as prisoner, namely Soundwave.

GOOFS
So... Soundwave and Bludgeon risk their necks to steal the datatracks of Vector Sigma, which apparently is like Prime's log about the present. Why would they want to do that?

Last episode, Ironhide is already in his 'Recon Ironhide' toy colour scheme. In this episode, he's in his normal colours, before engaging the Recon Ironhide colour scheme as his camouflage paint.

Ironhide's camouflage is so stupidly effective that Bludgeon literally runs into him, when Ironhide's still in robot mode.

For such battle-hardened warriors, Bludgeon and Ironhide call it a day waaaaay too soon.

Despite another 'To Be Continued' at the end of the episode, Cyber Missions 3 doesn't follow this storyline.

Blackjack
2010-04-01, 10:32 AM
Cyber Missions 3
Airdate: 4 March 2010
Written By: Scott Beatty

SYNOPSIS
Ratchet is alone at a NEST lab, while all of the human team members are asleep. He is testing out his EMP blaster at a portable stereo, when Optimus Prime notifies him that Lockdown is up to some trouble in Mission City. A vengeful Ratchet goes off to battle him.

Ratchet chases Lockdown through the city, and slow the Decepticon down with his EMP blaster. They face off, but Ratchet's EMP blaster malfunctions. Lockdown beats Ratchet up, steals his EMP and runs away.

Featured Transformers: Optimus Prime (computer image), Ratchet, Lockdown

REVIEW
(One out of Ten)
Worse than the second installment. The location is unclear, (are we in NEST base? Or in Mission City?) Lockdown is lifeless, Ratchet is not so good, and the whole plot is just a ripoff of a cartoon aired several months ago. Homaging a twenty-five-year-old cartoon or comic is one thing, reusing the plot of a recent cartoon is another. Come on, people... come up with something new. Copying characters and releasing them as different toys is bad enough, since the two lines run concurrently (Animated ripped off Blackout, while ROTF ripped off Lockdown), but copying the plot is just plain lazy. The fight scenes are dull as well.

NOTES
Ratchet is in his new Deluxe class toy body design, complete with the previously-unseen EMP blaster. Lockdown's also based on the new ROTF toy, which, in turn, is a reference to the Animated character.

It's a very big ripoff/homage of Animated's Lockdown and Ratchet, only with less charm. In Animated, Lockdown also has a hook and turns into a muscle car, and he stole that series' Ratchet's EMP blaster as well. Both the Animated and Movie Ratchet have a grudge against their respective Lockdowns. Lockdown makes a great deal about Ratchet being old and small, and about 'science not winning the war', two more callbacks to the Animated character.

As with the previous two installments, the same stock footage of the cyberglyphics and Optimus Prime's hologram talking about us accessing Vector Sigma and such is reused in the beginning of the episode.

GOOFS
All the humans are asleep. In a 'highest security level' base.

Ratchet's EMP blaster has the plastic bullet of the toy stuck in it for the entire clip.

For some reason, there is a NEST lab inside a high-rise building in Mission City.

Interstate 95 is located in the East Coast, but it turns up nearby Mission City. Unless there are two Insterstate 95s, it's another error.

Lockdown is taller than Ratchet. While this is true in toy form (Ratchet's deluxe class toy anyway), and might be a dig at the ultra-tall deluxe Lockdown toy from Animated, it shouldn't be in this case in the Movie continuity. After all, how does a muscle car get so much bigger than a Hummer?

Another 'To Be Continued' at the end of this short clip. Cyber Missions Four does not reference this plot line in any way.

Blackjack
2010-05-07, 08:22 AM
Had this in my hard drive for a month or so, but haven't bothered to upload it until now. Hope that this meets with approval...

The review section does seem a little too long.

********************************************************

TRANSFORMERS 2007

SYNOPSIS
The AllSpark, an ancient artifact that had created the Transformers and their home planet of Cybertron, is lost in space. Some time ago the AllSpark crash-land on a planet named Earth.

Now- the Decepticon Blackout, masquerading as a helicopter, lands on a SOCCENT base in Qatar. He transforms and attacks in an attempt to hack the US Military database. The base commander, Colonel Sharp, severes the hardlines before the Decepticon could download all the data. Blackout obliterates the base, but a small band of survivors led by Captain Lennox escapes. Blackout dispatches Scorponok to hunt them down, since they had caught a thermal photograph of him.

Meanwhile, an average teenage boy named Sam Witwicky is saving up to buy a car. A genealogy report reveals that Sam is the great-grandson of Archibald Witwicky, an Arctic Explorer. Afterwards, his father takes him to buy a second-hand car. The Autobot Bumblebee, disguised as a beat-up old Camaro, arrives on the car lot. After smashing the windows of all the other cars in the lot, Sam and his father buys Bumblebee. Sam then uses his new car to impress the girl of his dreams, Mikaela Banes, when she was dumped by her boyfriend. Bumblebee helps Sam out with some quirky tricks.

Meanwhile, Scorponok assaults Captain Lennox's team and kills Donnely, as well as possibly several others as well. Lennox, Epps, Figueroa and the remaining soldiers reach a settlement. Epps and the others manage to hold Scorponok back while Lennox contacts the Pentagon. An air strike arrives, and Scorponok escapes after being assaulted with high-temperature shells.

Secretary of Defense John Keller arranges for them to be retrieved, while he assembles a team of computer experts to determine the attackers. Maggie Madsen, one of the experts, insists that the attackers must be alien or something similar, but she is ignored. Meanwhile, the tiny Decepticon Frenzy sneaks aboard Air Force One and nearly succeeds in downloading the database. However, Maggie and her team discover this, and they manage to cut off the connection before Frenzy could finish downloading. Frenzy, however, comes across a classified file called 'Project Iceman', as well as about Archibald Witwicky. After killing several agents and making his way out of Air Force One, Frenzy rendezvouses with Barricade. Together, they learn the existence of Archibald Witwicky and his glasses (now sold on Sam's eBay page), which had Cybertronian language imprinted on it. The duo heads off to hunt down Sam.

Maggie Madsen had downloaded the classified data of Blackout and Frenzy's signatures and takes it to her fellow hacker Glen Whitman. But before they could decipher much, government agents storm in and apprehend them.

Bumblebee heads off alone at night to contact his fellow Autobots in space. Sam, thinking that his car had been stolen, follows in pursuit. He witnesses Bumblebee transform, and is freaked out. The police that take him in for questioning passes this off as drugs or something similar. The next day, a driverless Bumblebee returns to Sam's house. Convinced that it is 'Satan's Camaro', Sam runs away from Bumblebee, only to be cornered by Barricade, who questions him about the glasses. Sam manages to escape, running into Mikaela on the way. The two escape with Bumblebee, who Sam trusts to some capacity. At an abandoned power plant, Bumblebee and Barricade both transform and battle, while Frenzy attacks Sam. Mikaela manages to behead Frenzy with a chainsaw, while Bumblebee defeats Barricade. Sam and Mikaela discover that Bumblebee can only talk through the radio, and decides to trust and go along with the Autobot. However, Frenzy's head is still able to move and hitches a ride in Mikaela's handbag, disguised as her mobile phone.

After upgrading his alternate mode to a concept Camaro, Bumblebee takes the humans to witness the arrival of Autobot reinforcements—Autobot leader Optimus Prime, first lieutenant Jazz, weapons specialist Ironhide and the medic Ratchet. After scanning alternate modes, they meet Bumblebee and the humans at an abandoned alley. Optimus tell the humans about the war, and that the AllSpark had crash-landed on Earth years ago. The leader of the Decepticons, Megatron, had followed the AllSpark to Earth but is entombed in the Arctic. Archibald Witwicky had apparently discovered Megatron's body, accidentally activating some of Megatron's systems, which imprinted the AllSpark's location on his glasses (as well as driving him insane).

Sam, Mikaela and the Autobots head back to retrieve the glasses from Sam's house, but before the humans could give the glasses to Optimus a government agency named Sector Seven arrives and arrests Sam, his family and Mikaela. The Autobots arrive and manages to disarm the initial wave of agents led by Agent Simmons, but reinforcements equipped with specialized weapons manage to knock down Bumblebee, who had broken cover to save Sam and Mikaela from plummeting to their deaths. Bumblebee, Sam and Mikaela are subsequently captured.

Another Sector Seven agent, Tom Banachek, contacts Keller and convinces him of alien involvement. However, a virus inserted into the system by Frenzy earlier on activates and takes out worldwide communications. Banachek takes Keller (as well as Maggie and Glen) and Lennox's team to Hoover Dam. Simmons also takes Sam and Mikaela there. Meanwhile, Optimus Prime proposes that if all else fails, he would merge the AllSpark with his own spark to deny Megatron from obtaining its power.

Simmons and Banachek show the others top secret discoveries that the agency had hidden for years. The frozen Megatron, as well as the AllSpark itself. After a little demonstration of the AllSpark's ability to create feral life from existing technology, the power in the Dam begins to give out. Frenzy had wandered off and had discovered the AllSpark. His body restored, Frenzy contacts Starscream, who mobilizes the rest of the Decepticons.

Sam and Lennox manage to convince Sector Seven to release Bumblebee after an aggressive stand-off. Bumblebee shrinks the AllSpark into a football-sized cube, and along with Lennox's team they head off to nearby Mission City.

Frenzy, meanwhile, deactivates the cooling systems holding Megatron in place, while Starscream opens fire on Hoover Dam's power station. Megatron is released and meets up with Starscream, not too impressed with his second-in-command's performance. Simmons, Keller, Maggie and Glen try to find a way to contact the air force, but are assaulted by Frenzy.

Barricade and Bonecrusher try to intercept the convoy (who had been joined by the Autobots). Bonecrusher tears through several vehicles and engages Optimus Prime, but is quickly beheaded. The convoy, minus Optimus, reaches Mission City. Starscream strafes them, tearing Bumblebee's legs apart in the assault. Meanwhile, back at the Hoover Dam, Glen manages to get a morse code message to the air force, while Frenzy's face is cleaved apart by his own ricocheting projectile. The battle in Mission City did not fare well with Devastator's arrival, who takes all three Autobots to hold back. Blackout and Megatron soon join the fray. Jazz tries to hold off Megatron, but the Decepticon leader kills the valiant Autobot. Sam races to pass the AllSpark to a military airlift. Ironhide and Ratchet are knocked down by Starscream, and Sam is faced alone to confront Megatron. Optimus Prime arrives, and saves Sam from falling down several stories. Optimus Prime and Megatron begin to battle, tearing through buildings in the process.

Meanwhile, Mikaela jury-rigs Bumblebee to a tow truck, and with the help of Lennox's rangers, manage to kill Devastator. The air force arrives, and although Starscream manages to kill some of them, they (along with Captain Lennox's attack on Blackout's unarmoured chest) manage to launch an airstrike that kill Blackout.

After a long battle, Sam thrusts the AllSpark into the damaged Megatron's chest, overloading the Decepticon leader and killing him. Optimus laments Megatron and Jazz's deaths, and pulls out the remaining AllSpark sliver from Megatron's corpse. Bumblebee stays with Sam as his guardian. After the battle, Sector Seven is disbanded by Keller and the president, while the remains of the Decepticons' bodies and dropped into the Laurentian Trench. Optimus Prime sends out a message calling the other Autobots to Earth.

Meanwhile, the mostly undamaged Starscream flies into space, while Sam's parents are interviewed by a television channel, but did not reveal anything.

Featured Transformers: Blackout (killed), Scorponok, Bumblebee, Frenzy (killed), Barricade, Optimus Prime, Jazz (killed), Ratchet, Ironhide, Megatron (killed), Starscream, Devastator (killed), Bonecrusher (killed), Nokia Robot (killed) Steering Wheel Robot, X-Box Robot, Dispensor
Notable Others: Sergeant Figueroa, Captain William Lennox, Sergeant Robert Epps, Sergeant Donnelly (killed), Burke, Mahfouz, Colonel Sharp (killed), Sarah Lennox, Sam Witwicky, Mikaela Banes, Archibald Witwicky (flashback), Ron Witwicky, John Keller, Maggie Madsen, Mojo, Judy Witwicky, Miles, Glen Whitman, Agent Simmons, Tom Banachek

REVIEW
I am a relatively young to the Transformers world compared to many other fans in this site. They probably got hooked into the Transformers by the G1 cartoon or comic, or the 1986 movie. Or perhaps even the excellent Beast Wars cartoon.

I was not so lucky. I was born long after G1 has ended, and this part of the world never received any shows like Beast Wars, or even the Japanese dubbed shows. So to me, Transformers is a simple kids' toyline with robots and stuff. I did, however, remember playing with a knockoff Protectobots set, some BM Dinobots and RiD Megatron. No idea where they all are now, though.

So, anyway, come 2007. There's this new movie titled 'Transformers'. Knowing absolutely nothing about it except for seeing a trailer once, and figuring out that it's a sci-fi action movie, I watched it.

I was overwhelmed.

It was the beginning of a journey into geekdom and into the amazing (and sometimes creepy) world of Transformers. Right after watching the movie I got me one of those Titan reprints of G1 as well as IDW's Escalation, and I was hooked onto it ever since. Took me some time to get the hang of continuities, of course.

But we're not here to talk about me.

We're here to talk Transformers.

Most of the 'experienced' critics, like those you see in the newspapers and such, universally pan all action films, all science fiction films and anything based from something in the past to be rubbish. Let's ignore them for now, shall we?

Transformers is a decent movie for a two-hour flick. Even watching it now nearly three years later, it still holds down together. There are, of course, some bad scenes like the completely unnecessary cyber-kids, the daftness of the signal's screechy sound, or Jazz's pathetic introduction, but the rest of the film is superbly done that those errors are easily overlooked. Michael Bay manages not to make a two-hour film a bore. Human romance scenes or exposition should be an automatic turn-off, but they are done with such charm and speed, with jokes abound, that they are not painful to watch.

The real centerpieces of the movie, is, of course, the epic robot-to-robot fighting scenes. Say all you want about plot and characterization, but these fighting pieces are what the mainstream viewer wants to see. Those are necessary, but battles and other impressive scenes are what will be burnt in a watcher's memory. Sure, it's a big, blockbuster movie that could hardly be called literary art (what art has masturbation references or urinating robots in it?) but it's what makes it enjoyable. Humour and the good guys duking it out with the bad guys. It's simply fun and enjoyable to watch it.

Still, it's not that the plot isn't terribly bad. It's full of cliches for the human scenes, but the thing is handled so well that it seems unique. The Allspark is a decent enough plot device, and the motivations for both factions to obtain it are realistic and well-scripted, and the pieces of the plot all thread together nicely. I do feel that way too much time is given to Maggie (Rachael Taylor) and Glen hacking into Blackout's alien signal thing early on, and it's something of a disappointment when all they did at the end is just crowd-filling and contacting the air force. A shame since they're introduced so early on yet fail to do anything much. However, they are still enjoyable to watch on the screen, and that's the cast's strength. Every main human character is likeable in some way.

The main lead is Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBouf). Shia delivers an excellent role, and his character isn't exactly a stereotype. He's sort of a kooky geek with bullying problems at school, but has enough pride in him to stand up when needed. I simply love the 'huh?' look he has for many of the earlier scenes whenever something unexpected happens to him. Megan Fox manages to avoid the 'hot damsel in distress' stereotype, handling her role as Mikaela Banes nicely. She's not a tomboy, but she doesn't look weak with skills in automobiles, and her participation in the final battle with Bumblebee is amazing.

Josh Duhammel also delivers an interesting role as Captain Lennox. He's got that dry humour as well as the right amount of badassery. His sidekick, Sergeant Epps (Tyrese Gibson), however, doesn't do much although the short scenes where he does anything, like the visa comedy, is well done. The rest of the soldiers are not spectacular, but their meagre amounts of characterization (Donnely the glasses guy and Figueroa the Spanish guy) are sufficient to make their deaths at the claws of Scorponok mean something. Jon Voight, playing as the Secretary of Defence, handles his role with style and class, someone who doesn't revert to a joke every five minutes. The same goes for Sector Seven agent Tom Banachek.

Agent Simmons, however, is yet another memorable star of the show. John Torturro's character plays off Sam, Mikaela and Lennox pretty well, and creates an entertaining batshit-crazy government agant. He starts off as an enjoyable jerk before mellowing out to an equally charming loony guy. Between Simmons and Banachek, they've made Sector Seven much more interesting than, say, Men In Black. Sam's parents, although they only appear for several short scenes, are nicely done and eeriely realistic at some points.

However, you can't deny that the titular heroes and villains are the true stars of this movie. The Transformers themselves are simply breathtaking and overwhelming. Most of the time we see their impressive, imposing size from the humans' point of view, which conveys the real size of these guys. What I love about the impressive CGI work is that the Transformers really blend into the backgrounds, moving fluidly and naturally, with light reflecting off their bodies in realistic ways. Michael Bay might struggle a bit with character and plot, but action scenes... yum. The action scenes are a bit disorienting at first, especially the whole Devastator/Starscream vs everybody battle where it's hard to tell who is who, but the movie is still exhilirating. Action scenes are served, each one impressive and memorable. The complexity and sheer awesomeness of these battles are simply jaw-dropping. From Blackout's amazing destruction of the Qatar base, to the mad dash away from Scorponok, to Frenzy killing the humans, to Barricade confronting Sam, Bonecrusher and Prime's spectacular duke-out, Prime and Megatron's even more amazing final battle, Bumblebee taking out Devastator... the list goes on and on.

The most dramatic scene, however, would be the introduction of the Autobots as the quartet land on Earth. Steve Jablonsky's amazing music helps to fuel this dramatic scene. Jazz is the Autobot that suffers the most. His introduction isn't exactly endearing and he doesn't get to do much before Megatron kills him. It's a shame that Jazz's death is done seemingly for the hell of it, and the long shot doesn't really do him much justice. His death isn't really feeled until Ratchet and Ironhide walks up with his body and reminds us that he's dead. However, Jazz's fluid motions as he attacks Devastator and his first breakdance transformation are nicely done. Kudos to the animators for doing such a wonderful job in conveying the Transformers as characters instead of simply soulless machines. You won't wonder why Jazz didn't do a breakdance when he transforms, or why Bonecrusher's eye didn't pop out, but the fact that they added those little trinkets more than proves the animators' competence.

Ratchet is another guy who suffers. Other than being introduced as a medic, he doesn't get to do much. Unlike the rest of the robot cast (bar Jazz), Ratchet never get a whole scene for himself. Basically, he's just there, although his short pieces of dialogue are well done. It's also nice to see that the medic isn't wussy and can handle himself in the fight, slashing off Devastator's arm with his buzzsaw thing. However, he's always crowded and doesn't have a moment for himself. Ironhide, meanwhile, for the few short scenes he's given, is portrayed lovingly as a more triggerhappy guy with some wires knocked loose off his head. He's good fun, with the scene where he's ready to blast Mojo the chihuahua into kingdom come or his joke (suggestion?) to kill Sam's parents being his best moments. Oh, and there's that great action sequence where he does that slow-motion flip while fighting Devastator. Ironhide is basically the only Autobot with character development of any sort other than the titular duo.

Optimus Prime is the guy who looks most like his iconic G1 counterpart, yet redone in such a way that while he's still recognizable, he's different at the same time. I've heard some people make a fuss about how 'he has flame decals!' or 'he's a long-nosed cab!' but those are minor cosmetic details. The fact that he has a mouth doesn't really mean that it's the end of the world. Optimus Primal has a mouth as well, so it isn't the first. Prime's basically feels like any good guy. Brave, noble, experienced, with a small amount of dry wit, and cold-blooded when he needs to. He gets a simply wonderful action scene tearing Bonecrusher apart, and the 360 degrees spin-around transformations that we see for him are truly majestic. And that battle blade is just cool.

Bumblebee is undoubtedly the star of the show, though. It's amazing how they managed to make the 'speak through the stereo' thing work so that 'Bee couldn't explain it all to Sam (and the audience) in the beginning. The usage of sound clips isn't overblown, and he doesn't feel like Wreck-Gar gone bad. He's very charming, and Bumblebee's expressions and gestures are so well done that we feel very attached to him. The scene where Bumblebee struggles against Sector Seven is very sad and emotional. While friendly, he also proves to be a powerful warrior, beating Barricade single-handedly and blowing Devastator's head off with Mikaela in one of the oddest battle I've seen. I mean, pulling a legless, mute robot with a tow truck, fighting against a tank robot... it's hilarious and impressive at the same time. Bee is well done. He isn't a whiney kid Autobot team mascot, but rather a warrior in his own right. He's cute when needed, but manages to be impressive when it's needed. Regardless, the amount of gestures that 'Bee delivers in both robot and car modes do give him a well-developed character. That scene where the Autobots huddle around Sam's house is simply just precious, and Bumblebee pissing on Simmons is hilarious.

The Decepticons deserve a mention too, I suppose. The 'Con who gets the most character is the comic relief Frenzy. After the 'harbinger of doom' that we get with Blackout, Frenzy is more light-headed, with his comedy scenes as well as impressive voice acting (it's done in real time!) well executed. The head crawling off on its own and jumping around like a hyperactive kid on a high-sugar diet (albeit a kid with shuriken launchers) makes him charming and memorable. The other Decepticons get their own scenes as well. Blackout, as aforementioned above, introduces us all to the Transformers. For someone who doesn't even have a single piece of dialogue, he delivers an impact with the spectacular scene in the beginning where he blows up the Soccent Base. Scorponok is also memorable and a lot of fun, bursting out of the ground repeatedly like a demon and massacring the soldiers. Just look on the scared-as-hell expression on Epps' face. Just look at it.

Barricade is also loads of fun, playing as a 'bad cop'. He's threatening and adds a layer of menace and danger to the Decepticons. Being a police car is deliciously ironic, although he does get himself taken out by 'Bee rather quickly and disappears halfway through. Bonecrusher has an interesting design for a filler character, and the highway battle with Prime is so well done. I love his roller blades and claw tail thing. Devastator (or Brawl. I'm going with Devy here for reasons explained later) takes up much of the final battle, and it's nice how he shrugs of almost all the hits directed at him. However, other than shooting at stuff Devastator doesn't get to do much. Other than to be a subject of name debates, anyway.

Starscream, meanwhile, doesn't get center show. As someone who didn't have a clue who Starscream is when I watched the movie, Scorponok or Barricade was more impressive to me than him. Knowing how Starscreams have been potrayed in other fictions, though, I have to applaud the writers for not making Screamer a rehash of his overdone treacherous character. While there's evident friction between Megatron and Starscream, he does prove very competent in the battle, disabling Bumblebee and knocking Ironhide and Ratchet around. His best scene had to be when he takes out that squadron of F22s by blending in them, though. It's such a well choreographed scene. Meanwhile, Megatron himself doesn't get to do much other than be the lead bad guy. He appears on the third quarter, but then he proves to be a decent villain. That scene where he flicks a human aside or his little moment with Sam are well done. He also gets some morbid jokes in when he kills Jazz or when he offers Sam to be his 'pet'. But all in all he's a decent bad guy.

So, Transformers. It's a heavy budget action film, and on this it excels and more than delivers. It's funny, it's exhilirating and it's impressive visually. It has a lot of jokes, but it's not overdone. The masturbation thing might cause some people to cringe, but it's nothing too crude. It does better than some of the Marvel and DC films anyway. Old fans would be excited by this, while newbies to the world of Transformers, like, oh, say, me, would be on the ball. It does manage to net me in, and it's hard to get me obsessed with something. Michael Bay's Transformers might not be critic-friendly, but it certainly is impressive and enjoyable.

I, for one, love this flick. Deal with it.

(Ten out of Ten)

NOTES
Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ironhide, Ratchet, Jazz, Megatron, Starscream, Brawl and Bonecrusher are loosely based on their Generation One incarnations. While the characters are radically different from their G1 forms, Blackout, Scorponok, Barricade, Frenzy and Devastator have all been used for different characters in G1.

Sam Witwicky takes his name (but not his character) from Spike Witwicky of G1. Like Spike, his best buddy is Bumblebee.

The concept of the Allspark as a mystical ancient object that gives life to all transformers is based on the Creation Matrix of the olden Marvel comics, while the name Allspark is taken from the 'Well of Allsparks' first introduced in Beast Wars and Beast Machines, which is the mystical place where sparks come from and go to after they are extinguished. Most likely 'Allspark' is used to avoid confusion as well as legal problems with Keanu Reeves' Matrix series.

The concept of trans-scanning an alternate mode dates as far back as G1, but during that time they relied on external objects (the Sky Spy, CR chambers etc) to scan alternate modes. It's not until the time of Armada (I think) that individual transformers can scan alternate modes on the go.

'Protoforms', although not named in the movie itself, draws its name from the unborn Transformer template from Beast Wars.

Sparks as a Transformer's life first originated again in Beast Wars.

There are numerous callbacks to older material. I'm not going to list more generic stuff like 'OMG Optimus Prime's flame decals are soooo Hot Rod!' or 'Blackout haz BM Megatron's hands!!!!1' but here's some of the more noticeable Easter Eggs:
-When Bumblebee first appears, he shows up next to a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle, his original alternate mode in G1.
-Frenzy's head surviving after being lobbed off might be a reference to the Headmasters gimmick or to Beast Wars Waspinator. Considering Frenzy's characterization, the latter is more likely.
-Blackout 'ejecting' Scorponok, as well as Barricade 'ejecting' Frenzy, are both based on G1 Soundwave ejecting his cassettes. Considering that Barricade, Frenzy and Blackout were all originally going to be called Soundwave at one point or other, it's appropriate.
-'More than Meets the Eye', the infamous tagline for Transformers, is mentioned by Sam Witwicky when he speaks to Mikaela and later by Optimus Prime in his closing narration.
-Ironhide's complaint that Mojo 'leaked lubricant' on his foot is a reference to the phrase 'leakin' lubricant!' used several times in the G1 cartoon as well as his original character bio.
-Optimus Prime gets to say his classic motto, 'freedom is the right of all sentient beings'.
-He also gets to say 'Autobots, roll out!' after his speech in the observatory.
-Optimus Prime's hand retracting and revealing an orange sword is based on the heavily-referenced axe he uses in 'More than Meets the Eye part three' of the original cartoon.
-On the same vein, Megatron's hand being used as a flail is based on Megatron's morning star weapon in the same episode above.
-Megatron combining his two hands into a single weapon is very reminiscent of Beast Wars Cheetor's Transmetal body.
-Bonecrusher's eye popping out when Prime punches him seems to be based on Sludge's eye popping out when fighting Devastator in the original 1986 Movie.
-Jazz jerking Devastator's tank and forcing him to transform is based on a similar scene involving Kup and Blitzwing, again from the 1986 Movie.
-Optimus Prime's line "One shall stand, one shall fall" when facing Megatron is a reference to the same line spoken by Optimus in the 1986 Movie. Only in that movie, Optimus Prime's the one who dies.

The classic transformation sound could be heard several times, although it's usually remixed with new sound effects.

The scene where Optimus Prime scans the Peterbilt truck is very reminiscent of his Armada counterpart obtaining his alternate mode.

'Energon' appears on the license plate of a car during Megatron's attack on Mission City.

Bay said that he inserted several Easter Eggs on Mission City. Street signs advertising 'Takara Sushi' could be seen, but I couldn't be bothered to squint and find any more Easter Eggs.

Figueroa the Spanish soldier was supposed to die in the flight back and his death was even shown in trailers and the novelization, but it was cut.

Blackout's tail sign, 4500X, is the same one with Michael Bay's real life jet.

According to Michael Bay, the human that Megatron flicks away ('disgusting') is him. Or, rather, if it is in CGI, modeled after him.

Size-changing is not used in the movieverse to make it more realistic. Other then the Allspark, all the transformers have approximately the same mass as their alternate modes. Guys like Frenzy and Starscream would have rearranged body parts to get a more acceptable robot-mode scale.

Barricade was also supposed to die, with him dying in the novelizations, the comic adaptation and game cutscene storyboards. He was supposed to engage Optimus Prime after Bonecrusher, and be killed by slamming onto the highway pillar. It's perhaps why Optimus Prime is late coming to the final battle, but the scene is cut to allow Barricade to return in sequels. Since then, his death has been retconned by several sources. IDW's Reign of Starscream, in particular, has Ironhide sideswipe Barricade onto a pillar, knocking him out and therefore he's not able to join the final battle.

On the topic of Barricade, he was supposed to shoot missiles during the road chase between him and Bumblebee, thus giving a reason on why the time changes into night so quickly. The faux missiles were even already built into the prop vehicles, and is again seen in the comic and novelization.

Another changed scene from early drafts is Frenzy's revival. The comic and novel adaptation both had him telling the other 'Cons bring his body to him, but in the movie the Allspark revives his body. This lets the action flow more smoothly (where and when could they have handed the body to Frenzy?) and show us the power of the Allspark at the same time.

Michael Bay's favourite movie-verse transformer is Bonecrusher. He even named his new dog after him. Said dog cameos later in ROTF.

The designers try their best to avoid scale problems. Some people say that Starscream should tower over Prime, but I disgress. Starscream's robot mode has bent legs, and his body is rather broad. Seeing that he's the same height as Megatron, who's about a head taller than Optimus, the scale is more or less correct.

Some people have cited Frenzy's head transforming into a tiny cell phone as an error. However, if you look closely, while Frenzy's head occupies the same volume as a human head, his mandibles and eyes and forehead are all flat and potrude out, so not all the volume is present as mass. After all, he's a human-sized guy who has the same mass with a boom box, so his head couldn't contain that much mass. It's like how a contortionist could fit in a box much smaller than himself. With a little collapsing and rearrangement, Frenzy's head should be able to be the size of a mobile phone.

According to Michael Bay's commentary, the scene where Lennox has to use a credit card to call Pentagon is based on true events that happened to a friend of his who served in the military.

Originally Megatron would consume Jazz's spark instead of tearing him into two, somewhat akin to Megatron's Beast Machines character. This is, again, seen in the comic and novelization.

The final battle doesn't take place in Los Angeles, but in the imaginary city of Mission City. Of course, is filmed mostly in LA, so...

The tow truck that Mikaela commandeers in her assault against Devastator with Bumblebee has the words 'Mike's Towing' a reference to Michael Bay's name. To think about it, 'Mikaela Banes' is pretty close to 'Michael Bay'.

While it seems like Optimus Prime would be leaving four Autobots and a bunch of humans to fend for Earth if he goes with his suicide plan, actually it would've worked. Four (or five?) F22s do considerable damage to Megatron with their missiles, while Jazz's death is mostly because he sacrifices himself to buy the others some time. Prime, the Autobots and the human jets might also be holding back because it's a populated area. It's worth noting that if the Autobots and humans battled in a mostly uninhabited area, like in ROTF, the Decepticons would be massacred en masse.

The most headache-inducing one now. The tank Decepticon is called 'Devastator' in the movie when he reports to Starscream's call-of-arms in Cybertronian, which is subtitled 'Devastator reporting'. However, the toys and the tie-in video games all had his name as 'Brawl'. To promote their toys, Hasbro obviously preferred the latter name, and even said that they had finalized the name as Brawl and Devastator is the wrong one. However, guys like Michael Bay and even Simon Furman (in his work for Titan and the Movie guide) prefer the name Devastator. It's a more awesome name compared to Brawl, and while Hasbro insists otherwise, the producers have several chances of rectifying the subtitle if they wanted to when the movie his IMAX or before the DVDs come out, so Devastator it is. Many fans insist on using 'Brawl' as the correct name, because G1 Brawl is a tank and G1 Devastator is a combiner, and they expect (correctly) him to appear in sequels. IDW has retconned this somewhat in their post-movie work, rewriting the scene where Devastator reports, having him say 'Brawl reporting'. But as the movie itself is concerned he's still Devastator and so is the other guy in the second movie. Personaly I would've preferred him to be called Brawl, but then we can't always get our way. So, Devastator it is in this review (and Brawl in the IDW comics)... look, maybe it's a last name, okay?

Some people have cited this as an error, but it's not. When Starscream attacks, Epps says that real F22s never fly below the skyline. However, the real F22s do that lots of times in the battle itself. Of course, this is hardly a normal occasion with big death machines blowing the city up, so it's excusable. After all, police cars have to follow speed limits except when they are pursuing other vehicles, right?

The IMAX version has several additional brief human talky scenes. All of these are seen in the novelization except for the Area 50 bit, but otherwise nowhere else.
-Sam is shown picking up Miles, and Miles complains about Sam's choice of a yellow car.
-Sam is given an anti-drug bumper sticker and is shown the 'this is your brain on drugs' video by the crazy deputy.
-Simmons uses a device to monitor Sam's pupil dilation to detect whether he's lying.
-When they enter the room to view the AllSpark, Simmons remarks that Hoover Dam is 'Area 50', and lists the nicknames of all the US presidents that have visited the facility.
-Lennox gets shortwave radios from a gun-toting pawnshop owner.

The Decepticons went through a slew of working names. Blackout's working name was Soundwave, Grimlock, Vortex, Devastator and Incinerator at different points before they settled on Blackout. 'Vortex' would appear in one of the kiddie books. Frenzy's early working names included Soundwave, Boombot and Soundbyte. Barricade's early working name was 'Brawl'. Also, in early scripts, Barricade and Frenzy were supposed to be a single character named Soundwave, transforming from a tape deck into a Humvee, but when size-changing proved unrealistic, they are changed into two characters instead. 'Soundwave's' new hyperactive incarnation was deemed too far from his original character, so he was renamed Frenzy. Devastator's working names were Demolisher and Devastator, before Hasbro settled on Brawl, and Bay on Devastator. Confused yet? And you thought FIBRIR is bad...

Originally Arcee was going to be in the movie, but she was replaced by Jazz because there's no time to explain her gender. Prowl was going to be at the movie at one point, but is replaced by Barricade because a Decepticon police is more interesting. Wheeljack has also been proposed but was dropped. Several incarnations of Soundwave was proposed, but they would later evolve into Frenzy, Blackout and Barricade respectively. Ravage was also slated to be in the movie, but was replaced by Scorponok when the opening scene was changed from a forest to a desert. Laserbeak, Rumble, Skywarp and Shockwave were all considered in very early drafts. A space battle was also considered but dropped.

GOOFS
What is Mahfouz (the little kid) doing in Soccent military base? His village is pretty far away. We get the impression that the base is highly secure, what with them ready to shoot down the crew of a friendly helicopter that doesn't answer hails, but they let a random kid wander around?

Even if he's unsuccessful, Sam could've made a fortune with antique explorer's equipment if he sold them to, say, a museum or a collector instead of selling them on eBay.

Why didn't Barricade (or Bumblebee) make a bid for Sam's glasses on eBay? Surely it's not hard to fool Sam for a bit? The Decepticons at least could easily hack a credit card company or something...

Why did Bumblebee come up with the rather impractical plan of getting bought by Sam, then waiting for Prime and the others to arrive? It gave the 'Cons time to get what they needed. Then again, Bee is rather cocky and is probably not aware that there's already that many Decepticons on Earth.

Frenzy and Blackout needed to hack government stuff to get the connection between Archibald and the glasses and then the AllSpark, so how did Bumblebee know that Sam is somehow connected to the AllSpark? Well, he's he probably got his methods but he's mute. So we can't ask him.

Sam's parents doesn't really get mad at Sam even after his car got stolen and he went a little loony after that.

The recording Simmons plays Sam about his car standing up isn't the same as the original recording.

During the S7 chase, why did Optimus Prime carry Sam and Mikaela in his hands instead of, you know, transforming like the others? And using his legs to catch Sam... that'll break bones, for sure.

The Beagle Two Lander was launched by Europe, not by USA. But then, Sector Seven might have worked with the British guys...

Epps' photograph of Blackout is taken during the night, but when Banachek shows it to Keller to compare with the Beagle Two destroyer, the picture has a light source behind it.

When Optimus does that monkey bar thing like a gorilla (I'm not going to list is as a Primal reference) the pillar thing should've cracked a little to support the weight of the truck.

When Optimus Prime picks up Archibald's glasses after Bumblebee's capture, the glasses are a wee bit too large considering that Sam fits in his hand.

For a split second when Bumblebee's body is transported into the Hoover Dam (when Jazz speaks about being Bumblebee being an experiment) he's missing his car doors. They're back in the next scene.

Jazz and Ratchet don't even transform to help when Starscream blew Bumblebee's legs off and knocked Ironhide aside. Jazz even had to be pushed backwards by Sam so he can see how badly hurt Bee is.

Bumblebee doesn't use the Cube to regenerate his legs. Of course, in its compacted state it might be difficult to use.

The idea that Sector Seven is disbanded is a little daft. Sure, they kept Keller and the others in secret about the Transformers, but wouldn't an organization with sixty to seventy years of experience with alien technology, not to mention trained agents, would be at least useful?

Quote, Unquote
Optimus Prime: "Before time began... there was... the Cube."

Optimus Prime: "And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called... Earth. But we were already too late."

Sam Witwicky: "OK, here's the dream. Your B minus? Poof! Dream gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself. What would Jesus do?"

Ron: "I've got a little surprise for you, son." -drives towards a Porsche showroom- "Yep, a little surprise."
Sam: "No no no no! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"
Ron: "Yeah, I am." -drives away- "You're not getting a Porsche."
Sam: "You think that's funny?"
Ron: "Yeah, I think it's funny."

Sam Witwicky: "The paint's faded!"
Bobby Bolivia: "Well, yeah, but it's custom."
Sam Witwicky: "It's custom faded?"

Sam Witwicky: "You said cars pick their drivers!"
Bobby Bolivia: "Well, sometimes they pick a driver with a cheapass father. Out of the car."

Judy Witwicky: (on Bumblebee) "Wow. You are so cheap."
Ron Witwicky: "It's his first car. It's supposed to be like that."

Lennox: "Epps, I need a credit card! Where's your wallet?"
Epps: "Pocket!"
Lennox: "Which pocket?"
Epps: "My back pocket!"
Lennox: "You got ten back pockets!"
Epps: "Left cheek! Left cheek! Left cheek!"

Epps: (telling gunners to bomb Scorponok) "BRING IT!"

Sam: (on Bumblebee) "It's got to be Japanese."

Mikaela: (on Bumblebee) "You know what I don't understand? Why if he's supposed to be this super advanced robot, does he transform back into this piece of crap Camaro?"

Ironhide: "You feelin' lucky, punk?"
Optimus Prime: "Easy, Ironhide."
Ironhide: "Jus' kiddin'. I jus' wanna show him my cannons."

Ratchet: "The boy's pheromone level suggests he wants to mate with the female."

Mikaela: "How did you know about his glasses?"
-beat-
Optimus Prime: "eBay."

Ratchet: "If the Decepticons find the Allspark, they'll use its power to transform Earth's machines, and build a new army."
Optimus Prime: "And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival."
Mikaela: "Please tell me you have those glasses."

Ironhide: (on Mojo)"You seem to have a vermin infestation. Shall I terminate?"

Optimus Prime: "Oops. My bad."

Ironhide: "Why are we fighting to save the humans? They're a primitive and violent race."
Optimus Prime: "Were we so different? They are a young species. They have much to learn, but I've seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings... You all know there is only one way to end this war. We must destroy the Cube. If all else fails I will unite it with the spark in my chest."

Optimus Prime: "A necessary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet. We cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes. It's been an honor serving with you all. Autobots, roll out!"
Jazz: "We're rolling!"

Simmons: "Ooh, a Nokia. Nokias are real nasty. You got to respect the Japanese... they know the way of the samurai."
Maggie: -whispering- "Nokia's from Finland."
Keller: -whispering- "Yes, but, you know, he's a little strange."

Simmons: (on the Nokiabot) "It's like an itty-bitty Energizer Bunny from hell, huh?"

Frenzy: "Megatron Megatron Megatron!"

Starscream: "I live to serve you, Lord Megatron."
Megatron: "Where is the Cube?"
Starscream: "The humans- have taken it!"
Megatron: "Hrrn. You fail me yet again, Starscream. Get them!"

Bonecrusher: "I HATE YOUUUUUU"

Lennox: -to Sam- "Listen to me! You're a soldier now, all right?"

Megatron: "Humans don't deserve to live."
Optimus Prime: "They deserve to choose for themselves!"
Megatron: "Then you will die with them! Join them- in extinction!"

Megatron: "Give me the Allspark, and you may live to be my pet."
Sam: "I'm never giving you this Allspark!"
Megatron: "Oh, so unwise."

Frenzy: -kills himself- "Oh shit."

Optimus Prime: "At the end of the day, one shall stand. One shall fall."
Megatron: "You fight for the weak! That is why you lose!"

Sam: "No sacrifice, no victory."

Optimus Prime: "And though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars: We are here. We are waiting."

Cliffjumper
2010-05-07, 01:14 PM
If Optimus Prime kills himself with the Allspark, doesn't that leave Megatron fighting the Autobot stooges and the humans? How's that any better than the alternative?Well, when they actually get airborne, a mere handful (4, IIRC) of F-22s do Megatron not inconsiderable damage. The main reason Megatron kills Jazz so easily is because Jazz is surprised at close range (and also basically sacrifices himself to buy everyone valuable time to withdraw and entrench). The reason Megatron beats Prime is because the Autobot is too aware of the city around him (compare and contrast with the uninabited area in ROTF, where the fact is Megatron and Starscream only escape with their lives due to Prime's concern about Sam). Elsewhere a fistful of Rangers and S7 guards keep Devastator busy with ranged weapons. The reason the Decepticons bother knocking out Earth's communications (and Starscream's team take alternative modes) is that a concerted ranged attack would probably result in their absolute defeat. Even Blackout's attack on the SOCCENT base largely relies on him being mistaken for a regular, albeit rogue, helicopter - as a result there are only the low-calibre weapons that would be capable of blowing up a regular helicopter on hand.

When Starscream attacks, Epps says that real F22s never fly below the skyline. However, the real F22s do that lots of times in the battle itself. Of course, this is hardly a normal occasion with Starscream flying around, so...

You've answered your own query there. F-22s would not fly below buildings if they're liasing with an escort brief. If they're engaging hostiles, they'll fly wherever they bloody well like. There are laws in most, if not all, countries regarding minimum altitudes over residential areas, because it's an unnecessary risk. If there's an alien death machine hell-bent on taking over the planet on your tail, it's considered fair game to take the chance. Therefore it's notable that the lone example that isn't actually engaged goes into an attacking flight pattern. It's not so notable that the group vectored in to attack Megatron go into an attacking flight pattern. An analogy is that police cars follow the same speed limits as all other cars - until they're required to pursue someone who's breaking the speed limit, in which case they obviously break it.

The question to ask there is why exactly Lennox is stupid enough to give Epps a bollocking. It's blatant at that point that the F-22 isn't on their side - Ironhide (for whatever reason, presumably some sort of scanner - no Transformer goes unrecognised by another in the film, with the 'disguise' thing entirely used to fool humans) recognises and names him, the troops take defensive positions while Ironhide and Bumblebee do what they can to dig in. At which point Starscream makes a missile run and blows Bumblebee's legs off. That Lennox seems to somehow think all this is Epps' fault is the error there.

inflatable dalek
2010-05-07, 01:31 PM
It might be worth mentioning the likely reason for the McGuffin not being called the Matrix, as in any film about evil machines out to destroy humanity would be mad to use the term after the Keanu film (the casting of weaving probably making using All Spark a certainty). The second one going for it suggests a much more confident production.

Blackjack
2010-05-07, 02:12 PM
Cheers, thanks for the help. It's edited a little more, plus added some additional goofs from Cliffy's ever-helpful Counter-X.net. This better? More critics or comments are welcome, by the way...

You've answered your own query there.

Yup, I surprise myself sometimes. ;) Moved to the 'notes' section.

Blackjack
2010-06-16, 09:08 AM
Cyber Missions 4
Airdate: 27 March 2010 (Canada), 1 April 2010 (public)
Written By: Scott Beaty

SYNOPSIS
Optimus Prime and Sideswipe tracks Megatron's unique Spark energy signature into an abandoned factory, but the duo are unable to pinpoint Megatron's exact location. Sideswipe complains that the Decepticons are always one step ahead of them, only to have Megatron rise up behind him and knock him down.

Megatron explains that he had been cloaking his spark to remain undetected, and a fight ensues. Megatron transforms into tank mode and blasts the ceiling, using the debris to escape. The Autobots pursue.

Featured Transformers: Optimus Prime, Sideswipe, Megatron

REVIEW
(Three out of Ten)
This one is a little bit better than the others, because the character models seem much smoother than the others, which blatantly follow the toys. Of course, having models of Optimus Prime, Megatron and Sideswipe ready from the movies helped. However, the fight scene is dull and stunted, and could've been improved a lot. The plot's simplistic, but is okay for a five minute clip. Most of all, it doesn't feel like an advertisement.

NOTES
This episode, together with Cyber Missions 5 and 6, are first released exclusively in YTV's site, and are only playable in Canada.

Megatron retains his death-pincer arm for the entire episode.

Optimus Prime uses his dual swords seen in the movie. Sideswipe, too.

GOOFS
The Autobots are real idiots for not being able to see Megatron--the guy's crouched down, hiding among rubble. Couldn't they bring thermal scanners or somesuch?

What could Megatron want to do in a warehouse?

Blackjack
2010-06-16, 09:19 AM
Cyber Missions 5
Airdate: 27 March 2010
Written By: Scott Beatty

SYNOPSIS
Lost in the jungle after his confrontation with Bludgeon previously, Ironhide enters a cave. Back at NEST HQ, Bumblbeee informs that they lost contact with Ironhide, and after Bumblebee conducts a scan of the area, it reveals that the cave is rich in energon deposits.

Optimus Prime arrives to find Ironhide hypnotised by the Decepticon fugitive Mindwipe, who is ordering Ironhide to gather the energon for him. Optimus blasts Mindwipe, but while Optimus tries to talk some sense to Ironhide Mindwipe begins his hypnotism sequence. Optimus fights it and finally uses his truck horn to break Mindwipe's concentration. Mindwipe transforms to escape, but is blasted by Optimus. Ironhide snaps out of hypnotism, puzzled at what happened.

Featured Transformers: Optimus Prime (flashback and present), Sideswipe (flashback), Megatron (flashback), Bludgeon (flashback), Ironhide (flashback and present), Bumblebee, Mindwipe

REVIEW
(Five out of Ten)
Despite the obvious "BUY MINDWIPE!" subplot and the daftness of Ironhide being lost in a jungle, I really like this episode. Mindwipe is a decent villain, with his powers really shown effectively, unlike Bludgeon or Soundwave. And giving him a vampire accent and letting him hang upside down like a bat is a nice touch. It's also a decent sequel to the Ironhide episode prior, and Optimus Prime is nicely portrayed.

NOTES
Ironhide's battle with Bludgeon took place in Cyber Missions 2.

Mindwipe hanging upside down like a bat, having hypnotism powers and speaking like a perverted vampire are all homages to his G1 character. This incarnation of Mindwipe has three eyes.

Starting with this episode, a credits section is shown at the end of the episode.

GOOFS
How could Ironhide go missing in a jungle around his own base? And why is energon found in an Earthen cave?

Why would Mindwipe have Ironhide mine for stuff when he could have Ironhide do more sinister stuff?

Apparently when you get hypnotized, your eyes turn red.

Blackjack
2010-06-16, 09:56 AM
Cyber Missions 6
Airdate: 27 March 2010
Written By: Scott Beatty

SYNOPSIS
Sideswipe is in pursuit of Barricade and Frenzy on Interstate 95. As Sideswipe drives away, Barricade stops at a secure facility and uses his hologram to fool a scanner to open the gates of the building. Once inside, Frenzy hacks into the computers inside.

Sideswipe sneaks up on Frenzy and crumples him into a ball. Barricade is still oblivious to the Autobot until Frenzy warns him. A fight ensues, in which Frenzy is treated as a projectile by both Barricade and Sideswipe. Barricade eventually gets the upper hand by using a flame attack and coolant liquid to freeze Sideswipe into place. The Decepticons hightail out of the place, and as Sideswipe frees himself, the computer informs that the Decepticons had downloaded NEST defense deactivation codes.

Featured Transformers: Optimus Prime (computer), Sideswipe, Barricade, Frenzy

REVIEW
(Four out of Ten)
Ignoring the fact that Frenzy should be dead, and that it's an advertisement for a new toy, this is a funny episode. Barricade's actions are a little clunky, but Frenzy's Waspinator-esque treatment is really hilarious. There's a hint of an overreaching plot as well, which is good.

NOTES
This episode is an obvious advertisement for the Barricade and Frenzy Human Alliance toy, which means Frenzy is revived. Oh, and Barricade is obviously in his Human Alliance body.

The hologram police officer seems to be based on moustache man from the movie.

GOOFS
Frenzy should be dead, killed in the first movie.

Optimus Prime narrates Sideswipe as a 'hot rod' chasing a police cruiser. Sideswipe's alternate mode is a sports car.

How could Barricade miss Sideswipe, who was standing right next to him?

Blackjack
2010-08-07, 12:08 PM
Added the synopsis. I'm thinking of doing a cast guide for the BW, BM and Movie series like the one we have for the G1 cartoon once I get the time.

Blackjack
2010-08-11, 03:22 AM
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

SYNOPSIS

In 17000 B.C., a group of proto-human hunters encounter a group of Transformers building a gigantic machine on Earth. One of these Transformers approach the humans, and plucks one up to observe him.

Two years after the battle of Mission City, the Autobots have teamed up with human (mostly American) soldiers, including Lennox and Epps, to form a military strike team called NEST. During this time new Autobots have arrived on Earth as well. The governments keep the Transformers' existence a secret from the public with cover stories. NEST hunts down the remaining Decepticons on Earth, and their latest chase leads them to Shanghai, China. The gigantic Decepticon Demolishor transforms and wreaks havoc on the roadways, pursued by Ironhide. Meanwhile, the smaller Decepticon Sideways takes another route, pursued by Skids, Mudflap and Arcee. Sideways is bisected into two by Sideswipe, while Optimus Prime is air-dropped into Shanghai and takes out Demolishor after a fierce battle. Before Optimus Prime delivers the killing blow, Demolishor gives the cryptic warning: 'the Fallen shall rise again'.

In another part of the world, Sam Witwicky is preparing to move to college, and is packing up. While digging through his stuff, he finds a shard of the AllSpark. As he touches it he sees several images in his mind before the shard falls from his hand and burns its way into the kitchen, where it brings numerous kitchen appliances to life. These Appliancebots attack Sam and his family, but are destroyed by a rather overzealous Bumblebee. Sam hands over the AllSpark shard to Mikaela. Afterwards Sam tells Bumblebee that to rejoin the Autobots because both of them need to move on. After a goodbye, a toy truck in the lawn, in reality the Decepticon Wheelie, detects the AllSpark shard and contacts the Decepticon coordinator Soundwave, stationed in orbit around the Earth.

As NEST returns to their base in Diego Garcia, they are visited by Director Theodore Galloway (who isn't exactly very friendly with NEST), who has been dispatched to relay the President's concerns over casualties and the secrecy. The conversation takes place alongside a video conference with Admiral Morshower, enabling Soundwave, who latches on to a satellite, to obtain information as Galloway blurts out information about the location of Megatron's body, as well as the larger AllSpark shard left from its destruction. Galloway is convinced that the only reason the Decepticons remain on Earth is because of the Autobots. Optimus replies that they will leave if ordered to, but warns Galloway that he may be wrong.

Sam arrives at college and meets his new room-mate, Leo Spitz. Leo manages a government conspiracy website, and is convinced that alien robots are hiding on Earth. Sam feigns ignorance, and while walking around, he discovers that, to his horror, his mother has unwittingly purchased some marijuana-laced brownies, and is basically making a fool out of herself until Sam and his father drag her away.

Soundwave dispatches his minion, Ravage, to Earth. Ravage lands on the NEST base on Diego Garcia, and unleash a swarm of Microcons into a ventilation outlet. These marble-like Decepticons swarm into the chamber where the AllSpark shard is being held and combine into a reed-thin Decepticon. After stealing the shard, he rejoins with Ravage and escapes.

Meanwhile, Sam is dragged to a frat party by Leo and his friends. Out of a sudden the same flashes of images appear and he begin to see Cybertronian symbols, and unconsciously draws them on the table. He is approached by the blonde bombshell Alice, who expresses interest in him. Bumblebee suddenly shows up, and Sam gets in. However, Alice follows suit, and after several seductive hints, Bumblebee sprays her with antifreeze. After Alice leaves, Bumblebee takes Sam to a graveyard to meet Optimus Prime, who tells him about the theft of the AllSpark shard, and asks Sam to speak with the government on their behalf. Sam refuses, saying that he has his own problems. Meanwhile, Mikaela waits for Sam to respond to their 'webcam date', to which Sam had seemingly forgotten about.

Ravage flies and lands on a cargo ship near the Laurentian Abyss, meeting up with the Constructicons Rampage, Scrapper, Mixmaster and Long Haul. They dive down to the bottom of the ocean. Ravage ejects a tiny spiderlike Decepticon named the Doctor, who uses the shard and parts forcibly donated from Scrapper to revive Megatron. Not exactly thrilled, Megatron rises from the depths, followed by his minions, destroying a military submarine in the process. Megatron flies into space, to one of Saturn's moons, where a crashed Decepticon warship is used as a makeshift base by the Decepticon. Starscream, having taken command of the Decepticon army and is overseeing the spawning of a new army of Decepticons, greets him. Megatron berates Starscream for leaving him to die.

Megatron then walks up to his master, the Fallen. Megatron apologizes to the ancient Decepticon for his failure, but Fallen reveals that when the AllSpark Cube was destroyed, the knowledge had been transferred to Sam, and within it is the means to locate a device able to create vast amounts of energon. Starscream informs Fallen and Megatron that he had been keeping tabs on Sam, and tells them that without Energon, their new hatchlings will die. The Decepticons head off to get Sam and destroy Optimus, the last of the Primes and the only one who can defeat the Fallen.

In an astronomy class, Sam reads through the entire textbook in seconds, and interrupts the lecture and begin to deliver some gibberish about higher physics, as if possessed. Again, he scrawls Cybertronian glyphs on the blackboard. After the professor throws him out, Sam realizes that it's the effect of the AllSpark shard, and calls Mikaela to warn her about it. While Mikaela is on the phone, Wheelie tries to steal the shard from the mechanical safe in Mikaela's workshop, but fails miserably and is dumped by Mikaela in a metal transport case. Mikaela heads off to talk to Sam, AllSpark shard and Wheelie in tow. Meanwhile, owing to multiple Decepticon contacts, the Autobots are mobilized, with NEST in tow.

Leo and Alice find Sam in the dorm room, seemingly possessed as he paints the walls with Cybertronian glyphs and spouting some nonsense. Alice pushes Leo away, and begins to aggresively push Sam onto the bed. Mikaela arrives, finding Sam and Alice in an intimate kiss. Alice then transforms, revealing herself to be a Decepticon. Sam, Mikaela and Leo escape as Alice hunts them. Mikaela manages to hotwire a car and run Alice down. However, they are accosted by the helicopter Decepticon Grindor, who harpoons the car and delivers them to Megatron and Starscream in an abandoned warehouse.

Megatron and Sam exchange some words, and Doctor inserts a worm-like Decepticon into Sam's nose, and they are able to glean images from Sam's brain. Doctor is about to remove Sam's brain out of his head to access more information when Optimus Prime bursts down of the warehouse roof. Bumblebee takes Leo and Mikaela to safety, while Optimus Prime takes Sam with him. The Decepticons pursue. Optimus and Sam find themselves outnumbered against three Decepticons in a forest, and Optimus Prime valiantly battles against Megatron, Starscream and Grindor like a berserker. Megatron and Optimus argue a bit about the price of a human life against the survival of their race. Optimus manages to dis-arm Starscream and rip Grindor's head into two, but while he searches for Sam, Megatron impales him from behind with his claw and shoots him. Optimus falls to the forest floor, telling Sam to run before he dies. The Autobot reinforcements arrive in time to save Sam, forcing Megatron and Starscream to retreat. Captain Lennox is informed about Optimus' death, while the Fallen reacts with joy as he rises from his throne.

Megatron and Starscream discuss their next move on top of a building, and decide that they could force the humans to turn Sam over by breaking disguise. Soundwave mobilizes the Decepticons, and at the same time tracks down Sam's parents in Paris. A large force of Decepticons then land on Earth in their Protoform forms, in Paris (where Sam's parents are kidnapped) as well as sinking a naval carrier in the Atlantic ocean. Megatron hijacks a TV antenna and broadcasts footage of the Fallen around the world. Fallen reveals his existance to the human hive, and demands Sam to be surrendered to the Decepticons. A worldwide manhunt for Sam is launched.

Sam, Mikaela, Leo, Bumblebee, Skids and Mudflap hide out in an abandoned area, where they plan their next move. They decide not to give up. Well, most of them, anyway—Leo freaks out. Meanwhile, the Autobots return to NEST base with Optimus' body but are surrounded by the military. Galloway tells them that NEST has been ordered to stand down while the military draws up a coordinated strategy, even considering negotiation with the Decepticons. Lennox, Epps and Ironhide tries to argue but Galloway pulls rank. Ratchet suggests leaving Earth, but Ironhide decides against it.

Skids, Mudflap and Bumblebee are unable to decipher the Cybertronian glyphs. Leo suggests they hunt down the owner of a competing website, 'Robo-warrior', for help. Without any other leads, they go with Leo's plan, and find out that Robo-warrior turns out to be Seymour Simmons, former Sector Seven agent. After a confrontation Simmons agrees to help and takes the trio to his basement, revealing that the Transformers were on Earth for quite some time, since Cybertronian glyphs similar to those Sam wrote have been found on several excavation sites and some vehicles. However, Simmons was denied the funds to pursue them during his career. However, they need a Decepticon to decipher the glyphs, and Mikaela interrogates Wheelie. Wheelie identifies the glyphs as the language of the Primes, and suggest they track down one of the ancient Seekers, old Transformers on Earth. Wheelie pinpoints that the nearest Seeker is in Washington D.C.

At the Smithsonian National Air and Space museum, they accidentally reactivate an ancient Decepticon named Jetfire, disguised as an SR71 Blackbird, with Sam's AllSpark shard. The confused Jetfire wanders around and finally explains that he had defected to the Autobots. Wheelie follows suit, hugging Mikaela's leg in joy. Sam writes down the glyphs, and Jetfire says that they were part of the Seekers' mission. Jetfire opens a space bridge and teleports the humans and Autobots to Egypt. He explains that thousands of years ago, the Transformers had arrived on Earth along their original leaders, the Seven Primes. They had came to build a Solar Harvested, a device that creates Energon by destroying suns. However, seeing that Earth has life in it, the Primes decided against destroying the Sun according to their rules. However, one of the Primes, forevermore known as the Fallen, despised the humans and tried to activate the machine anyway. Unable to defeat their strongest brother, the other Primes stole the Matrix of Leadership, the key needed to activate the Harvester, and gave their lives to seal it in an tomb in an unknown location. Jetfire explains that only a Prime can ever hope to defeat the Fallen, and gives them a riddle, the only clue about the location of the Tomb. With Optimus' death, Jetfire tells them that they are doomed. Sam and Jetfire theorize that if they are able to find the Matrix, they may be able to revive Optimus Prime. Jetfire urges the humans to go before the Decepticons find him.

After dodging Egyptian custom officials and police, Simmons contacts Lennox to tell him secretly about their quest and the coordinates where they can air-drop Optimus Prime's body. Lennox, Epps and the Autobots decide to trust them. Lennox tricks Galloway into parachuting out of the NEST airplane, and then contacts Admiral Morshower to supply them with military assets. Meanwhile, Sam manages to decipher Jetfire's riddle when they set up camp in the Pyramids, and they head off to Petra, Jordan. However Soundwave manages to pinpoint their location when Sam's face gets captured by a security camera.

Sam's team arrive in Petra, and after the Twins bicker, they discover the Tomb of the Primes within one of the ruins. Sam finds the Matrix, but it instantly crumbles into dust upon touch. Not willing to give up hope, Sam collects the Matrix dust in his sock. Simmons, meanwhile, spots the NEST team parachuting down near the Pyramids, along with Optimus' body. Sam's team then head towards Lennox's group, but the Decepticons start their attack. Starscream bombards Sam's team, and the Twins, Simmons and Leo split off to distract the Decepticon. The NEST team, meanwhile, is met by a Protoform army. Simmons' party arrives in a quarry, where a second team of Constructicons (not the same with the one that revived Megatron) combine to form the gigantic Decepticon Devastator. Devastator uses his suction ability, and swallows everything in sight, including Mudflap. Mudflap, however, is able to punch his way out of Devastator's face, and together with Skids, harass the Constructicon gestalt and try to slow him down. Their efforts were thwarted, however, when Mudflap shot Skids in the face. Simmons' group then stays under Devastator, where the gestalt can't suck them.

Starscream leads Scrapper, Long Haul and several other Decepticons to search for Sam. After an Insecticon pinpoints their location, Starscream tells Rampage and Ravage to use Sam's parents as hostages for a trap. Sam offers to hand over the Matrix to Rampage, but it's only to stall time until Bumblebee is able to attack the Decepticons. Bumblebee savagely tears both Rampage and Ravage apart with his bare hands. Sam orders Bumblebee to get his parents to safety while he and Mikaela run for Optimus' body.

Meanwhile, Admiral Morshower, who can't contact Lennox's team due to Starscream and Soundwave's interference, launches a Predator drone. Seeing the life-feed, Morshower sends everything they can muster to Egypt.

Devastator climbs on top of the Pyramid and began to tear it apart, revealing the Solar Harvester underneath. Jordanian helicopters arrive, but are shot down by Megatron. Simmons uses one of the Jordanians' radio to contact one of the navy ship off the coast, telling them to use the railgun that Sector Seven has developed. The railgun is fired, tearing through Devastator's head and killing the gestalt. Sam and Mikaela meet up with Ironhide, Lennox, Epps and Arcee, but are pinned down by massed Decepticon fire. Arcee is killed in the firefight, while the humans are trapped behind some ruins by Mixmaster. Jetfire arrives and kills Mixmaster, but Scorponok bursts out of the ground, mortally wounding Jetfire before being killed himself. An air strike arrives, killing Scrapper, Long Haul and the rest of the Protoform Decepticons, but Megatron emerges from the smokes, opening fire at Sam before being driven off by Autobot and NEST's massed fire. Sam falls to the ground, dying, as Lennox and the paramedics try to revive him.

As the world blurs around him, the Matrix dust spills from his hand, and Sam finds himself in a vision with the long-dead Primes. The Primes tell him that he was destined to find the Matrix and save the life of Optimus Prime, and with that, Sam is returned to life. Having proven his leadership, the Matrix dust reforms back into the Matrix of Leadership, and Sam stabs it into Optimus Prime's chest, bringing him back to life.

Just as Optimus Prime recovers, the Fallen teleports down, knocking aside the Autobots and grabs the Matrix. Fallen teleports himself on top of the uncovered Solar Harvester, and alongside Megatron he activates the Harvester. The soldiers and tanks called into action by Morshower begin firing on the pyramid, but the Fallen easily dispatches them with his telekinetic powers. The dying Jetfire offers his parts to Optimus Prime, before ripping out his own spark. Under Ratchet's instructions, Jolt turns Jetfire's remains into a battle armour for Optimus Prime. Gifted with the ability of flight, Optimus Prime takes to the air.

Optimus Prime blows up the Harvester, and faces both Megatron and the Fallen in battle. Optimus defeats Megatron after a brutal showdown, damaging the Decepticon leader, before facing the Fallen himself. The Fallen and Optimus Prime engage in a bloody duel, but Optimus Prime gets the upper hand, tearing the Fallen's face off and crushing his spark.

Seeing their master fall, Starscream suggests to Megatron that they retreat in order to survive, a suggestion that Megatron follows.

With the battle won, the Autobots, NEST, Sam and his friends return aboard an aircraft carrier. Optimus Prime sends another message into space, rallying more Autobots, detailing recent events so the shared past of humanity and Autobots will not be forgotten as before. Upon his return, Sam attends college again.

Featured Transformers: The Fallen (killed), Dynasty of Primes (killed), Skids, Mudflap, Sideswipe, Arcee (killed), Ironhide, Demolishor (killed), Sideways (killed), Optimus Prime (killed and revived), Appliancebots (killed), Ejector (killed), Bumblebee, Wheelie, Soundwave, Ratchet, Megatron, Alice (killed), Ravage (killed), Microcons, Reedman, Scrapper (killed), Mixmaster (killed), Rampage (killed), Long Haul (killed), the Doctor, Decepticon Hatchlings, Starscream, Grindor (killed), Doctor's helpers, Generic Protoform Decepticons (killed), Jolt, Frenzy's Head, Jetfire (killed), Clonecrusher (killed), Devastator (killed), Insecticon (killed), Scorponok (killed)
Notable Others: General Morshower, NEST Troopers, Major William Lennox, Sergeant Robert Epps, Burke, Ron Witwicky, Sam Witwicky, Judy Witwicky, Mikaela Banes, Director Galloway, Leo Spitz, Sharsky, Fassbinder, Seymour Simmons

REVIEW
Right. Revenge of the Fallen. The bane of reviews. Or vice versa.

Nearly every single 'professional reviewer' had given a negative review, with hyperboles about ROTF being the WORST EVAR MOVIE. But all you need to do is to look at the box office and see how great it performed. After all, negative reviews are more memorable than positive ones, and what better to make your review stand out than to criticize a two-hour long Michael Bay movie with explosions and big f***ing robots?. Instant bias.

I, personally, loved the movie. Yes, I will be the first to tell you that it has its flaws (big ones), it has its plot holes (bigger ones), and some embarrassing scenes (disgusting ones, too) but not much more than other summer blockbusters. Really... Before you hammer me about not being able to appreciate stuff and whatnot, hear me out—when I went to the theater to watch some positively-reviewed four-out-of-five-stars film, they don't blow the audience away most of the time. Without naming any specific movies, I could name several critic-friendly movies that left half the audience snoring. When they watch Revenge of the Fallen (and most other movies with explosions and little drama) people exit with smiles on their faces, conversing about the movie. Most of the so-called professional reviewers are out of touch with 85% of the audience.

I may be a biased watcher, but the good bits in Revenge of the Fallen clearly outshine the bad parts. True, the amount of swearing and toilet jokes are in the precarious line between inappropriate for a children's film and being good old fun, and there are some bits that could do with some spit-shining. While the Writers' Strike might've been behind some of the hastily-written plot, it still stands that the script could do with a final reviewing.

Mostly, the movie consists of various well-written scenes and concepts that don't gel together in the final product. How the cast get from scene A to scene B is usually a little too fast, and some of the introdumps could do with a little more polishing. Also, one thing many people noted was that the movie utilizes too much comic relief characters, even moreso than the first movie. And unlike the likes of, say, Frenzy or Bumblebee, most of the comedy guys in the second movie more or less fall into the same category. Dumb idiots. Skids, Mudflap, Leo and Wheelie to some extent are similar to each other in personality, and I don't see the point of keeping the three all throughout the movie. At separate points? Sure. Throughout the entire ride? It gets trite real old. And there's the oft-complained problem of curses, although I can bet that most wee kids watching the movie don't know what 'pussy' even means. Other than a cat.

Another problem was the Fallen, the titular character. While it's not a bad idea to have someone that offers Megatron advice like a mentor, the idea isn't really executed well. It's not defined what exactly that the Fallen wants (Megatron clearly wants power and the future of his race) and who he's seeking revenge after. Of course, he does seem to be quite a coward, hiding in the ship, pulling strings and waiting for Megatron's resurrection and Optimus Prime's death, as well as waiting until the very last moment before coming into the battlefield. But the fact that this isn't stated in any way gives an impression of bad writing. Which is probably the case here.

Speaking of characterization, Optimus Prime and Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) are the two that get the most developed in the second movie, with Shia practically being the main focus after Optimus Prime's death. Sam's dealing with trying to be normal, university, sacrifice, loyalty and all those heroic stuff is portrayed nicely. Optimus Prime's nobility is well-defined, but he doesn't seem to be above insults during battle, and I've fallen in love with those blades. And while Optimus' death shouldn't strike any faithful fan as surprising, the death scene is a really emotional scene, with Steve Jablonsky's excellent score playing in the background. Optimus himself is also in action more this movie, and he's basically a killing machine, hacking his way through Decepticons with his dual swords (or hooks, in one occasion). He's rendered as a badass fighter when not being heroic, and the "I'll take you ALL ON!" scene, with Peter Cullen's voice, was simply perfect.

Poor Megatron doesn't get to do much after his resurrection, though. He gets more screentime and lots of nice action scenes, but there's nothing much in lieu of characterization. He seems to be the Fallen's little whipping boy, and other than sneaking up on Optimus Prime he doesn't get to kill anyone else. Then again, the Decepticons' defeat here is more likely to be attributed to the Fallen's idiocy of not showing up until later on.

Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) gets some character moment early on with the jealousy stuff, and while she plays off Shia well, she's basically reduced to girlfriend/eye candy in the second half of the movie. The 'who says I love you first' side plot is a little too cliched for my liking. Simmons (John Torturro), however, benefits from more screentime. Both Simmons and Sam practically supported the movie between Optimus' death and the final battle. Simmons' batshit crazy character is nicely developed, especially with the messiah complex that he's developed. However, they just have to show us a close-up of his arse, don't they? It's stuff like this that I can't help but frown at. Rounding out the main humans is Leo Spitz (Ramon Rodriguez), a new character introduced as Sam's roommate. However, with Simmons and the Twins already acting as comic humour, he really seems to be overkill. While there's not much wrong with the character—you just have to feel sorry for the poor sod for following Simmons' crazy little plan with the museum—he just takes too much screentime that could've been devoted to better stuff.

Lennox (Josh Duhammel) and Epps (Tyrese Gibson) have a lesser role than the last movie, but as part of NEST they provide a constant military presence, and are pretty likable. Shame that they weren't in the movie for more time, though. NEST is a well-rounded concept, as some sort of loosely-affiliated governmental organization. General Morshower (Glenn Morshower, who previously played Colonel Sharp in the first movie) is also a decently portrayed character as the sort of boss that trusts his men with results. In contrast to the likable soldiers, we have Galloway (John Benjamin Hickey), your standard asshole of a government liaison who's really good at doing his job. Galloway is a decent enough quasi-villain who is a legitimate reason for NEST to be delayed in helping Sam and his party out, and it's pretty entertaining to watch Lennox and Galloway bicker around.

Sam's parents, Ron (Kevin Dunn) and Judy (Julie White) get more screentime as well due to the mostly positive reaction to them in the first movie. Ron's great fun, especially when he drops the whole stoic father facade. Judy is also great as the world's most embarrassing mother, right up to that reefer scene. It was horribly done, and most people don't know what a reefer is anyway. Otherwise, though, the two are mostly fine. I particularly like how Judy thinks that Soundwave is some kind of perverted bastard.

For the Transformers, though, some of them obtained characterization while some are reduced to brutal death scenes. Mixmaster, Long Haul, Jolt, Scrapper and Arcee are forgettable extras, and the most part could easily be replaced by Protoform troopers. Rampage, Demolishor, Grindor and Sideways all exist for short and brutal deaths. They are basically your standard Hollywood goons, only bigger and all metallic. Doesn't lend much to characterization.

Pre-established characters get some bits added to make them more developed. Scorponok's little return is only for a death scene. Ironhide is still trigger-happy as ever, and his initial transformation was splendidly done, as is his role in the battle against Demolishor. Ironhide is pretty fun, really... his 'I will tear you apart!' line to the human soldiers is just so well done. Together with Ratchet, Ironhide gets several nice lines throughout the movie. Poor Ratchet doesn't do much, though, despite the multiple opportunities for a medic to appear and do stuff. Shame, really. Starscream, in contrast, gets a lot more screentime as Megatron's field commander/resident whipping boy. However, unlike the first movie where he's basically the most dangerous Decepticon, reducing him to a more pathetic version of his G1 persona isn't really a good thing for the character, although to the general audience it does make Starscream more easy to recognize other than simply being yet another murdering metallic monster. Bumblebee is still his jovial self, able to switch between a good friend and a killing machine in an instant. There's not much to say about him, really... he's still the guy we know and love from the first movie.

As for the new Decepticons, Alice (Isabel Lucas) gets some decent amount of screentime as a slutty bitch that tries to seduce Sam and kidnap/kill him in the process. It's a nice concept and a good justification to place the setting in the university. It's more of what a group calling themselves Decepticons should do. Ravage and the Marbles are just there for the cool factor, and mostly are the animators' way of showing how far they could push the limit. That scene where the marblebots (Microcons, whatever) combine into Reedman is stunning. The Doctor (a.k.a. Scalpel in the toyline) is another instant favourite, with his ham German accent and frankly his craziness. It's a shame that he wasn't in it more, though.

Oh, and Soundwave is also a great, if underused, concept, as a coordinator of the Decepticons in contrast to Starscream's field commander position. It's a shame that we didn't get to see him in action more, and that his hacking scene is cut out, but here's hoping for the second movie just establishing his existence and for the third to pick up from there. The Fallen is an attempt to make the history of the war seem deeper and more extensive, but he is poorly executed at best.

Devastator is probably the epitome of what the movie does. The combination scene blows you away, the sand-sucking scene is awe-strikingly amazing, and he's established as one of the most powerful Decepticons ever. But all that is ruined by a scrotum gag, and the fact that he's killed abruptly by a human weapon and that his role in the battle is merely tearing the pyramid apart — something that the Fallen apparently could do with ease. Yes, Devastator is truly a wasted opportunity. Impressive, yes, but hardly crucial to the plot other than to slow down the Twins, Simmons and Leo for a bit.

As for the Autobots... Sideswipe was impressive in killing Sideways, but he didn't do much afterwards other than be a crowd-filler. The Twins, Wheelie and Jetfire all get scenes to themselves and net some characterization. It's just that... why must their faces look like that? Angular, jagged teeth, deformed eyes... eesh. Jetfire's well done once you get past the fact that he's nothing like the Jetfire from G1. He's pretty fun with his accent and his craziness, and plays off well from Simmons and Sam. Having him as the introdump giver isn't a bad idea as well, and his little sacrifice to power-up Optimus, even if it feels a little abrupt, is not a bad choice. Meanwhile, Wheelie is a sympathetic character, a tiny Decepticon who doesn't really want to be one. Like Devastator, Judy and Simmons, though, all the work done with Wheelie is sadly relegated into his leg humping scene. Shame.

The Twins... well, I don't buy Michael Bay intending them to be racial stereotypes. Bay certainly doesn't strike me as the type to do such things, since he's got the subtlety of a brick. The Twins strike me more as bickering brothers (something I could relate to) rather than any attempt at being portrayed as black. Again, like Leo, the duo are harmless fun on themselves and had a nice action scene with Devastator, but they're just in the movie for far too long. Mostly it's my little wish to have Ratchet or Jolt replace them, but they are serviceable, if not the best choice.

The plot itself is pretty decent, delving deep into the Transformers' history, with Shia's excellent acting helping to gel the movie together. However, I would be the first to tell you that the scripting and pacing needed some works to be done. Stuff like how symbols and the Seekers gel together is a little rough-edged, and could've flown more smoothly with a little editing. They just try to stuff so many things into the movie that some concepts feel unexplained or simply lazy. Particularly, I've always felt that the campus scenes were too long, as is the museum scene. They reek of padding. And there are just some that are too outrageous, like Simmons showing his ass to the screen. Also, too many characters -- Sideswipe et al -- are simply just introduced, says two or three lines and disappears for the rest of the movie. People like Wheelie and Doctor, who have entire scenes to themselves, simply disappear when they are no longer needed by the narrative, which is simply lazy.

And the final battle, while impressive, felt a little superfluous as well. I don't see why we need shots of military tanks blowing up random Protoforms when we could've had, say, a scene of Ironhide or Sideswipe throwing themselves headlong into Constructicon clones. Another thing that the movie fails to deliver is the final, supposedly-climatic battle between Prime and Megatron/Fallen. It falls flat and feels too rushed, as if they were in a hurry to end the movie. It's nothing like the spectacular battle royale between Prime and Megatron in the first movie. Shame, really.

Action scenes, however, certainly could not be fault. Kudos to the animators for immortalizing the action scenes into the fans' minds. Whether it's Optimus tearing Grindor's face apart, or Alice trying to strangle Sam with a prehensile tongue, or Bumblebee brutalizing Rampage... the Transformers feel real on the screen, not some tacked-on CG afterthought like some other movies I could name. The movement are smooth, spectacular and realistic. The way the light glints off the metal is nicely done, and 'natural' movements like Ironhide rolling forwards as he fires on Megatron are a nice touch.

All in all, it boils down to whether your expectations. If you were expecting an intelligent movie with provoking thoughts, romance and those kind of stuff, be prepared for disappointment. They aren't things you should expect from a movie about giant robots. However, if you want special effects, big robot clonking each other, explosions, fantastic action scenes with several bad jokes thrown in, you'll love it. I loved the first movie, and while some parts of the second one aren't really spectacular, it is certainly bigger than the first movie. I've watched it, what, ten times now? Clearly the great parts of the movie outshine the bad parts. Stuff like Wheelie humping Mikaela's leg or Devastator's balls get forgotten quickly in the onslaught of action scenes. It's by no means the best movie out there, but it's a nice one. I have found myself slowly falling in love and simply getting addicted to this movie.

I love this movie. Deal with it.

(Nine out of Ten)

NOTES
The Fallen, Sideswipe, Arcee, Devastator, Soundwave, Ravage, Scrapper, Long Haul, Mixmaster, Scavenger and the Insecticon are all loosely based on their G1 counterparts, fulfilling mostly similar roles. Skids, Mudflap, Jetfire, Jolt, Wheelie, Rampage, Grindor, Sideways, Demolishor, Hightower, Overload and Scrapmetal all have names originating from prior characters but have original characterizations. Alice, the Doctor and Reedman are new names and concepts introduced in ROTF.

Energon, the Transformers' fuel source, is mentioned numerous times, although they aren't seen as purple glowing boxes anymore.

The Matrix of Leadership (or the Creation Matrix) is the plot device in the original G1 comic, as well as the 1986 Movie. However, while in G1 comic the Matrix breathes life to Transformers (a function fulfilled by the AllSpark in the movieverse) and in the G1 cartoon in contains the wisdom of the ancient Autobots (as well as blowing demigods up) the Matrix in the Movieverse switches on planet-killing machines. Also, instead of being shaped like coconut with handles, it's now a dagger-like black object.

The Pretender gimmick, introduced in 1988 during the G1 franchise, gets its own take in the movieverse. Instead of transformers hiding inside human shells, however, the concept used for Alice is more reminiscent of the Beast Wars characters, who had organic alternate modes. (Granted, Alice is basically a teenaged Terminator robot...)

Soundwave and Ravage both use their original voice actor, Frank Welker. However, Frank Welker and Michael Bay both declined against using the synthetic voice processing that made Soundwave's voice distinctive in G1. So basically he's using Welker's Dr Claw voice. (Personally I think this is a neat choice because when watching G1 I couldn't figure out half the things that Soundwave says).

Jetfire as a Decepticon that defects to the Autobots is a concept used in the G1 cartoon and comic. Jetfire being trapped on Earth for a long time is also similar to his fate, being trapped under the ice in the original cartoon. However, instead of being the most advanced Autobot like the original portrayals, the movieverse Jetfire is a geriatric Autobot that's filling a role similar to G1 Kup or Animated Ratchet.

Combination is featured heavily in the movie, with Devastator, Reedman, Optimus Prime/Jetfire and supposedly Arcee all combining at various parts of the movie.

Devastator, like his G1 counterpart, is formed from construction vehicles. But he's not a combiner in the sense of past series, however. Multiple Constructicons of the same bodytype exist, so a robot-mode Long Haul is running around while another Long Haul is attaching himself to Devastator's leg. It seemed to have been planned from the beginning, so... Despite all evidence to the contrary, in the movie itself Devastator is formed from nine Construction vehicles — seven that appeared in the toys (Mixmaster, Long Haul, Scavenger, Rampage, Scrapper, Hightower and the sometimes-omitted Overload) plus two unnamed Constructicons—a yellow dump truck that add to Devastator's mass and a small payloader that gets scooped up by the Hightower arm to act as claws.

There are some other homages that would appeal to transformer fans. As with my last review, I won't be listing rough speculations or fanboy stuff like 'Devastator's wormhole is soooo like the Nemesis at the end of Beast Wars!!' or 'Megatron's death pincer is a homage to G1 Finback's weapon lol!'
-Optimus Prime dying, only to be brought back to life by a mystical artifact, had been done numerous times throughout Transformers lore.
-The whole seven Primes being the first Transformers and the Fallen being part of them is a reference to the Thirteen, a concept first alluded to in Dreamwave and explored by Fun Publications. Despite what Hasbro's executives might say, however, the Fallen in ROTF and the guy in Dreamwave are most likely not the same character.
-The Fallen betraying his brother Primes is similar to his G1 counterpart's backstory.
-The Twins' ice cream jingle is very loosely based on the original Transformers theme.
-The Arcee bikes' body designs are inspired by Beast Machines Thrust.
-The Appliancebot brought to life from a garbage disposal unit seems to be loosely based on a Sharkticon—gigantic fang-filled mouth, rotund body and spiked tail.
-Optimus Prime's line "Freedom is your right" is a play on his motto "freedom is the right of all sentient beings".
-The Twins each have an arm which is larger than the other, similar to RID X-Brawn.
-Soundwave ejecting Ravage is a reference to how their original counterparts are able to do the same thing. Soundwave isn't a tape deck here, though.
-The term 'Seeker', used in the movie as the name of a group of ancient energon-seeking Transformers, is a fan-term-made-official which traditionally refers to Starscream and his armada of repaints.
-The Decepticons' base, a spaceship crash-landed in a barren world, is similar to the fate of the Minicons' shuttle in Armada.
-The newborn Decepticons hatching from pods might be an oblique reference to stasis pods from Beast Wars, although they are more similar to the pods seen in the Matrix series or Michael Bay's The Island.
-Sam having his brain full of Cybertronian knowledge imprinted by a MacGuffin is very similar to Buster Witwicky having the Creation Matrix downloaded in his brain, seen in the original comic series.
-Upon inspection, Sam's little speech at the astronomy class seems to be trying to explain mass displacement or subspace. Nice
-Sam also name-drops Sentinel Prime during his crazed talk. In G1, Sentinel Prime is usually the luckless Prime that Optimus Prime replaces.
-Written Cybertronian language was first introduced in G1 Marvel issue of 'Decepticon Graffiti'. Proper font substitutions for the alphabet is introduced in Beast Wars. Ancient symbols/glyphs have been featured in numerous fiction as well.
-Transformers spitting has been around since the Marvel UK comics, where Soundwave (faceplate and all) spat onto the ground. Puttup!
-At one point Mudflap says 'yousa' in a way similar to Jar Jar Binks in Star Wars. Ironically, both of them are similarly hated.
-Optimus Prime spitting out a teeth after being clobbered by Megatron is very similar to a scene in the final episode of Beast Wars, where Optimus Primal spat out a teeth after the battle with his own Megatron.
-Starscream plugging his arm back into his socket seem to be a reference to the Junkions, or to the toys' ability for ball joints to be popped back into place.
-Frenzy's head from the first movie, restored back from its cleaved state, hangs as a trophy in Simmons' basement.
-When he searches for Sam's parents, Soundwave says 'Yeesss' in a manner vaguely reminiscent of Beast Wars Megatron's catchphrase.
-The government not trusting the Autobots to help them has been used numerous times throughout Transformers fiction.
-Simmons says 'Robots in disguise', the oft-quoted tagline for Transformers.
-During his crazed speech, Jetfire claims that his father transforms into a wheel. While it's really unlikely that Jetfire actually had a father, this might be a shout-out to Scrounge, the little transforming wheel from the Marvel comics of old.
-Transformers with mustaches first appeared with G1 Scourge and Unicron, and have been with us ever since.
-Spark cores, seen in more detail in this movie, resemble those seen in the cross-section stuff of the Ultimate Guide.
-When Skids and Mudflap hang on from a lead pipe, a newspaper with an image of G1 Shockwave flies past the pipe for a split second.
-Mudflap's line about "Kung Fu Grip" is a reference to the G.I. Joe gimmick.
-Insecticon (not named in the movie) is a reference to the insect-mode Decepticon subgroup in G1. Unlike his G1 counterparts, Insecticon couldn't transform into a full-sized Decepticon, and is torn apart by Sam quite easily.
-Optimus Prime combining with Jetfire is a reference to a similar ability in Armada. That Jetfire doesn't have to die to combine, though.
-Twins and basically having brothers is a concept that dates back to Sideswipe and Sunstreaker from the original cast of G1. Like Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, despite being twins Skids and Mudflap are not repaints of each other.

Barack Obama is specifically mentioned by a newscaster (and appears in a TV shot), a far cry from the first Transformers movie where the President of the Unites States is apparently a pair of red socks.

Arcee is female, like her G1 counterpart. Being a motorcycle is a concept first introduced in Energon. This version of Arcee has three bodies, which are supposed to be tripartine (one mind in three bodies) a la G1 Reflector and being able to combine. However the combination scene was cut out, and the only hints at her tripartine self is only confirmed afterwards in IDW comics and the novelization. This raised some confusion initially since Arcee's three components were marketed under different names to represent characters, but toy bios are inferior to fiction. Arcee was supposed to be included in the first movie but is dropped in favour to Ironhide because Bay didn't want to explain girls. ROTF included Arcee and Alice without any problems, though.

Mikaela's pet dog, Bones/Boney, belongs to Michael Bay. In real life, he's named Bonecrusher in homage of Michael Bay's favourite character in the first movie.

As a little in-joke for the Terminator movie that's running at about the same dates, one of the Decepticon protoforms shot to pieces by NEST soldiers has the mark 'T-1000' on his arm.

Grindor is basically Blackout's model reused as a generic Decepticon. Oh, if you like fanwank he could be Blackout but what's the point? He's still dead.

Bonecrusher's alternate and robot mode both show up briefly in the final battle, and seemingly blows up one of the Arcee bikes. However, it's more likely that he's a similarly-built Decepticon (like Grindor) rather than another resurrection. I'm calling him Clonecrusher. One of the Titan comics letter pages had Ironhide telling the kids that Clonecrusher is a 'Bonecrusher impostor'.

Sam being probed forcibly with the worm-like Decepticon inserted through the mouth is nearly identical to a similar worm-like probe that was inserted into Neo's belly-button in the Matrix. Only that the Decepticon worm had gooey green gel in its main body. The non-Transformer movie, not the plot device.

Sam Witwicky telling Leo that the government could monitor them through their cell phones might be a veiled homage to Eagle Eye, a movie that Shia acted in.

The Appliancebots brought to life by the AllSpark shard include Ejector (a toaster which previously appeared in a Mountain Dew tie-in commercial. He was made into a toy), Dickbot the Blender Guy (the leader of the Appliancebots in concept stages), a vacuum cleaner, a microwave, a cappuccino machine, a waffle iron, the Sharkticon garbage disposal, a hand mixer and a CISCO Aironet that turns into a cockroach-like robot. Initially there was supposed to be a mobile phone that gets melted down by the Microwave, but the scene was cut out for time. Also, the waffle iron robot was supposed to attack Judy, hanging on to her head while she runs into the overhead vase, but in the final version the waffle iron was blown up by Bumblebee instead.

If you have sharp eyes, you'll notice that the CISCO Aironet Appliancebot, after his initial transformation into his cockroach mode, disappears throughout the entire sequence with Sam. When Sam goes back to pick the shard from the kitchen, the CISCO Aironet is still there.

The scene where Sam has a dream-like vision during a near-death situation is similar to a scene cut out from early drafts of the first movie, where Sam was supposed to experience something similar with the Allspark during the battle between Megatron and Optimus Prime.

The Decepticons landing on Paris like meteors, especially the building being blasted halfway through and it piercing the ground, bear more than a little resemblance to the opening act of the Michael Bay film Armageddon. Only these meteors are larger.

Fan-site TFWiki considers the Scrapper that went down to revive Megatron and the Scrapper in Egypt to be two different characters, and called the Scrapper killed for parts 'Ze Little One'. While a little fanwankish, it had quite a following among some fans. Hasbro liked it and gave 'Ze Little One' the name Scrapmetal during a Q&A session.

Some characters are accidentally credited by their preliminary names in the credits. Demolishor is named 'Wheelbot' while Rampage is named 'Skipjack'.

Like last movie, the Transformers underwent numerous nicknames. The blender appliancebot had the working name of 'Dickbot', Reedman had the working name of 'Thin Man' (along with Reedman), Wheelie had the working name of 'Wheels' (a name that cropped up in fiction as well), Rampage was 'Skipjack' and 'Jumping Jack' and Sideswipe was 'Stinger'.

The first scene (Soundwave acknowledges) and the final scene (Decepticons mobilize) with Soundwave are identical.

The DVD includes several deleted scenes. Of the scenes filmed, there's an alternate dialogue of Judy embarrassing Sam, an alternate sequence of Leo and Sam meeting Alice and an extended sequence of Judy and Ron in Paris (complete with naughty footsies).

There are several scenes that didn't make it into the final cut of the movie but are mentioned in all adaptations of the movie. The most major one would be the elimination of the Sacrophagus in which the Fallen would be trapped in. Another one would be the silly explanation that Alice got her human form from a Disneyland Alice in the Wonderland robot, something that leaked into every single adaptation of the movie. Bumblebee was also supposed to blow up the Witwickies' entire house instead of just Sam's room. Arcee's aformentioned combination scene was also dropped. Another major change would be the Doctor's death prior to the forest battle, being sniped from afar by Optimus Prime. Presumably this is dropped due to the same reasons as Barricade from the first movie. Ravage was supposed to transform into an aquatic mode before turning into a jaguar. Another deleted scene found in the adaptations is the epilogue in which Megatron commands an army of Protoforms to rise from pods in the Nemesis. Also, in original pre-vises, the Doctor transforms into a modern microscope similar to the toy instead of the more antiquated piece he turns into in the movie.

Between concept and the final product, many alternate designs for new Transformers are dropped. It included a giant Decepticon warmachine what is supposed to destroy the aircraft carrier instead of Protoforms as well as designs that would be made in toy form as Depth Charge, Ransack, Breakaway and Springer. Concept art for the robot modes of Overload, Hightower and a 'Constructicon Nurse' that changed into a Volvo Excavator (maybe he's the source of the Scrapper error) have also been released. A dropped character is a several-feet tall Insecticon Swarm/Hive that is eventually replaced by Reedman.

GOOFS
The NEST soldiers use low-caliber weapons instead of the sabot rounds that are the Transformers' weakness.

The vehicle modes that the Twins scan already have personalized license plates on them, yet they still bicker over who gets to pick the green one. Of course, Mudflap could just be a dick and try to piss Skids off.

Sharksy mentions the alien sightings in Los Angeles two years ago, despite the final battle two years ago (the first movie) having taken place in Mission City. Might be a different incident, but still...

During the frat party, a glass near Sam changes from half empty to completely full between shots.

Bumblebee picks up Sam at a frat party in the evening. When they arrive at the graveyard, it's dawn. In real life the two places are nearly a hundred miles apart, but surely the trip wouldn't take all night? Of course, traffic notwithstanding...

Neither Bumblebee nor Sam mentions the existence of the second AllSpark fragment to Optimus Prime.

When Ravage lands on the ship, we see a yellow payloader that's Scrapper's alternate mode. However, in the next scenes it is replaced by a Volvo Excavator with a Decepticon insignia that moves by itself. Most likely, the Volvo is an error. For more information, see the Scrapmetal/Scrapper section above.

What the hell does Professor Colan be allowed to keep his job after hitting on students in front of the dean?

When Sam freaks out at the campus and drops his stuff, a blonde woman on the left side of the screen is coming down, nearly reaching Sam. A quick close-up later, the blonde is back on top of the stairs.

Mikaela flies down to college in a relatively short time, seemingly arriving just after Alice begins to hump Sam.

During the scene where we see the Autobots in vehicle mode (prior to Lennox being informed that they're in USA), the previously unseen Jolt has a close-up in front of the others. However, when the angle changes he disappears.

The box with Wheelie in it was left in the trunk of the stolen car after they escaped from Alice. However, they aren't seen carrying it away from the factory during the battle, yet it shows up later during the deli scene.

There was no reason for Simmons to know that Megatron was still alive. This bit is probably because in the original script Megatron, not the Fallen, was the one who was supposed to give the speech. Bad editing!

Why didn't Sector Seven follow up on Simmons' findings on the Seekers? These guys go interrogate Sam in the first movie just by something that seemed to be a prank phone call. Sector Seven has been around for sixty plus years... surely Simmons could've checked those things out? (See Not-Goofs also, though)

When Wheelie projects the light dots onto a map of United States, Simmons says that the 'closest one is in Washington', even though there is no dot in Washington. Also, one of the dots hovers pretty close to New York, where Simmons' deli is in.

Tasers normally don't cause someone to go into convulsions.

When the USS Theodore Roosevelt is sunk by Decepticon protoforms, it has the hull number 71. When it sinks, it has 74 on its hull instead. Carrier number 74 would appear later on in group shots.

The Reaper drone, like the first movie, is referred to as a Predator drone. However, the usage of reused CG from the first movie confuses stuff a little: the real-life Reaper has a propeller and is gray, while the CG drone is black and has a jet engine.

The infamous one: Jetfire is activated at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum in Washington. However, when he tears open the hangar-like door he exits into the Boneyard, some kind of aerospace dumping/maintenance area. It's in Tuscon, Arizona. Unless this alternate-universe Washington DC has a desert behind the Smithsonian... Michael Bay actually admits this as a deliberate choice in the DVD commentary, suggesting that 'most people in Taiwan' wouldn't notice the error. Um, well, if someone didn't point it out to me frankly I wouldn't too.

The movie gives the impression that the Pyramids in Giza, Egypt, and Petra in Jordan are very close to each other. In reality, the two locations are more than 400 kilometres apart, and that there's Israel between the two countries. Israel sadly seems to be ignored, since only Jordanian Troops arrive to help out. However, since it's an alternate universe with alien technology, they could've affected politics through cause and effect.

The tanks deployed from the hovercrafts arrive near Giza almost immediately. However, the closest sea shore, the tip of the Red Sea, is very very far away.

Ironhide's left cannon falls off prior to the airstrike, but in later shots it's back on his arm.

NOT GOOFS
Lennox's team seems to arrive from Diego Garcia, pick up Prime's body and land in a US airforce base within minutes. However, they set off some time in the afternoon, and when Prime's body is lowered to the ground it's evening in the next day (we already had a night scene with Sam's band). It leaves more than enough time for them to arrive from Diego Garcia, with super-fast planes and everything.

Why could the Constructicons and Ravage survive the intense pressures, while it had been said that it'll kill the Decepticons? Because they have been modified for it, of course.

The infamous radar numbers error could be explained very easily. Five contacts go down (Four Constructicons, plus Ravage). Scrapper is killed, while the Doctor came out of Ravage's mouth. Megatron is revived, giving six contacts. (Even if you say that Doctor is too small to be detected by sonar, there's nothing to say that Scrapper is still half-alive near the bottom of the sea, and that the others repaired him in time for the Egypt scene. Which explains why there are two Scrappers, thereby negating the need for all the Scrapmetal crap).

Something that the critics always go to—Sam's received the information about the energon source/Solar Harvester's location from an AllSpark shard. The Decepticons have stolen one for themselves, but had to go through all the trouble with Alice to get the information from Sam's brain. However, it's more likely that the Decepticons take Megatron's resurrection as a higher priority compared to obtaining information. After all, the Fallen only tells Megatron and Starscream that the AllSpark's information is in Sam's brain after Megatron comes back to life. Also, since Starscream seems unaware that the Decepticons on Earth have revived Megatron until after he has been revived, it seems like Soundwave, Doctor and the Constructicons are reviving Megatron out of their own accord. Hey, makes sense, right? Soundwave is loyal and everything...

Some people have cited the lack of worldwide panic after the Fallen's big broadcast. It's actually plausible. After all, during the big 9-11 thing in real life, some people thought it was a promotion for a new disaster movie. Plus a quick announcement that it was a hoax could be easily managed.

Simmons not being allowed to go after the Seekers when in the first movie he goes after suspicious car reports has often been criticized. But keep in mind that when Simmons went to the Witwickies, the Autobots have just arrived which would certainly raise lots of alarms, a major enough incident to lead Simmons to investigate happenings in the area.

Another often-cited plot hole would be that Sam didn't use the AllSpark shard he had to revive Optimus Prime. It's not an error once you think about it—Sam's a wanted fugitive. Galloway and the others are more likely to get him than to allow him to revive Optimus Prime. Besides, when looking for Jetfire, Wheelie only tells Sam to bring the shard close without telling him that it'll reactivate Jetfire. It is wholly possible for Wheelie (he haven't switched sides yet at this point, remember) to want the AllSpark resurrect Jetfire intentionally to drive off the humans.

Jetfire lets Sam and his party go on without him, only to show up later. While I'm tempted with another 'he's a nutter' explanation, it would be more plausible that the Decepticons could track one of their members down. (The novelisation actually had Jetfire collapsing due to his injuries, only to recover later on.)

Wheelie disappears after the whole border guard scene, and after rolling into the building where the humans bunk. It isn't so much as a disappearance — what good would little Wheelie be in a fight?

Why didn't Simmons just say 'shoot the big robot at the top of the pyramid?' Well, because he's a little nutter, that's why, and wants to get some heroics. So up the pyramid he goes.

Some people have cited the railgun-destroying-Devastator scene as a big error since the shot seems to arrive almost immediately from the warship at sea. Um, isn't that the whole point of a hyper-velocity railgun?

Also, some people have said that the railgun should be used to destroy the Solar Harvester. Such a powerful weapon would be needed to be recharged, after all.

Blackjack
2010-08-11, 03:25 AM
A first draft. The review still needs some work, and there's bound to be some trivia/goofs/notgoofs that I missed out, so... critics and comments welcome! :)

inflatable dalek
2010-08-12, 08:25 AM
Are we marking things out of then now or has the sheer awesomeness of Megan Fox's arse the forest fight caused the score system to burst?

Blackjack
2010-08-12, 09:18 AM
Are we marking things out of then now or has the sheer awesomeness of Megan Fox's arse the forest fight caused the score system to burst?

Other than a bias for the movies in general, I do think that the sheer awesomeness of the action scenes deserve that much at least. That and the fact that I'm a little pissed off at how much people out there that say ROTF is the WORST MOVIE EVARRRR IN HISTORYYY.

8 or 8.5 might be a better score, I'll admit, but the good stuff do outshine the bad stuff.

Halfshell
2010-08-12, 09:25 AM
The infamous radar numbers error could be explained if we assume that the Constructicon that went down was Scrapper instead of Scrapmetal. Five robots go down- Mixmaster, Long Haul, Scrapper, Rampage and Ravage. (Doctor is too small to be detected by sonar) We assume that Scrapper is only torn apart a bit and is fixed later on (since he'll appear afterwards), so we have six contact radars when Megatron rises. (Alternatively, even if it was Scrapmetal, it wouldn't be implausible for another dead Decepticon's body to be detected by sonar.)

http://www.tfarchive.com/community/showthread.php?t=48192

Five contacts down:
Long Haul, Mixmaster, Rampage, Scrapper and Ravage.

The Doctor pops out of Ravage's mouth. He kills Scrapper and revives Megatron.

Six contacts up:
Megatron, Long Haul, Mixmaster, Rampage, Ravage and The Doctor.

Where's this alleged discrepancy and why are you jumping through maybes and ifs and possibilities and using assumptions of other unseen characters trying to plug it?

We see the Doctor exit Ravage's mouth when they reach bottom. We see that he doesn't go back in to rise back up. There is no numerical inconsistency.

Blackjack
2010-08-12, 04:53 PM
Some people have said that Doctor's too small to be picked up by sonar... Of course, the sonar could've been geared to search for metallic objects, which would make things simpler.

But TFWiki and the guys there created this 'Ze Little One' guy, who Hasbro then sort-of approves into a new character named Scrapmetal. That'll deserve a mention, I suppose...

I'll give the whole Scrapper/radar thing a rewrite when I'm not quite so sleep-deprived.

Halfshell
2010-08-12, 05:45 PM
But TFWiki and the guys there created this 'Ze Little One' guy, who Hasbro then sort-of approves into a new character named Scrapmetal. That'll deserve a mention, I suppose...

I don't understand how it even starts to make sense. Not that I'm bothered. Five go down. Another pops out, kills one of them, resurrects Megatron, all six go up. I sleep fine at night. But that's because I'm awesome.

Cliffjumper
2010-08-12, 06:16 PM
Why would NEST employ so many foot soldiers to take point during the Shanghai mission? They didn't do anything much other than getting killed by Demolishor. Why don't they let Ironhide or one of the helicopters take point instead?

In fairness, NEST don't seem to know they're up against Demolishor... It could have been basically anyone (for example, Sideways). Ironhide is held in reserve until the threat is revealed (the less classified robots clanking around the better); helicopters would be (relatively) useless in the dark (a flying thing making a lot of noise and moving fairly slowly is dead meat to anyone concealed on the ground with AA capabilities

During the aerial shot of the factory that Megatron is waiting in, we don't see the forest near it. Instead the factory is surrounded by buildings.

We aren't really shown how long they're travelling - it's not long, but it could easily be a couple of miles bearing in mind Optimus is going Hell for leather trying to find a depopulated place to make a stand.

When the Autobots head out to help Sam, the previously unseen Jolt has a close-up in front of the others. However, when the angle changes he disappears, and would be absent when the Autobots attack Megatron and Starscream, only to reappear when the Autobots are confronted by Galloway.

No reason Jolt couldn't have peeled off at some point for any number of purposes - held in reserve, moving round to flank the Decepticons, he could have driven straight into a tree.

The movie gives the impression that the Pyramids in Giza, Egypt, and Petra in Jordan are very close to each other. In reality, the two locations are more than 400 kilometres apart, and that there's Israel between the two countries. Israel sadly seems to be ignored, since only Jordanian Troops arrive to help out.

It's worth remembering in this case, while it's a goof we're talking about a fictional universe which diverged from ours in at least the 1930s (assuming the ancient contact had little impact on the general worldwide population) and that could theoretically have any sort of impact on the world through cause and effect.

Plus the Israeli military were probably busy invading everyone at the time... I remember seeing an Israeli stand-up at a bar once, and he said he never bought a return ticket there, it being a waste of money because as a few days away the border could be a hundred miles closer and the journey back would be a lot cheaper [/irrelevant].

Blackjack
2010-08-14, 06:05 AM
I don't understand how it even starts to make sense. Not that I'm bothered. Five go down. Another pops out, kills one of them, resurrects Megatron, all six go up. I sleep fine at night. But that's because I'm awesome.

It's simple like that, I know... but some of the critics said that Doctor cannot be possibly detected by sonar, etc etc.

Someone at TFWiki went all fanfic-happy and rechristened the Scrapper that's killed as 'ze little one', and Hasbro approved them as separate characters. Sort of... it's not something I'm particularly happy about, which is why I kept referring to the guy that's killed as Scrapper.

I've rewritten the section in Notes to reflect that it was fanwank-made-official, and rewritten the Not-Goofs section to include your explanation... is it better now?

In fairness, NEST don't seem to know they're up against Demolishor... It could have been basically anyone (for example, Sideways). Ironhide is held in reserve until the threat is revealed (the less classified robots clanking around the better); helicopters would be (relatively) useless in the dark (a flying thing making a lot of noise and moving fairly slowly is dead meat to anyone concealed on the ground with AA capabilities.

Mmm, it makes sense. Still don't see why so many humans should be involved, but anywaaaay.... -chops out a 'goof'-

We aren't really shown how long they're travelling - it's not long, but it could easily be a couple of miles bearing in mind Optimus is going Hell for leather trying to find a depopulated place to make a stand.

I always forget that Prime and Megatron race each other for a bit... when writing the review I remembered that they exited the foundry/warehouse and BAM they're in a forest. Assuming they raced each other for a while, it'll make sense. -chops out another goof-

No reason Jolt couldn't have peeled off at some point for any number of purposes - held in reserve, moving round to flank the Decepticons, he could have driven straight into a tree.

Nah, I was talking about that scene showing the Autobots in their alternate modes, not Jolt's disappearance in the Forest Battle. At first, no Jolt. Then, Jolt's in front of the others. Then when the angle changes, Jolt disappears. Rewritten a bit to make it clearer.

It's worth remembering in this case, while it's a goof we're talking about a fictional universe which diverged from ours in at least the 1930s (assuming the ancient contact had little impact on the general worldwide population) and that could theoretically have any sort of impact on the world through cause and effect.

It's that 'alternate universe' card, isn't it? :)

To be fair, though, it's one of the more jarring errors, even moreso than the Smithsonian/Boneyard one. I'll rewrite it in a bit to include the alternate universe possible explanation.

Blackjack
2010-09-10, 07:45 AM
Cyber Missions 7
Airdate: 18 June 2010
Written By: Scott Beatty

SYNOPSIS
Sideswipe has discovered Ratchet in Mission City and the two are in NEST medbay, where Ratchet is being repaired. Ratchet laments the loss of his EMP blaster, while Sideswipe shows off his new blasters after his swords were shattered by Barricade. Meanwhile, Lockdown breaks into the NEST base, using Ratchet's EMP blaster to get inside undetected.

As Sideswipe trains in the shooting range, Lockdown sneaks up on him. The two face off, but Sideswipe shoots Ratchet's EMP blaster off Lockdown, and the weapon is retrieved by its rightful owner. Wounded, Lockdown escapes to the medbay, but in the dark he runs into the medical drones and is grabbed and put into stasis. Ratchet and Sideswipe discuss what they were going to do with Lockdown.

Featured Transformers: Optimus Prime (computer), Sidewipe, Ratchet, Lockdown

REVIEW
(Two out of Ten)
Dull dirge. The action scenes are horribly pathetic, and while the ending with Lockdown being knocked out by medical equipment instead of the Autobots was unexpected, the dialogue and movement of the Transformers are again stilted and unrealistic.

NOTES
Ratchet battled Lockdown and lost his EMP blaster to him in Cyber Missions 3. Sideswipe's swords were broken by Barricade in Cyber Missions 6.

Ratchet getting his stolen EMP blaster back from Lockdown is again inspired from the Transformers Animated plot between them.

Sideswipe two guns are based on his 'Sidearm Sideswipe' toy, which is of course what you must go to the stores and buy now. However, his character model still uses the solid silver of his previous toys.

GOOFS
Even with the EMP blaster, are NEST so undermanned that Lockdown could simply walk in like that? Where are the humans, the sensors and everything else?

The EMP blaster still has the clear blue missile from the toy attached to it. It looks really stupid.

Blackjack
2010-09-10, 07:58 AM
Cyber Missions 8
Airdate: ???
Written By: Scott Beatty

SYNOPSIS
In a snowy area, Bumblebee listens to a recorded message of Optimus Prime telling him to be on guard. Ironhide punches him in the face, saying that since Decepticons pick on Bumblebee due to him being small, he needs to train his reflexes. Ironhide then proceeds to knock Bumblebee around.

Bumblebee returns fire, but his main weapon locks up in the cold. Ironhide charges Bumblebee and the two fall to the ground. Ironhide stops the battle, saying that they nearly smashed one of the locals -- a glowing flower. Ironhide tells Bumblebee that they must protect all sentient life.

Transformers Featured: Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ironhide

REVIEW
(One out of Ten)
Complete trash. We see Ironhide and Bumblebee mess around for a bit, and that's about all. The action scenes are clunky, as is the slow-motion leap. The dialogue, with the dial tones and flang effects, are hard to understand properly. And it's still unclear if the glowing flower is actually a Transformer or just a normal plant. The worst of the bunch, probably.

NOTES
Ironhide is based on his Jungle/Recon Ironhide deco and body seen before, while Bumblebee is based on the Cannon Bumblebee toy.

The whole point of Bumblebee being the weakest and smallest is taken from his G1 personality/bio, instead of his Movieverse personality.

Ironhide hints that the flower might be a 'robot in disguise'.

GOOFS
Ironhide being afraid of killing a flower? And this is the guy prepared to kill Chihuahuas and Sam's parents?

Blackjack
2010-12-02, 07:41 AM
MOVED

--------------------

I've had this in my computer for quite some time, and forgot to upload it. Also, I'm working on a 'introduction to the cast' for the Movieverse, Animated, Beast Wars/Machines and G1 cartoon series, similar to what Cliffy did in his site, which I figure is a good idea. Just to give you guys a heads-up.

Blackjack
2010-12-10, 09:57 AM
What? I was bored. Obsessed? No, nothing like that. Why? Autobots coming some time this month.
___________________________

DECEPTICONS

Megatron [voiced by Hugo Weaving]
Alternate Mode: (TFTM) Cybertronian Jet. (ROTF) Cybertronian Tank/Flying Tank
Appearances: Transformers the Movie; Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: (original body) right arm transforms into a flail, both arms combine into fusion cannon. (second body) right arm can transform into a 'death-lock pincer', which can fire off shots from a fusion cannon.

"You still fight for the weak! That is why you lose!"
Megatron founded and led the evil Decepticon faction. In pursuit for the AllSpark, the ancient artifact that gave their planet life, Megatron followed it to Earth thousands of years ago. However, he crash landed on the Arctic, and was buried in ice. There he remained, comatose, until Archibald Witwicky accidentally plunged into Megatron's icy prison during his expedition in 1897. Captain Witwicky accidentally activated Megatron's navigational systems and the coordinates of the AllSpark was burnt into his glasses. It also had the side effect of driving Captain Witwicky mad, unfortunately. In the 1990s, Megatron was dug out of the Arctic by Sector Seven, and was transported to the Hoover Dam and kept under constant cryogenic conditions. Lots of technology were reverse-engineered from Megatron, dubbed N.B.E.-One, the Ice-Man or Mega-Man by the humans. In 2007, the Autobots and Decepticons have tracked the AllSpark to Earth. With sabotage courtesy of Starscream and Frenzy, Megatron was released from his icy prison. Screaming his name, Megatron transformed his arm into his mace weapon and crushed the walkways built around him. He transformed into his jet mode and shot out of the Dam, meeting Starscream, who had taken charge of the Decepticons in his absence. Megatron berated Starscream for letting the humans take the Cube, and flew towards Mission City. After Starscream and Devastator began their attacks, Megatron landed, crying out his name again as he charged at the Autobots. Ratchet called for a retreat at the sight of the larger Megatron. Jazz tried to hold Megatron off, but his attacks proved ineffective and insignificant compared to Megatron's. Snatching the smaller Autobot, Megatron took him onto the top of a building. Jazz defiantly still fired at Megatron, and the Decepticon leader tore the Autobot into two. He observed the battle from his perch until Optimus Prime arrived, upon which he tossed the halves of Jazz's corpse aside. Seeing his arch-enemy, Megatron flew straight at him. Optimus hung on to Megatron, and they drove through a building before crashing onto another part of the street. It was a battle of words and fists. Megatron combined both his arms to form his fusion cannon, and blasted Optimus onto a building, putting the Autobot out of commission temporarily.

Megatron then chased Sam, who had the Cube, tearing through a dilapidated building and bursting into its roof. Despite him having nowhere to run, Megatron offered Sam a chance to live as his pet. Sam refused, and Megatron tore the side of the building with his mace. Optimus saved Sam, but Megatron tackled him and sent them to the ground below. Megatron flicked off a human, before engaging Optimus Prime in a fierce battle. It was apparent that Megatron had the upper hand, but he was attacked by the Air Force and Lennox's men, attacking with sabot rounds. Optimus Prime then attacked Megatron again. Despite his damages the deraged Megatron reached out for the AllSpark. Sam pushed the AllSpark into Megatron's chest, overloading him and metling his already destroyed chest armour. Megatron convulsed, before collapsing to the ground dead. Optimus told his 'brother' that he had left him no choice. Later Megatron's corpse was dumped in the Laurentian Abyss.

"Even in death there is no command but mine!"
Megatron's death did not last long, however. A mere two years after his death, Soundwave engineered a chain of events that resulted in Megatron's revival via the AllSpark shard that was stolen from Diego Garcia. Megatron was reformatted into a new body, and he flew up to the surface, tearing through a submarine in the process. Megatron immediately flew to the crashed Decepticon warship on one of Saturn's moons. Megatron met up with Starscream again, and beat him up a bit for leaving him on Earth and assuming command, accidentally killing a hatchling in the process. Megatron then reported to his master, the Fallen, and informed Fallen of his failure. The Fallen, however, told Megatron that all is not lost and that the information could be gleaned from the information transferred to Sam Witwicky. Fallen also told Megatron to kill Optimus Prime, the only being who could defeat him. Megatron traveled to Earth with Starscream again, and Grindor brought the humans to an abandoned foundry where the two were waiting. Megatron pinned Sam down on a table with his fingers, promising Sam that he would be killed painfully... but after some business first. Doctor was dispatched, and after he did his stuff, Megatron was intrigued by the glyphs in Sam's brain. Doctor wanted to cut out Sam's brain, something Megatron encouraged. Optimus and Bumblebee arrived to rescue the humans, however, and Megatron immediately moved to engage his nemesis. However, a shot from Optimus sent him crashing through the wall of the foundry. Megatron transformed into tank mode and pursued Optimus and Sam. The two leaders battled, exchanging blows. Megatron called Starscream and Grindor in to catch Sam, and the battle began in earnest as Optimus took on all three Decepticons at once. At one point Megatron kicked Optimus in the face, ripping off his faceplate. Megatron asked Optimus if the survival of their race isn't worth a human life... to which Optimus responded that Megatron wouldn't stop at one. Megatron got chunks out of his knees torn out by Optimus. But when Optimus was looking for Sam after killing Grindor, Megatron got the drop of him, stabbing Optimus Prime through the chest with his gigantic claw-like right arm, and opening fire, killing Prime.

However the rest of the Autobots arrived and drove Megatron and Starscream away. The two Decepticons rendezvoused on top of a skyscraper. Megatron berated Starscream for losing the boy, but decided that they have no need to hide anymore... and since the boy had hidden in the mass of humans, Megatron decided to let the humans do their work. Megatron helped Fallen broadcast a message to a humans by commandeering the Empire State Building's radio tower. Megatron flew to Egypt, landing on top of the pyramid that contained the Solar Harvester, where he was informed by Starscream that the humans have brought Prime's body. Megatron ordered the Decepticons to begin their assault, and later ordered Devastator to assault the pyramid. He later shot down the second Jordanian helicopter. When Sam neared the NEST position, Megatron flew in and killed several NEST soldiers while pursuing Sam. He survived the airstrike, and literally tore the ground apart with his firepower and killed the boy. However, he was driven off by the massed fire from the Autobots and humans. Megatron flew up to the now-uncovered Solar Harvester and met up with the Fallen, who activated the doomsday weapon. However, Optimus had combined with Jetfire and knocked both Megatron and Fallen off the Harvester before blowing the Harvester up. When Fallen battled with Optimus, Megatron headed to help his master. However, Optimus Prime broke his death claw ensemble, and made him eat a shot from his own cannon. Megatron was then blasted with Optimus' afterburners, sending the damaged Decepticon through some ruins. Megatron could barely call for Starscream, and the two watched as Optimus killed Fallen. Starscream suggested that they would survive if they run away. Megatron followed his lieutenant's suggestion, but promised the Autobots that it isn't over.
___________________________

Starscream [voiced by Charlie Adler]
Alternate Mode: Lockheed Martin F22 Raptor Fighter Jet (in ROTF he has tattoos all over the jet mode)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie; Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Missiles in vehicle mode. Right arm can transform into a six-barrelled missile launcher, left arm has a machinegun, and can transform his right arm into a buzzsaw, EMP burst.

"I live to serve you, Lord Megatron."
Starscream took command of the Decepticon forces after Megatron's disappearance. He was lying in wait in an air force base when Frenzy reported to him about the location of the AllSpark... and Megatron. Despite himself Starscream mobilized the Decepticons on Earth and headed towards Hoover Dam. He was the first to arrive, and he transformed and opened fire onto the generators with his missiles, allowing Megatron to be freed from his icy prison. Soon, with help from Frenzy, Megatron flew out of Hoover Dam, upon which Starscream swooped in and greeted him. Starscream immediately affirmed his (ahem) loyalty to Megatron, but the Decepticon leader was more concerned about the AllSpark Cube, and berated Starscream for his failure upon learning that the humans have taken it. During the battle in Mission City, Starscream proved very effective, fooling the humans into believing that he's a jet from the Air Force although it failed to fool the Autobots. Ironhide and Bumblebee tried to provide cover for the humans but Starscream opened fire, blowing Bumblebee's legs off. Later he swooped down to attempt to steal the Cube from Sam, landing and using his massive size to block the traffic. Starscream exchanged fire with Ironhide and Ratchet and managed to beat them rather effortlessly with his firepower, but the Autobots drove Starscream away. Starscream's attack caused the two Autobots to be unable to continue and protect Sam, however. Starscream later perched on top of a building as Megatron confronted Sam, and Starscream blew up the Blackhawk helicopter that tried to rescue Sam and the AllSpark. When the real Air Force arrived, Starscream made use of his disguise and masqueraded as one of the F22 Raptors, successfully destroying three of the Raptors during the resulting battle, but the Raptors regrouped and drove him off. After Megatron's death Starscream flew away from Earth, promising that he'll be back.

"In your death, someone had to take command."
Starscream wasted no time in assuming leadership of the Decepticons. Two years after Megatron's death, Starscream found himself in the crashed Decepticon warship on one of Saturn's moons, under orders from the Fallen to help spawn the hatchlings. Soundwave later engineered Megatron's revival. Starscream (who may or may not know of this) greeted Megatron, but Megatron quickly gave Starscream a beating for leaving him for dead and assuming the position that was rightfully his... even when he's dead. During this confrontation, one of the hatchlings was hatched prematurely when Starscream was slammed onto its stasis pod. Later, when Fallen and Megatron were discussing their moves, Starscream confirmed that they had set sights on Sam Witwicky, as well as the fact that the hatchlings will keep dying without energon. Starscream later accompanied Megatron to Earth, waiting in the abandoned foundry as Grindor delivered the humans to them. Using his buzzsaw arm, Starscream bisected the car that the humans were delivered in. When Optimus Prime and Bumblebee arrived, Starscream traded fire with Bumblebee. Starscream followed Megatron to the forest, and began to run after Sam, but Optimus Prime tackled him and kicked him right in the mouth. Starscream opened fire onto Optimus Prime, but at one point he was used as a shield, sending his fire spreading wildly. Prime later sliced off his arm, and used it as a club to beat him. Optimus was killed by Megatron, but the other Autobots' arrival forced Starscream and Megatron to beat it. Starscream and Megatron rendezvoused on top of a skyscraper. Megatron wasn't really pleased that Starscream lost track of the boy, and hit Starscream with his own arm and ground him under his feet. Megatron then decided to reveal the Decepticon presence to the world. Starscream reattached his arm, and later stood openly on top of another skyscraper. After Soundwave discovered Sam's location, Starscream was contacted and rained fire on Bumblebee's group, forcing them to split up.

At this point, Starscream has covered himself in Cybertronian glyphs, announcing to the NEST team that he wasn't a friendly... before unleashing a EMP pulse that scrambled all the communications in the area. Starscream saw Optimus Prime's body and reported this to Megatron atop the pyramid. During this battle he constantly took to the air, circling the area. He later took Long Haul, Ravage and two Protoforms in search for Sam, opening fire randomly.. Insecticon located the humans, and Starscream blew up the roof of the building they were hiding in, and after Scrapper failed to stop them Starscream began to open fire at the rooftops. He took to the air and ordered Rampage to spring the trap with Sam's parents... but it failed. Starscream continued flying around, but played a minor role until Megatron, defeated by a resurrected Optimus, called for him. Starscream accompanied Megatron and they both watched as Optimus killed the Fallen. Starscream suggested to Megatron that cowards to survive, and the two surviving Decepticons took off.
___________________________

Blackout
Alternate Mode: MH-53 Pave Low IV Military Helicopter
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
Weapons: Machinegun and missile launcher mounted on wrists, rotor blades can be used as hand-held weapons, chest-mounted cannon, electronic shockwaves from weapons or feet, Scorponok.

"All hail Megatron!"
In the recent past, Blackout (or possibly Starscream) was presumably responsible for the destruction of the Beagle 2 Rover on Mars. When the Autobot-Decepticon war spread to Earth, Blackout was the first Transformer to reveal himself. He took the form of a helicopter with the serial number 4500X, which was shot down in Afghanistan a couple of months ago (possibly by Blackout himself). Blackout was radio silent as he approached the SOCCENT base, and as a result was surrounded by the military forces. Blackout's holographic pilot disappeared and he transformed, opening fire with his rockets and machineguns to blow up the forces immediately around him. Blackout then unleashed a sonic explosion that shattered all the windows and immobilized communications. He then began the assault on the base proper, sending waves of sonic energy to tear large chunks of the base apart. Blackout ripped open the roof to a data storage room and attempted to hack into the US database from there, but his efforts was thwarted by Colonel Sharp severing the hard lines. Thus foiled, Blackout then began to eliminate the witnesses — namely, the entire base, which was unprepared for him. He nearly stepped on Robert Epps, and realized that the sergeant took a thermal image of him. Blackout was about to open fire at the human with the cannon mounted on his chest, but Epps' partner Figueroa shot Blackout in the face, blinding him for their group to make good their escape. Blackout dispatched Scorponok to hunt down these humans, and he devastated the rest of the base.

Much later, Starscream rallied the Decepticons. Blackout, flying above a desert, was the last to respond to Starscream's rallying call, adding with him the message 'all hail Megatron!', making it clear where his true loyalties lay. Blackout arrived on Mission City shortly after Devastator, perching on top of a building and freaking the hell out of Lennox. When Sam tried to run away with the AllSpark Cube, Blackout swooped down in an attempt to obtain the AllSpark. Ironhide opened fire, throwing a car at Blackout, but the Decepticon blew it up, knocking down Ironhide. Blackout activated his rotor blade weapon, and tried to slice apart the nearby vehicles, but Sam eluded him. Massed fire from Ironhide and Ratchet forced him to retreat. Blackout flew away, but returned again soon after when Optimus Prime and Megatron are battling. Ever loyal to Megatron, Blackout landed and prepared to support his master. He was in the midst of reloading his wrist-mounted rifle when he noticed a green dot of light dancing around his hand. Blackout turned and saw the human survivors from his attack in the SOCCENT base. Blackout began to open fire, but Captain Lennox, riding a motorcycle, drove towards Blackout and shot him with a missile launcher under his chest (a thinly-armoured spot) and on his crotch. At the same time, the Air Force launched missiles and the combined attack killed him. His remains were visible among the Decepticons whose corpses were dumped into the Laurentian Abyss.
___________________________

Scorponok
Alternate Mode: (always a Scorpion), possibly a General Electric T64 Engine of Blackout's alternate mode. The toyline gives him a robot mode.
Appearances: Transformers the Movie; Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Pointed tail and claws, energy blasts from claws, ability to dive and move in the sand.

After Blackout lost sight of Epps, he launched the bestial Scorponok from his back to hunt them down. Diving into the sands, Scorponok trailed Major Lennox's party. As he burrowed through the sand, however, he gave away himself when he inadvertently knocked down a billboard. Scorponok then let his tail jut out of the sand, ready to impale Lannox, but the other soldiers opened fire. Scorponok moved fast, impaling Donnelly through his back and dived back into the sand. Scorponok then alternately burst in and out of the sand as he pursued the humans. The chase reached a village, and Scorponok opened fire at the villagers and soldiers, fatally wounding Figueroa in the process. The humans' weapons fire didn't do much than annoy Scorponok. However, the humans managed to contact the Pentagon and then the Air Force. While Scorponok survived the first salvo, the second strike was much stronger, blowing off the tip of Scorponok's tail and forcing him to retreat, burrowing into the sand. Scorponok's tail was taken by the military, but it spasmed, nearly taking Epps' hand with it when it suddenly leapt upwards.

Scorponok remained in the desert for two years, presumably regenerating his tail during this period. He participated during the battle in Egypt, bursting out of the sand and attacking Jetfire, burrowing into the Autobot's chest and stomach, mortally wounding him. Jetfire managed to pull Scorponok out and crushed his head with his fist.
___________________________

Frenzy [voiced by Reno Wilson]
Alternate Mode: GPX Portable Stereo (full body); Nokia 8800 (head only)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen (corpse)
Weapons: Arm-mounted machineguns, shuriken-like discs launched from his chests, head can survive independent of the body.

"Stupid insects tried to shoot me..."
The hyperactive Frenzy stowed aboard the Air Force One is his guise of a boom box. The roughly man-sized Decepticon snuck around the unsuspecting humans, piggybacking on a stewardess while she entered the secure rooms to get Ding Dongs for the President. Left alone, Frenzy merrily began hacking into the database to finish what Blackout couldn't do, whilst at the same time uploading a virus that would later wreak havoc with the US communications. However his efforts were thwarted when Maggie Madsen's team discovered his attempts to break in and disconnected the connection. In frustration Frenzy banged his head on the screen, although the sight of a report on Archibald Witwicky and Cybertronian glyphs caught his attention. The secret service agents came in, firing at Frenzy with their handguns. Frenzy returned fire with the machineguns mounted on his four spindly arms, as well as shooting shuriken-like discs that killed the three agents that saw him. When the others entered the room, Frenzy had already transformed, sitting innocently in his boom box mode whilst eyeing the humans. When the Air Force One was landed due to the attempt, Frenzy slid out of the landing wheels, and hiding his face, snuck past the humans and entered Barricade, who was waiting for him. Frenzy gave the humans the finger, before rapidly telling Barricade everything that had transpired. He did an search for Witwicky in the internet and from there found out about the glasses in Sam's eBay page. Barricade headed out to find the human.

When they finally encountered in the power plant, Barricade fought Bumblebee, but released Frenzy from his chest compartment. Frenzy assaulted Sam, tearing his jeans off. The Decepticon grappled with Sam, headbutting him and pinning him down, but Mikaela arrived with a chainsaw and hacked Frenzy's head off. Sam punted Frenzy's head away. However, having a decentralized nervous system Frenzy's head sprouted spider-like legs from his mandibles, and crawled over to Mikaela's abandoned purse and took the form of her Nokia mobile phone. Frenzy piggybacked to Sam's house, peeking out and being spooked by a goldfish during the process. Frenzy later scuttled out when Sam and Mikaela found themselves in the Hoover Dam, but he slipped and fell down the Dam's side, and ended up in one of the small ventilation tunnels that led into the Dam. Frenzy found his way to the AllSpark chamber, and the AllSpark regenerated his body back into its full form. Frenzy contacted their de facto leader Starscream, who soon assaulted the Hoover Dam. While Starscream took out the main generators, Frenzy killed the technicians manning the cooling console and deactivated the machines keeping Megatron on. Ice. Frenzy later assaulted Simmons, Keller, Maggie and Glen outside the alien archives chamber, trying to prevent them from sending an SOS to the Air Force. The humans held Frenzy away from the door with a flamethrower and several shotguns, but Frenzy found a way in through the ventilation shafts. He faced off against the humans, but while taking cover behind a pillar, one of his shurikens ricocheted. Frenzy turned to fire at the humans, and the ricochet cleaved his head apart. His last words were 'oh shit'.

Two years later, the dead Frenzy's head was apparently spirited away by Simmons alongside numerous S7 files, reconstructed and put in a trophy jar. Simmons claimed it was still radioactive.
___________________________

Barricade [voiced by Jess Harnell]
Alternate Mode: Saleen S281 Mustang Police Car
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
Weapons: Spiked blade-like melee weapons mounted on hands, extendable claws in vehicle mode.

"Are you username Ladiesman two-one-seven?"
Barricade, masquerading as one of the police cars responding when the Air Force One landed, picked up Frenzy. His smaller partner shared to him the findings from what he had hacked from the military base, and Frenzy suggested that they follow the lead of someone who had seen their language— Archibald Witwicky. A quick search in the internet heralded Sam's eBay page with the glasses, and Barricade drove off to get this from 'Ladiesman217'. He accosted Sam in a deserted parking lot, scaring him by revving up at him and extending those claw headlights, before transforming. Slamming his hands onto a car, he demanded to know about Sam's ancestral artifacts in that sort of 'bad cop' type of interrogation. The frightened Sam tried to run, and Barricade pursued the human but was sideswiped by Bumblebee. While Sam and Mikaela escaped in the Autobot, Barricade recovered, transformed and gave chase. The chase took place until day gave way to night, and Barricade came onto blows with Bumblebee, both transforming. Barricade deployed his spinning his blade-covered wheels like a flail at Bumblebee. Barricade and Bumblebee engaged in a hand to hand battle, but Barricade was felled, lying defeated on the ground. He got better just in time to respond to Starscream's rallying call, driving across a city and later rendezvousing with Bonecrusher and Devastator. Barricade and Bonecrusher pursued the Autobots through the highway, using his siren lights to break the traffic. However, he did not participate in the final battle.

(Author's Note: Barricade was slated to be killed by Optimus just after his fight with Bonecrusher, but the scene was cut although it was included in many adaptations. His not-death was retconned into the comic continuities by both IDW and Titan comics.)
___________________________

Bonecrusher [voiced by Jimmy Wood]
Alternate Mode: Buffalo MPVC Mine Clearing Vehicle
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
Weapons: Claw-like tail mounted on his back.

"Ah hate ya!"
Bonecrusher, hiding out in a military base (he hated hiding), responded to Starscream's call and drove away. The bundle of hate drove alongside Devastator and Barricade as they moved towards the Hoover Dam. When the Autobots raced for Mission City, Bonecrusher and Barricade pursued them. While Barricade is content to use his sirens to clear a path, Bonecrusher hates traffic and he hates humans, so he used his mine-clearing claw to toss human cars out of his way. He transformed into robot mode, rollerblading like an American Footballer as he charged straight through a bus and tackled the hated Autobot leader Optimus Prime. Roaring as they tumbled down through the overpass, Bonecrusher attacked Optimus with his long fists and jaw-like tail. Optimus Prime punched his face in, causing one of his eyes to fall out (he hated that). The battle proceeded to the base of the highway, where Bonecrusher began screaming that he hated Prime (no surprises) as he tried to trap Optimus within his jaw-like claws. However, Optimus used the cover of a pillar to unsheath his blade, and forced it into Bonecrusher's neck and tore his head off, killing the Decepticon. He hated that.
___________________________

Devastator a.k.a. Brawl
Alternate Mode: Modified M1 Abrams Main Battle Tank
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
Weapons: Tank turrets in both robot and vehicle modes, a machinegun mounted on right arm, two claws mounted on left arm, two sets of missile pods mounted on his shoulders.

"Devastator reporting."
Devastator hid out in his tank alternate mode in a military base until Starscream mobilized the Decepticons. Devastator drove out, crashing through the fences and rendezvoused with Bonecrusher and Barricade as they made their way to the Hoover Dam. Devastator made his way to Mission City separate from the other two, and began shelling the Autobots and humans in his vehicle mode. Jazz and Ironhide headed to intercept, the former forcing him to transform by pulling at his turret, and the latter opening fire at him. Jazz knocked off one of Devastator's missile launchers, while Ratchet jumped up and sliced off Devastator's left arm with his buzzsaw. Devastator threw Jazz off him, and held back the other Autobots until they scampered off to help Sam. Devastator then continued his assault, pouring his incredible arsenal of weaponry on the Autobots and later Lennox's group of human soldiers, pinning them down and shrugging off any resistance the humans might muster. A simple creature, Devastator is more concerned about destruction than actually chasing Sam and getting the AllSpark. However, the crippled Bumblebee, with some assistance from a towtruck-driving Mikaela, opened fire onto Devastator, blowing up the main cannon on his right arm, and then killing him with a shot that hit straight onto his head, toppling the seemingly indestructible brute.

(Author's Notes: While the name used in the movie is Devastator, Hasbro had mandated that the tank Decepticon be named Brawl, and it was the name used in all the toys, games and merchandise for the tank Decepticon. Devastator was supposed to be changed to Brawl before the final cut, but Michael Bay loves the name Devastator, so it stayed.)
___________________________

The Fallen [voiced by Tony Todd]
Alternate Mode: Protoform (Cybertronian Destroyer in the toyline)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Command staff, telekinesis, teleportation.

"Revenge is mine!"
The Fallen is one of the original Seven Primes, and the most powerful one among them. When the Primes arrived on Earth, they built a Solar Harvester but decided against using it because there was life in the form of humans. The Fallen callously crushed one under his feet and examined another, and wanted to activate the Harvester anyway. This sparked a battle between the Fallen's forces and the other Primes over the Matrix of Leadership. The other Primes stabbed Fallen and hid the Matrix. Details are sketchy for the thousands of years between, but it is known that the Fallen had a hand in founding the Decepticon faction. He also betrayed Jetfire and left him on Earth to rust. Upon Megatron's revival he immediately seeked out the Fallen, who was sitting in what appeared to be a life-support chair in a crashed Decepticon warship on one of Saturn's moons. The Fallen explained to Megatron that despite the AllSpark's destruction, the knowledge inside the AllSpark had merely been transported into Sam's mind. The Fallen also remarked that only a Prime can defeat him, and he orders Megatron and Starscream to seek out both Optimus Prime and Sam. The Fallen remained sitted in his chair until Optimus' death, which he senses. The Fallen rose from his chair, and later was among the Decepticons that sunk USS Roosevelt upon making planetfall. The Fallen made an global announcement to the 'human hive' to hand over Sam Witwicky to the Decepticons.

Fallen initially did not participate in the battle in Egypt, letting his minions battle until the Matrix has been formed. Upon seeing this the Fallen teleported to the recently revived Optimus Prime, knocked the other Autobots backwards and stole the Matrix. He teleported up to the Solar Harvester and activated the machine. The massed human forces opened fire at the Fallen, but he raised his arms, and using his telekinetic powers lifted the helicopters, tanks and missile launchers, blowing them up with their own weapons before letting them tumble down the sides of the pyramid to their doom. F22 Raptors tried to gun him down, but Fallen raised rocks that blew up several of the pitiful human fighter jets. However, Optimus Prime, empowered with parts from Jetfire, flew up and knocked Fallen off the Solar Harvester. The Fallen battled with Optimus, scoring a few hits until Megatron engaged the Autobot leader. After Megatron was defeated the Fallen and Optimus battled again, both verbally and physically. The Fallen managed to tear off one of Prime's afterburners and hit him with it, but while grappling Optimus Prime managed to wrestle Fallen's staff from him, impale him through the face and proceeded to rip it off. The Fallen tried to escape, but Optimus punched through the traitor Prime's chest, tearing Fallen's spark out and crushing it. The Fallen's corpse toppled down dead, dribbling molten metal from its mouth.
___________________________

Soundwave: [voiced by Frank Welker]
Alternate Mode: Cybertronian Jet-Satellite
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Ravage, tentacles to hack into human satellites.

"Soundwave acknowledges."
Two years after Megatron's death on Earth, Soundwave arrived in Earth's orbit in his satellite mode. Soundwave acted as the organizer of the meager Decepticon forces on Earth while Starscream was helping the creation of the hatchlings under the Fallen's orders. Wheelie reported to him about the AllSpark sliver in Mikaela. Soundwave later flew towards a US satellite, tapping onto it with his tentacles. This allowed him to eavesdrop on a audio communication between Diego Garcia and a NEST base. From this conversation Soundwave discovered the final resting place of Megatron, as well as the location of the larger AllSpark shard. Soundwave flew above Diego Garcia at night and deployed Ravage to steal the shard. This led to a chain of events that sparked Megatron's revival, and later Optimus Prime's death. Upon Prime's death, Soundwave was ordered to mobilize the Decepticons, calling in scores of Decepticons from space. Soundwave later hung on to the satellite again, and discovered Sam Witwicky's location when some CIA agents blabbed it out. He contacted Starscream and the other Decepticons of the boy's location, and the Decepticons soon arrived in Egypt. Soundwave was presumably responsible for the disabling of the satellites during the battle in Egypt.

(Author's Notes: a bit of speculation here. From the dialogue it seems that Starscream is unaware of Megatron's revival until it has happened, so Soundwave might've engineered the whole resurrection on his own, which might explain why the larger AllSpark shard wasn't combed for information first.)
___________________________

Demolishor [voiced by Calvin Wimmer]
Alternate Mode: Terex O&K RH 400 Hydraulic Mining Excavator
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: N/A.

"This is not your planet to rule."
Demolishor was a large Decepticon that transformed into a mining excavator. He hid out in Shanghai, hoping that the high population if the area would present a high body-count when the Autobots finally tracked him down. Demolishor remained motionless beside a factory, and when NEST soldiers got close enough, he transformed into his gigantic two-wheeled robot mode, sending pipes flying towards the NEST soldiers and killing several. Demolishor then swatted one of the helicopters attacking him. He then took for the streets, gigantic wheels literally crushing the luckless human vehicles in his path. As he tore his way through Shanghai's highway, Demolishor was intercepted by Optimus Prime while bursting through an overpass. Prime hung onto Demolishor's head and shot his face repeatedly. Ironhide, having pursued Demolishor all the while, joined in the assault, attacking Demolishor's wheels. This ended Demolishor's rampage, toppling him from the overpass into the lower ground. As Prime, Ironhide and the NEST soldiers approached the dying Demolishor, he warbled out a threat that the Fallen will rise again. Optimus Prime cocked his gun and shot Demolishor in the head, killing him.

(Author's Notes: Demolishor is credited by the preliminary name Wheelbot.)
___________________________

Sideways
Alternate Mode: Audi R8
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: N/A.

Sideways was one of the two Decepticons stationed in Shanghai. Not one for battles, the cowardly courier drove off while NEST was distracted by his larger partner, Demolishor. However, he was spotted and was pursued by Arcee and the Twins. Sideways led them through a chase around Shanghai and managed to lose the Twins easily enough, but Arcee slowed him down with their agility and constant firepower. Sideways burst through a house whilst trying to escape, but he was intercepted by Sideswipe. Sideswipe roller-bladed towards him, threw one of his blades at his hood and backflipped, opening fire at Sideways before bisecting him into two equal parts.
___________________________

Alice [portrayed by Isabel Lucas]
Alternate Mode: Teenage female human
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Arm mounted blaster, extendable tentacle-like tongue.

"How about tonight... you pretend I'm your girlfriend, and I pretend you're my boyfriend?"
The hot bombshell Alice seemed harmless enough initially... just a normal college girl, albeit a little aggressive. Well, a lot aggressive. However she is in reality a Decepticon Pretender, with She caught the attention of Leo Spitz immediately, but she had eyes for Sam Witwicky. Accosting Sam at a frat party, Alice saw Sam drawing Cybertronian glyphs on the table with cake icing, and tried to seduce him. Alice got so far as to ride into Bumblebee (who was unaware Alice's true nature) but her attempts to seduce Sam was thwarted by Bumblebee slamming her onto the dashboard and spraying her with antifreeze, and she left the car in a huff. Later on, Alice barged into Sam's room just as he was freaking out, painting the entire room with Cybertronian glyphs. She pushed Leo out, and pushed Sam onto the bed and got on top of him. Locking Sam into a passionate embrace, a scorpion like tail snuck out from under her skirt and aimed towards Sam's head unseen. Before she could kill or incapacitate Sam, however, Mikaela entered the room. Alice quickly retracted her tail and kept up the charade to drive off the jealous girlfriend, and the attacked Sam with her extendable tongue. Mikaela returned and tossed the metal suitcase containing Wheelie at Alice, forcing her to let go of Sam. She transformed, revealing her true form, and pursued Sam, Mikaela and Leo across the campus, blowing up part of Sam's dorm room and a huge chunk of the library in the process. Alice cornered them just as Mikaela was hotwiring a car. Alice smashed the windshield with her tongue, but Mikaela rammed her onto a lamp post, and then ran her down with the car as they drove away, presumably killing the Pretender.
___________________________

Ravage [voiced by Frank Welker]
Alternate Mode: Cybertronian Jaguar/Protoform (no robot mode)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Machineguns, missile launchers, Reedman.

Ravage was ejected by Soundwave, and made planetfall on the shores of Diego Garcia. Racing against time, Ravage raced towards the bunker where the AllSpark shard was hidden and deployed a swarm of ball-bearing like Microcons. As the Microcons combined into Reedman and acquired the shard, Ravage stayed some distance away, providing covering fire with his missiles and machinegun when the NEST troopers arrived. Reedman ran onto him and the two Decepticons escaped. Ravage flew towards a cargo ship where four Constructicons were waiting, and dived into the Laurentian Abyss to revive Megatron. Ravagew swum like a fish to their leader's corpse, and ejected Doctor who revived Megatron with the AllSpark Shard they acquired. Much later Ravage participated in the battle in Egypt, bounding alongside Starscream, Long Haul and two Protoforms as they searched for Sam and Mikaela. Soon afterwards Ravage hung around Rampage, who was holding Sam's parents captive. When Bumblebee battled Rampage, Ravage intercepted the battle, leaping onto Bumblebee and snipping off some parts before Bumblebee pulled him off and tore his spine out, killing the Decepticon.
___________________________

Microcons/Reedman [voiced by Frank Welker]
Alternate Mode: Ball Bearings
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Sharp-edged blade like claws, near invisibility when viewed from the front.

Ravage tore off one of the tube-like ventilation shafts near the bunker holding the AllSpark shard, and hacked out the Microcons from his mouth into the tube. These tiny, marble-like Decepticons passed undetected through the ventilation shafts, and transformed. Once in the bunker, the entire swarm began to pile up on each other, combining into a figure slightly shorter than a human. The mantis-like Reedman was so thin that he was transparent if seen from the front. All sharp edges, it cut through the AllSpark shard's container, and used its unique physiology to evade the NEST troopers, killing one before running away to meet up with Ravage.

(Author's Note: Reedman's name was taken from the credits and the video games. The name 'Microcon' is given for the tiny ball bearing Decepticons in an interview, although they have been known in the fandom as 'Marblebot', 'Ball Bearing Bot' and other similar names.)
___________________________

Scrapper
Alternate Mode: Caterpillar 992G Scoop Loader
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Flail.

Scrapper was one of the four Constructicons that waited in the cargo ship, and later dived down into the Laurentian Abyss alongside Ravage. However, poor Scrapper was used as the sacrificial lamb when the Doctor ordered the other Constructicons to kill the little one. Despite his protests, Scrapper had parts of him torn off by Mixmaster and Long Haul to repair Megatron. Despite this, though, Scrapper apparently got better, as he participated in the battle in Egypt, using his mace unsuccessfully to try and stop Sam and Mikaela from getting away. Scrapper later joined the Protoforms in assaulting the NEST position, but was destroyed by the airstrike.

(Author's Note: Due to a cult following, many fans consider the Scrapper that dived down to be a separate character from Scrapper [dubbed 'Ze Little One' by TFWiki, and later harmonized as 'Scrapmetal' by Hasbro] with the alternate mode of a Volvo EC700C crawler excavator due to an error in ROTF. However, considering the guy that dived down as Scrapper and assuming that he wasn't killed and only mutilated would solve the sonar number problems, so I'm going with the latter theory.)
___________________________

Mixmaster
Alternate Mode: Mack Vision Cement Truck/Missile Launcher
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Missile Launcher mode.

"Listen up!"
Mixmaster accompanied the other Constructicons as they dived down into the Laurentian Abyss. The many-shielded Decepticon helped pull parts off Scrapper to provide parts for Megatron's revival. When Soundwave mobilized the Decepticons, Mixmaster stood on top of a bridges, defiantly knocking off a United States flag. He was among the thirteen Decepticons that landed in Egypt, driving off from his landing side astride Long Haul in his alternate mode. Mixmaster was among the Decepticon vanguard, and was very close to the NEST lines. Using the ruins that Sam, Mikaela, Lennox and Epps were hiding behind, Mixmaster transformed into his artillery mode and blew up a couple of tanks. However, Jetfire arrived and bisected Mixmaster across the waist. Mixmaster was forced onto the ruins, and Jetfire stepped onto his back, and snapped his head clean off.
___________________________

Long Haul
Alternate Mode: Caterpillar 773B Dump Truck
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Arm-mounted missiles.

Long Haul was the largest among the four Constructicons that dived down into the Laurentian Abyss to help revive Megatron, using his large headlights to help illuminate the dark depths of the ocean. When Doctor ordered them to, Long Haul gleefully turned upon Scrapper and began tearing parts off his smaller comrade. Long Haul was later among the thirteen Decepticons that landed in Egypt, driving off in his vehicle mode alongside Mixmaster as soon as he had landed. He stalked through the buildings in Egypt (which he towered over), helping Starscream to search for Sam. However, the human evaded their little group. Long Haul then blew up one of the Jordanian helicopters, as well as kill several NEST humans. However, when the airstrike commenced, Long Haul was one of the Decepticons hit first, was destroyed by the airstrike.
___________________________

Rampage [voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson]
Alternate Mode: Caterpillar D9 Bulldozer
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Arm-mounted whips, arm cannon.

"Sam Wit-wee-kyy."
Rampage was one of the Constructicons that dived into the Laurentian Abyss to revive Megatron. Jumping along on his pogo stick-like lower body, he witnessed as Doctor revived Megatron with the AllSpark shard. Some time later he showed up during the battle in Egypt, although he shied away from the main battles since he held Ron and Judy Witwicky captive in his bulldozer mode until Starscream ordered him to spring the trap. Along with Ravage, Rampage herded the two humans near Sam Witwicky, before transforming and leaping between Sam and his parents, holding them at gunpoint and demanding Sam give him the Matrix. Sam distracted Rampage long enough for Bumblebee to sneak up on him. The smaller Autobot engaged in a brutal melee battle with Rampage, and it was soon obvious that Rampage was at a disadvantage. Ravage intervened to help, but was also torn apart by Bumblebee. Bumblebee whipped Rampage's face with Ravage's spine, and finished him off, breaking off both his arms and launching him into the air. He was killed when his head snapped off during the impact with the ground.

(Author's Notes: Rampage was originally supposed to be yellow, as seen from every other appearance bar the movie — including the Rampage leg that Devastator has. He is credited under the preliminary name Skipjack.)
___________________________

Doctor (a.k.a. Scalpel) [voiced by John Di Crosta]
Alternate Mode: Antique Microscope
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Buzzsaw.

"Kill ze little one!"
When Ravage and the four Constructicons dived down into the Laurentian Abyss, Ravage ejected the tiny, spider-like Doctor from his chest compartment. Scuttling across Megatron's corpse, the spectacled Doctor demanded for parts, and told the Constructicons to kill their smaller companion. The Constructicons did so with pleasure, tearing bits off Scrapper. Doctor then pulled out the AllSpark shard stolen by Ravage and Reedman earlier, and stabbed it into Megatron's corpse, reviving and reformatting him into a new body. Later on, Doctor met up with Megatron and Starscream in their abandoned foundry, sitting around in his microscope mode until Megatron called him to examine Sam. Doctor crawled up onto Sam's chest and hit his face, examining the strange alien. He called his assistants, and inserted his worm-like assistant into Sam's mouth. After discovering that Sam's brain contained the Cybertronian glyphs, Doctor told Megatron that they needed to cut Sam's brain out, asking permission eagerly. Megatron prodded Doctor with two small fingers, and Doctor pulled out a buzzsaw from his back and was about to cut Sam's head apart. He wasn't able to do this, though, since the Autobots burst in soon afterwards.

(Author's Note: Doctor was only ever referred to as 'Doctor' in his fictional appearances, but his toy was called Scalpel. As with Devastabrawl, I'm going by the fiction name here. His death was seen in the comic and novel and even animated, but was cut out in the movie.)
___________________________

Grindor [voiced by Frank Welker]
Alternate Mode: CH-53E Super Stallion Military Helicopter
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Rotor blades mounted on arm, grapple gun in vehicle mode.

"Eeeeaaaaghhhh!"
When Alice failed to bring Sam in, Grindor was dispatched instead. The helicopter swooped in onto the car that Sam and his companions had appropriated, and used a harpoon gun to abduct the car and lift it into the air. Grindor was noticeably nonchalant on how he treated his 'guests', callously cutting the line and letting the car drop into the foundry that Megatron and Starscream are waiting in. Soon after, Grindor was called into action by Megatron when he faced Optimus Prime, and landed. However, while he did get a hit on to the Autobot leader with his helicopter blades, Optimus Prime attacked Grindor savagely, slicing off his right hand (which went spinning away with the rotor still attached on it), his side and his back with his swords. Optimus Prime then proceeded to attack Grindor, stabbing his face with energy hooks and proceeded to rip Grindor's head into two bits as he screamed.
___________________________

Devastator [voiced by Frank Welker]
Alternate Modes: Kobelco CK2500 Truss Crane (Hightower), Caterpillar D9 Bulldozer (Rampage), Terek O&K RH400 Hydraulic Mining Excavator (Scavenger), Caterpillar 773B Dump Truck (Long Haul), Mack Cement Truck (Mixmaster), Caterpillar 992G Scoop Loader (Scrapper), Komatsu HD465-7 Articulated Dump Truck (Overload), Small Payloader (Hightower Fist) Yellow Dump Truck
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Vortex Grinder that sucks everything into his giant mouth, grinders in his mouth, multiple grapple lines in each arm, Gigantic size, Missile Launchers.

When Simmons' group went off to distract Starscream, they arrived at a quarry near the pyramid. In that quarry was a truss crane (Hightower) and a gigantic dump truck (looking like Long Haul), which were in reality components of the gigantic Constructicon Devastator. When Megatron ordered the Decepticons to begin the assault, the rest of Devastator's components — a red articulated dump truck, a payloader (similar to Scrapper), a gigantic red excavator (similar to Demolishor), a mack cement truck (similar to Mixmaster), a yellow bulldozer (similar to Rampage), a yellow dump truck and a tiny payloader arrived. The nine already gigantic construction vehicles then began to transform and combine, forming a towering forty feet tall behemoth. Crushing a truck with one clawed hand, Devastator began his assault, opening and extending his maw to suck everything in sight. Sand, cars, boxes, trailers, random Egyptian men... Everything that was sucked into Devastator's mouth was destroyed by the grinders in his maw. When Devastator swallowed Mudflap, he stopped his suction assault, but Mudflap proved stronger than he looked. Punching his way out of the right side of Devastator's face, Mudflap began to open fire on the gigantic combiner. Devastator began to open fire at random, and tried to eat or crush Mudflap, but the smallish Autobot proved too agile for him. Skids clambered up Devastator and tried to help his brother, but the two Autobots shot each other instead. Devastator proceeded to ignore these tiny nuisances, and proceeded in climbing out of the quarry and began to scale up the pyramid with grapple lines launched from his arms. Devastator scaled up the pyramid with some difficulty, and knocked off the top of the historical monument, before using his suction pull to tear the pyramid apart, uncovering the Solar Harvester underneath. Devastator continued to tear the pyramid apart. However, the destroyer USS Kidd took aim at Devastator from the ocean, and opened fire with its experimental rail gun. The attack his Devastator on the right shoulder just as he reared his claw up for an attack, causing him to lose his balance and tumble backwards. The crash caused his head to be dislodged off and he was torn apart during the fall.

(Author's notes: Devastator's red dump truck is called Overload in the toyline, while the Demolishor lookalike is called Scavenger. The other four has the same name as their non-combining doppelgangers. It seems like Devastator's components cannot transform into individual robot modes.)
___________________________

Insecticon
Alternate Modes: (always a robotic insect, toy has a robot mode)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: N/A.

Insecticon was a tiny little Decepticon, no larger than a real Earth insect. He buzzed down into the makeshift view-hole that Sam made. Sam dragged out Insecticon with his finger, and easily tore the tiny, unarmoured Decepticon into two pieces. Before his death Insecticon let out a shrill screech, however, that allowed Starscream to know of their quarry's location.
___________________________

Decepticon Protoform Army
Alternate Modes: Protoforms
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Guns.

"Curse you!"
When Soundwave mobilized the Decepticons, a large number of Decepticon Protoforms landed on Earth. At least two landed on Paris, and kidnapped Sam's parents. A large amount of Protoforms landed alongside the Fallen on the USS Roosevelt, completely destroying the aircraft carrier. Presumably, these same Protoforms are the same ones that landed on Egypt later on when Megatron ordered the Decepticons to begin their assault. There were at least ten Protoforms (three of those that landed were Mixmaster, Long Haul and Clonecrusher, immediately rolling in their vehicle forms). These Protoforms were the vanguard of the Decepticon attack, engaging the NEST forces. Several Protoforms also assisted Starscream in searching for Sam. Many of these Protoforms were killed by the combined firepower of the humans and Autobots, and those that survived were blown apart by the airstrike.
___________________________

The Doctor's Assistants
Alternate Mode: Always insects/worms
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: N/A

When the Doctor was about to begin his little operation on Sam Witwicky, he snapped his fingers to summon his assistants. Two winged, insect-like Decepticons swooped down and handed over a gooey, worm-like Decepticon. This worm like Decepticon extended tentacles and immediately plopped into Sam's mouth. It probed around until it found a way to Sam's brain, and when it came out it projected images of Sam's recent memories to the Doctor. The Doctor tossed him away when he was no longer needed.
___________________________

Decepticon Hatchlings
Alternate Mode: N/A
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: N/A

These young Decepticons were spawned on board the crashed Decepticon ship, nestled peacefully within watery blue cocoons. One hatchling was hatched prematurely when Starscream slammed into its pod, and this tiny Decepticon writhed around on the floor, before dying due to the lack of energon. Starscream later remarked that without more energon the other hatchlings will keep dying.
___________________________

"Bonecrusher Impostor"
Alternate Mode: Buffalo MPVC Mine Clearing Vehicle
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Arm-mounted blasters, claw-like tail.

During the battle in Egypt, one of the Decepticons who landed was very similar to Bonecrusher. This... 'Clonecrusher' was one of the Decepticons that attacked Arcee and Ironhide. Presumably he was either killed by Ironhide or by the airstrike.

Blackjack
2010-12-12, 04:13 AM
AUTOBOTS

Optimus Prime [voiced by Peter Cullen]
Alternate Mode: Peterbilt 379 Semi-truck
Appearances: Transformers the Movie; Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Ion Rifle, both hands retract to reveal Energon Swords, both hands retract to reveal energy hooks.

"At the end of the day, one shall stand, one shall fall."
Optimus Prime came to Earth in his Protoform mode shortly after being summoned by Bumblebee's beacon. Optimus Prime landed on a relatively deserted field. He transformed and quickly ran off in search of a disguise. A semi-truck happened to roar by, and Optimus scanned it. Optimus met up with his fellow Autobots and their new human allies in an alley. Optimus transformed spectacularly, and after confirming Sam's identity, Optimus Prime introduced himself and his Autobots. He explained that he learnt the human language from the world wide web, and upon Mikaela's questioning, Optimus explained to them about their war. A pair of glasses that belonged to Sam's ancestor, Archibald Witwicky, had been encoded with the location of the AllSpark. It is crucial for the Autobots to reach the AllSpark first, so the Autobots moved to Sam's house. In his impatience, Optimus rather clumsily destroyed the Witwickies' garden. Unaccustomed to human culture, Optimus ordered his troops to hide... by transforming into vehicle modes in the backyard. Sam nearly freaked out, and Optimus told the human to calm down and ordered his team to fall back. Optimus pressed himself against the house when Sam's parents came to investigate. Ironhide suggested that they eliminate the parents, prompting Optimus to scold his weapons specialist. Sector Seven agents came to apprehend Sam and Mikaela, prompting Optimus to pursue the humans. Optimus intercepted the SUV with his allies in it, ripping off the roof of the SUV with his bare hands. Optimus tried to intimidate Agent Simmons, but the uncooperative agent seemed to have seen Transformers before since he is not surprised. S7 reinforces arrived, however. Optimus ordered the Autobots to retreat, while he took Sam and Mikaela. Hiding under a bridge, the humans slipped off Optimus' shoulder. Optimus attempted to prevent their fall with his feet, but failed. Bumblebee rescued the humans but in the process those three were captured. After S7 forces have left, Optimus picked up Archibald's glasses off the ground. They regrouped the next day, and Optimus used the glasses to locate the AllSpark.

Jazz and Ironhide questioned Optimus about not harming humans, but Optimus countered that Transformers are likewise savage creatures, and that 'freedom is the right of all sentient beings'. Optimus told the Autobots that if they could not defeat the Decepticons, he would merge the AllSpark with his own spark, a move that would kill him. Whilst moving to the Hoover Dam, they met up with Bumblebee's group, who had been released and are planning to hide the AllSpark in Mission City. On the highway there, the Decepticons began to attack. Optimus Prime transformed to engage Bonecrusher. Bonecrusher tackled him and dragged him over the edge of the overpass, but Optimus managed to bash Bonecrusher's face in and later tear the Decepticon's head off with his blade. Optimus Prime arrived at Mission City, just as Megatron threw Jazz's remains away. The two mortal enemies immediately engaged in battle. Megatron transformed into jet mode, and Optimus hung onto Megatron as they flew through an office block. After they crashed, the two leaders continued their brawl, in which Megatron dismissed the humans as undeserving of life, while Optimus defended them. Megatron used his fusion cannon to blast Optimus several blocks away, knocking him out for a while. Optimus followed Megatron, and barely managed to catch Sam as he fell off the roof of the warehouse. Optimus jumped down from the top of the building, impressed with Sam's willingness to sacrifice himself to protect the AllSpark, and told Sam that of his suicide plan. To provide cover for Sam, Optimus began to engage Megatron again although Megatron soon got the advantage in the battle. The Air Force, as well as Lennox's team, opened fire onto Megatron. When the Decepticon reached for the AllSpark, Optimus used his legs to trip Megatron, but still the Decepticon persisted. Optimus told Sam to push the Cube into his chest, but Sam pushed it into Megatron's instead. After Megatron's death, Optimus told his 'brother' that there was little other choice. He told Sam of his gratitude, and mourned Jazz's loss, but also commending their human allies. Optimus approved of Bumblebee's decision to stay with Sam. Optimus noticed one remaining shard of the AllSpark in Megatron's chest, and removed it. The Autobots decided to remain on Earth after the AllSpark's destruction, and sent a message into space to tell other Autobots to come to their new home.
?

?
"I'll take you all on!"
Two years after Megatron's death, Optimus Prime and company have became part of a military group, NEST, dedicated to hunt down Decepticons. Optimus was initially held in reserve aboard a C-17 Globemaster, but Epps called them to deploy Optimus Prime. He drove out of the cargo plane, transformed, cut off his parachutes and landed in vehicle mode. He immediately drove off in pursuit of Demolishor. He leapt off a bridge and hung onto Demolishor's head. The Decepticon refused to pull over, so Optimus shot him repeatedly on the head. Ironhide destroyed his tired, and this caused Demolishor crashing onto the ground. As Ironhide and Optimus approached the dying Decepticon, he asked Demolishor for any last words, then shot him through the head. NEST returned to their base in Diego Garcia. Optimus Prime, Lennox and Epps entered a briefing with Director Theodore Galloway, as well as General Morshower. Galloway made no attempt to hide his contempt of the Autobots, citing Optimus' refusal to share their weapons technology to the humans. Optimus reminded Galloway of the humans' capacity for war. Galloway issued an ultimatum, suggesting that Decepticon forces remained on Earth only because of the Autobots. Optimus replied to Galloway that they would honour their decision if it comes to that... but warns Galloway what would happen if they were wrong. After the AllSpark shard was stolen, Optimus and Bumblebee met Sam Witwicky near an abandoned cemetary. Optimus asked Sam to help to speak to the humans on the Autobots' behalf. Sam refused, telling Optimus Prime that the war was not his, and that they didn't need him. Optimus said that it may soon be, and silently said that they needed him more than they realized. Megatron had apparently been revived. The Autobots, already in the general area, drove to their allies' rescue. Optimus Prime and Bumblebee arrived in the foundry where the Decepticons were hiding out. Optimus knocked Megatron out of the building, and took Sam with him while Bumblebee took the other humans. Optimus Prime drove to a nearby forest, but Megatron pursued him. Optimus and Megatron battled while Sam ran for safety. Optimus managed to hold his own, trash-talking Megatron all the while. Megatron called for Starscream and Grindor, and Optimus was forced to battle all three Decepticons, handing down beatings to all three but finding himself outnumbered and outclassed. Optimus kicked Starscream in the face, but he soon found himself overwhelmed, having to fight off the Decepticons while still protecting Sam. Optimus was knocked away by Megatron, and his faceplate was torn off. Megatron asked if Sam's life was worth more than their race. This gave Optimus Prime a second wind, and he unsheathed his second energon blade and declared that Megatron would never stop at one. He charged in rage, and managed to tear bits of Megatron and Grindor, dis-arm Starscream and beat him with his own arm, dis-arm Grindor, and clambered up Grindor to tear the larger Decepticon's head into two halves. However, when Optimus searched for Sam after killing Grindor, Optimus Prime stabbed his claw through Optimus' back and out through his chest, and blasted him. Optimus managed to tell Sam to run... before dying.

?
Optimus' corpse was taken to the NEST base but fell from its restraints. It was packed into a cargo plane when Galloway ordered NEST shut down, but Lennox and Epps commandeered NEST and airdropped their team, as well as Prime's body to Egypt. Sam braved through numerous battles to bring Optimus Prime back. Sam stabbed the Matrix of Leadership into Optimus Prime's chest and restored him to life, to the joy of the Autobots. Unfortunately, the Fallen soon arrived and stole the Matrix from the still-disoriented Optimus' chest. Jetfire, mortally injured by Scorponok, told Optimus to take his parts, before putting himself out of his misery. Jolt transplanted Jetfire's parts to Optimus' body, upgrading him. He took to the air, and knocked away the floating rocks and blew up the Solar Harvester, and knocked off the Fallen and Megatron off the pyramid. Optimus took on the Fallen, but Megatron intercepted Optimus. Powered up with Jetfire's parts, Optimus was able to overpower Megatron relatively easily and shoot the Decepticon in his face with his fusion cannon. Optimus battled the Fallen, and managed to slice off his face with his sword. Fallen ripped off Optimus' left engine, but Optimus managed to wrestle the Fallen's own staff and impale him with it. And then: "GIVE ME YOUR FACE!" As the Fallen, face torn off by Optimus, tried to flee, Optimus punched through the Fallen's chest and crushed his spark, killing the Fallen. As they returned in an aircraft carrier, Optimus thanked Sam for saving his life. He sent another transmission into space so that the details of the Autobots and humanity's past would be shared together.
______________________

Bumblebee [voiced by Mark Ryan, as well as various movies/songs]
Alternate Mode: (TFTM) 1976 Chevrolet Camaro, later 2006 Chevrolet Camaro Concept. (ROTF) 2010 Chevrolet Camaro.
Appearances: Transformers the Movie; Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Hand transforms into a Solar Plasma Cannon, shoulder-mounted missile launchers, Sonic scrambler, battle mask.

"Check out the rep, yep, second to none."
Bumblebee damaged his vocal processors in a battle some time ago, which caused him to be unable to speak. He landed on Earth as the advance scout. He made his way to Bobby Bolivia's second-hand car lot, in an attempt to be bought by Sam Witwicky. Sam was immediately attracted by the run-down (but still sleek) Bumblebee, although Bumblebee's presence caused Bobby and his staff to wonder about it. Bobby's price forced Sam to buy another car. Bumblebee used a sonic wave to shatter the windows of every other cars in the lot, leaving Bobby no choice but to sell Bumblebee to the Witwickies. The next day, Bumblebee was taken by Sam and Miles to a party near a lake in an attempt to woo girls. Bumblebee played some music on his radio, prompting Sam to offer the beautiful Mikaela a ride after she ditched her boyfriend. During their ride, Bumblebee wasn't impressed by Sam's pathetic attempts to talk to Mikaela, and played some... rather suggestive songs, before faking a breakdown. Mikaela attempted to 'fix' Bumblebee, and discovered that the seemingly antique Camaro had one hell of an awesome engine. Sam nearly lost Mikaela after asking a rather awkward question about her ex, but Bumblebee allowed Sam to rev up his engines and played 'Baby Come Back', and Sam managed to successfully drive Mikaela home. During the night, Bumblebee drove off by himself to a junkyard, unwittingly leading Sam (who had mistaken it for a car theft) along. Bumblebee transformed and activated his homing beacon, sending a message to the stars to summon the other Autobots. Bumblebee arrived in vehicle mode to help Sam when he was attacked by two dogs, but escaped from the police and the freaked-out Sam. The next day, Bumblebee arrived back on Sam's house, scaring the hell out of him. Sam ran away and Bumblebee followed. However, Sam ran into the Decepticon Barricade, and Bumblebee sideswiped the Decepticon, before opening his door and allowing Sam and Mikaela to hop in. What followed next was a car chase through streets and warehouses that finally stopped in a power plant. Bumblebee waited until Barricade wasn't looking at them, before dropping his human companions and transforming to engage the Decepticon. Bumblebee and Barricade began to battle, while the humans battled Frenzy. Bumblebee finally dispatched Barricade, and approached the humans. By quoting random quotes from movies and the radio, the humans figured out that Bumblebee can only speak from there, and that he is an alien. Sam and Mikaela trusted Bumblebee enough to ride him. On the way, Mikaela asked out loud why a super-advanced robot like Bumblebee turned into a piece of crap Camaro. Bumblebee immediately stopped, dropped the humans and drove off... only to scan a modern 2009 concept Camaro and return. Bumblebee stopped outside Griffith Observatory, and the trio witnessed the other four Autobots soaring through the air in their Protoform modes. Bumblebee took the humans to an alley where they were introduced one by one to the four Autobots that have arrived, as well as their war. Bumblebee was introduced as Sam's guardian. Ratchet fired a regenerative healing ray at Bumblebee's throat at this point. They went to the Witwicky residence, and made a mess of their yard. Bumblebee managed to convince the other Autobots to stay quiet while Sam talked to his father. He helped to recon the house, and later hid in the porch when Sam's parents looked out the window. However, the Witwickies and Mikaela were soon taken away by Sector Seven agents. Bumblebee and the other Autobots arrived to disarm the S7 agents. When Simmons refused to cooperate, Bumblebee mimicked Mojo urinating earlier and released lubricant from his crotch onto the agent.

Later, S7 reinforcements arrived. The Autobots, not willing to harm humans, retreated but Optimus Prime, hiding under a bridge, lost grip on Sam and Mikaela. Bumblebee transformed and caught the duo, but was harpooned by S7 helicopters and attacked with freezing agents. He squeaked and bleeped helplessly as he was taken away alongside Sam and Mikaela. Bumblebee was imprisoned on a slab in Hoover Dam, while continuedly sprayed with cryogenic substances to keep him docile and inert while S7 performed some tests on him. When Sam and a group of humans told the S7 agents to stand down, Bumblebee immediately activated his battle mask and weapons and was ready to attack the humans until he was convinced that they were friendly. He was taken to the AllSpark. Staring at the artifact with awe, Bumblebee reached out his hands to touch it, and shrunk the gigantic AllSpark to a size that a human could carry. Bumblebee, Sam, Mikaela, Lennox's group and several S7 soldiers went out of Hoover Dam to hide the AllSpark in Mission City. On the way, they rendezvoused with the other four Autobots (who were en route to rescue the AllSpark). They arrived on Mission City, but Starscream also did. Bumblebee and Ironhide provided cover for the humans with a Furby truck, but the opening salvo from Starscream blew off Bumblebee's legs. Sam and Mikaela managed to tie Bumblebee to a tow truck, but Lennox ordered Sam to get out of the place. Bumblebee silently handed the AllSpark to Sam, trusting the boy. As Sam ran off with Ironhide and Ratchet, Mikaela drove Bumblebee away to safety from Devastator. However, Mikaela became overcame with guilt for leaving the others, and turned to face Bumblebee. Bumblebee gave her a nod, and Mikaela re-entered the battle, driving down the street in reverse. Knocking cars away, Bumblebee used his gun and his missile launchers to open fire at Devastator, knocking off his arm cannon and finally killing the powerful Decepticon with a headshot. After the battle, Bumblebee, who had regained his voice (either from Ratchet's ray or from contact with the AllSpark), asked permission from Optimus to stay with Sam, something that Sam and Optimus gladly allowed. After his legs had been repaired, Sam and Mikaela made out on his hood.

"I'm so excited!"
Bumblebee, who still had voice problems, stayed in Sam's garage, even when the other Autobots had joined up with NEST. When Sam called out his name, Bumblebee rolled into action, immediately blowing up the Appliancebots one by one (and a huge chunk of Sam's house). Bumblebee sagged in dismay at Sam's rebuke, and tossed a chunk of machinery as he reentered the garage. Sam and Mikaela entered the garage to visit him. Sam told Bumblebee that he was going to college... but not taking him. Cars aren't allowed on the campus, and besides Sam wanted a normal life, and a garage is no place for an Autobot. Bumblebee began an approximation of crying, and refused to listen. However, Sam managed to talk Bumblebee into letting it go by saying that he'll always be his first car. Later on, Bumblebee was dispatched to pick up Sam, making a scene outside a frat party to attract attention. It managed to get Sam to enter him awkwardly, but Bumblebee got an unwanted passenger in Alice. Unaware of the Decepticon Pretender's true nature but aware that she was trying to seduce Sam, Bumblebee slammed Alice's head to the dashboard and sprayed her with antifreeze to drive her away. Bumblebee brought Sam to a gravyeard to meet with Optimus, but Sam turned down Optimus' offer. Bumblebee came to his human friends' rescue, barging into the Decepticons' foundry, opening fire at Starscream and rescuing Mikaela and Leo. Optimus Prime died in the resulting battle to protect Sam. Bumblebee took Sam, and with the Twins they hid out in an abandoned building. That evening, with NEST shut down and a global manhunt on for Sam, the human told Bumblebee that he was responsible for Optimus' death. However, Bumblebee told Sam that he didn't blame him for it. Bumblebee insisted to Sam that turning himself in would only make things worse. Bumblebee played chauffeur, driving Sam and company to New York (picking up Simmons while there) and later to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. There the humans reactivated ex-Decepticon Seeker Jetfire, who teleported the group to Egypt. After a rather undignified landing and a storytelling from Jetfire, Bumblebee drove the humans to Petra.

At the ruins there, the Twins got into an argument and began to brawl. Bumblebee picked the two younger Decepticons and clunked their heads together and threw them out. However, the Twins' little fight managed to uncover the Tomb of the Primes. Bumblebee widened the hole by shooting it. While heading back to Egypt, the Autobots came under assault from Starscream. Bumblebee acted as decoy while Sam and Mikaela took the Matrix dust to Optimus' body. Bumblebee later headed into the ruined town where Sam and Mikaela were. He arrived in time to see Rampage holding Sam's parents hostage. Sam noticed Bumblebee sneaking in, and distracted Rampage long enough for Bumblebee to get the drop on the Decepticon. Bumblebee got the upper hand on the larger Transformer. Ravage interrupted the battle and tore bits off Bumblebee but Bumblebee tore Ravage's spine out. He also tore Rampage's hands off, causing Rampage to die when his head fell off due to the impact. Bumblebee wanted to escort the humans to the NEST position, but Sam told Bumblebee to take his parents to safety. However, Megatron later opened fire at Sam and killed him. Bumblebee returned to the battlefield with Sam's parents and fell to his knees in grief. Sam got better due to the Matrix of Leadership, however, and Bumblebee watched as Optimus was revived and defeated the Decepticons.
______________________
Jazz [voiced by Darius McCrary]
Alternate Mode: Pontiac Solstice GXP
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
Weapons: Magnets attached to arm, shield-like Crescent Cannon.

"You want a piece of me?"
Jazz, first lieutenant to Optimus Prime, made planetfall on a baseball stadium after receiving Bumblebee's call. He took some time to scan his alternate mode, going to a nearby showroom and scanned a Pontiac Solstice. Jazz met up with the other Autobots and their new human allies in an alley. Jazz greeted the humans as 'little bitches', prompting the humans to ask Optimus how they studied their language. Jazz casually sat on an abandoned car while Optimus spoke to the humans, and later followed the rest of the group to Sam's house. When they had to hide from the parents, Jazz, being the smallest of the five, could squeeze into the Witwickies' porch. Sector Seven agents apprehended Sam and Mikaela, however, prompting the Autobots to rescue their allies. Jazz used a magnet on his hand to relieve the humans of their weapons. They had to evade the rest of the Sector Seven agents, and in the process Bumblebee, Sam and Mikaela were captured. When the Autobots discussed their next move Jazz told Optimus that they could not leave Bumblebee in the humans' hands. However, his concerns were for naught for Bumblebee and a group of humans later encountered them on their way to the Hoover Dam... with the AllSpark, no less. They arrived on Mission City, and after Bumblebee's legs were blown off, Jazz oddly only sat there in his vehicle mode. When Devastator arrived, Jazz led the charge against him, transforming and pulling the tank's turret to force him to transform into robot mode before kicking off one of his missile pods. However, Jazz was tossed off to a building. He opened fire on Devastator, but Megatron soon arrived. While Ratchet ordered the humans to retreat, Jazz bravely held off the much larger Decepticon, but was blasted by Megatron. Jazz was caught by Megatron, tossed through the air and was caught under Megatron's legs as he perched on a building. Jazz fought bravely, opening fire on Megatron defiantly, asking Megatron if he wanted a piece of him. Megatron wanted two, however, and tore Jazz into two pieces, snapping him off at the waist. His remains were collected by Ironhide and Ratchet, who couldn't save him.
______________________

Ironhide [voiced by Jess Harnell] I
Alternate Mode: GMC Topkick C4500 Pickup Truck
Appearances: Transformers the Movie; Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Two gigantic missile launchers (one glows red and the other blue).

"I'm just saying we could. It's an option."
The Autobots' resident weapons specialist, Ironhide, was among the four Autobots that responded to Bumblebee's call to Earth. He landed on a pool beside a house, prompting the little girl who lived in that house to come out and cutely ask Ironhide if he was the tooth fairy. Ironhide stepped out of the pool and scanned the family's Topkick truck before the parents could come out. He met up with the other Autobots and their new allies. When Optimus introduced him to the humans, Ironhide made a Clint Eastwood impression, showing off his cannons to Sam. Ironhide followed the others to Sam's house, and Sam's pet chihuahua Mojo peed on Ironhide's leg. Ironhide was prepared to terminate the rodent, but Sam frantically told Ironhide not to. Ironhide later suggested that they could eliminate Sam's parents, something that earned an instant scolding from Optimus. Ironhide responded that it was an option. Ironhide later had a chance to show off his cannons when Sector 7 agents kidnapped their allies, but did not use them for fear of hurting the humans. The next morning, when the Autobots met up, Ironhide asked why they should save the humans, causing Optimus to go into a long speech. They drove to the Hoover Dam, but met with Bumblebee and the other humans, and the Autobots followed suit.

When they arrived in Mission City, Ironhide was the first to realize that the lone F22 flying above them was in fact Starscream, and transformed. Along with Bumblebee, they tried to provide cover for the humans with a truck but Bumblebee was crippled in the process. Devastator soon attacked, and Ironhide used his cannons to somersault to avoid the Decepticon's missiles, before firing off several of his own. Along with Ratchet, Ironhide protected Sam Witwicky, escorting him to the building where he was supposed to meet with the Blackhawk helicopters. Blackout tried to get the boy but Ironhide threw a car at him (which failed miserably) but succeeded in driving the Decepticon off. Starscream landed, and traded fire with the two Autobots. While Starscream was driven off, Ironhide took several shots to the gut and was too damaged to continue the battle. After the battle, Ironhide somberly carried Jazz's parts to Optimus. Ironhide later drove Captain Lennox home, and stayed with the Autobots when Optimus Prime gave a message into space.

"You dare point a gun at me? I will tear you apart!"
Two years after Megatron's death, Ironhide was part of NEST alongside the other Autobots. He transformed and told Lennox that he could smell a Decepticon. This Decepticon turned out to be Demolishor, who took to the streets. Ironhide pursued him relentlessly, although it took Optimus jumping on the Decepticon's head and shooting him for Demolishor to slow down. Ironhide jumped onto Demolishor and shot out his lower wheel, causing the Decepticon to crash. Ironhide stood with Optimus Prime as the Autobot leader killed the Decepticon. Ironhide returned to Diego Garcia, and later followed the rest of the Autobots as they detected Decepticon signals in USA. After Megatron's death Ironhide participated in driving off Megatron and Starscream. When they returned to base a group of soldiers trained their weapons at the NEST team. Already furious at losing Optimus, Ironhide threatened to tear apart the humans who dared to point their weapons at him. Galloway shut down NEST, and Ratchet was ready to leave Earth, but Ironhide told the medic that it wasn't what Optimus would've wanted. They were put under nets, but NEST disobeyed orders and headed to Egypt. Warning the soldiers to let him out of the plane, Ironhide airdropped into Egypt. When they needed to rendezvous with Sam, Lennox said that they needed a team to locate the boy, something that Ironhide immediately volunteered for. Ironhide, Arcee and a group of soldiers headed off, and they located Sam but were set upon by a group of Decepticon Protoforms and a Bonecrusher lookalike. Arcee was felled, and Ironhide held them off long enough for Sam and Mikaela to escape. Ironhide, heavily damaged, ran away as the air force bombed the battle site, ejecting one of his cannons in process before being knocked down by the shockwave. Ironhide witnessed Optimus' revival, but was knocked down again when the Fallen teleported to steal the Matrix. Ironhide watched as Optimus later defeated the Decepticons and destroyed the Harvester.
______________________

Ratchet [voiced by Robert Foxworth]
Alternate Mode: Hummer H2 Emergency SUV
Appearances: Transformers the Movie; Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Machinegun, Medical ray, Wrist-mounted buzzsaw.

"Ooh, tingly."
Ratchet was one of the four Autobots that responded to Bumblebee's call. Ratchet was the least discreet in his landing, crashing onto a store, causing bystanders and emergency teams to arrive. The medic sneaked into the trees and scanned an emergency Hummer rescue vehicle. Ratchet met up with the rest of the Autobots, as well as their new human allies Sam and Mikaela, in an alley. Ratchet spoke out loud that Sam wanted to 'mate' with Mikaela. Ratchet also coined the term 'Autobots', and explained that Bumblebee's voice processor is damaged. Ratchet used a ray to work on Bumblebee. The Autobots moved to Sam's house, and when Sam told the Autobots to hide Ratchet ran onto some power lines, shorting out the entire neighbourhood and causing Ratchet to fall onto the greenhouse. Ratchet told Ironhide he should try it. Perhaps apologetic for his mistake, Ratchet used his floodlights to light up Sam's room, something that didn't exactly help matters. When Sector Seven agents came to apprehend Sam and Mikaela, the Autobots arrived to rescue their allies but had to hide when more forces arrived. When the Autobots met up later, Ratchet told Optimus that his plan of merging the AllSpark with his own is suicide. However, the Autobots rolled out and later met up with Bumblebee and the S7 buggies. They soon arrived in Mission City, and when Devastator attacked Ratchet used his buzzsaw to slice off Devastator's left arm. When Megatron arrived, Ratchet told the humans to fall back. Ratchet and Ironhide escorted Sam on his way to the tower, battling Blackout and later Starscream. While the two Autobots drove off Starscream with their firepower, they were in no shape to continue and collapsed onto the ground. After the battle, Ratchet informed Optimus that Jazz couldn't be saved. He remained with the Autobots after the battle.

"This fool is terribly misinformed."
Ratchet stayed at the Autobots' hangar in Diego Garcia when the others went to Shanghai. Along with the rest of the Autobots he drove towards where the Decepticons had been sighted. However, the rest of the Autobots came too late to save Optimus Prime although they drove Megatron and Starscream away. Ratchet ordered Bumblebee to get the humans out of there. Ratchet and the other Autobots returned to a NEST base and gathered around Optimus' dead body, but were soon surrounded by a bunch of soldiers. Alarmed and angered, the Autobots were ready to trade fire, but Galloway told them that NEST had been shut down. Ratchet, already unhappy with Prime's death earlier, told Galloway that he was a misinformed fool. He suggested that they should leave Earth altogether, but Ironhide talked him down. Ratchet was put under tarps along with the other Autobots, but NEST disobeyed orders and flew to Egypt instead. Ratchet held the position of Prime's body along with Sideswipe, Jolt, Lennox and Epps, opening fire rapidly on the Decepticons with his gun. When Optimus was revived and Jetfire sacrificed himself, Ratchet instructed Jolt to transplant Jetfire's parts to Optimus Prime, giving him the power he needed to defeat the Fallen and Megatron.
______________________

Skids [voiced by Tom Kenny]
Alternate Mode: front half of an ice cream truck, later a Chevrolet Beat
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Arm-mounted grapple line.

"Ugly? We're twins, you stupid genius!"
The Twins, Skids and Mudflap, took the form of an ice cream truck. Skids formed the front half of this alternate mode. In the Shanghai battle, the Twins were dispatched to pursue Sideways. However they tried to turn a corner too sharply, and separated into two. Skids was angry with his brother — after all, this was combat — and, half-transformed, immediately headed to Mudflap and smacked him in the head. After the Shanghai mission, Skids and Mudflap were told to scan new alternate modes upon returning to Diego Garcia. Skids and Mudflap squabbled over who would get the green Chevrolet Beat, and Skids proved the victor. Skids accompanied the other Autobots as they were informed of Decepticons in USA, and helped drive off Megatron and Starscream. The Twins did not return to the NEST base and regrouped with Bumblebee and the humans. Skids and Mudflap teased Leo for his panic attack. Skids later recognized the glyphs that Sam wrote as Cybertronian, but were not able to read them. The Twins accompanied the groupd as they went to Simmons' deli and later to the Smithsonian Museum. The group were teleported to Egypt by Jetfire. When they reached the ruins in Petra, Skids defended Sam when Mudflap questioned their de facto leader, citing that Sam killed Megatron. The two battled, nearly crushing the humans and cracking the ruins. Bumblebee klunked the Twins' heads together and tossed them out. That's rude! Their little battle uncovered the Tomb of the Primes, however. When the Decepticons attacked, the Twins, Simmons and Leo acted as a decoy. The humans rode Skids. The group found themselves in a quarry, and watched in horror as Devastator combined. They scrambled to hang on as the combiner activated his suction pull. Skids hung on to a pipe, but was unable to prevent his brother from being sucked into Devastator's mouth. Skids mourned his brother's loss, but had the presence of mind to run towards Devastator's underside to avoid his attack. Mudflap burst out of Devastator's mouth and Skids headed to help his twin, clambering up Devastator's crane arm. He shot Mudflap a grapple line, but Mudflap accidentally shot Skids in the face, knocking him down and causing him to lose his gold tooth. Devastator later lost interest in their group.
______________________

Mudflap [voiced by Reno Wilson]
Alternate Mode: Back half of an ice cream van, later Chevrolet Trax
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Arm-mounted blaster.

"Nobody messes with the twins!"
Mudflap, Skids' twin brother, took the form of the back half of the ice cream truck that served as the Twins' alternate mode. The Twins were dispatched to pursue Sideways. During the chase, they tried to turn a corner too sharply, and separated into two. Skids smacked Mudflap on the heat for causing them to lose the chase. Mudflap and Skids were told to scan new alternate modes upon returning to Diego Garcia. Mudflap wanted to take the Chevrolet Beat, but Skids wrestled him down and Mudflap had to contend with the Chevrolet Trax instead. Mudflap accompanied the other Autobots as they were informed of Decepticons in USA, and helped drive off Megatron and Starscream. The Twins did not return to the NEST base, and instead grouped with Bumblebee and the humans. Mudflap teased and insulted when the human had a panic attack. The Twins were unable to read the glyphs that Sam wrote. The Twins accompanied the groupd as they went to Simmons' deli and later to the Smithsonian Museum. The group were teleported to Egypt by Jetfire. However, when they reached the ruins in Petra Mudflap began to question Sam. Skids defended Sam, and the Twins began to wrestle, nearly crushing the humans and cracking the ruins. Bumblebee klunked the Twins' heads together and tossed them out. Their little battle uncovered the Tomb of the Primes, however. When the Decepticons attacked, the Twins, Simmons and Leo acted as a decoy. The group found themselves in a quarry, and watched in horror as Devastator combined. They scrambled to hang on as the combiner activated his suction pull. Mudflap hung on to Skids' back, but before Skids could help his brother find a firmer purchase, Mudflap lost his grip and tumbled through the sand into Devastator's maw. Mudflap hung on for dear life with his 'kung-fu grip' on Devastator's mouth, one of Mudflap's wings was sucked into Devastator, and Mudflap was sucked in anyway. However he proved to be indigestible, and punched his way out of Devastator's face. He jumped around, opening fire at Devastator's face whilst avoiding his claws and mouth. Skids clambered up to help Mudflap and shot a grapple line to Mudflap. However Mudflap landed on the crane's tow line, and the twang accidentally caused Mudflap to shoot Skids in the face, ending their assault. They hid under Devastator, and continued to do so until Devastator lost interest in them.
______________________

Sideswipe [voiced by Andre Sogliuzzo]
Alternate Mode: Chevrolet Stingray Concept
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Twin arm-mounted blades, shoulder-mounted blaster.

"Damn I'm good."
Sideswipe was among the Autobots that answered Optimus Prime's call to Earth. Sideswipe participated in the Shanghai battle. When Sideways eluded Arcee and the Twins, Sideswipe transformed and rollerbladed towards the Decepticon, launching his right blade onto Sideways' hood, backflipping, opening fire at Sideways and dragged the blade in the opposite direction, bisecting Sideways. After Prime's death Sideswipe later helped the other Autobots open fire at Megatron to drive him off. However, upon their return to the NEST base, Sideswipe and the other Autobots were surrounded by human soldiers. Sideswipe nearly came to blows with the humans aiming weapons at them, but stood down anyway, and was placed under tarps. However, NEST headed to Egypt instead against orders, and Sideswipe cut through the nets holding him down as they airdropped. In the resulting battle Sideswipe organized the forces holding the NEST position, opening fire at the Decepticons.
______________________

Arcee [voiced by Grey DeLisle]
Alternate Modes: Ducati 848 Superbike (Arcee), Suzuki B-King Motorbike (Chromia), MV Agusta F4 Series Motorbike (Elita-One)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Arm-mounted rifles.

"Locked and loaded."
Arcee was one of the new arrivals that arrived on Earth. Taking the form of three motorcycles, Arcee participated in the battle in Shanghai. Arcee was deployed against Sideways, and pursued the Decepticon courier relentlessly through the streets of Shanghai, transforming into her one-wheeled robot modes and opening fire at the Decepticon. Sideways burst through a building and Arcee followed, and the Decepticon was killed by Sideswipe. Arcee hung around the other Autobots in the Diego Garcia hangar, and was later strapped down when the Autobots were told to stand down after the Fallen's broadcast. Arcee was airdropped alongside everyone else in Egypt, and along with Ironhide formed a scouting group. She spotted Sam among the ruins, but her purple and red components were gunned down by a group of Decepticons. Her blue component was last seen fighting, but she was killed, either from the airstrike or from the Decepticons.

(Author's Note: Arcee is confirmed in fiction to be one consciousness in three bodies, but Hasbro named the blue bike Chromia and the purple bike Elita-One. Originally the three bikes were supposed to combine but it was dropped. Bay confirmed her death in the commentary.)
______________________

Jolt
Alternate Mode: Chevrolet Volt
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Electric Whips.

Jolt was seen driving with the Autobots when they detected multiple Decepticon signals in USA, but was absent when the other Autobots battled Megatron and Starscream. He appeared later when the Autobots arrived in the NEST base, and brandished his whips when some soldiers trained their weapons at him. However, he stood down and later was put under wraps like the other Autobots. Jolt later participated in the battle in Egypt, hanging around the background. As Optimus was revived, he used his electric whips under the orders of Ratchet to transplant Jetfire's parts to Optimus Prime, powering Prime up so he could defeat Megatron and the Fallen.
______________________

Jetfire [voiced by Mark Ryan]
Alternate Mode: SR71 Blackbird Fighter Jet
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Wrist-mounted Missiles, axe transforms into battleaxe.

"Behold the eternal glory of... Jetfire!"
Jetfire was one of the ancient Seekers. Left on Earth to rust by the Fallen, this betrayal presumably was the reason why Jetfire defected to the Autobots. He was trapped in his vehicle mode for years, and was exhibited in the Smithsonian Air and Space museum. He was revived by Sam's group using the AllSpark sliver. Upon his transformation, Jetfire demanded to know where he is, and it is obvious that his marbles weren't all there. Jetfire headed outside the museum, but his weapons misfired, forcing him to tear apart the door. The humans followed Jetfire out, and the old Seeker revealed that he had changed sides to the Autobots (prompting Wheelie to follow suit), but soon began talking gibberish about his parents. His parachute accidentally deployed, causing him to topple backwards. Sam carved the Cybertronian glyphs into the ground, which jogged Jetfire's memory — he had a mission, and the glyphs were part of the Fallen's search. Jetfire teleported the Autobots and humans to Egypt. The humans, pissed off at this point, forced Jetfire to talk straight. Jetfire then began to tell the story of the Seven Primes, of the Fallen's betrayal, and of the Tomb of the Primes. Jetfire was crestfallen when he was told that the last Prime, the only one who stood a chance against the Fallen, had been killed. Jetfire told the humans of the riddle that the glyphs told, and shooed the humans before the Decepticons find him. Jetfire, however, arrived to help the Autobots later on. Flying into the battlefield, Jetfire transformed and landed. His cane transformed into an axe which Jetfire used to bisect Mixmaster, and later beheaded the Constructicon. Scorponok burst out of the ground, tearing a big hole in Jetfire's side before he pulled the Decepticon out and crushed his head. Sam revived Optimus Prime, but the Fallen teleported in and stole the Matrix from Prime's body. Jetfire, already dying, offered Optimus to take his parts in order to defeat the Fallen. He pulled out his spark and died. Jolt and Ratchet used Jetfire's parts to upgrade Optimus Prime, and with Jetfire's parts Prime was able to kill the Fallen and destroy the Harvester.
______________________

Wheelie [voiced by Tom Kenny]
Alternate Mode: Remote Controlled Monster Truck Toy
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: N/A.

"What're you looking at, slobber puss?"
Wheelie was originally a Decepticon sent by Soundwave. Disguised as a remote-controlled monster truck toy, Wheelie saw the AllSpark sliver passed to Mikaela and was ordered to acquire it. Wheelie spied on Mikaela, and later discovered the location of the sliver when she spoke to Sam over the phone. Wheelie tried to reach the mechanical safe, but when trying to look for something to stand, he got his feet trapped in a flytrap and a mousetrap. This made Mikaela aware of his presence, and she attacked Wheelie with a pair of tongs and a blowtorch, burning off his left eye. Wheelie pleaded for the 'warrior goddess' to give her the shard, and that the other Decepticons would kill him if he doesn't get it. Wheelie was stuffed in a metal box, and was carried by Mikaela to Sam's college, protesting whenever the box was manhandled. Wheelie's box was passed from the car Mikaela hotwired and then to Bumblebee's trunk. Wheelie was released when they reached Simmons' deli in order to try and translate the glyphs. Mikaela held him with a chain, and Wheelie tried to act tough... until Mikaela gently threatened to blowtorch his other eye. Wheelie identified the symbols as the language of the Primes, as well as telling the humans of the location of the ancient Seekers who could translate it for them. Wheelie buzzed along in his alternate mode as the humans entered the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, until they reached Jetfire's exhibit. Wheelie recognized Jetfire, and told Sam to point the sliver at the supposed Decepticon. However, Jetfire had apparently defected and Wheelie, overjoyed, followed suit. Wheelie changed sides to the 'warrior goddess', humping Mikaela's leg. Sam kicked Wheelie. Like the others in their group Wheelie was space-bridged to Egypt, landing and bouncing off Jetfire. When Bumblebee was stopped by the custom officials, Wheelie suggested to Simmons that they tell the 'munchkin' custom. Official that he is tall. Wheelie later followed the humans as they entered a house in Cairo. He wisely stayed out of the proceeding battles.

Blackjack
2010-12-12, 04:24 AM
OTHERS

Allspark Mutations
Alternate Modes: Nokia Cell Phone, Mountain Dew Dispenser, X-Box, Steering Wheel
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
Weapons: Missile launcher, machinegun (Nokiabot), Mountain Dew missile launcher (Dispensor)

The first AllSpark mutation is encountered by Sam and his companies is brought to life by Agent Simmons in a controlled situation inside Hoover Dam, as a demonstration of the AllSpark's power. Glen's phone was brought to life, and after nearly cracking the case, is killed. The other three were brought to life during the battle of Mission City, where Sam fall down and the AllSpark brought three objects to life—a Mountain Dew dispenser (named Dispensor in the toyline), an X-Box and a steering wheel, which proceeded to wreak havoc.
______________________

Appliancebots
Alternate Modes: Toaster, Blender, Stand Mixer, Microwave, Dyson Vacuum Cleaner, Cappuccino Machine, CISCO Aironet, Waste Disposal Unit, Hand Mixer
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Flamethrower (Cappuccino), Nun-chucks (Ejector), Machinegun (Blender, vacuum cleaner and various others).

When the AllSpark sliver fell from Sam's hand and burnt its way to the Witwickies' kitchen, it brought the kitchen's appliances to life — namely, a toaster (named Ejector in the toyline), a blender, a stand mixer, a hand mixer, a microwave, a vacuum cleaner, a Cappuccino machine, a CISCO Aironet and a Waste disposal unit. The Appliancebots made their way to Sam's room and attacked him. Sam jumped out of the second floor and the Appliancebots followed suit, wreaking havoc and blowing the garden up. Bumblebee came and shot down all of the Appliancebots, killing them.

The Primes [voiced by Michael York, Kevin Michael Richardson and Robin Atkin Downes]
Alternate Modes: N/A
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
Weapons: Command Staffs, possibly other magical powers as well.

"We have been watching you for a long, long time."
During the past, around 17000 BC, the Seven Primes set out around the galaxy in search of suns to harvest. They set out with one rule: never to destroy a planet with life. The Primes landed on prehistoric Earth and built a Solar Harvester. A tribe of proto-human hunters encountered them, and several were carelessly killed by one of the Primes. This Prime, stronger than his brothers, wanted to activate the Harvester anyway. The other Primes refused and a great battle took place over the key that would activate the Harvester, the Matrix of Leadership. The remaining six Primes managed to stall their betrayer brother—who would forevermore be known as the Fallen—by attacking him en masse. In the ultimate act of sacrifice the six Primes used their own bodies to hide the Matrix. Thousands of years later, the Autobot-Decepticon war would reach the Earth. After being told of the Primes' tales by Jetfire, Sam Witwicky and his companions discovered the Tomb of the Primes in Petra, and Sam took the Matrix from the dead grasp of one of the Primes. However, upon contact it turned into dust. Never giving up hope, Sam persisted in bringing the dust to Optimus Prime's body. All through his struggles, the spirits of the Primes watched, as Sam displayed the qualities of a leader: courage and sacrifice. When Sam was momentarily killed by Megatron, he saw a vision of the six Primes, who told sam that he had earned the Matrix of Leadership. The Primes' spirits brought Sam back to life, so he could resurrect Optimus Prime with the Matrix.

Blackjack
2010-12-19, 02:35 AM
This is what happens when Blackjack + ROTF in iPod + insomnia.

Transcript of Revenge of the Fallen, as it is filmed.

Key:
Italics: Dialogue is spoken in another language and translated. I also use it for locations subtitled in the movie.
<These brackets>: Dialogue is not given any clear subtitles, and I'm guessing.
[These brackets] are for descriptive stuff like growling.
______________________

Prologue:

Optimus Prime: Earth. Birth place of the human race. A species much like our own. Capable of great compassion.

17, 000 B.C.

Optimus Prime: ...and great violence. For in our quest to protect the humans, a deeper revelation dawns. Our worlds have met before.

Fallen: [Speaks in Cybertronian, growls]

Protohuman: [screaming]

Fallen: [Growling]

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Act One: Shanghai

Shanghai, China, 22:14 hrs - today

Female News Announcer: [speaking in chinese]

Female News Announcer: Newsflash from the BBC.

Male News Announcer: Breaking news out of Shanghai. There's been a major toxic spill in the Shanghai factory district. The whole city is being [trails off]

Female News Announcer: We're staying on top of this developing story for you. We'll bring you any new information as we get it.

Pentagon - NEST Command

Female Pentagon officer: NEST Seahawks approaching target.

Pentagon officer: Three minutes until evacuation is complete, sir.

Pentagon officer: Chinese airspace has been locked and sealed, one-mile radius.

Morshower: All right, give NEST team the go.

Pentagon officer: Black Hawks, you're clear to land.

Skids: Ding-a-ling! Come out and get yo' ice cream. Any bad robot out there better get ready for an ass-whuppin'.

Optimus Prime: For the last two years, an advance team of new Autobots has taken refuge here under my command.

Lennox: Arcees, get ready to launch.

Arcee: We're locked and loaded.

Optimus Prime: Together, we form an alliance with the humans. A secret but brave squad of soldiers.

Lennox: All right, listen up. China's cover story on this one is toxic spill. They had to evac the area for search and rescue. This makes six enemy contacts in eight months. We gotta make sure this one does not get out in the public eye, so keep it tight.

Optimus Prime: A classified strike team called NEST. We hunt for what remains of our Decepticon foes, hiding in different countries around the globe.

Soldier: Roll in Alpha through Echo now.

Soldier: Move out! Let's go!

Lennox: All right, Ironhide. We got echoes. Vamos. Steel stacks at 2 o' clock!

Ironhide: [grunting] He's here. I smell him.

Graham: It's close. It's getting closer.

Soldier: Red light.

Epps: Oh no.

Lennox: What've you got?

Epps: Thermal ripple.

Lennox: Right, everybody, be steady... We're right on top of it.

Demolishor: [roars]

Soldiers: [screaming]

Lennox: Eagle-niner!

Bald soldier from the first movie: Aah!

Lennox: I need an energy proton!

Soldiers:

Epps: Panther One, requesting fire mission now!

Pentagon officer: Gunships on station. Rolling hot!

Black Hawk Pilot: Dog One, now we are engaging.

Demolishor: [roaring]

Black Hawk Pilot: We got a second Decepticon.

Lennox: Arcee, Twins! Target coming your way!

Mudflap: I got 'im, I got 'im!

Skids: Watch it, watch it-

Mudflap: Oof! Ah! Yah! I screwed that up... I'm okay. I'm all right.

Skids: This is combat, man!

Mudflap: Total brain freeze, man.

Skids: What's wrong with you?

Mudflap: Ah!

Lennox: Bring in Sideswipe!

Sideswipe: Clear a path!

Sideswipe: Damn- I'm good!

Demolishor: [roaring]

Epps: Air support, we need Big Buddha to deliver the drop now!

Cargo Plane Pilot: Cyclone nine-eight, final attack hitting in one two zero. Clear drop in five, four, three, two, one.

Optimus Prime: [grunting] Autobots, I'm in pursuit.

Demolishor: [roaring]

Optimus Prime: Pull over!

Demolishor: [roaring] Oh!

Ironhide: Punk ass Decepticon!

Optimus Prime: Any last words?

Demolishor: This is not your pla-anet to rule. The Fallen shall rise again.

Epps: That doesn't sound good.

Optimus Prime: Not today.

Act Two

Ron: Come on, let's go! All hands on deck! Frankie, Mojo, out! Come on, kiddo, we're on a schedule.

Sam: Slow down, Dad. Why are you in such a hurry to get rid of me, huh? Did you rent the room out?

Ron: No, I got other ideas for your room and it rhymes with home theater. Heh heh heh.

Judy: [sobs] Look what I found. It's your little baby booties.

Sam: Aw, Ma.

Judy: My little baby bootie boy. You can't go.

Sam: You see this, dad, this is how you're supposed to react when the fruit of your loins goes out into the cruel world to fend for himself, okay?

Ron: Yeah, my heart bleeds for you, pal. College. Bummer.

Judy: You have to come home. Every. Holiday. Not just big ones. You have to come home for Halloween.

Sam: Well I can't come home for Halloween, Mom.

Judy: Well, then we'll come to you.

Sam: You're not coming.

Judy: We'll dress up-

Sam: No, we're not going anywhere.

Judy: We'll be in costumes, you'll never know it's us.

Sam: You can't do that, Ma.

Ron: Would you let the kid breathe, for crying out loud? Come on, go pack. There's no way you're packed for a month-long trip. Come on, chop, chop! Let's go. March, young lady.

Sam: Ooh. Oh, dad.

Judy: I love it when you call me young lady, you dirty old man.

Ron: Eh, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Sam: Dad, Dad, Dad, whoa!

Ron: What?

Sam: I'm watching what you're doing, Dad. It's not a rap video.

Ron: It's like a coach thing.

Sam: That was a really creepy move just now, dad.

Ron: Look. You, you, your, ah... your mother and me are really, really proud of you. I mean, you're the first Witwicky ever to go to college.

Judy: Now I'm crying again! This sucks!

Sam: You're gonna be okay, Ma.

Ron: You know, it's just going to be, you know, hard for her to accept that her boy's all grown up, you know, going out to handle the world on his own.

Sam: You okay, pop?

Ron: Yeah. Mojo, no dominating Frankie! Get the hell off the couch, you filthy beasts! You'll see a lot of that in college, too.

Sam: What are you talking about, Dad?

Ron: There's gonna be a lot of women there.

Sam: Yeah, well, I'm a one-woman kind of guy.

Ron: Look, Mikaela's the greatest, but you gotta give each other room to grow, okay? You're no different than any other couple your age.

Sam: Except we discovered an alien race together.

Ron: Hah! How long you gonna be riding that scooter?

Sam: Dad, listen, I know what the odds are. We're the exception, okay? Wait a second. Oh, who could that be?

Ron: In two weeks, it could be Muffy.

Sam: Heeey, beautiful.

Mikaela: I'm breaking up with you, Sam.

Sam: Really? Sure? I'm not hearing a lot of conviction.

Mikaela: Well, I am, okay? So, there's no reason for me to come say goodbye to you.

Sam: Wow, you almost sounded serious that time. Guess what? I made you a long-distance relationship kit. Yeah, I got you a webcam, so we can chat 24/7. All Witwicky, all the time. And I got you a couple souvenirs from the event that cannot be mentioned on cell phones. Some mixes and candles and stuff.

Mikaela: Sounds cute. I can't wait.

Sam: Hey, you want the infamous D-Day shirt?

Mikaela: You kept your nasty, shredded clothes?

Sam: Yeah. Of course, I kept it, Mikaela. It's like my Super Bowl jersey. I bled in this thing.

Mikaela: Wow. You're pretty confident, huh?

Sam: No, it's not that. It's just that my low self-esteem's at an all-time high.

Mikaela: You think your little box of souvenirs is gonna keep me from leaving you?

Sam: You really should come with me. They got cheap apartments near campus.

Mikaela: Well, that's not gonna happen until I get my manchild father, fresh out of prison, back on his feet.

Mikaela's Dad: I heard that. Where'd you put the clutch covers?

Mikaela: Next to the camshafts.

Sam: Oh, I love it when you say camshafts. Whisper it to me.

Mikaela: [chuckles] Camshafts.

Sam: [chuckles]

Mikaela: Why can't I hate you?

Sam: It's my Witwicky charm. Wait, hold on. Wait, hold on a second.

Mikaela: I guess we're not breaking up. I'll be over in twenty.

Sam: 'Kaela, I think a sliver of the Cube got stuck on my shirt.

Mikaela: Sam?

Sam: [surprised yelping] there's a fire! Aah, dad, we got a fire!

Appliancebots: [chittering and growling in Cybertronian]

Sam: [grunts] Fire!

Appliancebots: [shouting in Cybertronian]

Judy: Ron... did you know it was gonna be this hard?

Ron: Can you- can you just stop?

Judy: Yeah, okay, I'll stop. You carry this shit!

Appliancebots: [chitters and converses in Cybertronian] Whoaahh.

Ron: Wow.

Judy: You know what?

Ron: What?

Judy: I don't want to go anywhere with you. I don't wanna go to France with you. I don't wanna go around the corner with you.

Ron: All right, fine.

Judy: I'm going back inside.

Ron: I'll call you from Paris.

Appliancebots: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Sam: [shouts in surprise and panic]

Ron: What is all the racket? Sam?

Sam: Dad!

Ron: What was that?

Sam: That's the whole kitchen!

Ron: Oh my...

Sam: BUMBLEBEE!

Bumblebee: [electronic squeals]

Ron: Geez!

Judy: [screaming]

Ron: Oh- Nine- Nine-one-one!

Sam: Bumblebee! Get in the garage. Go!

Judy: What the f*ck just happened?

Sam: I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. Just go in the garage quietly, please.

Judy: Holy Mother! Oh, my God!

Bumblebee: [disappointed squeals] Whatever. [More squeals]

Sam: Get in the garage now!

Judy: Firemen! Firefighters-

Ron: ...Dogs out! Get the dogs out!

Judy:This is it! Come on, you guys. What are you waiting for?

Judy: My house is on fire!

Firefighter: Very important.

Mikaela: What happened?

Sam: Come here. Listen, I need you to take the Cube sliver and put it in your purse.

Mikaela: What's going on?

Sam: Just take it.

Judy: Sam Witwicky?

Sam: Yes, Mom.

Judy: A word with you?

Sam: Yeah.

Judy: Hi, Mikaela. I have a bald spot-

Mikaela: Hi. Oh.

Ron: An old furnace, I think.

Firefighter: Yeah.

Judy: -from a waffle iron. When you go, he goes. I cannot live with this psychotic alien in my garage!

Ron: Calm, calm- Judy, Judy, national security. Look. If we stay quiet, they're gonna take care of everything. Just consider this the official start of our remodel, 'kay?

Judy: Fine. If the government's paying, I want a pool. And a hot tub!

Ron: Fine. 'Kay.

Judy: And I'm gonna skinny-dip and you can't say shit about it!

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Sam: Yeah, you know you're in trouble.

Mikaela: He still having voice problems?

Sam: He's playing it up. Bee, I want to talk to you about the college thing, okay?

Bumblebee: I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it.

Sam: I'm not taking you with me.

Bumblebee: [electronic groan]

Mikaela: I'm gonna wait outside, okay?

Sam: I meant to tell you about this earlier. It's just that, you know, here's the thing. Freshmen aren't allowed to have cars. I, I know, and if it was up to me, I'd take you with me, but it's not, Bee. Look. You're an Autobot. You shouldn't be living in my dad's garage. I mean, you're suffocating in here. You deserve better than this.

Bumblebee: [electronic groans]

Sam: This is hard enough, man. Don't make it harder. Can you just look at me, please? Come on, big guy... Look, the guardian thing is done, okay? You did your job. Look, I'm safe now. You need to go be with Optimus Prime and the others. I just want to be normal, Bee. That's why I'm going to college and I can't do that with you.

Bumblebee: [mock crying]

Sam: It's not the last time I'm gonna see you, you know, Bee. Come on, don't do that. Bee. You're killing me, Bee. But you'll always be my first car. Love you, Bee.

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Mikaela: Mm-hm.

Sam: Whoooa! Wow!

Ron: Between State Farm and the taxpayers, we're all taken care of.

Judy: You've got dirt all over you.

Ron: Stop. Stop.

Judy: What?

Ron: Stop, I'm okay.

Judy: Look.

Mikaela: So, you think you can make it through those East Coast winters without me?

Sam: You're the best thing to ever happen to me.

Mikaela: And?

Sam: And I'll do anything for you.

Mikaela: And?

Judy: I think Sam's about to say the L-word.

Ron: Let's go, kiddo!

Judy: Nice timing, Dad.

Sam: I... adore you.

Mikaela: That's not the word that I want to hear right now.

Sam: What are you talking about? It's the same word as the other word.

Mikaela: It's not the same word.

Sam: Look, if I say the other word now and you forced me to say it, it won't mean anything, plus you haven't said it either. So, don't get mad at me for not saying it.

Mikaela: Yeah, but I haven't said it because guys always run when you say it first.

Sam: Yeah, well, so do girls. Especially girls like you, with options.

Mikaela: Sooo, this is all part of your elaborate plan to keep me interested?

Sam: It can be.

Mikaela: I hate that it's working.

Sam: Have a kiss? We're going to make it work, I promise.

Wheelie: [i]Female has sliver from Cube.

Soundwave: Soundwave acknowledges. Pursue her. Retrieve it.

Act Three

NEST Classified Operations - Diego Garcia

Officer: Autobot Twins, report to Hangar Three.

Skids: Badass ice-cream truck coming through. Excuse me! Excuse me! Hello!

Mudflap: Hold up, hold up-

Skids: Those are nice. Yeah, baby. It's upgrade time.

Mudflap: Yes, sir. Aw yeah! Look here, it's my booty call right here! Time to get my sexy on with the green.

Skids: Green? Eh, no, green is mine! I call green!

Mudflap: Oh, ow!

Skids: I got the green.

Mudflap: That hurt, man.

Skids: It's supposed to hurt. It's an ass-kicking.

Soldier: Present arms!

Lennox: Director Galloway, what an honor. I'd love to show you around, but you gotta be on the classified access list.

Galloway: I am now. Presidential order, Major. I got a message for your classified space buddies! You guys made a mess of Shanghai.

Lennox: All right, so this is where we communicate with the JCS and this area serves as the Autobots' hangar.

Soldier: Secure link to JCS is up, Major!

NEST people:

Soldier: Secure line to Pentagon is now open.

Lennox: General?

Morshower: Will, I saw the Shanghai op.

Epps: We had a rough day out there.

Lennox: Yes, sir. We have intel that I believe warrants an immediate debrief. Now with your permission, I can't let you see him, but I would like you to hear from the leader of the Autobots.

Morshower: Proceed.

Epps: You got to wonder, if God made us in his image, who made him?

Optimus Prime: General, our alliance has countermanded six Decepticon incursions this year, each on a different continent. They're clearly searching around the world for something. But last night's encounter came with a warning.

Demolishor recording: The Fallen shall rise again.

Morshower: The Fallen. Meaning what?

Optimus Prime: Origin unknown. The only recorded history of our race was contained within the Allspark and lost with its destruction.

Galloway: Excuse me! With this so-called Allspark now destroyed, why hasn't the enemy left the planet like you thought they would?

Lennox: Director Galloway, our National Security Advisor. The President just appointed him liaison. Which, to a [trails off as Morshower speaks]

Morshower: Well, I guess I didn't get that memo.

Galloway: Forgive the interruption, General. Excuse me. Coming through. Excuse me. Excuse me, soldier. Um. After all the damage in Shanghai, the President is, um, hard-pressed to say the job's getting done. Now, under the classified Alien-Autobot Cooperation Act,you agreed to share your intel with us, but not your advancements in weaponry.

Optimus Prime: We've witnessed your human capacity for war. It would absolutely bring more harm than good.

Galloway: But who are you to judge what's best for us?

Lennox: With all due respect, we've been fighting side by side in the field for two years.

Epps: We've shed blood, sweat and precious metal together.

Galloway: Soldier, you're paid to shoot, not talk.

Epps: Don't tempt me.

Galloway: And the, ah, newest members of your team-

Optimus Prime: Easy.

Galloway: I understand they arrived here after you sent a message into space, an open invitation to come to Earth, vetted by no one at the White House.

Morshower: Let me stop you right there, mister Galloway. It was vetted right here. And in my experience, the judgment of both Major Lennox and his team has always been above reproach.

Galloway: Well, be that as it may, General, it is the position of the President that when our national security is at stake... No one is above reproach. Now, what do we know so far? We know that the enemy leader, classified NBE-One-

Soundwave: [rumbles]

Galloway: [voice echoes since it's from Soundwave's POV] a.k.a. Megatron, is rusting in peace at the bottom of the Laurentian Abyss, surrounded by SOSUS detection nets and a full-time submarine surveillance. We also know that the only remaining piece of your alien Allspark is locked in an electromagnetic vault here on one of the most secure naval bases in the world.

Soundwave: Decepticons, we have located the shard.

Galloway: And since no one can seem to tell me what the enemy is now after. Well, there's only one clear conclusion! You! The Autobots! They're here to hunt you! What's there to hunt for on Earth besides that? The Fallen shall rise again? It sounds to me like something's coming. So. Let me ask, if we ultimately conclude that our national security is best served by denying you further asylum on our planet, will you leave? Peacefully?

Optimus Prime: Freedom is your right. If you make that request, we will honor it. But... before your President decides, please ask him this: What if we leave... and you're wrong?

Lennox: That's a good question.

Act Four

Judy: Oh my gosh! Look at this place! I feel smarter already. Oh Ron, can you smell it?

Ron: Yeah, smells like four thousand dollars a year.

Judy: Oh hey, cheapo.

Ron: Hey, go ahead. We'll, uh, we'll get your stuff. Just go ahead and check out your room.

Judy: Yeah, go.

Sam: Hey.

Leo: Hey. You must be Sam, right? I'm Leo.

Sam: Hey.

Leo: So, I already set up the crib a bit. You want this side or that side?

Sam: Um, that side.

Leo: I already chose that side.

Sam: You know what this is? This is the awkward moment. Yeah, see, you're trying to see if I'm a normal guy. I'm trying to see if you're a normal guy. Balanced, unmedicated, nothing under the crawl space.

Leo: Good personal hygiene, won't stab me in my sleep.

Sam: No criminal record, won't steal anything.

Leo: Including girlfriends.

Sam: Especially girlfriends.

Leo: You got a girlfriend?

Sam: I do. You?

Leo: [chuckles] No, not a chance. You a techie?

Sam: Hm.

Leo: Sweet! Sharksky, Fassbinder, where we at?

Sharksky: Server's almost online, Leo.

Fassbinder: Network's up and running.

Leo: Beautiful, that's what I like to hear. That's Sharsky, that's Fassbinder, my IT gurus. Welcome to my empire, bro, The-Real-Effing-Deal-dot-com. That's me, I'm sure you've heard of it.

Sam: No, I haven't.

Fassbinder: Well, that sucks.

Sam: What is all this for?

Leo: See where I'm going, bro. Look, call me gross, but I want to be a baby billionaire. Kitten calendars. That's where I started. Look at me now. Got to have dreams, bro.

Fassbinder: Leo! We got some brand-new Shanghai vid!

Leo: Post it, baby! Go, go, go! FTJ! FTJ!

Fassbinder: Oh, it's cleeean.

Sam: What's FTJ?

Leo: Fuel the jet. Fuel the jet, bro.

Fassbinder: FTJ. FTJ! Legit! Did you see that? Did you see that?

Leo: Look at this. Half of Shanghai gets wrecked and China says gas leak. Don't believe the hype, bro.

Sharksky: Just like the alien robots in LA two years ago that everyone covered up.

Fassbinder: Yeah, I saw these robots, and they did this, like, firing thing and they came down and toasted this woman, and she was like-

Sam: Looks fake to me.

Fassbinder: Dude, it's not fake, the internet is pure truth.

Sharksky: Man.

Fassbinder: Video doesn't lie.

Sam: It looks fake.

Fassbinder: No, man, I've seen them. They're, like, these robots-

Sharksky: [indistinct arguing]

Sam: Look, look, look, it's fake. Anybody could do it on any computer, okay? And I wasn't, uh, there, so I can't comment or speculate.

Sharksky: Ah, no.

Leo: Comment or speculate? And we're supposed to co-habitate? No, listen, okay? Don't be sucking the sack, bro!

Sam: Which sack?

Sharksky: The ball sack.

Fassbinder: Dude, what kind of tool are you?

Leo: Mainstream media sack. They're lying to us, all right? It's aliens, man.

Sam: Okay, okay.

Leo: Follow me.

Sharksky: Uh-oh.

Fassbinder: Leo, bad news! We just got scooped, the video's already up on GFR.

Leo: Damn it, 'Binder! Aah! Robo-Warrior. The guy's our main competition on conspiracy stuff. Effing was my effing idea and he stole it! He's been linking to my site and thieving hits forever. By the way, I read your file. I'm poor, you're poor. We're gonna fix that, all right? You work for me now.

Sam: I- I work for you now? That's incredible. First day of college, I got a- I got a career in a dinky Internet firm with a boss who is made up of just pure champion stuff.

Leo: Are you mocking my life's work, Samuel? Huh? That's your one warning patrolling, dude. Don't make me have Fassbinder hack your financial aid, 'cause I'll do it!

Sam: Hey, R-A. Listen, ahem, it's getting a little intense in my room. Can I switch out?

Admissions Girl: Oh, no, sad face three-twelve. No switching, no trading. Let's turn that frown upside down, okay?

Judy: Oh, here we go.

Ron: We made it. Hi.

Judy: It's just like Hogwarts. Hi!

Ron: Is this co-ed? This is a co-ed dorm.

Sam: You guys want to meet my roommates?

Judy: Yes.

Sam: Some real swell guys. Here's Leo.

Leo: I'm Leo

Judy: We're the Witwickies. I'm Judy.

Leo: Hey, you have a great son, you really do.

Judy: Well, aren't you the sweetest thing?

Sam: Yeah, he's real sweet, ma. What is that in your hand, by the way?

Judy: I got this at the bake sale for the environment that those boys are having. You know, you don't often see white boys with the dreadlocks.

Sam: Mom?

Judy: Yeah, it's a hundred per cent pure Hawaiian green for the environment.

Ron: Judy, How many of these have you eaten?

Sam: Drop it.

Ron: Yeah, they baked it with reefer in it.

Judy: No, it's- Hey!

Sam: Please give me-

Judy: Hey! It's my cheat day. I can eat what I want.

Ron: Give me-

Sam: I'm going to freak out. Please do something right now, Dad. Please do something right now.

Ron: I did, I tried-

Judy: [indistinct talking] I can eat all the freaking brownies I want!

Leo: I'm sorry and you're welcome. Adios mio... Like I said we call it the Hot Freshman 55. Sharksky hacked Campus Housing and stacked the dorm with pretty betties... is... is so nice... Oh my God. That's her. She's coming. She sees me, she sees me. Whoo. She's tied for number one on my to-do list. Do not bird-dog my quarry, you hear me?

Judy: Pretty girls! Hey, you. My son lives in this dorm. You should go make friends with him. He's Sam.

Male Student: Glad she ain't my momma!

Judy: And he recently had his cherry popped!

Female Students: Ooh!

Judy: Ha ha ha! He didn't know I was in the house! I heard it all!

Sam: Hey! Hey! Hey!

Judy: Here he is! He would get in my closet and dress up as Boy Spice! Hey, and his car is a talking robot!

Female Students: [laughing]

Sam: No, like a- like a GPS. OnStar! OnStar.

Judy: Frisbee! Whoooooooo!

Sam: No, Dad! Dad, you just gonna let her run around the school?

Ron: No, I-

Judy: Waaah! Ah! Gimme! Ha ha! Mine, mine, mine!

Male Student: Hey! Crazy!

Male Student: You want it?

Judy: I want it. Woooo!

Ron: Judy, Judy, just... Just put it down.

Judy: Woooooo!

Female Student: You really got to control your mother.

Sam: I don't know who this woman is.

Judy: Hey, professor, I'd do anything for an A.

Ron: All right, Grace Slick. We got some snacks in the car. Let's go. Did you get the booties? All right.

Judy: [indistinct squealing]

Sam: Yes, Dad, I got the booties!

Judy: I'm upside down!

Act Five

Ravage: [growls]

Soldier: Black Lion X-Ray, this is Black Lion Tango. We have activation of motion sensors on the western perimeter fence.

Microcons: [electronic squeaking]

Reedman: [speaking in Cybertronian]

Soldier: Breach at B-14.

Soldier: Go, go, go, go, go!

Soldier: The shard's gone.

Reedman: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Soldier: Contact!

Soldier: Take it down!

Soldier: Which way?

Soldier: Shoot left!

Soldier: [screaming]

Soldier: Knock it down!

Act Six

Leo: First frat party's the game changer, boys, we're hunting in the wild now. So, get your game faces on.

Sam: I can't stay long. I have a webcam date with my girlfriend.

Fassbinder: That's so cool.

Leo: No, it's not.

Leo: Woh-ho-ho. While he's making out with his MacBook, I'm gonna be getting my Spitzy freaky freak on. Let's roll.

Sharksky: She's hot.

Fassbinder: Bro, we're hunting!

Mikaela's Dad: See you, darling.

Mikaela: Bye, Dad. O-kay. This is our first live chat date. I've never done it before. I'm kind of nervous.

Alice: Are you okay?

Sam: No. Ah, hm- I was getting a napkin for my drink. Thanks. Cheers.

Alice: It's Sam, right?

Sam: Yeah.

Alice: I wanna dance.

Sam: What, like... like dancing? Like a pairing? Like a duo? Like a coupling? 'Cause I'm in a permanently, uh, semi, semi... I'm in a relationship, kind of...

Alice: Oh, relax. I just want to have some fun.

Sam: You wanna have some fun? Yeah, okay. Let's play some checkers. You can sit over there and... oh, oh, my...

Alice: So, how about tonight you pretend I'm your girlfriend and I pretend that you're my boyfriend?

Senior Student: Hey! Who drove the freaking yellow Camaro? Huh? There is a car on the lawn!

Sam: What are you doing?

Bumblebee: Houston, we have a problem.

Sam: What is it?

Senior Student: Freshman!

Sam: Yeah?

Senior Student: That your car in our bushes?

Sam: No, there's a- there's a friend of mine, he just went to, ah, to get you a tighter shirt.

Shorter Senior Student: There isn't a tighter shirt! We checked. Now how about I park my foot in your ass?

Sam: What size shoe do you wear?

Shorter Senior Student: Yeah?

Senior Student: Oh, you want? You want-

Sam: Hold on.

Senior Student: You wanna try?

Sam: I'll back it up right now.

Leo: You have- woah-ho, you have a ride? Bro, why are you holding out on us?

Sam: I've only known you 17 hours.

Leo: This is gonna really change our lives. You have no idea.

Alice: I love Camaros.

Sam: Ah, no. I can't do this right now, okay?

Alice: Don't be a wimp.

Sam: Oh god.

Alice: My first car was my dad's ninety-two Z28.

Sam: Yeah?

Alice: Fuel-injected. The roar of the engine, it just tickles me.

Sam: We shouldn't, uh, stare... I mean, share stories with each other at all.

Alice: Eh, come on, Sam. Just one ride.

Bumblebee: You cheatinnnn' heart...

Sam: Don't. Don't!

Bumblebee: She's a super freak, super freak, she's super freaky-

Alice: Is your radio broken?

Sam: No, my concentration is.

Alice: We're not cheating. Not yet. Is something... wrong... here? Ah!

Sam: Oh, God! You okay?

Bumblebee: Ow.

Alice: Ow.

Bumblebee: She's mighty, mighty-

Sam: I really don't know what to tell you. This car has a lot of problems. A lot... oh. Oh! Oh, God! It's in my mouth! Oh, are you okay? I got Wetnaps. I got Wetnaps for your face! Hold on! I... I'm so sorry! What're you doing?

Sam: Huh. You won't give me a day, huh? You won't give me one day in college?

Optimus Prime: I'm sorry, Sam, but the last fragment of the Allspark was stolen.

Sam: Like what? Like Decepticons stole it?

Optimus Prime: We placed it under human protection at your government's request. But I'm here for your help, Sam. Because your leaders believe we brought vengeance upon your planet. Perhaps they are right. That is why they must be reminded by another human of the trust we share.

Sam: This isn't my war.

Optimus Prime: Not yet. But I fear it soon will be. Your world must not share the same fate as Cybertron. Whole generations lost.

Sam: I know, and I... I want to help you, I do, but I am not some alien ambassador, you know? I'm a normal kid with normal problems. I am where I'm supposed to be. I'm sorry. I... I really am.

Optimus Prime: Sam, fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.

Sam: You're Optimus Prime. You don't need me.

Optimus Prime: We do. More than you know.

Act Seven

[I]North Atlantic - 07:13 Hrs

Ravage: [growling]

U.S.S. Topeka, SSN

Soldier: Conn, Sonar. Gained new contact, bearing 214, and possible hostile, confirmed for project Deep Six Drop Point.

Soldier: What do you got?

Soldier: SU pulled five contacts at 5,000 feet, diving fast.

Constructicons: [grunting]

Soldier: Never seen anything dive that deep that fast. Man battle stations.

Soldier: Chief of the watch, man battle stations!

Chief of the watch: Man battle stations!

Soldier: Helm, left full rudder, all ahead two-thirds.

Soldier: Left full rudder, two-thirds.

Soldier: Dive. Go deep.

Pentagon Officer: The nets protecting NBE One are screaming, sir.

Morshower: That is 9,300 fathoms down, and no confirmed DSRVs on site?

Pentagon Officer: None, sir.

Morshower: Then people, we've got a problem!

Doctor: Need parts! Kill the little one!

Scrapper: [screaming in surprise]

Doctor: The shard make Energon!

Megatron: [roar]

Soldier: Conn, Sonar. Now hold six contacts, and they're coming up fast!

Soldier: Sound collision alarm.

Soldier: Left hard rudder.

Soldier: Five hundred feet.

Soldier: Angel Six, we got six hostiles coming up.

Soldier: Collision imminent port side.

Soldier: One hundred feet.

Soldier: Brace for impact-

Hatchlings: [purring noise]

Megatron: Starscream, I'm home.

Starscream: Lord Megatron, I was... so relieved to hear of your resurrection.

Megatron: You left me to die on that pathetic insect planet.

Starscream: Only to help spawn our... new army. The Fallen decrees it! After all, in your absence, someone had to take command.

Megatron: [growls]

Starscream: [yelping]

Megatron: So disappointing.

Starscream: Hatchlings! Hatchlings! Careful, fragile!

Megatron: Even in death, there is no command but mine.

Starscream: No, no, no-

Hatchling: [squeaks, death thores]

Megatron: My master, I failed you on Earth. The Allspark is destroyed and without it, our race will perish.

Fallen: Oh, you have much to learn, my disciple. The Cube was merely a vessel. Its power, its knowledge, can never be destroyed. It can only... trans... form.

Megatron: How is that possible?

Fallen: It has been absorbed by the human child. The key to saving our race now lies within his mind.

Megatron: Well then, let me strip the very flesh from his body!

Fallen: And you will, my apprentice, in time. For millennia, I have dreamed of my return to that wretched planet where I, too, was once betrayed by the Primes I called my brothers. Only a Prime can defeat me, and now, only one remains.

Megatron: Optimus! He protects the boy.

Fallen: Then the boy will lead us to him. And revenge will be ours.

Megatron: Yes. [Growl]

Starscream: The boy will not escape us. We have him in our sights. Without more Energon, the hatchlings will keep dying!

Blackjack
2010-12-19, 04:12 AM
Act Eight

Professor Colan: Space. Time. Gravity.

Female Student: Thank you.

Professor Colan: Finish that for me. We're going on a journey together, you and I, today. All you... eager, nubile, young minds on the very cusp of adulthood. And I shall be your consort, your guide, your... chaperone into the heart of darkness. [laughing] Welcome to Astronomy 101. For what do we know about the stars? Virgo. The virgin. Orion, the great hunter. These are no mere twinkling diamonds for... lovely maidens to wish upon. No, they are dynamos filled with a throbbing, savage and pent-up energy!

Leo: Sam, Sam-

Professor Colan: Behold the work of Albert Einstein, a professor once, like moi. Energy equals mass...

Leo: What you doing? Put your hand down. Put your hand down. Put your hand down.

Professor Colan: Young man, there are no questions until I've reached the climax of my lecture.

Sam: I just finished your book and there's only one problem. Einstein's wrong.

Students: [laughing]

Sam: Energy does equal mass times the velocity of light squared in this dimension, but what about the other seventeen? Nobody talks about the other seventeen. Clear example. Break down the elemental components of Energon, assume a constant decay rate and extrapolate for each of the [mutters in Cybertronian] fourteen galactic convergences it took the Sentinel Prime expedition to receive an [stutters] echo on its signal, you wind up with a formula for inter-dimensional energy increase that mass and light alone can't possibly explain. Come on guys, I can't be the only one in the class who...

Professor Colan: Young man, I will not be punk'd in front of the dean.

Dean: [gasps]

Professor Colan: No, this is my universe here. Do you understand? I am the alpha and the omega. Get out of my class!

Students: [laughing]

Sam: Yes, sir.

Professor Colan: Anyone else care to have some sort of mental breakdown?

Mikaela: Hi, Bones! Hi. Hi. Oh you're such a good boy. What a good boy, you are. Hey, Bones. You hungry?

<Radio>: Come on, check that out.

Mikaela: There you go. [Annoyed mutter] Yes, Samuel?

Sam: Hello? Mikaela?

Mikaela: I can't believe you're gonna stand me up on our first web chat date.

Sam: Something just happened to me, okay?

Mikaela: What- you finally hit puberty?

Sam: No, no, no. Stop laughing. This is serious, okay. Remember I was telling you about my great-great-grandfather, Archibald Witwicky? Remember? Watch it, watch it, watch... No! Okay, remember how I was telling you how, okay, can you stop? Watch the foot! Watch your foot! Mikaela, okay, my great-great-grandfather went on this Arctic mission, right? And he saw Megatron. Megatron zapped him and he started seeing these crazy symbols. Okay. Well, now I'm seeing them, too. Excuse me. I just read a nine hundred and three page astronomy book in thirty two point six seconds. I had a meltdown in the middle of my class. I am seeing symbols ever since I...

Mikaela: Since what?

Sam: Ever since I touched the Cube splinter. Do you have it?

Mikaela: Yeah, I have it. It's in the shop safe. It's fine.

Sam: Mik- Mikaela, do not touch it, okay? Don't touch it.

Mikaela: I'm not gonna touch it. Sam, it's fine. It's locked away. No one knows where it is.

Wheelie: I do! Ah-ha. You're hot, but you ain't too bright.

Wheelie: There we go. Yeah, that will work. Ooh damn- son of a bitch! What are you looking at, slobber-puss? Ah- what the? This place is a freaking house of horrors! Ooh... pain... it hurts...

Mikaela: Hold on.

Wheelie: Right to five, then tat-tat-tat-tat-tat- [shrieks] Is that the best you got, huh? Is that the best you can do? Ah!

Mikaela: What are you doing here, you little freak?

Wheelie: Aaa! That's my eye, you crazy bitch!

Mikaela: You gonna talk now?

Wheelie: Ow, ow, ow! I seek knowledge from the Cube. The Fallen demands me!

Mikaela: What knowledge?

Wheelie: You got the shard. I need the shard, gimme the shard, I need the shard, gimme the shard, they're gonna whack me! I'm gonna be dead without that shard!

Mikaela: [grunts]

Wheelie: Easy, warrior goddess, I'm just a little salvage-scrap drone!

Mikaela: And I'm your worst nightmare.

Wheelie: Ow ow ow. Hey, hey, hey!

Sam: What the hell was that?

Mikaela: I'll tell you later, just not on an open phone line, okay? I'm gonna get on a plane right now and I'll be there later this afternoon. Just be careful, Sam.

College Students: [assorted grunts as Sam runs past]

Customs official: And have any strangers given you anything suspicious to carry on today?

Wheelie: Yeah, a live bomb!

Mikaela: No.

Customs official: Good.

Sam: [indistinct crazed mutterings]

Soldier: Major, incoming SOS from Autobots!

Soldier: Multiple Decepticon contacts in motion. Vicinity- Eastern United States, sir!

Morshower: As in how many?

Pentagon officer: Unclear, sir.

Morshower: Well, get clear.

Soldier: The Autobots are on the move, splitting into two teams, sir. They're not answering our calls and they're heading to New York and Philadelphia.

Lennox: All right, full weapons deployment. Wheels up in 20 minutes!

Soldier: All clear!

Soldier: Move it!

Soldier: Let's go!

Announcer: Flight Fifty Seven, welcome to Philadelphia.

Leo: Alicia, mi amor, can I interest you in an 18-inch zookeeper's special? Extra-large, triple cheese, with every known animal as a topping. Basically, I've got like 18 inches of meat. Unless you're vegetarian. All right. It's cool. I am, too.

Alice: Sam home?

Leo: Sam? I think he died, but why don't we check?

Leo: Here we are.

Sam: Hey! You ever have a song stuck in your head? It's like the worst song ever, but you can't help to whistle it or sing it 'cause it, like, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself? Kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar...

Leo: Dude, what the eff?

Sam: I know you're freaking out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Easy fix. Puzzle code in my head. Now it's on the walls. Everything is good. This is the part that- shh! Shh! Shh! Okay, were you saying?

Leo: Alice, I'm horrified you had to see this. Let's go.

Alice: Get out.

Leo: Wait, wait, wait! Can- can I just sit and watch? I'll- I'll eat my pizza quietly.

Alice: Sam, I knew there was something special about you.

Sam: Really?

Alice: And I know you know what happens when two people in the know get together. They're genuinely amazing... in bed.

Mikaela: Thank you.

Sam: All right, listen, hold on! Boundaries. Flag on the play. Okay. I'm very ticklish.

Alice: We have needs, Sam. Relax.

Sam: Whoah! Jeez! Uh... what about this economy? It's crazy, isn't it? You are very aggressive.

Alice: Just relax.

Sam: You want some turkey meatloaf?

Mikaela: Sam?

Sam: Mikaela!

Alice: Is that your girlfriend?

Sam: Uh-huh?

Mikaela: Ex.

Sam: Mikaela! Wait!

Alice: [growls]

Sam: I can explain everyth- uk!

Alice: [growling]

Sam: [grunting]

Leo: Sam, your bed buddy, Alice- whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!

Sam: [little girl shriek]

Alice: [growling]

College Students: [assorted screaming]

Sam: All right, come on.

Mikaela: She's coming!

Sam: She's an alien robot! You gotta move.

Leo: This real?

Sam: Just run!

Leo: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I can't believe I almost had sex with her in my dream!

Mikaela: I can tell that you really missed me a lot, Sam!

Sam: Look, it's not my fault, okay?

Mikaela: Oh, it's not your fault?

Sam: Listen! Listen, I'm a victim!

Mikaela: You were a victim? Of what?

Sam: Yeah.

Mikaela: Of what, a little eighty pound girl?

Sam: Of, of, of molestation. It was like getting humped in the neck by a mountain ox!

Mikaela: You didn't have to put your tongue in her mouth!

Sam: I didn't! Look!

Mikaela: You did!

Sam: Look. You ever had your stomach tongued by a mountain ox with a five-foot tongue? It's not fun for me, okay, Mikaela? And it smelled like... like diesel! Like a diesel-y tinge to it!

Mikaela: You're such a little girl!

Sam: We're gonna have ten seconds of silence right now. I'm not talking to you for ten seconds.

Mikaela: You can't give me the silent treatment! You know what?

Sam: I'm not talking to you for ten seconds. You have three seconds left.

Mikaela: You know what? You can give me the silent treatment all you want, but you can't keep me from talking.

Sam: What were you gonna say?

Mikaela: I hope you had a lot of fun, because this, this is over.

Leo: She violated your orifice with her nasty alien probe? She did it? She went in there? All her little embryo alien babies are gestating and hatching inside of you. They're growing right now, probably! You need to vomit it right now. Yak it! Yak it right now!

Sam: [vomits]

Mikaela: Who are you?

Leo: Leonardo Ponce De Leon Spitz. Okay? I'm the key to this. The aliens, they want me 'cause of my site. Whoa! Whoa, guys, right there!

Students: [screaming]

Leo: Run!

Alice: [growling in Cybertronian]

Sam: Mikaela!

Mikaela: [screaming]

Students: [screaming]

Sam: Come on! We gotta move!

Male student: It's a bomb!

Female student: It's a boooomb!

Mikaela: You've got to get that box!

Mikaela: This way.

Wheelie: Hey! Let me out, let me out!

Leo: Oh my god, you know how to hotwire a car? So hot.

Sam: Drive, drive, drive! She's right there! She's right there!

Mikaela: Come on, come on, come on.

Sam: Drive, drive, drive! Back up the car!

Alice: [growls]

Sam: No! Whoa! Tongue tongue tongue!

Leo: Oh my god! Oh god!

Alice: [growling and screaming]

Sam: Drive, drive- pull-

Mikaela: Kiss this, bitch!

Sam: Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive.

Leo: Okay, so what else don't I know, all right? Since you guys forgot to mention some minor details.

Sam: That thing you saw back there, that was the little baby- whoa! Whoa!

Leo: Whoa!

Mikaela: Oh!

Leo: Oh my god! Oh my god!

Sam: Whoaah!

Mikaela: Saaaam!

Sam: [screaming]

Mikaela: Sam! Sam!

Leo: Hold on!

Sam: Pull me up!

Leo: Hold on!

Mikaela: Sam! Get back in-

Leo: Whoah! I don't want to die! We're gonna die! Oh my god!

Sam, Leo, Mikaela: [lots of screaming]

Leo: Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus!

Starscream: Fah. Let's see..

Megatron: Come here, boy. Mmm... closer. [growl]

Mikaela: Oh god.

Sam: Okay, okay.

Megatron: You remember me, don't you?

Sam: I did what you said, okay? Just don't hurt us.

Megatron: Shut up!

Sam: Aaa!

Mikaela: Sam!

Sam: [painful grunt]

Megatron: Yeah. Yes, yes.

Sam: Wait wait wait! Ahh!

Megatron: It feels good to grab your flesh! I am going to kill you! Slowly, painfully. But first, we have some delicate work to do.

Sam: Ah, wait wait wait wait wait! [Painful grunts]

Megatron: How I could snap your limbs off! Doctor, examine this alien specimen.

Doctor: <I'll scan you for Megatron. Take a look at your face, ah?> I'm the doctor. The odd job. [Cybertronian words] Informa-tion!

Sam: Uh!

Doctor: Yeah!

Sam: [grunts in pain]

Doctor: Beseeching my shard! Easy or tough way?

Worm Decepticon: [electronic squeal]

Sam: [gag]

Worm Decepticon: [more squeals]

Doctor: [speaks in Cybertronian]. Knowledge. [speaks in Cybertronian] Cybertronian!

Megatron: Oh, there they are.

Sam: That's what I'm seeing in my head.

Megatron: These symbols can lead us to the Energon source.

Doctor: We must have the brain! On the table! Chop chop!

Sam: Brain? What does he mean by- by my brain?

Megatron: Well, you have something on your mind, something I need.

Sam: Hold on. I- I know you're pissed. I know you're pissed. Because I tried to kill you and, and it's completely understandable. Somebody tried to kill me, I'd be upset, too.

Doctor: [mutters in Cybertronian]

Sam: I... think that we have an opportunity here to start anew and... and develop our relationship and see where it leads us, okay? So, you just call Doctor Inspector off and let's just talk for five seconds! Wait, wait, wai-

Leo: Come on! Go, go!

Mikaela: Sam!

Sam: [grunting]

Leo: Go, go, go! Move!

Mikaela: [grunt]

Megatron: No!

Optimus Prime: Sam!

Leo: Run! Go, go, go, go, go!!

Act Ten

Sam: Here he comes!

Optimus Prime: Hide, Sam! [grunts] Weak!

Megatron: [growl]

Optimus Prime: Puny!

Megatron: Unh!

Optimus Prime: Waste of- metal! Junkyard- crap!

Megatron: Decepticons!

Starscream: Come here, boy.

Megatron: [roaring and grunting]

Optimus Prime: [grunting]

Optimus, Megatron, Starscream: [assorted battle grunts]

Megatron: There is another source of Energon hidden on this planet. The boy could lead us to it.

Optimus Prime: [slow motion groan]

Sam: Optimus!

Optimus Prime: [spits out tooth]

Megatron: Is the future of our race not worth a single human life?

Sam: Up! Get up!

Optimus Prime: You'll never stop at one! I'll take you ALL on!

Starscream: Ah!

Grindor: [grunts]

Megatron: [grunts] Aah- Oof!

Starscream: My arm!

Optimus Prime:

Grindor: No! Not me- [screams]

Optimus Prime: Piece of tin.

Optimus Prime: Sam! Where are you?

Megatron: [hisses]

Optimus Prime: [painful scream] No!

Megatron: You're so weak!

Optimus Prime: [pained scream]

Fallen: [long growl] The last Prime is dead!

Optimus Prime: Sam, run. Ru...

Ironhide: Autobots, attack!

Ratchet: Bumblebee, get them out of here!

Lennox: This is Lennox...

[B]Act Eleven

Megatron: That went well.

Starscream: We've... lost the boy, Master. The Autobots must be shielding their signals.

Megatron: I can't even rely on you-

Starscream: Sorry- no! No!

Megatron: -to swat a simple insect?

Starscream: One insect among seven billion!

Megatron: Shut up.

Starscream: He could be anywhere.

Megatron: Then we will force them to find him for us! It's time for the world to know of our presence. No more disguises. No mercy! The time has come for my master's arrival.

Soundwave: Decepticons, mobilize. It is time.

[assorted voices over Soundwave's hacking]

Soundwave: Yeeesss...

Judy: Speaking French is so exciting! My god, who is this? Hello? I mean, bon- bonsoir!

Soundwave: ...is the boy?

Judy: What? Who is this?

Soundwave: Where- where- is the boy?

Judy: For Pete's sakes. I'm not impressed with your perverted mouth-breathing.

New York City

Judy: Oh, jeez!

Ron: You are invading my space. I'm gonna have to drop you. Would you get out of here? I didn't come all the way across the ocean to eat a plate of snails.

Judy: I want to try new things.

Ron: Looks like Canadian goose poop.

Judy: It's nasty.

U.S. 2nd Fleet, N. Atlantic Ocean

[Assorted indistinct military speech]

Guy in Paris: [speaks in French, presumably]

Ron: Huh?

People in Paris: [screaming]

Generic Decepticon: [rumbles in Cybertronian]

Luckless Soldier: Aah!

Protoform Decepticons: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Fallen: [growls] Revenge is mine.

People in Paris: [random panicked screams]

Judy: Aah! Aah...

Protoform Decepticon: Yeah!

Pentagon - Washington D.C.

Female Newscaster: ...definitely not a plane-

High Ranking Officer: Look, carriers don't just sink.

Newscaster: -a horrible accident or a terrorist attack or worse- [indistinct speech drowned out by Pentagon guy]

High Ranking Officer: Negative. NORAD confirmed, projectile came from beyond our atmosphere, inbound at thirty thousand knots.

Megatron: [growling]

Fallen: Citizens of the human hive, your... leaders have withheld the truth. You are not alone in this universe. We have lived among you. Hidden. But no more. As you've seen, we can destroy your cities at will, unless you turn over this... boy.... If you resist us, we will destroy the world as you know it.

Act Twelve

Male Newscaster: What we're hearing from the German government is that the world broadcast was a satellite hacking.

[I]NEST Team - New Jersey

Male Newscaster: The military has just told us they have assumed Condition Delta, which is the highest level we have been at since Nine-Eleven. President Obama is being flown to a bunker somewhere in the middle of the United States in the face of the worst simultaneous attacks ever around the globe.

Male newscaster: The aircraft carrier USS Roosevelt goes down off the East Coast, all hands lost.

Male Newscaster: Worldwide casualties are in the neighborhood of seven thousand, but that number could climb. It's still too early to tell. What we need to ask now is, "who and why?"

Male Newscaster: The FBI is still trying to locate the boy, Sam Witwicky.

Spokesman: We believe they have information about the attacks. The FBI, CIA and Interpol are all seeking the cooperation of worldwide law enforcement.

Leo: Hey, bro, you need to listen to this, man. You gotta check this out.

Male newscaster: They have a traffic-camera spotting Sam and-

Leo: They have a picture of me, man. We're dead, bro. FBI, CIA, we are wanted fugitives now! I just need you to focus for one minute, man.

Sam: Just stop.

Leo: This thing has blown up to a whole other level, all right? You-

Sam: You know what? Give me this thing. They can track us. Do you see this?

Leo: What? They can track us? Like, satellite track us? Okay, I'm not even with you guys! Technically, I'm like a hostage. This is kidnapping! Enough is...

Mudflap: Yo, Le-yo!

Leo: This thing's gonna give me a heart attack, I swear.

Mudflap: That's 'cause yous a wuss.

Leo: You guys forced me into that car, right, so-

Mudflap: Ooh, I think he's scared.

Skids: Hey, Mudflap, what are we gonna do with this shrimp taco?

Mudflap: Let's pop a cap in his ass, throw him in the trunk and then nobody gonna know nothing, know what I mean?

Skids: Not in my trunk.

Leo: Yo, bumper cars?

Skids: Bumper cars?

Leo: Cut it out. I'm hearing you. Okay? I'm right here and I can hear you! No one's popping any caps in any asses, okay? I've had a hell! Of a day!

Mudflap: [making sticking-out-tongue noises]

Skids: Why don't you get a haircut with your bitch ass?

Mudflap: Go whine to your boyfriend!

Leo: Listen, Sam, I know what I'm gonna do, man. Look, I'm just going to go to the authorities and tell them the truth. Like, I had nothing to do with this. So I'm not an accomplice.

Sam: Hey, hey, you wanted this, right? You wanted the real deal? Well, that's what this is. Wake up! You're in the middle of it! You want to run? Go ahead! No one's stopping you. Stop complaining.

Sideswipe: What is the meaning of this?

Soldiers: [various yelling]

Ironhide: You dare point a gun at me? You want a piece of me? I will tear you apart!

Soldiers: Drop your weapons! Drop your weapons!

Epps: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Drop your weapons!

Lennox: Tell them to lower their weapons!

Military officer: Tell them first.

Lennox: Tell them to lower their weap-

Military officer: Major, there's nothing I can do. Talk to him.

Galloway: Your NEST team is deactivated, Major. You are to cease anti-Decepticon operations and return to Diego Garcia pending further orders.

Lennox: No, we take our orders directly from Chairman Morshower, sir.

Galloway: Well, I'll see your Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and I will raise you a President of the United States. I have operational command now. An alien blood feud has been brought to our shores for which our soldiers are paying the price. The secret is out! This is our war now. And we will win it as we always have, with a coordinated military strategy.

Ratchet: This fool is terribly misinformed.

Lennox: You're gonna need every asset that you've got.

Galloway: What we need is to draw up battle plans while we explore every possible diplomatic solution.

Lennox: Like what, handing over the kid?

Galloway: All options are being considered.

Graham: Whatever the Decepticons are after, this is just the start.

Lennox: There is no negotiating with them.

Galloway: I'm ordering you to stand down. You won't be needing this anymore. Get your assets back to base! And take that pile of scrap metal back to Diego Garcia. Let's go!

Epps: I really don't like that dude. He's a asshole.

Officer: Autobots, report to hangar for transport.

Ratchet: Ironhide, we should leave this planet.

Ironhide: That's not what Optimus would want.

Mikaela: There's nothing that you could have done.

Sam: You okay?

Mikaela: Yeah.

Sam: Bee, if you hate me, I understand.

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Sam: I messed up. I'm sorry.

Bumblebee: Young fella, you are the person I care about most in my life. If there's anything you need, I won't be far away.

Sam: He's dead because of me. He came here to protect me and he's dead.

Bumblebee: There's some things you just can't change. So, his sacrifice for us would not have been in vain. Hallelujah!

Sam: I'm gonna make it right. I'm going to turn myself in.

Bumblebee: We- we've got to stick together.

Mikaela: You're not going to do that.

Sam: Yes, I am.

Bumblebee: Everything we worked for will be wiped out. In one day!

Sam: You two.

Skids: Mm?

Mudflap: Huh?

Sam: Hey, you know the glyphs?

Skids: Uh...

Sam: These? The symbols that have been rattling around in my head?

Skids: Whoo, that's, that's old school, yo. That's, that's like... that's Cybertronian.

Mudflap: Oh, that's some serious stuff, right there.

Sam: They gotta mean something, like a message or like a map. Like a map to an Energon source! Can you read this?

Skids: Read? Uh-

Sam: You see that? You see that?

Mudflap: We... No. We don't really do much reading. Not so much.

Sam: If you can't read it, we gotta find somebody who can.

Skids: Look who came sashaying back.

Mudflap: Hair growing like a Chia Pet. Look at him. Look at that.

Leo: I had a bit of a mild panic attack earlier, right?

Mudflap: That's 'cause you're a pussy.

Skids and Mudflap: [chuckling]

Leo: I think I'm allowed that, considering what I've been through. I heard you have a problem. I think I know someone who can help.

Sam: Who?

Leo: Robo-Warrior.

Act Thirteen

Leo: This guy, Robo-Warrior? Everything about anything alien, he's supposed to know. One time we revenge-hacked his site and maybe, I saw some of your... uh... alien drawings or whatever.

Leo: This is it. Yep. Deli. Good front! All right, wait here. I'll give you the go no-go. All right?

Simmons: Number forty-two, we got your kishka, knish, kasha-varnishka and kreplach combo right here. Cash only. Who's next?

Tova Simmons: I told you to cure the lox in the brine and then smoke it.

Simmons: Ma, you want me to cut my hand off, or what?

Tova Simmons: You, you, you ruined a beautiful piece of fish, you retard.

Simmons: I'm like a ninja with a blade. It's an art form.

Tova Simmons: Give me your money. Get out of here!

Simmons: Hey, Sal! Watch your reach, huh? Take a number, young man.

Leo: Robo-Warrior. Know him?

Simmons: I never heard of him.

Leo: You never heard of TheRealEffingDeal-dot-com?

Simmons: You must be talking about that amateur-hour blog operation with Game Boy level security.

Leo: Robo-Warrior. It's him! It's him! That's the guy right there! That's him!

Simmons: No.

Sam: You've got to be kidding me.

Simmons: All right, meat store's closed! Everybody out!

Tova Simmons?: When he says to go, you go.

Simmons: Out! Right now. That means you, lady, right now.

Simmons' customers: [indistinct arguing]

Leo: Wait a minute. You know this guy?

Sam: We're old friends.

Simmons: Old friends? You're the case that shut down Sector Seven, got the kibosh disbanded. No more security clearance, no retirement, no nothing. All 'cause of you and your little criminal girlfriend. Look at her now, so mature.

Tova Simmons: Moron! Where's the whitefish?

Yakov: Hey! Don't touch me with the pig.

Simmons: Yakov!

Yakov: What?

Simmons: You don't get Christmas bonuses standing around! You want those new teeth you saw on Sky Mall?

Yakov: It's my dream.

Simmons: Help her out.

Mikaela: You live with your mama?

Simmons: No, my mama lives with me. It's a big difference. They've got your face all over the news, alien boy.

Sam: Yeah, I know.

Simmons: And N.B.E.-one. Still kicking, huh? How did that happen? Don't answer. I don't know what you're hiding, but I don't want anything to do with it. So, good-bye. You never saw me. I got bagels to smear. Vanish.

Sam: Can you give me five seconds? Look, hold on, I need your help.

Simmons: Reaaaally? You need my help?

Sam: I need... Look, I am slowly losing my mind. Okay. I had a little crab-bot plunge a device deep into the soft tissues of my brain and started projecting little alien symbols like a freaking home movie! And on top of that, I'm a wanted fugitive. So, you think you got it rough?

Simmons: You said it projected images off your brain?

Sam: Right.

Simmons: Meat locker, now!

Sam: Dead pigs.

Mikaela: Yuck.

Simmons: What you're about to see is top secret... Do not tell my mother.

Sam: Swine flu. Not good.

Simmons: Now you know. Next time you eat a goat or a pig, there's a story behind it. Saaad little story.

Male newscaster: An entire city flat. How do you explain that? Are you saying you believe in aliens now?

Simmons: Okay, files, files. We're talking about symbols. Ey! still radioactive. Hands off. Okay, Cube-brain. Any of these look like the symbols you saw?

Sam: Where did you get these?

Simmons: Before I got fired, I poached S-7's crown jewel, over seventy five years of alien research, which points to one inescapable fact. The Transformers, they've been here a long, long time. How do I know? Archaeologists found these unexplained markings in ancient ruins all over the world. China. Egypt. Greece. Shot in 1932. These the symbols you're seeing in your head?

Sam: Yeah.

Simmons: Same ones over here, right? So, tell me, how did they end up all drawing the same things? Aliens. And I think some of them stayed. Check this out. Project: Black Knife. Robots. In disguise. Hiding here all along. We detected radioactive signatures all across the country. I pleaded. On my knees with S-7 to investigate it, but they said the readings were infinitesimal, that I... was... obsessed! Me. Can you imagine that?

Sam: Megatron said that there was another Energon source here.

Simmons: On Earth.

Sam: On Earth.

Simmons: Another source?

Sam: Okay? And that these symbols, the maps in my head, would lead him there.

Simmons: You talked to your Autobot friends about this?

Sam: No, no, no, the source is before them. Whatever the Energon source is, it predates them. It's before them.

Simmons: So it comes before them.

Sam: Correct.

Simmons: Well, then we're porked, unless we can talk to a Decepticon. I mean, I'm not on speaking [chuckle] terms with them.

Mikaela: Actually, I am.

Wheelie: Let me out!

Mikaela: This is going to be a little bit sad.

Sam: Open it.

Wheelie: [faux-scary roar]

Sam: Whoop.

Leo: [screams]

Simmons: Whoa.

Wheelie: I will have so many Decepticons on your butt!

Mikaela: Hey, behave!

Wheelie: Easy!

Sam: What is it, a Decepticon?

Mikaela: Yeah.

Sam: And you're training him?

Mikaela: I'm trying to.

Simmons: I spent my whole adult life combing the planet for aliens...

Wheelie: [grunts] Got to get me off this leash.

Simmons: ...and you're carrying around one in your purse like a little chihuahua.

Wheelie: Huh? Do you want a throwdown, you pubic 'fro-head?

Mikaela: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about your eye, you know, but, if you're a good boy-

Wheelie: Uh-huh? Uh-huh?

Mikaela: -then I'm not gonna torch your other eye. Okay? I'm not gonna torch it. Just tell me what these symbols are. Please.

Wheelie: All right. Uh. Oh, I know that. That's the language of the Primes. I don't read it, but these guys... where the frick did you find photos of these guys?

Sam: Is this they?

Wheelie: Yeah. Seekers, pal. Oldest of the old. They've been here thousands of years, looking for something. I don't know what. Nobody tells me nothing, but they'll translate those symbols for you. And I know where to find them.

Simmons: Show us.

Wheelie: Yeah. [growl]

Simmons: Closest one's in Washington.

[B]Act Fourteen

Simmons: Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. Land of dreams in there. All I ever wanted to be was an astronaut. Hold those.

Sam: What is that?

Simmons: What? I wear them when I'm in a funk. So does Giambi, Jeter. It's a baseball thing. Okay. Watches synchronized, sharp mind and empty bladder. You get caught, demand an attorney and don't ever say my name. Okay, take one of these pills. Slip it under your tongue. It's the high-concentrate polymer they put in Oreo cookies. Tricks the polygraph every time. Okay. Now, let's get this show on the road.

Leo: Whoa, whoa, no, listen, I can't do this.

Simmons: Yes.

Leo: I'm not some alien bounty hunter, guys. I'm not gonna do this. Guards have guns. I don't want to die.

Simmons: Kid. Kid. Kid. Kid, kid, kid. You compromise this mission, you are dead to me. Now look into my eyes and tighten up that sphincter.

Blackjack
2010-12-21, 04:36 AM
Announcer: The museum is now closing.

Leo: [whistles] Yo, baba! Bad news, bro! Ran out of toilet paper! You got any out here? Please tell me you do.

Security guard: Sir! I suggest you get in there. The museum is closed!

Leo: Listen, man, I understand that, but as you can see, this is important. All right? Thumper dumper. I got to go. All right.

Security guard: Sir, you are a grown, naked man around children. Pull your pants up and exit the building.

Leo: I'm not going anywhere.

Security guard: [grunts]

Security guard: You got that paper, right, sir? You should be embarrassed. This is a family museum, sir.

Leo: Come on...

Security guard: [grunts as he is tasered]

Leo: [screaming and grunting]

Simmons: What is going on here?

Leo: How many times- can you get tased in the nuts before you can't- have- kids-? Huh? You know?

Simmons: You are an amateur, man. A rank amateur. We just downed five guards. Five guards. Get your stuff and get out of here. Get out of-

Sam: Give me a second here.

Simmons: I got to get the tracker, all right.

Mikaela: Be good.

Wheelie: [gasps] I'm claustrophobic.

Simmons: Ah.

Mikaela: Look, look. Follow him. Follow him. He knows where he's going... He knows something.

Sam: What?

Mikaela: He knows something!

Simmons: You got what I got?

Sam: Yeah?

Simmons: Blackbird.

Wheelie: Ooh, there he is. This guy's a legend, like, like, like the Chairman of the Board! Yo, freshman, point the shard and watch the magic happen.

Mikaela: Oh shit. It's a Decepticon!

Simmons: Decepticon?

Leo: Decepticon?

Simmons: Behind the MiG now!

Jetfire: [grunting] Ah. What sort of hideous mausoleum is this? Answer me, pawns and knaves! Show yourselves or suffer my infinite wrath! You little spinal-cord-based organisms! Oof. Oh, bugger it. Behold the eternal glory of... Jetfire! Prepare for remote systems override!

Wheelie: I tell you, this guy did not age well.

Mikaela: I don't think he's gonna hurt us.

Jetfire: I command these doors to open! Fire! I said, fire!

Sam and Simmons: Whoa whoa whoa!

Jetfire: Oh, bollocks! Damn these worthless parts.

Sam: Wait a second!

Jetfire: ltchy, wretched rust in my arse! Ah!

Simmons: Oh, the museum is going to be very angry. Very angry. We gotta catch that plane.

Jetfire: Right. I'm on a mission.

Sam, Simmons, etc: Wait, wait, wait, wait! [assorted shouting]

Jetfire: What do you want?

Sam: Look, we just want to talk!

Jetfire: I have no time to talk. I'm on a mission. I'm a mercenary doom-bringer. What planet am I on?

Sam: Earth.

Jetfire: Earth? Terrible name for a planet. Might as well call it dirt. Planet dirt. Tell me, is that robot civil war still going on? Who's winning?

Sam: The Decepticons.

Jetfire: [Spits] Well, I change sides to the Autobots.

Sam: What do you mean, change sides?

Jetfire: It's a choice. It's an intensely personal decision. So much negativity. Who wants to live a life filled with hate?

Wheelie: You mean you don't have to work for those miserable freaking Decepticons?

Jetfire: If Decepticons had their way, they'd destroy the whole universe.

Wheelie: I'm changing sides. I'm changing sides, too, warrior goddess. Who's your little Autobot?

Mikaela: Aw, you're cute.

Wheelie: Name's Wheelie. Yeah. Yeah. Say my name, say my name. [panting]

Sam: What are you allowing to happen to your foot just now?

Mikaela: At least he's faithful, Sam.

Sam: Yeah, well, he's faithful and he's nude and he's perverted.

Wheelie: [panting and grunting]

Sam: Can you just... can you stop?

Wheelie: Ey, what are you doing?

Sam: It's just something to think about. I won't argue with... what were you saying?

Jetfire: I told you my name was Jetfire! So stop judging me!

Sam, Simmons, Leo, Mikaela: [assorted 'whoa' and 'wait']

Wheelie: Somebody shit the bed this morning.

Simmons: [mumbles something]

Jetfire: I have issues of my own, and it started with my mother! My ancestors have been here for centuries. My father, why, he was the wheel! The first wheel. Do you know what he transformed into?

Simmons: No.

Jetfire: Nothing! But he did so with honor! Dignity, damn it!

Sam, Simmons, Leo: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Jetfire: [grunting] Oh, bollocks. My boosters are fried. Aww.

Sam: I think we can help each other. You know things I don't know. I know things you don't know, I do.

Leo: I don't think he knows anything. Honestly, I don't.

Sam: I could do this all day. It comes in waves, these vivid symbols. They're symbols, but they're in my mind. You see, all this is in my mind and Megatron wants what's in my mind. Him and someone called the Fallen.

Jetfire: The Fallen? I know him. He left me here to rust. The original Decepticon. He's terrible to work for. It's always apocalypse, chaos, crisis. These transcriptions, they were part of my mission, the Fallen's search. I remember now, for the Dagger's Tip, and- and the key.

Sam: Yeah, wait, slow down. The Dagger's Tip? The key? What are you talking about?

Jetfire: No time to explain.

Simmons: Wait, wait-

Jetfire: Hold on, everybody! Stay still or you'll die!

Act Fifteen

Simmons: Aaaa!

Skids: [shouting]

Mudflap: Oof! Oof. Motherf-

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Sam: [painful grunting]

Simmons: [yelling]

Jetfire: Unh... ah. Well, that wasn't so bad.

Wheelie: Whoaaa! Ow! Ah!

Jetfire: At least we're still on the right planet.

Wheelie: Hey, that freaking hurt!

Simmons: Oh my God. [Gasping] Where are we?

Leo: God. Oh my God, what a beautiful face. This would be a perfect moment, except you landed on my testicles. Please, get off. [painful groaning] Ah, my balls.

Mikaela: Sam!

Sam: Where are we? Simmons!

Simmons: Hey! Yeah!

Leo: Oh my God. Oh my God. What is this? It's Vegas.

Sam: You guys okay?

Mikaela: Yeah.

Leo: Hey, I think we're in Vegas!

Simmons: That really, really hurt. You're just lucky that I didn't get hurt. People could have gotten killed, okay? And if I would have gotten hurt, you would have heard from my at-

Jetfire: Oh, shut up. I told you I was opening a space bridge. It's the fastest way to travel to Egypt.

Sam: When did you... when did you tell us? You didn't tell us anything. You didn't tell us anything. Why are we in Egypt?

Jetfire: Don't you get snippy with me, fleshling! You were duly informed!

Sam: Can you just stop for a second? Can you focus? Can you tell us why we're in Egypt so we can all have a little bit of semblance of peace of mind?

Jetfire: This planet was visited by our race once before, by our earliest ancestors, a millennium ago. They were on an exploratory mission to harvest Energon, the lifeblood of our race. Without it, we'll all perish, oxidize and rust, like my wretched self! Do you have any idea what it's like to slowly fall apart and die?

Simmons: Let's not get episodic, okay? Old-timer? Beginning. Middle. End. Facts. Details. Condense. Plot. Tell it.

Jetfire: Somewhere buried in this desert, our ancestors built a great machine. It harvests Energon... by destroying suns.

Sam: Destroy suns?

Leo: You mean blow them up?

Jetfire: Yes. You see, in the beginning, there were seven Primes, our original leaders. And they set out into the universe, seeking distant suns to harvest. The Primes set out with one rule. Never destroy a planet with life. Until one of them tried to defy this rule. And his name forevermore was... the Fallen.

Jetfire: He despised the human race and he wanted to kill you all by turning on that machine. The only way to activate it is with a legendary key called the Matrix of Leadership.

Holographic Fallen: [growl]

Holographic Troops: [grunting and shouting]

Holographic Fallen: [growl, then scream]

Jetfire: A great battle took place over possession of the Matrix. The Fallen was stronger than his brothers, so they had no choice but to steal... and hide it from him. In the ultimate sacrifice, they gave their lives to seal the Matrix away in a tomb made of their very own bodies, a tomb we cannot find. Somewhere, buried in this desert, that- deadly machine remains. The Fallen knows where it is and if he finds the tomb of the Primes, your world will be no more.

Mikaela: Okay, so how do we stop him?

Jetfire: Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen.

Sam: Optimus Prime?

Jetfire: So, you've met a Prime? Why, you must have met a great descendant. Is he alive, here on this planet?

Sam: He sacrificed himself to save me.

Jetfire: So, he's dead. Without a Prime, it's impossible. No one else could stop the Fallen.

Sam: So, the same energy that's gonna be used to reactivate the machine... could that energy somehow be used to reactivate Optimus and bring him back to life?

Jetfire: It was never designed for that purpose, but it's an energy like no other.

Sam: So then how do you get us to the Matrix before the Decepticons get to me?

Jetfire: Follow your mind, your map, your symbols. What you carved in the sand, it's your clue. When dawn alights the Dagger's Tip, three kings will reveal the doorway! Find the doorway! Go now! Go!

Simmons: Okay, we'll all go.

Jetfire: That was my mission. It's your mission now. Go before the Decepticons find me and find you.

Act Sixteen

Simmons: Okay, here's what my CIA contact says. Ancient Sumerians used to call the Gulf of Aqaba the "Dagger's Tip."

Sam: That's the Dagger's Tip.

Simmons: It's part of the Red Sea. Divides Egypt and Jordan like the tip of a blade. 29.5 degrees north, 35 east. Here it is.

Sam: First thing we've got to do is get Optimus to the Dagger's Tip.

Leo: How are you gonna get him halfway around the world?

Sam: I'm gonna make a call.

Sam: We got cops... Whoa!

Simmons: I know, I know...

Leo: I can't go to prison, guys.

Simmons: Sam, we got to get off this road and lay low.

Mudflap: Man, stupid cops! Ah-ha-ha!

Skids: This is what's called blending in like a ninja.

Mudflap: Shut up or I'll blend my fist in your face.

Mikaela: They're gone.

Sam: Okay, we're running out of time. I gotta make the call to Lennox-

Simmons: You're on the Worldwide Wanted List. Try calling one base, they'll track you here in seconds. CIA is all over this place!

Sam: You're gonna call.

Simmons: Oh. Okay. That's a good idea.

Sam: All right.

Simmons: I mean, I just had my mind on other things-

Sam: [mumbles something]

Simmons: -like winding up in an Egyptian prison.

New Jersey

Soldier: NEST departure, 2100 hours.

Lennox: So, we're shipping him back to base. This is such a mistake.

Soldier: Major Lennox, phone call.

Simmons: Lennox, I'm with the kid. The kid. You know, the one with the attitude, right? We need the truck. The truck. We got a possible resurrection going on over here. You're not gonna believe where we are.
Code Tut, as in King Tutankhamen. Back of a one dollar bill. Coordinates for airdrop, 29.5 north, 34.88 east. Write it down. Write it.

Egyptian Kids: [laughing]

Simmons: Oh my God. I got to go. Okay. Heat comes.

Sam: Whoa, wait, who are you?

Simmons: Oh Shi-

Leo: Wait! It's me! Leo! Me! Leo! Leo! Leo! Cops are coming right now. We need to go!

Sam: Move, move, move, move. Let's go.

Soldier: Coordinates, 29.5 north, 34.88 east. Tip of the Red Sea. Gulf of Aqaba.

Epps: Egypt? Are you serious?

Graham: Sir.

Epps: Even if we could figure out a way to get big man over there, how is this little kid supposed to bring him back to life?

Lennox: Look. I don't know- but we got to trust him.

Sam: Okay, let's go over it again.

Sam and Simmons: When the dawn alights-

Sam: -the Dagger's Tip,

Simmons: the Three Kings-

Sam: -will reveal the doorway.

Simmons: That's what he said. You know what that means?

Sam: No, what does it mean?

Simmons: I have no idea.

Leo: Oh my God. Oh my God. Checkpoint. Checkpoint. I don't have my passport.

Customs officer: Pass-port! [Says something in Egyptian?]

Sam: They got cameras at the top.

Agents: [speaks in Egyptian]

Simmons: All right, chill. This is espionage now. I can handle it. These are my people.

Wheelie: Yeah.

Simmons: I'm one-thirty-sixth Arab.

Wheelie: Oh great, a frickin' munchkin. Little people are mean. Tell him he's tall.

Simmons: Huh?

Customs officer: [speaks in Egyptian]

Simmons: Ashu-fanah... The Dagger's... Tip? Right? Egypt, Jordan. We want to go there. Me and my family. This is my family. This is my son, my other son, my daughter. We're tourists, from New York.

Customs officer: New York?

Simmons: Yes. Yes.

Customs officer: Fifty kilometers.

Simmons: You look like the guy that runs my falafel stand. Thank you very much.

Customs officer: New York!

Simmons: I know. I know you from somewhere.

Customs officer: Go Yankees!

Agent: Go, put it on the wire to the CIA.

Agent: [speaks in foreign language]

Random voices:

Soundwave: Decepticons. Boy's location detected.

Starscream: [I]Starscream in pursuit.

Act Seventeen

Sam: [grunts]

Skids: Ssh. Undercover, yo. You got to blend in with your surroundings. You know, you got to be part of the landscape- ow!

Simmons: Awesome! I think aliens built that. Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Come on. Move it! Move it! Move out!

Sam: Guard us. Low profile. Don't make a scene, okay?

Wheelie: Yeah, some of us got work to do! Dumb Autobots.

NEST Team E.T.A. - 6 Hrs

Sam: Being my girlfriend is hazardous to your health.

Mikaela: Yeah, well, girls like dangerous boys.

Sam: Do they?

Mikaela: Yeah. [Kiss, chuckle] You might as well just say it.

Sam: Ladies first.

Mikaela: Okay, so tonight you're going to be a gentleman. You're really chivalrous.

Sam: Why are you mad at me?

Mikaela: You know what? Baby, I'm not- I'm not mad. Do you realize that I just flew three thousand miles to keep you from getting killed?

Sam: I know.

Mikaela: Who else could be your girlfriend, Sam? Look at the things I go through with you. And now we're underneath the moon and the stars and the three most beautiful pyramids on the planet and you still can't even tell me that you love me.

Sam: Mm... Pyramids.

Mikaela: What? Why do boys always change the subject?

Sam: Wait. Pyramids and stars.

Mikaela: Sam?

Sam: Come with me really quick.

Simmons and Leo: [snoring]

Sam: Simmons! Leo! Wake up!

Simmons: [grunt]

Sam: Listen, astronomy class, page 47. Remember the class?

Leo: No. No, I was only in college for two days. Remember that?

Sam: Here. Get up. Up, up.

Leo: What are you talking about?

Sam: Okay, you see those three stars? You see how the last one touches the horizon? That's Orion's belt, but it's also called the Three Kings. And the reason for that is the three Egyptian kings who built the pyramids of Giza built them to mirror those stars, so it's like an arrow staring us straight in the face.

Simmons: They all point due east, towards Jordan. The mountains of Petra.

Act Eighteen

NEST Pilot: We've had an engine malfunction. We're gonna have to divert to SOCCENT. Flight master, let's lighten the load and prepare for bailout.

Galloway: Engine mal- Bailout? Bailout? Bailout? Bailout?

Lennox: All right, team, grab your chutes!

Galloway: Bailout, like, like bailout?

Lennox: You familiar with the standard MC-4?

Galloway: Of course not! I've never jumped out of a perfectly good airplane before! Wait a minute, is this really happening?

Lennox: Yeah. All right, here we go.

Galloway: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're behind this, aren't you?

Lennox: What are you talking about? You heard the pilot. These guys don't mess around. This is just standard procedure. I'm just following orders to the letter.

Galloway: Aah!

Lennox: Isn't that what you said?

Galloway: You just signed a death warrant on your career, Major... Whoa! What was that? What was that?

Lennox: Oh, that's not good. Come on. Right this way!

Galloway: I- I- I can't jump out of an airplane! I have an ulcer! No, no, no-

Lennox: Come on. It's okay.

Galloway: I really can't do this. What are you doing- [muffled out by engine roaring]

Lennox: Come here! Come here.

Galloway: Why aren't you wearing your chute?

Lennox: Because I have to secure the VIPs first! Okay, I want you to listen very carefully and memorize everything that I say.

Galloway: [muffled sounds of agreement]

Lennox: Each chute has a GPS tracker so you can be found by search and rescue. Right next to that's a fabric webbing called a bridle, which holds the pin that keeps the main container closed. Okay, are you listening?

Galloway: I- I can't hear what...

Lennox: Stop that!

Galloway: All right. All right.

Lennox: All right, when the pilot chute inflates into the air, it pulls the pin and opens the main. Red's your backup, blue's your primary. I want you to pull the blue. I need you to pull it really hard! Not- not now, we're on the plane, you dumbass!

Galloway: What? Aaaaaaaaa-

Epps: He say goodbye?

Lennox: No, he didn't even say goodbye.

Officer: General, we're loaded and ready. You give us the go, and we'll be ready to press in five minutes.

Morshower: Excellent.

Pentagon officer: Sir, you need to see this now.

Morshower: Have we checked these coordinates?

Pentagon officer: Egypt, sir. They're airdropping in.

Morshower: You've got to be kidding me. He knows something. We need to be ready to back him up if this thing goes hot.

Pentagon officer: Copy that. CIA just got a hit on the boy, a hundred miles from the location on that little note there.

Morshower: It's getting hotter.

Simmons: Got to be around here somewhere. I-

Simmons: You see the size of this? You see this? Huh?

Skids: Spec-tacular.

Simmons: Amazing. Look at that.

Sam: It's here somewhere, guys.

Leo: Yeah, why? 'Cause, uh, we're trusting grandpa blackbird who doesn't even know what planet he's on?

Simmons: In his defense, this is the biggest doorway I've ever seen in my entire life.

Leo: Oh. Okay. Well, that's great. Let me do a quick search, all right? Uh... Nope. Ever cross your mind, guys, that archaeologists have been here before? There's nothing here.

Simmons: Real life is heartbreak, despair, kid. Sometimes you get to the end of the rainbow and the leprechauns went and booby-trapped it!

Leo: Why am I listening to you? You live with your mother!

Sam: It's not over.

Leo: It is over. It's done.

Mudflap: Why are we still listening to you, little punk-ass? I mean, what you ever done for us except ding my rim?

Skids: Killed Megatron. How about that?

Mudflap: Well, he didn't get the job done, you know what I mean, 'cause he's back now, and he's-

Skids: Are you scared?

Mudflap: Scared? Scared of your ugly face!

Leo, Simmons, Sam: [yelling]

Skids: [grunting] I'm ugly? Well, we're twins, you stupid genius!

Mudflap: Bring it, then- get off me! Now I'll change your face around!

Skids: Whoooo!

Mudflap: I'll get all up in that ass!

Skids: Bring it!

Sam: Guys! Whoa! Oy!

Mudflap: You like the way that feels?

Skids: That didn't hurt.

Mudflap: You like that, don't you? I'm getting up-

Skids: Oh, come on, Bumblebee!

Mudflap: Bumblebee, listen.

Bumblebee: [Electronic squealing]

Skids: Now, that's rude.

Sam: Oh my God. The symbols.... Bee! Shoot it. Check this out. Look at it.

Simmons: Wow!

Sam: These are the bodies Jetfire was talking about.

Simmons: The tomb of the Primes.

Leo: Yo! [Echoes] Yo! [Echoes]

Sam: [gasp] The Matrix!

Sam: No- No. No.... no.

Simmons: Thousands of years, turned to dust.

Sam: This isn't how it's supposed to end.

Simmons: Hear that? US Air Force! C-17's!

Leo: What's a C-17?

Mikaela: You can't bring him back, Sam. There's nothing left.

Sam: Look! Look around you. We didn't just go through everything we went through for no reason at all, and to just have it end like this. There is a reason that we are here. The voices and the symbols in my head led us here for a purpose. Everyone's after me because of what I know, and what I know is that this is going to work.

Mikaela: How do you know it's gonna work?

Sam: Because I believe it.

Ironhide: You best let me out of this plane.

Simmons: Dropping the big boy. Sam! You think you can bring him back to life with that pixie dust?

Sam: Absolutely. Let's go.

Act Nineteen

Locals: [speaks in foreign language]

Lennox: Go.

Soldier: Let's move it.

Lennox: Remember, they're friendlies. [Speaks a phrase in foreign language]

Graham: Cover Optimus!

Lennox: Secure the village. Get those cases down here. I need snipers and Stingers up high.

Soldier: Sir! Come on!

Epps: So, we just dropped off ten tons of dead robot in the middle of nowhere. I hope this little kid know what he's doing.

Lennox: Yeah, me too.

Bald Soldier: Got a visual! Yellow team! Four clicks!

Lennox: Pop flare!

Sam: That's them, right there. See the flare?

Simmons: Right over there! You see it?

Starscream: Found the boy.

Simmons: Whoa!

Mikaela: Sam!

Sam: Oh! Whoa!

Leo: Oh God. Please God! Please.

Mikaela: Leo, stop freaking out. Stop freaking out.

Leo: Please God please-

Simmons: Shut this guy up, huh?

Leo: Please, just let me live, just let me live!

Mikaela: Shut up and let him drive!

Sam: Just stop screaming-

Simmons: All right, that's it!

Leo: -please... ow ow ow ow!

Simmons: Can't- take that guy anymore.

Sam: Whoa!

Simmons: Hide in the dust! Use the dust!

Sam: We've got to split up. Bumblebee, you're the decoy. You lead the Decepticons away, all right? I'm gonna get Optimus.

Leo: I'll help draw their fire with Huey and Dewey there. You get to those soldiers. I hope that dust works, kid.

Sam: Thank you.

Leo: He's turning around. He's coming back, he's coming back.

Simmons: It's up to me. One man, alone, betrayed by the country he loves. Now its last hope in their final hour of need. Prepare to be driven like never before, by the maestro.

Leo: Hey, hey, hey! Don't go nowhere! Drive.

Simmons: You'll never make it, kid.

Leo: I'm coming with you.

Simmons: Bravery will only get you so far.

Leo: You tased me, okay? You owe me! I'm going.

Simmons: Okay, okay. That was a test. You passed. All right?

Epps: That thing's got alien tattoos all over it. That ain't Air Force.

Starscream: [electronic noise]

Lennox: What the hell was that?

Epps: Anyone copy?

Lennox: Anyone there? Who's up?

Epps: Copy?

Soldier: Radio's down.

Lennox: It's dead. Comms are down.

Epps: EMP burst. I see how this day is going in this godforsaken desert.

Morshower: Yes, sir?

Galloway: Major Lennox told me to pull the cord.

Morshower: I know, sir.

Galloway: Well, what country am I in right now?

Villager: United States.

Galloway: No! Not the United States. I'm from the United States!

Villager: Oh.

Galloway: I'm in the middle of nowhere surrounded by donkeys!

Morshower: Well, that was our good friend, Galloway. He's less than pleased. How is it that we can't reach our men, but he can reach me, from some... random Egyptian desert?

Epps: Nothing.

Lennox: Right, go burn an SOS. Let the eye in the sky know we need some help.

Soldier: Yes, sir. Okay, boys, old school time!

Lennox: Pop some more flares so the kid can find us.

Sam: Look. There it is. We got a couple of miles.

Morshower: Lennox's team has the latest in quantum crypto gear. Can somebody tell me why we can't establish simple radio contact?

Pentagon officer: We're hailing them on every frequency and mode in the book, sir.

Pentagon officer: Our satellites in the area have gone blind. We're working it, sir.

Morshower: Damn it. Something's not right. It doesn't add up. Contact the Jordanians, see what air assets they've got in the area, and get Egypt's General Salam. Ask him to clear some USV overflights in Egyptian airspace. We need an assist in confirming visuals now.

Officer: Scramble Predators now.

Predator Controller: V-1, rotate.

Sam: [panting] We still have a mile that way. [panting] Come on... This way. This way.

Simmons: One man, alone-

Leo: Stop saying that!

Simmons: -betrayed by the country he loves!

Leo: Oh, my goodness. I'm in the car, okay? You're not alone.

Simmons: Just relax. You're with the maestro.

Leo: Uh... I don't think he's still following us.

Simmons: That's what you think.

Megatron: [growl]

Simmons: Uh-oh.

Starscream: Master, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the soldiers brought the body of Prime.

Megatron: [growl] The boy must have the Matrix. We cannot let him reach Optimus. Decepticons! Begin our assault!

Soldier: We've got incoming!

Soldier: Look out!

Sam and Mikaela: [panting]

Lennox: We got a whole lot of fight coming our way!

Epps: How many?

Lennox: About thirteen of them.

Epps: This ain't good. This ain't good.

Decepticon Protoforms: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Epps: We're about to get our asses whupped.

Lennox: Bravo-Charlie, kneel!

Soldier: Let's go!

Lennox: All right, those Decepticons are searching for Sam. Whatever he has, he thinks it'll bring Optimus back to life. So our mission is to find him and get him to Optimus. All right, we're gonna draw fire from the left flank. I need a scout team.

Ironhide: I'm leading.

Soldier: Go!

Lennox: Go up through the middle with Arcee and Ironhide. Right, when you see the precious cargo, I want you to pop green smoke and come back through those pillars. We'll have the ambush set. All right. Let's go. Move out!

Soldiers: Hoo-ah!

Simmons: You ever see that film Gunfight at the O.K. Corral?

Leo: Nuh.

Simmons: With Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas?

Leo: No, why?

Simmons: Looks like we're right in the middle of it.

Leo: Is that good?

Simmons: A lot of people died.

Leo: Oh.

Devastator: [loud roaring]

Leo: Oh. Oh... oh.

Simmons: Hide!

Leo: Hide! Vamonos amigos! Oh my God!

Simmons: Hit the deck!

Leo: Oh, oh my God!

Devastator: [roaring]

Mikaela: Sam, Sam.

Sam: I don't think they saw us. Get down. Get down. Okay. Listen. Once it's clear, we run for Optimus as fast as we can, okay?

Mikaela: But what if it doesn't work?

Sam: It's gonna work.

Mikaela: Yeah, but what if it doesn't?

Sam: It's gonna work. It will work.

Starscream: [electronic growl, then speaks in Cybertronian]

Long Haul: [grunts in Cybertronian]

Ravage: [growls]

Starscream: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Insecticon: [squeaks, then screams]

Sam and Mikaela: Aaaah!

Starscream: I see you! [roaring]

Sam: Up, up, up, up, up!

Starscream: [roaring]

Scrapper: [grunt]

Sam: Get ready to jump!

Sam and Mikaela: [grunting]

Sam: We got a half-mile. I don't think the soldiers know we're here.

Soldier: Fall back!

Sideswipe: Fall back! Ironhide, up the middle!

Lennox: Ironhide, move it! Let's go! Go, go!

Megatron: Devastator!

Devastator: [roar]

Leo: We're trapped! There's nowhere to go. We're gonna die.

Simmons: If we're going out, we're going out like men, understand?

Devastator: [roaring]

Egyptian men: [terrified screams]

Leo: [screaming]

Skids: Aw.

Mudflap: Ah, look at this mother-

Skids: Mean robot suck!

Leo and Simmons: [screaming]

Skids: Here I come! Get back- ah! Just hang on!

Simmons: Aaa!

Leo: Simmons!

Simmons: Don't let go!

Skids: Hang in there, I got you! Just hang in.

Mudflap: Ah- Aaah! [painful grunts] I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Eh, eh. Kung fu grip, boy. Kung fu grip! You ain't getting me! At- no no no no-

Devastator: [belching]

Skids: He dead. He got so ate.

Leo: [gasping] Whoo! Who's your daddy now, huh?

Skids: He got all ate up. [sobbing noises]

Simmons: The only safe place is right under it. Run at it. Run for its feet!

Devastator: [growl]

Skids: Uh.

Leo: Yeah.

Simmons: Move it!

Devastator: [loud roaring]

Mudflap: You should've never eaten me! I'm gonna bust yo' face up!

Devastator: [roaring]

Skids: Ow!

Leo: Oh my God!

Devastator: [roaring]

Mudflap: Nobody mess with me! In your face!

Skids: Keep fightin', Mudflap!

Mudflap: Yee-haw!

Mudflap: Nobody messes with the twins. Ow!

Skids: I got you... aah!

Mudflap: Oops. My bad!

Skids: Whoa! Ow, man! You shot me in the face!

Simmons: Stay under it!

Mudflap: Yeah, stay under it!

Blackjack
2010-12-23, 05:19 AM
Sam: [gasping] Come on.

Starscream: Rampage, spring the trap.

Ravage: [growl]

Judy: [grunting]

Ron: Judy!

Judy: Aah!

Ravage: [growl]

Ron: Sam!

Judy: What?

Ron: Sam! Sam, Sam!

Rampage: [rumbles]

Judy: Sam!

Ron: Sam!

Sam: Dad!

Judy: [yelling and screaming]

Sam and Mikaela: [grunting]

Rampage: [growl]

Sam: Wait, wait!

Ron: Please listen to me!

Rampage: [growls]

Ron: I want you to run! Run!

Judy: [speaks something indistinct]

Rampage: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Sam: Dad, just stop! They don't want you, they want me- oh, God! Wait!

Rampage: Sam Witwicky. [Growl]

Sam: Don't hurt them. This is what you want. You don't want them.

Rampage: Nooo.

Judy: Go!

Sam: Please stop!

Judy: Go!

Sam: Stop!

Judy: Listen to your father!

Ron: Just get out of here!

Bumblebee: [whistles]

Sam: Just don't hurt them. I know what you want.

Ron: Just go! Just go.

Sam: And I know that you need me. Because I know about the Matrix.

Ron: Don't do it, Sam, listen to me-

Sam: Please, Dad.

Ron: They're going to kill us all anyway!

Sam: Hey, hey, whoa! Here's what you want, right here. Bumblebee!

Bumblebee: Yea-yeah!

Rampage: [growling]

Ron, Judy, Sam: [grunting]

Rampage: Weak!

Bumblebee: Woah!

Rampage: [speaks in Cybertronian}

Sam: Kill him, Bee. Kill him.

Bumblebee: [electronic squeals]

Rampage: [growling and grunting, then screaming]

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Ravage: [growling]

Bumblebee: [electronic squealing]

Rampage: [growling]

Sam: Stay tight, Ma. Come on. Get in here.

Bumblebee: [electronic squeals]

Sam: Bee?

Bumblebee: Yeah.

Ron: Back!

Sam: Wait- hey!

Ron: I don't know what's going on, but we've got to move!

Judy: [screaming]

Ron: There's got to be a way out of here! Come on!

Judy: [screaming]

Sam: Ma, get back, get back!

Ron: Judy, get back, get back, get back.

Mikaela: Aah!

Sam: Against the wall! Against the wall! Against the wall. Against the wall. Bee! Bumblebee!

Bumblebee: [electronic bleep]

Sam: You get them somewhere safe, all right? You've got to get in the car. Get to safety.

Ron: No, no, this isn't up for discussion! You're my son!

Sam: I know!

Ron: You're my son!

Sam: Dad-

Ron: We all go together!

Sam: Listen-

Ron: We're all going together!

Sam: Dad, stop, okay? Get in the car. He's gonna get you to safety. You know, you run. You don't stop, you don't hide, you run. You hear what I'm saying. Okay? I'll find you when you're safe.

Ron: No!

Sam: You've got to let me go, Dad. You have to let me go. You have to.

Judy: Ron. Ron, Ron, let him go.

Ron: You come back! Come on.

Judy: Ron! Mikaela! Mikaela!

Sam: Go with my parents.

Mikaela: I'm not gonna go without you.

Soldier: Aah!

Soldier: Move to cover! [indistinct yelling]

Epps: We got Jordanians!

Lennox: We got help!

Long Haul: [roaring]

Soldiers: Move, move!

Epps: Down!

Soldiers, pilots: [yelling]

Devastator: [roaring]

Simmons: You okay, soldier? We're gonna help you, soldier. Let's get these wounded clear of the bird.

Leo: Stay still. Stay still. Don't move.

Simmons: You all right, young man? You have a radio? Hey, kid, it's been nice knowing you. Remember what I did for my country... This is my moment.

Leo: You're crazy!

Predator controller: ETA to station, two minutes.

Morshower: Put it on the main screen.

Predator controller: Sir. Yes, sir. Predator zero one.

Morshower: Oh shit, it's a trick. Commence Operation Firestorm. Send everyone. Get those Marines on the ground.

Pentagon officer: This is the Pentagon, roll in strike packages-

Pentagon officer: Task Force Ripper, execute Lightning.

Flight controller: Right trajectory. [mumbles something]

F16 Pilot: Eagle- [mumbles something] two miles-

Arcee: Spotted Sam.

Ironhide: Hey- Sam!

Sam: Ironhide!

Arcee: Follow us to the pillars. We'll take you to Optimus.

Sam: Look out!

Arcee: [screams]

Ironhide: Get out, Sam! Get to the pillars!

Sam: Let's go.

Devastator: [roaring]

Simmons: Oh God. This is it. The pyramid's built right over the machine. If they turn that machine on... no more sun. Not on my watch. Not... on my... watch.

Devastator: [lots of roaring]

Wilder: USS Stennis. Identify.

Simmons: Where the hell are you? Watching the Weather Channel? SportsCenter? I Dream of Jeannie or something? We got 300 satellites up there. Where the hell are all our men?

Wilder: Identify yourself.

Simmons: What is your name, sailor?

Wilder: Wilder, Captain of the USS John C. Stennis aircraft carrier.

Simmons: Oh-kay. Captain Wilder. This is Agent Seymour Simmons of Sector Seven. There is the mother of all non-biologicals getting ready to blow up our sun. Do you want to have a throwdown about my lack of clearance or do you want to help save- a gazillion lives?

Wilder: All right, Agent Simmons. I'm listening.

Simmons: Five clicks- west of the Gulf, we got ourselves an alien remodeling a pyramid. Our one hope is a prototype weapon called a Railgun, shoots a steel projectile at Mach 7.

Wilder: That's classified.

Simmons: Don't- talk- to me about classified, all right? Now, if you've got a battleship in the Gulf, which I know you do, you tell them to ready- that- weapon!

Wilder: Contact destroyer USS KIDD.

Soldier: Alpha Team, flank left!

Lennox: This way! Move it!

Soldier: Where do you need us, sir?

Lennox: Protect those in the line of fire.

Soldier: Let's go! Go!

Lennox: Give me your Comms. Come on. Epps!

Decepticon Protoform: Aah!

Soldier: Oof!

Epps: Right now, we need air support on station, ASAP!

Air Force Officers: [military chatter]

Air Force Officer: Have troops in contact

Air Force Officer: 20 miles northwest.

Air Force Officer: Radar contact. Proceed to 88 Alpha Sierra...

Air Force Officer: B-1, snap zero nine zero. You are approved to drop your two thousand pound J-DAMs.

Soldiers: [yelling]

Lennox: Go, go! What you got?

Graham: I couldn't get to them, sir. They're 600 meters away and they're heading right for the pillars.

Lennox: All right. Precious cargo's coming! Move!

Decepticon Protoform: [growling]

Soldier: Ah!

Decepticon Protoform: [speaks in Cybertronian] Curse you! Ah-

Sam: [grunting]

Megatron: [growl, says something indistinct]

Sam: Hey!

Sideswipe: Sam! Spotted Sam- uhh!

Soldier: Man down!

Megatron: [roaring]

Sam: [yelling]

Lennox: Come on!

Soldier: Two-two covering fire. Two civilians, twelve o'clock!

Lennox: Cover for us!

Sam: Heeeeey!

Epps: Hold the air strike! We're rescuing civilians!

Mikaela and Sam: [grunting]

Decepticon Protoform: [growl, then dying screams]

Soldier: [yell]

Megatron: [grunt]

Lennox: Keep firing!

Decepticon Protoform: [electronic grunt]

Soldiers: [screaming]

Lennox: Come on! Mikaela! Come on! Get in here!

Sam: Uh-

Lennox: Oh, look who showed up. You better have a good reason for us to be here.

Sam: Where's Optimus?

Lennox: He's right over there, across the courtyard.

Megatron: [roaring]

Sam: I got to get to him right now.

Lennox: Not with an air strike coming.

Sam: I have to get to him right now.

Mixmaster: [growling]

Epps: Oh.

Lennox: Go. Back, back, back, back.

Mixmaster: Listen up- [speaks in Cybertronian]

Lennox: Okay-

Mixmaster: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Soldiers: [grunting]

Jetfire: Incoming! Stick the landing! Whoa-ho-ho! Behold the glory of... Jetfire!

Mixmaster: [screaming]

Jetfire: Now let me show you how we brought the pain in my day!

Mixmaster: [screaming]

Jetfire: [yelling]

Scorponok: [screeching]

Jetfire: Ah! Ow!

Mikaela: Ah!

Jetfire: [grunting] I'm too old for this crap.

Simmons: Keep going, man, fifteen rounds of fighting.

Devastator: [roaring and vacuuming sounds]

Simmons: I am directly below the enemy's scrotum. 25.7 meters above sea level, 29.32 north.

Destroyer Crew: Kill track, 5205-

Destroyer Crew: Target acquired.

Destroyer Crew: Killing track. Two, one. Fire!

Devastator: [roaring, then dying screams]

Simmons: Yeah! Yeah!

Air Force Officer: B-1's time on target, thirty seconds. 2,000-pound J-DAMs inbound.

Lennox: We're gonna make a break through the B's on my command, okay? You guys stick with me, you understand? You stay on my ass.

Epps: We have precious cargo-

F16 Pilot: 1-1 tally orange smoke.

Epps: I hope these F-16s got good aim.

Lennox: Yeah? Why is that?

Epps: I told them to hit the orange smoke.

Lennox: You mean that orange smoke?

Epps: It wasn't my best toss, okay?

F16 Pilot: Viper. Thunder.

Epps and Lennox: Run!

Epps: Incoming!

Lennox: Come on!

Ironhide: [grunting]

Decepticon Protoforms: [screaming]

Sam: Aah!

Scrapper and Decepticon Protoforms: [screaming]

Ironhide: [yelling]

Mikaela: Sam!

Sam: Run!

Megatron: Boy. Die!

Sam: [screaming]

Mikaela: Sam!

Megatron: [grunting]

Lennox: Hold your fire!

Mikaela: Ah- Sam!

Lennox: Stay back! Mikaela, stay back!

Mikaela: F*cking do something!

Ron: Sam! Sam!

Judy: Sam! Sam! Sam! Sammy! Sam!

Bumblebee: No. No. No.

Judy: Let me go!

Lennox: Come on, you got to move. You got to move! Come on.

Paramedic: We got no pulse. Starting CPR.

Ron: I have to see my kid! I got a son...

Judy: Sammy!

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Judy: Sam!

Paramedic: Ready to shock.

Paramedic: Clear.

Paramedic: Ready to shock. One, two, three.

Lennox: Do it again!

Mikaela: Nooooo! Okay, listen to my voice. I love you and I need you. Please. Please, come back to me. Sam! Please, I love you.

Act Twenty

Sam: Where- Where am I? Where am I? Am I dead? Am I dead?

Prime #1: We have been watching you a long, long time.

Prime #2: You have fought for Optimus, our last descendant, with courage and with sacrifice, the virtues of a leader, a leader worthy of our secret. The Matrix of Leadership is not found, it is earned.

Prime #3: Return now to Optimus. Merge the Matrix with his spark. It is, and always has been, your destiny.

Mikaela: Sam!

Sam: I love you. I love you.

Sam: [yelling]

Optimus Prime: [grunting] Boy. You returned for me.

Jetfire: A living Prime. Hah hah! I don't believe it!

Soldiers, Sam, others: [screaming]

Fallen: My! Matrix!

Sam: Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!

Optimus Prime: [grunting]

Ironhide: Get up, Prime!

Jetfire: Oh, no.

Sam: He's turning on the machine! You got to stop him! Get up! Optimus!

Megatron: Fallen, my master.

Fallen: My brothers could not stop me from this.

Megatron: Yeeess.

Fallen: Now I claim your sun.

Lennox: Move!

Epps: Enemy target, top of pyramid. Engage! Engage! Engage!

Megatron: In moments, we'll be at firing strength.

Fallen: [Growls]

Soldiers: [screaming]

Jetfire: All my Decepticon life, I never did a thing worth doing until now. Optimus, take my parts and you will have a power you've never known. Fulfill... your destiny...

Ratchet: Jolt! Electrify! Transplant those afterburners.

Optimus Prime: [grunting] Let's roll.

Epps: Fire mission on the pyramids.

F22 Pilot: Roger one.

Fallen: This planet will be dark forever.

Optimus Prime: [Roaring]

Fallen: Die, like your brothers! [Growling]

Optimus Prime: They were your brothers, too.

Optimus Prime and Fallen: [grunting]

Megatron: [growl]

Optimus Prime: [yelling]

Megatron: [loud yelling, 'revenge'?]

Optimus Prime: [grunting]

Megatron: Aarh- Starscream!

Optimus Prime and Fallen:

Optimus Prime: You picked the wrong planet! [grunt] Give me your face.

Fallen: [squeaks, dying growl]

Optimus Prime: I rise. You fall.

Megatron: No. No.

Starscream: Not to... call you a coward, Master, but sometimes cowards do survive.

Megatron: This isn't over.

Mikaela: Took all this for you to tell me that you love me.

Sam: You said it first.

[B]Act Twenty-One

Optimus Prime: Thank you, Sam. For saving my life.

Sam: Welcome. Thank you for believing in me.

Optimus Prime: Our races united by a history long forgotten, and a future we shall face... together. I am Optimus Prime. And I send this message so that our pasts will always be remembered. For in those memories, we live on.

Epilogue

Professor Colan: So glad you could join us, professor Einstein.

Students: [laughing]

Sam: Yeah, I was kind of busy. Okay.

Sades
2010-12-23, 10:06 AM
Blackjack, you are one crazy dude.

But that's a-ok with me. I remember a time when I could have done the same thing with the 80's movie, without needing to hear it.

Blackjack
2010-12-23, 10:44 AM
I know!

Insomnia does that to people — with four hours of sleep you find that you have a lot of free time. Spengs did one for the 80s movie, didn't he? I remembered reading it somewhere...

Blackjack
2010-12-28, 10:14 PM
Transcript of Transformers the Movie, as it is filmed.

Key:
Italics means that the dialogue is spoken in Cybertronian and is translated. I also use it for locations subtitled in the movie.
<These brackets> means that the dialogue is spoken, but it could be either Cybertronian or English. It's unsubtitled and mostly my guesses. If it's placed in a character, then I'm not sure whether he's the one speaking. Mostly for the Twins.
[These brackets] mean that the guy is shouting or growling or making some indistinct noise.
{These brackets} are Bumblebee's musical whatchamacalit.
______________________

Prologue:

Optimus Prime: Before time began, there was the Cube. We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them... with life. That is how our race was born. For a time, we lived in harmony. But like all great power, some wanted it for good, others for evil. And so began the war. A war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death, and the Cube... was lost to the far reaches of space. We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it, and rebuild our home. Searching every star, every world. And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called... Earth.

Transformers

Optimus Prime: But we were already too late.

Act One:

Qatar — The Middle East. Present Day

Figueroa: Oh, God, five months of this. I can't wait to get a little taste of home. A plate of mama's alligators étouffée... Mmm.

Epps: You've been talking about barbecued 'gators and crickets for the last two weeks. I'm never going to your mama's house, Fig. I promise.

Figueroa: But Bobby, Bobby-

Epps: I'm never going to your mama's house.

Figueroa: Bobby, 'gators are known to have the most succulent meat.

Epps: I understand.

Figueroa: [speaks in Spanish]

Epps: [mimics Figueroa's Spanish words] English, please. English.

Lennox: I don't- I mean, how many times have we- we don't speak Spanish. I told you that.

Figueroa: Why you got to ruin it for me, man? That's my heritage. [Speaks in Spanish]

Lennox: Fine. Go with the Spanish. Whatever.

Donnelly: Hey, you guys remember weekends? Huh? The Sox at Fenway. Cold hotdog and a flat beer.

Epps: Perfect day.

Figueroa: What about you, Captain? You got a perfect day?

Lennox: Nah, I just can't wait to hold my baby girl for the first time.

Soldiers: Awww...

<Donnelly:> He's adorable.

<Epps:> That's too-

Lennox: Shut up.

Base Soldiers: [various chatter]

Epps: Hey, I'm ready to do this. Hey, any of y'all grow some balls, come see me on the court, man.

Soldier: Hey, hey!

Epps: Watch this crossover, baby. Like Jordan in his prime, pushing through the front line.

Figueroa: Step aside, ladies.

Soldier: Oh, man.

Soldier: What? Oh-

Mahfouz: Lennox!

Lennox: Hey, how you doing?

Mahfouz: Water?

Lennox: Oh, thank you. Are you gonna help me with the gear?

Radar officer: Colonel Sharp, we have an inbound unidentified infiltrator, 10 miles out.

Sharp: Unidentified aircraft, you are in restricted US military airspace. Squawk ident and proceed east out of the area. Raptors one and two, snap to heading two-five-zero to intercept. Bogie is in the weeds ten miles out, not squawking. Unidentified aircraft, we will escort you to US SOCCENT airbase. If you do not comply, we will use deadly force.

F22 Pilot: Copy the bogie. Tail forty-five hundred X-ray.

Officer: Sir, says here 4500 X was shot down three months ago. Afghanistan.

Sharp: That's got to be a mistake. Check again, then recheck.

Officer: I did, sir. A friend of mine was on that chopper.

Officer: Unidentified aircraft, we will escort you to US SOCCENT airbase.

Sharp: Radar, where's the inbound?

Officer: Bogie's five miles out, sir.

Lennox: My wife on?

Soldier:: Yes, Captain.

Lennox: Ahahaha! My ladies!

Sarah: Look.

Lennox's Daughter:

Lennox: Oh, my goodness. Look at her. She's getting so big. Look at those cheeks. I just wanna chew on them. Baby, we made a good-looking kid. I know that people say that all the time, but... Wow, we made one good-looking kid. Nice work.

Sarah: She has your laugh.

Lennox: She laughed?

Lennox's Daughter: [baby noises]

Sarah: Her first one, yeah.

Lennox: You l- you sure she didn't just fart?

Sarah: No, she's a lady.

Lennox's Daughter: [starts crying]

Sarah: She doesn't know you yet, but she will.

Sharp: Forty-five hundred X. Something's not right.

Soldiers: [various chatter]

Officer: Bogie's on the deck.

Radar: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Radar's jammed. It's coming from the chopper.

Sarah: Will?

Lennox: Sarah? Hey, Sarah, if you can hear me, I love you and I'll be home soon. Damn. [Sighs]

Soldier: To the right. Go to the right.

Soldier: Check fire. <Get the wheels.>

Sharp: MH-53 pilot, power down now. Have your crew step out or we will kill you.

Soldier: Hold your fire! Stand by to engage!

Sharp: My god.

Lennox: [grunting]

Epps: They bombed the antenna farm! We're under attack!

Blackout: [electronic rumbling and screeching]

Sharp: Go! Move! Move!

Sharp: It's going after the files! Cut the hard lines!

Officer: I need a key! It's locked!

Sharp: Move! Move! Uh!

Lennox: Here, come here! Come here!

Mahfouz: [squealing]

Blackout [speaks in Cybertronian]

Soldiers: [shouting]

Lennox: Here, hide in here!

Figueroa: Oh, my God. Okay.

Epps: No!

Blackout: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Epps: Oh! Oh-

Blackout: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Epps: What the f-

Blackout: [electronic growl/Cybertronian?]

Lennox: Epps, let's go!

Blackout: [electronic rumbling]

Scorponok: [screeching]

Soldiers: [dying screams]

[B]Act Two:

Students: [chattering]

Mr Hosney: Okay, mister Witwicky, you're up.

Sam: Sorry, I got a lot of stuff.

Trent: Watch this.

Sam: Oh-kay. For my family genea- ah-

Students: [laughing]

Mr Hosney: Who did- who did that? People! Responsibility.

Sam: Okay. Um.

Students: [chortling]

Sam: So, for my family genealogy report, I decided to do it on my great-great-grandfather, who was a famous man, Captain Archibald Witwicky. Very famous explorer. In fact, he was one of the first... to explore... the Arctic Circle, which is a big deal. In 1897, he took forty one brave sailors straight into the Arctic Shelf.

Archibald: Move faster, men! Move! Chop! Heave!

Sailor: The ice is freezing faster than it's melting!

Archibald: Chop faster!

Sailor: Got to chop faster or we'll <be stuck>!

Archibald: Heave, men! Heave! No sacrifice, no victory! We'll get to the Arctic Circle, lads!

Sam: So that's the story, right? And here we have some of the basic instruments and tools used by nineteenth century seamen.

Students: [laughing]

Sam: This here is the quadrant, which you can get for eighty bucks. It's all for sale, by the way. Like the, uh, the sextant here.

Students: [laughing]

Sam: Fifty dollars for this, which is a bargain. These are pretty cool. These are my grandfather's glasses. I haven't quite gotten them appraised yet, but they've seen many cool things.

Mr Hosney: Are you going to sell me his liver? Mr. Witwicky, this isn't show and sell. It's the eleventh grade. I don't think your grandfather would be particularly proud of what you're doing.

Sam: I know. I'm sorry. I just, you know, this is all going towards my car fund. You can tell your folks. It's on eBay. I take PayPal. Cold hard cash works, too.

Students: [laughing]

Sam: And the compass makes a- a great gift for Columbus Day.

Mr Hosney: Sam!

Sam: Sorry. Um, unfortunately, my great-great-grandfather, the genius that he was, wound up going blind and crazy in a psycho ward, drawing these strange symbols and babbling on about some, uh, giant ice man that he thought he'd discovered.

Mr Hosney: Okay. Might be a pop quiz tomorrow. Might not. Sleep in fear tonight.

Sam: Here, you want? Here, 50. 40? 30?

Mr Hosney: Sam?

Sam: Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Okay. Pretty good, right?

Mr Hosney: Uh... I'd say a solid B-minus.

Sam: A B-minus?

Mr Hosney: You were hawking your great-grandfather's crap in my classroom.

Sam: No, kids enjoy- Look, can you do me a favor?

Mr Hosney: What?

Sam: Can you look out the window for a second? You see my father? He's the guy in the green car.

Mr Hosney: Nh. Yeah.

Sam: Okay, I wanna tell you about a dream. A boy's dream. And a man's promise to that boy. He looked at me in the eye. He said, "Son, I'm gonna buy you a car. But I want you to bring me two thousand dollars, and three As." Okay? I got the two thousand dollars and I got two As. Okay? Here's the dream. Your B-minus. Poof. Dream gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself, what would Jesus do?

Sam: Yes! Yes, yes.

Ron: So?

Sam: A-minus. It's an A, though.

Ron: Wait, wait, wait. I can't see. It's an A.

Sam: So I'm good?

Ron: You're good.

Ron: I got a little surprise for you, son.

Sam: What kind of s-

Ron: Yeah, a little surprise.

Sam: No. No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you got to be kidding me.

Ron: Yeah. I am. You're not getting a Porsche. [laughs]

Sam: You think that's funny?

Ron: Yeah, I think it's funny.

Sam: What's wrong with you?

Ron: You think I'd really get you a Porsche? For your first car?

Sam: I don't want to talk to you for the rest of this whole thing.

Ron: Oh, come on. It's just a practical joke. [laughs]

Sam: It's not a funny joke.

Bolivia: Manny!

Manny: What?

Bolivia: Get your cousin out of that damn clown suit. He's having a heat stroke again. Scaring white folks.

Clown: I'm hot. Makeup's melting. It hurts my eyes. [says something obscured by Sam's voice]

Sam: Here? No, no, no, what is this? You said- you said half a car, not half a piece of crap, dad.

Ron: When I was your age, I'd have been happy with four wheels and an engine.

Sam: Okay, let me explain something to you. Okay? You ever see 40-Year-Old Virgin?

Random guy: I'm outta here!

Ron: Yeah.

Sam: Okay, that's what this is. And this is 50-year-old virgin.

Ron: Ah, okay.

Sam: You want me to live that life? Hmm?

Ron: No sacrifice-

Sam: Yeah, no victory.

Ron: No victory.

Sam: You know, I got it. The old Witwicky motto, dad.

Ron: Right.

Bolivia: Gentlemen. Bobby Bolivia, like the country, except without the runs. [laughs] How can I help you?

Ron: Well, my son here... looking to buy his first car.

Bolivia: You come to see me?

Sam: I had to.

Bolivia: That practically makes us family. Uncle Bobby B, baby. Uncle Bobby B.

Sam: Sam.

Bolivia: Sam, let me talk to you. Sam, your first enchilada of freedom awaits underneath one of those hoods. Let me tell you something, son. A driver don't pick the car. The car'll pick the driver.

Sam: Mm.

Bolivia: It's a mystical bond between man and machine. Son, I'm a lot of things, but a liar's not one of them.

Sam: Mm.

Bolivia: Especially not in front of my mammy. That's my mammy. Hey, Mammy! Ooh, don't be like that. If I had a rock, I'd bust your head, bitch. I tell you, man, she deaf, you know? [laughs] Well, over here, every piece of car a man might want or need.

Sam: This ain't bad. This one's got racing stripes.

Bolivia: Yeah. It got racing- Yeah, what's this? What the heck is this? I don't know nothing about this car. Manny!

Manny: What?

Bolivia: What is this? This car! Check it out!

Manny: I don't know, boss! I've never seen it! That's loco!

Bolivia: Don't go Ricky Ricardo on me, Manny! Find out!

Sam: Feels good.

Manny: [speaks in Foreign tongue]

Ron: How much?

Bolivia: Well, considering the semi-classic nature of the vehicle, with the slick wheels and the custom paint job...

Sam: Yeah, but the paint's faded.

Bolivia: Y-y-yeah, but it's custom.

Sam: It's custom faded?

Bolivia: Well, this is your first car. I wouldn't expect you to understand. Five grand.

Ron: No, I'm not paying over four. Sorry.

Bolivia: Kid, come on, get out. Get out the car.

Sam: No, no, no. You said cars pick their drivers.

Bolivia: Well, sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father. Out the car. [coughs] Now, this one here for four Gs is a beaut.

Ron: There's a Fiesta with racing stripes over there.

Sam: No, I don't want a Fiesta with racing stripes.

Bolivia: This is a classic engine right here. I sold a car the other day-

Ron: Geez. Holy cow.

Bolivia: No, no, no. No worries.

Ron: You all right?

Bolivia: I'll get a sledgehammer and knock this right out. Hey, hey, Manny! Get your clown cousin and get some hammers and come bang this stuff out, baby! [laughs]

Bumblebee: {Greater than man...}

Bolivia: That one's my favorite, drove all the way from Alabamy.

Bumblebee: {Go...}

Bolivia: Woah!

Ron: Whoa!

Bolivia: Hah. Ah... four thousand.

Act Three:

Washington, D.C.

Assembled people: [chatters]

Keller: Steve.

Steve: Hello, Mr. Secretary.

Keller: They're so young.

Officer: They're the top subject matter experts, sir. NSA's recruiting right out of high school these days.

Bearded analyst: Guys... that's the Secretary of Defense.

Male analyst: I am so underdressed.

Steve: Ladies and gentlemen, the Secretary of Defense.

Keller: Please be seated. I'm John Keller. Obviously, you're wondering why you're here, so, these are the facts. At 1900 local time yesterday, the SOCCENT Forward Operations Base in Qatar was attacked. So far as we know, there were no survivors. The objective of the attack was to hack our military network. We're not sure exactly what they're after, but we do know that they were cut off during the assault, which would lead us to assume that they're going to try it again. Now, no one's taken responsibility for the attack. And the only real lead we have, so far, is this sound.

Recording: [electronic sound]

Keller: That's the signal that hacked our network. NSA's working at full capacity to analyze it and intercept further communications but we need your help to find out who did this. Now, you've all shown considerable ability in the area of signals analysis. We're on a hair-trigger here, people. The President has dispatched battle groups to the Persian Gulf and Yellow Sea. This is as real as it's ever gonna get. Now I'm gonna leave you to your officer-in-charge. You'll break up into teams and you'll start your work. Good luck. To us all.

Act Four:

Sam: All right, Mojo. I got the car. Now I need the girl. I need money to take out the girl is what I need. Zero bids. [exhales] Great. Broke.

Sam: Come on, Mojo. You want your pain pills? Uh... No. Premature. Good. What's up? Nothing. You know, just driving my car. Driving my car. [uses that breath spray thing] It's like clockwork. All right, I know you get wasted on these things, but if you piss in my bed again, you're sleeping outside. Okay? That's it for today. No more. Crackhead.

Judy: Ron, this one is uneven.

Ron: Yeah. Probably.

Judy: This one is wobbly.

Ron: Yeah. I'll take care of that real soon.

Judy: Couldn't we have hired a professional?

Ron: [laughs sarcastically] Ah, Sam...

Sam: What?

Ron: ...I do not like footprints on my grass.

Sam: What foot- there's no footprints.

Ron: That's why I built my path. So why don't you go from my grass onto my path, okay?

Sam: It's family grass, Dad.

Ron: Well, when you own your own grass, you'll understand.

Sam: This, this, I can't do it anymore.

Judy: What?

Sam: You're putting girl jewelry on a boy dog. He's got enough self-esteem issues as a Chihuahua, Mom.

Judy: That's his bling... I want you home at eleven o'clock!

Sam: Yeah, all right.

Ron: Eleven o'clock!

Judy: Please, for the love of God, drive safely. [gasps]

Ron: Seat belt on!

Judy: Wow. You are so cheap.

Ron: Well, it's his first car. It's supposed to be like that.

Act Five:

Keller: At this time, we can't confirm whether there were any survivors.

Sarah: Oh, my God.

Keller: Our bases worldwide are, as of now, at DEFCON Delta, our highest readiness level.

Sarah: Oh...

Keller: We're dealing with a very effective weapons system that we have not come across before. But our prayers are with the families of the brave men and women-

Sarah: Honey-

Lennox's Daughter: [crying]

Sarah: Daddy's gonna be okay.

Epps: I've never seen a weapons system like. this. The thermal shows this weird aura around the exoskeleton like it's cloaked by some kind of invisible force field.

Donnelly: That's impossible. There's no such thing as invisible force fields except in, like, comic book stuff, right?

Figueroa: Man, I don't know.

Lennox: What is that?

Figueroa: My mama, she had the gift, you know? She saw things. I got the gene, too, you know. And that thing that attacked us? I got a feeling it ain't over.

<Donnelly>: How about you use those magic voodoo powers and get us the hell out of here, huh?

Epps: When I took that picture, I think it saw me. It looked right at me.

Lennox: All right, we got to get this thing back to the Pentagon right away. They got to know what we're dealing with here.

Scorponok: [electronic hiss]

Epps: My radio's fried. I got no communication with aerial.

Lennox: Hey, Mahfouz. You know, how far do you live from here?

Mahfouz: Not far. Just up that mountain.

Lennox: Do they have a phone?

Mahfouz: Yes.

Lennox: All right, let's hit it.

Act Six:

Miles: Dude, are you sure we're invited to this party?

Sam: Of course, Miles. It's a lake. Public property.

People: [random chatting]

Sam: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, dude, Mikaela's here. Just don't do anything weird, all right? I'm good, right?

Miles: Yeah, you're good.

Sam: Okay.

Trent: Hey, guys, check it out. Oh, hi. Hey, bro. That car. It's nice. Hey. So, what are you guys doing here?

Sam: We're here to climb this tree.

Trent: I see that. It looks- It looks fun.

Miles: [grunt]

Sam: Yeah.

Trent: You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?

Football team in flashback: [grunts]

Sam in flashback: [groans]

Coach in flashback: Let's go call your mom.

Sam: Oh, no, no, no, that- No. That wasn't like a... real tryout. I was researching a book I was writing.

Trent: Oh, yeah?

Sam: Yeah.

Trent: Yeah? What's it about? Sucking at sports?

Sam: Haha. No, it's about the link between brain damage and football. No, it's a- it's a good book. Your- Your friends'll love it. You know, it's got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It's a lot of fun.

Trent: That's funny.

Mikaela: Okay, okay. You know what? Stop.

Trent: Hey, guys, I know of a party. Let's go, let's head.

Sam: You got to get out of the tree right now. Get- just get out of the tree right now, please. What are you doing?

Miles: Did you see that dismount? All the chicks were watching.

Sam: You're making me look like an idiot. We both looked like idiots just now.

Mikaela: Hey, how about you let me drive?

Trent: Oh, no. No, no, no. This is not a toy. These twenty-twos, I don't want you grinding them. No. Why doesn't my little bunny just hop in the back seat?

Mikaela: Oh. Oh God, I can't even tell you how much I'm not your little bunny.

Trent: Oh-kay. You'll call me.

Bumblebee: {Who's gonna drive you home...}

Miles: Hey, man, what's wrong with your radio?

Bumblebee: {...tonight?}

Sam: I'm gonna drive her home tonight.

Miles: What? She's an evil jock concubine, man. Let her hitchhike.

Bumblebee: [plays the song in the background]

Sam: She lives 10 miles from here, okay? It's my only chance. You got to be understanding here, all right?

Miles: All right. We'll put her in the back. I'll be quiet.

Sam: Did you say, "Put her in the back"?

Miles: I called shotgun.

Sam: Miles, I'm not putting her in the back. You got to get out of my car.

Miles: That's a party foul.

Sam: What rules?

Miles: Our- bros before hos!

Sam: Miles, I'm begging you to get out of my car. Okay?

Miles: You- you can't do this to me.

Sam: You got to get out of my car right now.

Bumblebee: {Who's gonna come around...}

Sam: Mikaela! It's Sam.

Bumblebee: {...when you break?}

Sam: Witwicky? I hope I didn't get you stranded or anything. You sure? So, listen, I was wondering if I could ride you home. I mean- give you a ride home in my car, to your house. There you go. [coughs]

Sam: So... uh...

Mikaela: I can't believe that I'm here right now.

Sam: You can duck down if you want. I mean, it won't hurt my feelings.

Mikaela: Oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean- I didn't mean here with you. I just meant here, like, in this situation.

Sam: Oh.

Mikaela: This same situation that I'm always in. 'Cause, I don't know, I guess I just have a weakness for hot guys, for, for tight abs and really big arms.

Sam: Big arms?

Sam: Well, uh, there's a couple new additions in the car. Like, I just put in that light there. And that disco ball. And so the light reflects off the disco ball.

Mikaela: Oh.

Sam: Yeah.

Mikaela: Are you... are you new to school? This year? This your first year?

Sam: Oh, no. No. We've been in the same school since first grade.

Mikaela: Really?

Sam: Yeah.

Mikaela: No.

Sam: Yeah, a long time.

Mikaela: Well, do- do we have any classes together?

Sam: Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Mikaela: Really? Which?

Sam: History. Language arts. Math. Science.

Mikaela: Sam.

Sam: Sam. Yeah.

Mikaela: Sam Wilkicky.

Sam: Wit-wicky.

Mikaela: God, you know what? I'm so sorry. I just-

Sam: No, it's cool.

Mikaela: I just didn't recognize you.

Sam: Yeah, well, I mean, that's understandable. Ah, no, no, no. No. Come on.

Bumblebee: [starts playing music]

Sam: Sorry, I'm just working out the kinks. You know, it's a new car.

Bumblebee: {When I get that feeling, I want sexual healing}

Sam: Oh. This radio is, like, you know- It's an old radio, too, so-

Bumblebee: {Sexual healing. Sex-u-al.}

Sam: Look, this isn't something that I, you know- I can't get this radio to stop. Look, I wouldn't try this on you. You know. 'Cause this is like a romantic, romantic thing that I'm not trying to do.

Mikaela: Uh-huh.

Sam: Not that you're not worthy of trying something like this on.

Bumblebee: [plays I feel good]

Mikaela: No, of course not.

Sam: I'm a friend of yours. I'm not a romantic friend. Romantic friends do this. I mean, I'm not that- that friend. I mean, we- I could be. If-

Bumblebee: {Wooooaw! Ah feel good!}

Mikaela: Just pop the hood.

Sam: Stupid. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Sam: Shut up, shut up.

Mikaela: Whoa, nice headers. You've got a high-rise double-pump carburetor. That's pretty impressive, Sam.

Sam: Double-pump?

Mikaela: It squirts the fuel in so you can go faster.

Sam: Oh. I like to go faster.

Mikaela: And it looks like your, ah, your distributor cap's a little... loose.

Sam: Yeah? How did you know that?

Mikaela: Uh, my dad. He was a real grease monkey. He taught me all about this. I could take it all apart, clean it, put it back together.

Sam: That's weird. I just wouldn't peg you for mechanical. Oh my God.

Mikaela: Well, you know, I don't really broadcast it. Guys don't like it when you know more about cars than they do. Especially not Trent.

Sam: Unh.

Mikaela: He hates it.

Sam: Yeah, no, I'm cool with, uh, you know, females working on my engine. I prefer it, actually.

Mikaela: Okay. You want to fire it up for me?

Sam: Oh, yeah, yeah, no problem.

Mikaela: Thanks.

Sam: You know, I was thinking. You know, if Trent's such a jerk, why do you hang out with him?

Mikaela: [exhales] You know what? I'm just, uh, I'm gonna walk. Ah... Good luck with your car.

Sam: All right. Walking's healthy, right? Oh, God, no no no no no no no no no no. Come on, please. Please, you gotta work for me now. Don't let her walk away. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Please, please.

Bumblebee: {Baby come back!}

Sam: Whoo.

Bumblebee: {Any kind of fool could see}

Sam: Hey!

Bumblebee: {There was something in everything about you... Baby come back! Yeeaah. You can blame it all on me}

Sam: Hey! Wait a second!

Bumblebee: {I was wrong and I just can't live without you}

Sam: There it is.

Mikaela: I had fun. Um. So, you know, thanks for listening.

Bumblebee: [plays What I've Done]

Sam: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Mikaela: You- you think I'm shallow?

Sam: I think you're... No. No, no, no. I think there's a lot more than meets the eye with you.

Mikaela: Okay. [chuckles]

Sam: Yeah.

Mikaela: All right, I'll see you at school.

Sam: All right.

Sam: That's stupid... that was a stupid line. There's more than meets the eye with you. Stupid. Oh God. [chuckles] Oh my God. I love my car.

Act Seven:

Pentagon — National Military Command Center

Analysts: [chattering]

Bearded analyst: Hey, guys, I think the other team figured it out. Iran.

Male analyst: Come on, man. This is way too smart for Iranian scientists, eh? Think about it.

Spectacled analyst: What do you think, kid? Chinese?

Maggie: No way. This is nothing like what the Chinese are using.

Air Force One

Officer: This is Air Force One. Level of flight, level three-three-zero.

Keller: We will hunt down this enemy. And when we do, we'll know just what to do with them.

Officer:

Passenger: Thank you.

Steward: You're welcome.

Frenzy: [electronic clicks]

Announcer: Apparently, there are
very few survivors...

Tracy: Yes, Mr. President?

President of USA: Yeah, can you wrangle me up some Ding Dongs, darling?

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Passenger: [snores]

Female Attendants: [laughing]

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Tracy: I joined the Air Force to bring the man Ding Dongs. I'll be in storage.

Tracy: Oh. Shoot.

Frenzy: [electronic whisper]

Tracy: Oh, gross.

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Woman: [laughs]

Frenzy: <What? Nnn. Hyah!>

Maggie: Do you hear that? Are you getting this? I think they're hacking the network again.

Male analyst: Uh-oh.

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Maggie: Oh, my God. This is a direct match to the signal in Qatar. Are you running a diagnostic?

Male analyst: Should I be?

Maggie: Yes, you should.

Male analyst: So I am.

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Maggie: Someone! They're hacking into Air Force One! We need a senior analyst. I think they're planting a virus.

Spectacled officer: A virus?

Maggie: It's streaming right now. They are planting a virus and stealing a whole lot of data from your system at the same time.

Pentagon officer: Code Red. We have a breach. Air Force One, someone onboard has breached the military network.

Agent: I'm in the cargo hold. Clear. Clear.

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Maggie: You got to cut the hard lines.

Spectacled officer: What?

Maggie: Whatever they want, they are getting it.

Pentagon officer: Sir? Permission to take down the Defense Network.

Spectacled officer: Cut all server hard lines now.

Pentagon officer: Cut all server hard lines now.

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian] Eh. Witwicky. <Phoey!>

Agent: Someone's tampered with the POTUS mainframe. What the hell-

Frenzy: [yells]

Agent: Uh-

Agent: Ah-

Air force officer: Shots fired in the underdeck. Repeat, shots fired. Crew, prepare for emergency descent.

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Keller: I want our President in that bunker. And I don't want to discuss a damn thing other till that becomes reality. That's our first priority, that's our only priority right now.

Officer: Air Force One is on the ground.

Frenzy: [growls, then makes electronic sounds] <Oh, ****.> [I]Found a clue to the All Spark. Witwicky man - he has seen our language. Witwicky Witwicky search [speaks in Cybertronian] We must find LadiesMan217. <Go, go, go>.

Act Eight:

Sam: Nyeh. Oh, God. No no no no no no no no no no! Hey, that's my car! Hoh. No! No no no no no no. Nyah. Ah! [Gasping] Dad, call the cops!

Sam: Where you going with my car, buddy? Where you going? Hello? 911 emergency! My car has been stolen! I'm in pursuit! Right? I need all units, the whole, the whole squadron. Bring everyone! No, don't ask me questions, all right? My father's the head of the neighborhood watch!

Sam: Oh my God.

Sam: [gasping] My name- is Sam Witwicky. Whoever finds this, my car is alive, okay? You saw that? Since this is my last words on Earth, I just wanna say, Mom, Dad, I love you, and if you find Busty Beauties under my bed, it wasn't mine. I'm holding it for Miles. No, no, wait, that- Okay, that's not true. It's mine and Uncle Charles gave it to me. I'm sorry. Mojo, I love you.

Sam: [shouting] No! No! No! No! My God. No, you're a good dog! Good dog! Good dog! Oh my God. Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Whoa! All right! Oh! No! No!

Sam: Okay. Please, please don't kill me! I'm sorry! Take the keys! I don't want them! Car's yours!

Sam: Whoa whoa whoa. Listen, listen, listen. Good, you're here.

Police officer: Let me see your hands!

Sam: No, no, no, no! It's not me!

Police officer: Let me see your hands.

Sam: The guy's inside!

Police officer: Shut up! Walk towards the car. Put your head on the hood.

Blackjack
2010-12-28, 10:17 PM
Gad, I can't believe how much dialogue there are in the first thirty minutes of the film. And all of them human, too! Aaaaargh.

I do love that moment when Mikaela says 'are you new to school?' Very awkward. Something similar happened in my class, only with the roles reversed. A bag of laughs, because it's not me.

Blackjack
2010-12-30, 07:37 PM
Act Nine:

Officer: Whoever did this finally managed to infiltrate our defense network, which is what they tried to do in Qatar, only this time it worked.

Keller: What did they get?

Officer: We still don't know.

Keller: Talk to me about the virus.

Officer: It's a Spider-bot virus. We're not sure what it's going to do, but it may cripple the system.

Keller: Can we stop it?

Officer: Every time we try an antivirus, it adapts and speeds up. It's like it's not a virus anymore. It's become the system.

Brigham: Obviously the first phase of a major attack against the US. The only countries with this kind of capability are Russia, North Korea, maybe China.

Maggie: I'm sorry, that's not correct.

Brigham: Excuse me, young lady. I didn't see you standing there. You would be who?

Maggie: I'm just the analyst who detected the hack.

Keller: Hold on. It was you? You did it?

Officer: Her team.

Maggie: Sir, I was just trying to say, they hacked your firewall in ten seconds. Okay. Even a supercomputer with a- a brute force attack would take twenty years to do that.

Brigham: Maybe you can explain, then, how our latest satellite imagery shows North Korea doubling its naval activity.

Maggie: Maybe it's a precaution, because isn't that what we're doing? [Soft huckle]The signal pattern is learning. It's evolving on its own. And you need to move past Fourier transfers and start considering quantum mechanics.

Officer: There is nothing on Earth that complex.

Maggie: What about an organism? A living organism? Maybe some kind of... DNA-based computer? And I- I know that that sounds crazy-

Keller: That's enough. That's enough. We have six floors of analysts working on this thing. Now, if you can find proof to back up your theory, I'm gonna be happy to listen to you. But if you don't get a filter on that brain mouth thing, you're gonna be off the team. You understand?

Act Ten:

Sam: Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.

Deputy: It just stood up. Wow. It's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up. And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goofballs? A little wowie sauce with the boys?

Sam: No, I'm not on any drugs.

Deputy: What's these? Found it in your pocket. [sniff] Mo-jo. Is that what the kids are doing now? Little bit of Mo-jo?

Sam: Those are my dog's pain pills.

Ron: You know, a Chihuahua. A little...

Deputy: What was that?

Sam: Huh?

Deputy: You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go? Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you. I will bust you up.

Sam: Are you on drugs?

Act Eleven:

Qatar — the Middle East

Lennox: Let's hope this telephone line works.

Soldier: Heads up!

Soldier: Heads up! Hey!

Soldier: Heads up! Whoa!

Donnelly: What the heck was that?

Figueroa: [speaks in Spanish]

Donnelly: English, dude. English.

Epps: Whoaaaaaaaa!

Lennox: [screaming]

Scorponok: [screeching]

Soldier: Watch out, sir!

Soldier: <Put it on, quick!>

Soldier: Open fire! Contact! Contact!

<Lennox>: Everybody, quiet. Settle.

Epps: Whoa, mother... What the hell-

Scorponok: [screeching]

Donnelly: Ack-

Soldier: Run! Go!

Lennox: Get up! Get up! Come on!

Scorponok: [screeching]

Figueroa: Whoaaaa!

Lennox: Go! Move it!

Villager: [speaking in Arabian]

Scorponok: [screeching]

<Figueroa>: Take cover!

Lennox: Fig! Cover the rear! Cover fire! Move it! Fig, cover the rear! Epps! Cover the rear! Move it! Come on!

Soldier: Give me a mag!

Lennox: Where's your papa? Where's your papa?

Mahfouz: Papa!

Lennox: Sir, I need a telephone. The- the- telephone.

Mahfouz: [speaking in Arabic]

Akram: Telephone-

Lennox: Telephone, telephone, yes!

<Figueroa>: Hey, I need a mag! Give me a mag!

Akram: Cell phone!

Lennox: I don't know how to thank you.

Soldier: Fire!

Lennox: This is an emergency Pentagon call! I need you- do you understand? It's an emergency Pentagon... Aaaah! ... I don't have a credit card!

Operator: Sir, the attitude is not going to speed things up any... bit... at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.

Soldiers and Villagers:

Lennox: I'm in the middle of a war! This is- freaking ridiculous!

Soldier: Ammo!

Scorponok: [screeching]

Lennox: Epps, I need a credit card. Epps! Where's your wallet?

Epps: Pocket!

Lennox: Which pocket?

Epps: My back pocket!

Lennox: You got ten back pockets!

Epps: Left cheek! Left cheek! Left cheek! All right, keep shooting! Keep shooting!

Lennox: Okay, it's Visa.

Operator: Also, sir, have you heard about our premium plus world service gold package?

Lennox: No, I don't want a premium package! Epps! Pentagon!

Brigham: Give me a status.

Officer: Sir, we're tracking a Special Ops team under fire in Qatar. They say they're survivors of the base attack.

Keller: Survivors?

Scorponok: [screeching]

Epps: I ain't never seen this in my life! Need gunships on station ASAP!

Officer: Predator's coming up in a minute.

Officer: We're linking the call to the nearest AWACs.

Scorponok: [screeching]

Epps: Unknown, man. I don't- oh, man, if you seen this shit...

Predator controller: Predator ETA two minutes.

Scorponok: [screeching]

Figueroa: Hey! Make way!

Keller: What is that?

Officer: I don't know.

Epps: Whoah- whoa!

Officer: We need air support and we need it now. Roll in strike package Bravo on unknown target. I authenticate Tango Whiskey at time zero-three-hundred Zulu.

Flight officer: Attention, all aircraft. This will be a danger close-fire mission.

Flight officer: Weapons, I just got a call from Falcon Ops. Who's closer to Kill Box One Alpha?

Flight officer: Send the Hogs, sir.

Flight officer: Okay, send the Hogs over to Kill Box One Alpha. It's a danger close-

Flight officer: Switch the Hogs to Kill Box One Alpha, 300 feet danger close.

Flight officer: Friendlies in the area.

Epps: Seven man team north of orange smoke! [grunts]

Flight officer: Received Kill Box One Alpha. Engage hostile.

Epps: Attack direction west! You're clear and hot!

Flight officer: Strike, tell me status of Hog right now.

Flight officer: Hog One-One Dark Star status.

Epps: Lennox! The heat's coming!

Lennox: Laze the target! We got a beam-rider incoming! Laze target!

Scorponok: [screeching]

Figueroa: Whoaaaa- [screaming]

Lennox: Ready! Heat's coming!

Epps: What? Bring it!

Warthog pilot: Receiving radar jamming in vicinity of target.

Scorponok: [screeching]

Epps: No freaking way that thing's still not down. Spooky Three Two, use 105 shells. Bring the rain.

Flight officer: Be advised, ground team is requesting 105 sabot rounds.

Scorponok: [pained screeching]

Keller: Did we lose them?

Warthog pilot: Warthog One confirm visual on friendlies.

Lennox: Where's Fig?

Figueroa: O:-

Lennox: Fig? Fig?

Figueroa: Oh, God! Goddamn it!

Soldiers: [indistinct shouting]

Soldier: Get a medic!

Lennox: Get a medic! Get a medic!

Epps: Black Hawk one-

Figueroa: I'm sorry.

Lennox: We'll get a medic. Just hold on.

Epps: We need a medevac. One man down. Patient care category urgent.

Lennox: He's got a pulse. Get in there.

Figueroa: I'm sorry.

Keller: Bring them home. You get those men... stateside right now. I want them debriefed in ten hours.

Act Twelve

Analysts: [indistinct chatter]

Maggie: There's only one hacker in the world who can break this code.

Maggie: Hey! Hey, hey, hey, wait! Stop, stop!

Maggie: I am sorry to bother you.

Glen: Uh-eh- Maggie?

Maggie: Listen, I need your help.

Glen: No! This is my private area, my- my place of Zen and peace.

Maggie: Listen to me-

Glen's Grandma: Glen! Who is it?

Glen: Shaddap, Grandma! What are you doing here?

Glen's Grandma: Glen!

Maggie: Just give me a break, will you, please?

Glen: Grandmama! Drink your prune juice!

Glen: Oh, ha ha! Oh, oh, what level are you on, man?

Glen's cousin: Siiiix. Ah ha ha! Uh, uh, uh-

Glen: Oh, here come the matrix! Here come the matrix!

Glen and Glen's cousin: Oooooooo-ah!

Glen: Ah-hahahaha! Huh, huh-

Maggie: Glen, seriously, don't you want to see something classified?

Glen's cousin: Yeah. Get low. Uh, uh.

Glen: Oh, oh, hey.

Glen's cousin: Here we go. Here we go. Double tap.

Glen: Hey, I just paused it. I just paused it. Hey. I need a moment. Please.

Maggie: Sorry.

Glen's cousin: Tsk. Hey, man, save my game.

Glen: How classified?

Magie: Like I will go to jail for the rest of my life for showing you classified.

Maggie: Yes! One quick peek.

Officer: Special Ops got a thermal snapshot of whatever hit the base in Qatar.

Keller: I want to see it.

Officer: Well, the imager was damaged, sir.

Officer: The rangers are en route with the imager, but we also have a security issue.

Officer: Circle logs indicate one of the analysts made a copy of the network intrusion signal.

Glen: Whoah. The signal strength is through the roof. Where did you say you got this?

Maggie: It hacked the national military air-guard frequency in less than a minute.

Glen: No way.

Maggie: Yeah.

Glen: Looks like there's a message embedded in the signal. Let me work my magic.

Maggie: Project Iceman?

Glen: What's Sector Seven?

Maggie: Who is Captain Witwicky?

Glen: Shh, shh.

Glen's grandma: Are you playing those video games again?

Glen's cousin: Cops! Cops!

FBI officer: FBI! Clear right!

Glen: [shrieks]

FBI officer: Lock it down! Lock it down!

Glen's cousin: Whoaaoow! Cops!

FBI officer: Lock it down!

Glen's cousin: Wait! I'm just a cousin! I'm just a cou-

Glen: Ow! Get off my Grandmama's carpet! She don't like nobody on the carpet! Especially police!

Act Thirteen:

Reporter: It was an awesome spectacle here an hour ago when over forty C-17 s lifted off of this very base. We're not told where they're going.

Sam: Morning, Mo.

Reporteer: The government has been very quiet about what's going on but in our vision-

Sam: Mojo. Mojo.

Reporter: They were headed directly towards North Korea.

Sam: Stop with the barking, Mojo. It's too early. Please? [Gasps] Miles? Miles, listen to me. Listen. My car, it stole itself, okay?

Miles: What are you talking about, man?

Sam: Satan's Camaro. In my yard. It's stalking me.

Sam: Aah. Aah- Stop! No, no, no, no no no no no no no. Oh, oh- whoaah!

Mikaela's friend: Oh my God!

Mikaela: Sam?

Mikaela's friends: [laughing]

Sam: [grunting] Oh, hi.

Mikaela: That was, uh, that was really... awesome.

Sam: Uh, well, it felt awesome.

Mikaela: Are you okay?

Sam: I'm not okay, all right? I'm losing my mind a little bit. I'm getting chased by my car right now. Got to go. [grunts]

Mikaela: You know what? I'm gonna catch up with you guys later.

Mikaela: Tsk.

Sam: Whaaaaaaaaaah. [Gasping] Oh. Oh-

Sam: Oh, great. Cops. Officer! Listen! Ack- oh. Oh that hurt. Listen to me! Thank God you're here! I've had the worst day ever! I've been, I've been followed here on my mother's bike! Right? And my car's right there and it's been following me here! So get out of the car! No! Stop! Oh, God. Okay, okay! Okay, all right! Okay! I'm sorry! I'm- whoah! I didn't mean to hit your car! Look! Okay, look, look, look! Oh my, oh- whoah whoa whoa- stop, stop! Please! Okay, what do you want from me? Okay.

Barricade: [roar]

Sam: Oh, God, no! No!

Barricade: [roaring]

Sam: Oh, shit! Oh, shit, shit, shit! Oh, God! Oh! Shit! Aaaaaaaaa! It's a bad dream. [Screaming]

Barricade: Are you username LadiesMan-two-one-seven?

Sam: I don't know what you're talking about!

Barricade: Are you username LadiesMan-two-one-seven?

Sam: Yeah.

Barricade: Where is eBay item 21153?

Sam: Huh-

Barricade: Where are the glasses?

Sam: Uh- Whoaah!

Barricade: [roaring and growling]

Sam: Get back! Stop! Whoah!

Mikaela: Oh- God! What is your problem, Sam?

Sam: Okay, there's a monster right there! It just attacked me! Here he comes!

Sam: All right, get up. Get up and run! You have to run!

Mikaela: Sam, what is that thing?

Sam: You have to get in the car. Get in.

Mikaela: I don't want- I don't want to.

Sam: Get in the car. Trust me. Trust me!

Mikaela: Sam.

Sam: Get in! Go, go, go, go, go.

Barricade: [roar]

Bumblebee: [plays Pretty Handsome Awkward]

Sam: Go, go, go, go!

Mikaela: Oh, God! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!

Sam: No, we're not. No, we're not gonna die.

Mikaela: Oh, my God!

Sam: Trust me. He's a kick-ass driver!

Mikaela: <****> it-

Sam: Oh my God! No! We're gonna die! Oh my God!

Mikaela: Oh, oh my God!

Sam: We're locked in. Unh! The car won't start. At least we ditched the monster, right?

Sam: Okay. Time to start...

Sam: Oof!

Barricade: Wrrraaaaah! [Grunts] <Die!> [speaks in Cybertronian]

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Barricade: <Ayayayayayaya- Swing it swing it swing it- rah!>

Frenzy: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Barricade: [grunting]

Bumblebee: [grunts]

Barricade: [growls and grunts]

Frenzy: [chattering in Cybertronian]

Sam: Oh- He's got me! He's got me- [grunting]

Mikaela: Hnn, Hn-

Sam: Oh, oh- He's going to kill me!

San: No. No, no, no!

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian, growls]

Sam: No! Shoo! Gyaa!

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian] <Oof!> [Growl, Chatters in Cybertronian]

Sam: Get- off!

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian]

Sam: [grunting and shouting]

Frenzy: <Witwicky!>

Sam: [shouting]

Frenzy: [grunting]

Mikaela: Uhh!

Sam: Yeah! Kill it! Kill it!

Mikaela: Uhh- Uhh!

Sam: Get it, get it, get it, get it!

Frenzy: <Unnh... Why-> [chatters in Cybertronian]

Sam: Huh? Not so tough without a head, are you?

Frenzy: Oh- Waaaaaaaaaaaa!

Sam and Mikaela: [panting]

Sam: Here, come on.

Frenzy: [chatters In Cybertronian] Ooo!

Bumblebee: [electronic sound]

Mikaela: What is it?

Sam: It's a robot. But like a, like a different, you know, like a super-advanced... robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, yeah, it's definitely Japanese.

Mikaela: What are you doing?

Sam: I don't think it wants to hurt us. It would have done that already.

Mikaela: Really? Well, do you speak robot? Because they just had, like, a giant droid death match.

Sam: I think it wants something from me.

Mikaela: What?

Sam: Well, 'cause the other one was talking about my eBay page.

Mikaela: You are the strangest boy I have ever met.

Sam: Can you talk?

Bumblebee: {XM Satellite Radio- digital cable brings you- Columbia Broadcasting System}

Sam: So you... you talk through the radio?

Bumblebee: {Thank you, you're beautiful.
You're wonderful, you're wonderful.}

Sam: So, what was that last night? What was that?

Bumblebee: {Message from Starfleet, Captain- Throughout the inanimate vastness of space- Angels will rain down like visitors from heaven hallelujah!}

Mikaela: Visitors from heaven? What, what are you, like, an alien or something?

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal] {Any more questions you want to ask?}

Sam: He wants us to get in the car.

Mikaela: And go where?

Bumblebee: [plays Before It's Too Late]

Sam: Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?

Barricade: [weak groan]

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian]

Mikaela: This car's a pretty good driver.

Sam: I know. Why don't you go sit in that seat, there?

Mikaela: I'm not going to sit in that seat. He's driving.

Sam: Yeah. You're right. Well, maybe you should sit in my lap.

Mikaela: Why?

Sam: Well, I have the only seat belt here. You know, safety first.

Mikaela: Yeah, all right.

Sam: You all right?

Mikaela: Yeah.

Sam: Okay, there you go. There, see? That's better.

Mikaela: [sighs] Oh.

Mikaela: You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.

Sam: [sniffs] Thank you.

Mikaela: You know what I don't understand?

Sam: Hmm?

Mikaela: Why, if he's supposed to be, like, this super-advanced robot, does he transform back into this piece of crap Camaro?

Bumblebee: [electronic sound]

Sam: Whoah! Whoa! Oh, see? No. Get- no, that doesn't work. See?

Driver: Move it, you moron!

Sam: Great, now... See? Fantastic. Now you pissed him off. That car is sensitive. I mean, four thousand dollars just drove off.

Bumblebee: [plays upbeat tune]

Sam: What-?

Act Fourteen:

Fat diner: This is you, this is-

Diners: [various shouting]

Diner: Oh my God!

Sam: Come on, let's go.

Fat diner: This is the coolest thing I've ever seen! Whoah, ah! Explosions everywhere! This is easily a hundred times cooler than Armageddon. I swear to God! Fire, fire, fire, fire! Damn!

Fat diner: Whoa! Sweet! Oh, dude, I hope this guy's got asteroid insurance, 'cause he is so boned!

Fat diner: What is that? There's something in the tree, dude.

Diner: No, dude-

Fat diner: No, there's something in the thing by the tree! Could you guys just give me a space rock?

Little girl: Excuse me, are you the tooth fairy?

Daddy: Hey, sweetheart, what are you doing
out here by yourself? Holy God! What happened to the pool?

Sam: [exhales]

Optimus Prime: Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky?

Mikaela: They know your name.

Sam: Yeah?

Optimus Prime: My name is Optimus Prime. We are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron.

Ratchet: But you can call us Autobots for short.

Sam: Autobots.

Jazz: What's cracking, little bitches?

Optimus Prime: My first lieutenant.

Jazz: Hyeah!

Optimus Prime: Designation Jazz.

Jazz: This looks like a cool place to kick it. Uh.

Sam: What is that? How did he learn to talk like that?

Optimus Prime: We've learned Earth's languages through the World Wide Web. My weapons specialist, Ironhide.

Ironhide: You feeling lucky, punk?

Optimus Prime: Easy, Ironhide.

Ironhide: Just kidding. I just wanted to show him my cannons.

Sam: [exhales] Heh.

Optimus Prime: Our medical officer, Ratchet.

Ratchet: Mmm. The boy's pheromone level suggests he wants to mate with the female.

Mikaela: Ermmm...

Sam: [whistle]

Optimus Prime: You already know your guardian, Bumblebee.

Sam: Bumblebee, right?

Bumblebee: {Check on the rep, yep, second to none}

Sam: So you're my guardian, huh?

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Ratchet: His vocal processors were damaged in battle.

Bumblebee: [coughs]

Ratchet: I'm still working on them.

Mikaela: Why are you here?

Optimus Prime: We are here looking for the AllSpark. And we must find it before Megatron.

Sam: Megawhat?

Optimus Prime: Our planet was once a powerful empire. Peaceful and just. Until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the All Spark was lost to the stars.

Hologram Megatron: [growl]

Optimus Prime: Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him.

Hologram Megatron: [growl]

Sam: Oh- h- My grandfather.

Optimus Prime: It was an accident that intertwined our fates.

Sailor: Come back!

Sailor: I think the dogs have found something.

Archibald: The ice is cracking!

Sailor: Captain!

Sailor: Captain! Grab my rope, Captain!

Sailor: Captain!

Archibald: I'm all right, lads!

Sailor: Can we throw you a rope, captain?

Optimus Prime: Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube.

Archibald: Men! We've made a discovery!

Sailor: [indistinct yelling]

Optimus Prime: He accidentally activated his navigation system.

Megatron: [speaks in Cybertronian] <The ice be>

Archibald: Aaaaaah!

Optimus Prime:The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were imprinted on his glasses.

Sam: How'd you know about his glasses?

Optimus Prime: eBay.

Sam: eBay.

Ratchet: If the Decepticons find the All Spark, they will use its power to transform Earth's machines and build a new army.

Optimus Prime: And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival.

Mikaela: Please tell me that you have those glasses.

Act Fifteen:

[I]Somewhere over the Atlantic

Soldier: It's like a self-regenerating molecular armor.

Lennox: Look at the scorch mark where the sabot round hit. Melted right through. Hey, aren't sabots hot-loaded for like a six thousand-degree magnesium burn?

Epps: Close to it. It melts tank armor.

Lennox: So this metal skin must react to extreme heat.

<Burke>: Heads up!

Soldiers: [shouting]

Epps: Whoaaah! I thought you said that thing was dead, man!

Lennox: Strap it down! Strap- this thing is wicked. All right, get on the horn with Northern Command. Tell them that our effective weapon is high-heat sabot rounds. Recommend we load them on all the gunships. Go.

Act Sixteen:

Glen: Unh. Unh. You want that piece? Okay, Maggie, look. Let me break it down to you how it's gonna happen. They gonna come through that door and be good cop, bad cop. Don't fall for that, all right? That's why I ate their food. See, they put the plate of donuts out here to test your guilt. If you don't touch it, you're guilty. I ate the whole plate. The whole plate. 'Kay? It's me and you. They walk through that door, you don't say nothing.

Glen: She did it! She did it! She's the one you want! All right? I was just sitting at home watching cartoons, playing video games with my cousin, and she came in there. And then...

Maggie: Glen, you freak!

Glen: Hey! I am not going to jail for you or anybody else! I have done nothing bad my entire life! Hey, man, I'm still a virgin. Okay, so what- I've downloaded a couple of thousand songs off the Internet. Who hasn't? Who hasn't? I promise!

Maggie: Glen, shut up!

Glen: No, you shut up! Don't talk to me! Don't talk to me, criminal! Oh, sugar rush.

Maggie: This is- this is not his fault.

Glen: See? So can I go home now? Oh, okay.
Maggie: But-

Glen: I won't.

Maggie: Just listen to me. Okay, whoever hacked into your military system downloaded a file, all right? It was something about- about someone named Witwicky and, uh, some- some government group, right? Named Sector Seven. You have to let me talk to Defense Secretary Keller before you go to war with the wrong country!

Blackjack
2011-01-02, 01:44 AM
Act Seventeen:

Male reporter: Whatever fell out of the sky ended up right behind-

Judy: What did he say?

Ron: Huh? What?

Judy: Did he hear it, too?

Ron: Yeah, Jack heard it, too. Huh. Yeah.

Judy: What does he think it is?

Ron: He thinks it's a military experiment.

Judy: Pfft. What a knucklehead.

Ron: Yeah, well, I think it's a plane.

Female reporter: Still no official word as to what happened. You can see the fire- [continues to talk in the background]

Random guy: Yeah!

Judy: Call Sam.

Ron: Yeah. Why?

Judy: He should be home in 15 minutes.

Ron: Well, I'll call him in 15 minutes. No, I've-

Judy: If you wait 15 minutes, he'll be late and you'll have to ground him.

Ron: Well, I can't ground him if he's not late, can I?

Female reporter: -Meteor or something came over.

Sam: I need you to stay here, all right? You got to stay here and you're gonna watch them.

Mikaela: Okay, okay.

Sam: All of them. Do you hear what I'm saying?

Mikaela: Yeah, okay, okay.

Sam: Five minutes, all right?

Ron: Thanks for staying on my path.

Sam: Oh, yeah. No, no, Dad. Hey! The, oh, the path. I'm sorry. I forgot about the path. I'm gonna sweep the whole thing right now. How about that?

Ron: You know, I buy half your car-

Sam: Yeah.

Ron: Then I bail you out of jail and then I just decided to do all your chores.

Sam: The chores. Oh.

Ron: Yeah. Life is great, huh?

Sam: Life, well, life is fantastic, is how good it is. It's so- oh, the trash cans. Sorry, Dad. I'm gonna do the trash cans now.

Ron: No, no, I don't want you to strain yourself.

Sam: No, don't, I won't strain myself, Dad.

Ron: I'll do it. Come-

Sam: It would hurt my feelings if you do it.

Ron: You sure? I don't mind, I don't mind, I promise...

Sam: No, no, no, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do the trash cans and I'm gonna scrape the grill and I'm gonna, I'm gonna sweep up the whole, uh, house. Right now.

Ron: Tonight, right now?

Sam: Right now.

Bumblebee: Shh, shh shh.

Sam: The- uh- I love you. God, I love you just so much right now.

Ron: You know, Mom wanted me to ground you. You're three minutes late.

Sam: Right? Oh, well, just another thing you did for me, Dad, because you're such a swell guy.

Bumblebee: [electronic sounds]

Ron: One more thing, huh?

Sam: All right, I love you! Sleep good, handsome man! What are you doing? What are you doing? No, watch the path! Watch the path! Watch the- please, please, please. No, no, wait. No, no, no! Oh, no!

Optimus Prime: Oh- oops. Sorry. My bad.

Sam: Oh, I- you couldn't- You couldn't wait for five- you couldn't wait for five minutes? I told you to stay! Just stay! God!

Sam: I told you to watch them. I told you.

Mikaela: Okay, you know what? They seem to be in a little bit of a rush.

Sam: Oh, this is bad. No! Mojo, Mojo! Off the robot! God!

Ironhide: Nnh, wet.

Sam: No no no no no no! Easy! Easy! Hold on! Hold! This is Mojo. This is Mojo. He's a pet of mine. He's a pet. Okay? That's all.

Ironhide: Hhh.

Sam: If you could just put the guns away... Put the- put them away. Please.

Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation.

Sam: A what?

Ironhide: Shall I terminate?

Sam: No no no no. He's not a rodent, he's a Chihuahua. This is my- this is my Chihuahua. We love Chihuahuas! Don't we?

Ironhide: He's leaked lubricants all over my foot. Hnnh.

Sam: He peed on you? Bad Mojo. Bad Mojo!

Ironhide: Bad Mojo.

Sam: I'm sorry. He's got a male dominance thing. That's all it is.

Ironhide: Hhh. My foot's gonna rust.

Sam: All right. Whoa- ah. Okay, okay. Shut up and go hide!

Optimus Prime: Just hurry.

Reporter: [indistinct words]

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Optimus Prime: Autobots, recon.

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Ron: I hope he's okay. He's in the kitchen. Got some ice on his nose. I, uh, I had to slap him around a little bit.

Judy: You did not. You didn't even ground him.

Ron: Almost, almost.

Sam: Uh. Where are they? No, no, no, no, no. Come on, come on. [Panting] What? What is this?

Optimus Prime: Time is short.

Mikaela: They really want those glasses.

Sam: Come on. What are you doing?

Mikaela: I'm gonna help you.

Sam: Okay.

Optimus Prime: Please hurry.

Sam: Okay. Yeah, no, no. It's definitely gone.

Mikaela: What do you mean?

Sam: My glasses were in the bag. They were in the backpack and now the backpack isn't here.

Mikaela: Well, they're gonna be pissed. So- so what do you gonna do?

Sam: So what I think you should do is you should- you should check this whole- this whole section here.

Mikaela: Yeah, all right.

Sam: Just give it a clean sweep, and I'll get- I'll get the corner here. Yeah, no, no, no. Not there. That's my- that's my private- sorry. That's nothing.

Mikaela: You just- you just told me to look...

Sam: I know, but I didn't mean to look inside of my treasure chest.

Mikaela: You should be way more specific so I don't get in trouble in your room. I'm already stressed out enough.

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian, exclaims in surprise]

Sam: Okay. What now? No. No. No. No no no. This isn't hiding. This isn't hiding. This is my backyard, not a truck stop. Oh God. Oh!

Witness: Okay, I saw it. The UFO landed right here and now it's gone. My moped's under there, man! Who's gonna pay for that?

Judy: [sigh]

Mikaela: Sam? Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam! He's back here.

Sam: I can't deal with this. I can't- what? Oh, no, no, no. This is my mother's flower...

Optimus Prime: Oops!

Sam: Okay, listen. You got to listen to me. If my parents come out here and see you, they're gonna freak out. My mother's got a temper, okay?

Optimus Prime: We must have the glasses.

Sam: I know you need the glasses. I've been looking everywhere. They're not here. They're definitely not here.

Optimus Prime: Nnh. Keep searching.

Sam: I need you to be quiet for five minutes. Ten minutes. Okay? Please, I'm begging you. You got to- you're making a racket. I can't concentrate. You want me to look and I'm hearing...

Optimus Prime: Calm down, calm down.

Sam: You got to do something here. You got to do something here.

Optimus Prime: Autobots, fall back.

Sam: Thank you. Please, for five minutes. Good? Good? Okay.

<Jazz>: Move!

Ratchet: Get away!

Optimus Prime: What's the matter with you? Can't you be quiet? He wants us to be quiet.

Ratchet: Hmph. Ow!

Ron: Earthquake! Move, move, move, move, move! Earthquake! Judy! Judy, get under the table! Move it! Duck and cover right now!

Judy: How did you get over there so fast?

Ratchet: Wow! That was tingly! N- ooh! You got to try that!

Ironhide: Yeah, that looks fun.

Ron: Sam?

Judy: Sammy?

Ron: What the hell is that?

Judy: I don't know.

Ron: Sam?

Judy: That's weird. Sam!

Optimus Prime: Ratchet, point the light. Come on, hurry.

Sam: Listen, we got a major issue in here. What's with the light? You gotta stop the light. What's going on? Turn it off. You gotta tell him to shut it off. Shut it off.

Ron: Sam, are you in there? How come the door's locked? You know the rules. No doors locked in my house!

Judy: You know he'll start counting if you don't open the door!

Ron: One more chance. Five...

Judy: Oh, dear.

Ron: Four. It's coming off the hinges, pal.

Judy: He's counting! Sam, just open the door.

Ron: Three.

Judy: Oh, my.

Ron: Two.

Judy: He's counting.

Ron: Stand back.

Sam: What's up? What's with the bat?

Ron: Who were you talking to?

Sam: I'm talking to you.

Judy: Why are you so sweaty and filthy?

Sam: I'm a child. You know, I'm a teenager.

Judy: We heard voices and noises and we thought maybe you were-

Ron: Yeah, it doesn't matter what we thought. What was that light?

Sam: No, what light? What? There's no light, Dad! There's no light!

Ron: The light!

Sam: You got two lights in your hand! That's what it is.

Ron: There was light under the door.

Sam: No, maybe it bounced- look, you can't- you can't just bounce into my room like that. You got to knock. You got to communicate.

Ron: We did- We knocked for five minutes.

Sam: I'm a teenager.

Judy: We knocked!

Sam: You didn't knock. You were screaming at me, okay?

Judy: No.

Sam: This is repression, what you're doing here. You're ruining my youth, okay?

Judy: Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?

Ron: Judy.

Sam: Was I mastur- No, Mom!

Ron: Zip it, okay?

Judy: It's okay.

Sam: No, I don't masturbate!

Ron: That's not something for you to bring up. That's a father-and-son thing, okay?

Judy: I mean-

Sam: Father-son thing.

Judy: You don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable. You can call it... Sam's happy time or-

Sam: Happy time?

Judy: My special alone time...

Ron: Stop.

Sam: Mom. You-

Ron: Judy, stop.

Judy: With myself.

Sam: Mom, you can't come in and-

Judy: I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.

Ron: No, no, Dad. Yeah, well, we saw a light.

<Optimus Prime>: Oh, parents.

Ron: I don't know where it was, but we saw it.

Optimus Prime: Oh- Nuh!

Ron: Earthquake! It's another one! Another earthquake! Get in the doorway!

Judy: Okay!

Ron: Aftershock! Aftershock! Oh, I hate these.

Optimus Prime: Quick, hide!

Ron: Got to ride it out. Ride it out!

Judy: Hey, the lights are back on.

Jazz: Hide? What? Where? Oh

Judy: Come on, get out of that tub.

Ron: Can't you take safety seriously?

Jazz: What about- oh, kay. Oh, no. Man. Man! Oh

Judy: Good Lord, this floor is filthy, Sam.

Ron: Oh. Oh, no! Look at the yard. The yard is destroyed. Sheesh! Judy? Better call the city. We got a blown transformer! Power pole's sparking all over the place! Aw, man. Yard's a waste. Trashed. Gone. It's a wash. The whole yard.

Judy: You're kidding.

Ironhide: The parents are very irritating.

Ratchet: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ironhide: Can I take them out?

Optimus Prime: Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans. What is with you?

Ironhide: Well, I'm just saying, we could. It's an option.

Judy: We heard you talking to somebody, Sam. We wanna know who.

Sam: Mom, I- I told y-

Mikaela: Hi. I'm Mikaela. I'm a- I'm a friend of Sam's.

Judy: [laughs] Gosh, you're gorgeous. Isn't that the prettiest girl?

Ron: Oh. Son- Ooo-wow.

Sam: She can hear you talking, Mom.

Mikaela: Thank you.

Judy: Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry you had to hear our little family discussion about this-

Mikaela: [chuckles]

Ron: Sorry that we're bugging you.

Sam: Backpack- do you have my backpack, ma?

Ron: Come on, hon. Let's go.

Judy: Oh, it's in the kitchen.

Act Eighteen:

Sam: Oh, yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Mikaela: Your mom's so nice.

Sam: I want you to distract my parents while I slip out and get these glasses to them, okay?

Simmons: Ronald Wickety?

Ron: It's Witwicky. Who are you?

Simmons: We're the government. Sector Seven.

Ron: Never heard of it.

Simmons: Never will. Your son's the great-grandson of Captain Archibald Wickity, is he not?

Ron: It's Witwicky.

Simmons: May I enter the premises, sir?

Judy: Ron, there's guys all over the front yard.

Ron: What the heck is going on here?

Simmons: Your son filed a stolen car report last night. We think it's involved in a national security matter.

Ron: National security?

Judy: They're ripping up my rose bushes!

Simmons: That's right. National security.

Judy: My God, Ron, they're everywhere! There's guys in suits all around the house! Look at this!

Ron: Could you stay off the grass?

Simmons: Get me a sample and some isotope readings.

Judy: They're pulling bushes out of the ground! Good Lord! They've got to get their hands off my bush!

Simmons: Drop the bat, ma'am.

Ron: Hey, hey, hey, that's my-

Simmons: I'm carrying a loaded weapon.

Judy: But you'd better get those guys out of my garden or I am gonna beat the crap out of them!

Simmons: Are you experiencing any flu-like symptoms? Aching joints? Fever?

Judy: No!

Sam: What is this?

Simmons: How you doing, son? Is your name Sam?

Sam: Yeah.

Simmons: Well, I need you to come with us.

Judy: What?

Ron: Whoa, way out of line.

Simmons: Sir, I am asking politely. Back off.

Ron: You're not taking my son.

Simmons: Really? You gonna try to get rough with us?

Ron: No, but I'm gonna call the cops because there's something fishy going on around here.

Judy: Yeah.

Simmons: Yeah. There's something a little fishy about you, your son, your little Taco Bell dog and this whole operation you got going on here.

Ron: What operation?

Simmons: That is what we are gonna find out.

S7 Agent: I think direct contact.

Simmons: Son?

Sam: Yeah.

Simmons: Step forward, please.

Sam: Just stand?

Simmons: Fourteen rads. Bingo! Tag them and bag them!

Judy: What?

Judy: If you hurt my dog, I'll kick your ass!

Simmons: Get me a sample on that vegetation ASAP!

Ron: Sam! Do not say anything, Sam!

Sam: Yeah.

Ron: Not a word until we get a lawyer!

Simmons: So, uh... LadiesMan two-seventeen. That is your eBay username, right?

Sam: Yeah, but, you know, it was a typo and I ran with it.

Simmons: Well, what do you make of this?

Recording of Sam: My name is Sam Witwicky, okay? And my, uh, car-

Simmons: Is that you?

Mikaela: Yeah, that sounds like LadiesMan.

Simmons: Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed. Enlighten me.

Sam: Well, here's what I said, okay? 'Cause this is a total misunderstanding that my car had been stolen-

Simmons: Tsk. Really?

Sam: From me, from my home, but it's fine now because it's back! It came back!

Mikaela: Well, not by itself.

Sam: Well, no.

Mikaela: Because cars don't do that because that would be crazy.

Mikaela, Simmons and Sam: [laughing]

Simmons: That's funny. That is so funny. So what do you kids know about aliens, huh?

Sam: Oh, you mean, like a Martian? Like what, E. T? Pfft. No.

Mikaela: It's an urban legend.

Sam: Yeah.

Simmons: You see this? This is my I-can-do-whatever-I-want-and-get-away-with-it badge.

Sam: Right.

Simmons: I'm gonna lock you up forever.

Mikaela: Oh, God. You know what? Don't listen to him. He's just pissy 'cause he's got to get back to guarding the mall.

Simmons: You, in the training bra, do not test me. Especially with your daddy's parole coming up.

Sam: What? Parole?

Mikaela: It's nothing.

Simmons: Oh, grand theft auto, that ain't nothing?

Mikaela: You know those cars my dad used to teach me to fix? Well, they- they weren't always his.

Sam: You stole cars?

Mikaela: Well, we couldn't always afford a babysitter, so sometimes he had to take me along.

Simmons: She's got her own juvie record to prove it! She's a criminal. Criminals are hot! Well, that'd be a real shame if he had to rot in jail the rest of his natural life. It is time to talk!

Simmons and S7 Agents: [shouting]

S7 Agent: Big! It's big!

S7 Agents: Whoa whoa whoa whoa!

Simmons: Oh-

S7 Agent: <Back up, back up->

Mikaela: Go, go, go, go!

Simmons: I think we're about-

S7 Agent: I can't see it! I can't see it!

Simmons: [indistinct yelling]

Sam: Shift your weight towards the front!

S7 Agent: Oh God!

S7 Agent: <It's falling, it's falling!>

Simmons: All right- Hah! Nuh. Oh...

Sam: You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend... Optimus Prime.

Optimus Prime: [growl] Taking the children was a bad move. Autobots. Relieve them of their weapons.

S7 Agent: [assorted 'aah!' and 'whoa!']

Ironhide: Freeze!

Simmons:: Whoa! Whoa!

Jazz: Give me those.

Simmons: Whoa!

S7 Agent: Nnh!

Simmons: Whoa!

Optimus Prime: [growl]

Simmons: Hi, there.

Optimus Prime: You don't seem afraid. Are you not surprised to see us?

Simmons: Look, there are S-Seven... protocols... okay? I'm not authorized to communicate with you except to tell you I can't communicate with you.

Optimus Prime: Get out of the car.

Simmons: All right. All right. Me? You want me to-

Optimus Prime: Now!

Simmons: All right, all right. Get out. Hey. All right, I'm... yeah, I'm getting out. I'm getting out. You see? Very nifty how you put us down without really... killing us.

Sam: You're good with handcuffs, too, now, huh?

Simmons: Hey, hey. How you doing?

Mikaela: You weren't supposed to hear all that.

Simmons: How's it going, huh?

Sam: Yeah.

Simmons: This is real. Now, listen. If I choose to engage with him, mum is the word, all right?

Mikaela: Sam, I have a record because I wouldn't turn my dad in. When have you had to sacrifice anything in your perfect little life?

Simmons: Big guys. Big guys with big guns, huh?

Sam: What is Sector Seven? Answer me.

Simmons: I'm the one who asks questions
around here. Not you, young man!

Mikaela: How'd you know about the aliens?

Sam: Where did you take my parents?

Simmons: I am not at liberty to discuss-

Sam: No?

Simmons: -it. Hey. You touch me, that's a federal offense.

Sam: Do-whatever-you-want-and-get-away-with-it badge, right?

Simmons: Yeah. Brave now all of a sudden, with his big alien friend standing over there.

Sam: Where is Sector Seven?

Simmons: Wouldn't you like to know?

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Simmons: Ayyyyyy! Hey!

Optimus Prime: Bumblebee, stop lubricating the man.

Simmons: Get that thing to stop, huh?

Mikaela: All right, tough guy, take it off.

Simmons: What are you talking about?

Mikaela: Your clothes, all of it, off.

Simmons: For what?

Mikaela: For threatening my dad.

Simmons: Little lady, this is the beginning of the end of your life. You're a criminal. Uh huh. Let's face facts. It's in your gene pool.

Mikaela: Those are nice. Now back behind the pole.

Simmons: All right.

S7 Agent: This is such a felony, what you're doing.

Simmons: I will hunt you down, okay?

S7 Agent: He'll hunt you down.

Simmons: Without any remorse!

S7 Agent: No remorse.

Simmons: Okay? We have got to alert- everyone.

S7 Agent: They already know. Speaker.

Ironhide: Optimus! Incoming!

Optimus Prime: Roll out.

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Helicopter pilot: Okay, I'm picking up rad readings under that bridge right down there.

Helicopter pilot: Okay, I'm getting really good rad readings. Forty-two and higher.

Optimus Prime: Up you get.

Sam and Mikaela: [grunting]

Helicopter pilot: Okay, we're dropping in.

Sam and Mikaela: [grunting]

Helicopter pilot: Really strong readings right down below us. There he is. Ship one and two, come on in.

Helicopter pilot: That's it, right there. Mark him, mark him.

Helicopter pilot: Okay, there he is. 11:30. 11:30. Right off the nose.

Helicopter pilot: I got it. 12:00.

Helicopter pilot: Okay, I'm tracking him. I've got him.

Helicopter pilot: Got him going down the street.

Helicopter pilot: Okay. Where'd he go, guys? I lost him. Got no IR signature. Where'd he go? Okay, I lost him. I lost him.

Helicopter pilot: Okay, we're coming around.

Optimus Prime: Easy, you two.

Optimus Prime: Nnh!

Mikaela: No! No! No, Sam! Sam, don't drop me! Sam, don't! Sam, don't! I'm slipping! I'm slipping!

Optimus Prime: Hold on!

Mikaela: Aaaaah!

Sam: No!

Optimus Prime: Aah!

Mikaela: Sam!

Helicopter pilot: All right, we've got him pinned. We've got him pinned in the river. I'm in for the shot.

Sam: Stop! Stop! Wait! No!

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Mikaela: [gasp]

Helicopter pilot: Take the shot, get him.

Helicopter pilot: Take the shot.

Sam: Noooo!

Bumblebee: [electronic screaming and shouting and crying]

Sam: No! Stop! Stop!

S7 Agent: Get down on the ground!

S7 Agent: Get down! Get down!

Sam: What? Okay.

Mikaela: Nnh!

Sam: Hah- Look, he's not fighting back!

Bumblebee: [pained electronic squealing]

S7 Agent: Freeze it!

Bumblebee: [pained electronic squealing]

Sam and Mikaela: [grunting]

Sam: Stop hurting him!

Bumblebee: [painted electronic squealing]

Sam: [grunting]

S7 Agent: Don't let him move! <I got him down here!>

Bumblebee: [lots of pained electronic squealing]

Sam: [grunting]

Bumblebee: [pained electronic squealing]

Mikaela: No!

Simmons: Happy to see me again? ...Put him in a car with his little criminal friend.

Simmons: I want that thing frozen and ready for transport!

Jazz: Hang back. Let me check it out.

Jazz: Optimus, are we just gonna stand here and do nothing?

Optimus Prime: There's no way to free Bumblebee without harming the humans.

Jazz: But it's not right! He-

Optimus Prime: Let them leave.

Act Nineteen:

<Brigham>: The Chinese and the Russians are nearing our area of operations in the western Pacific. We feel like this could get out of hand real fast.

Keller: But the next couple of hours may just define his presidency.

Officer: US and Chinese task forces approaching 100 nautical miles of cruise missile range.

Keller: Tell the strike group commander that he's not to engage unless fired on first!

Officer: Yes, sir!

Banachek: Mr. Secretary? Tom Banachek. I'm with Sector Seven, Advanced Research Division.

Keller: Never heard of it. I'm a little busy, Tom. I think you can see that.

Officers: [indistinct chattering]

Officer: What's going on here?

Officer: I don't know.

Keller: Sit rep! Talk to me!

Officer: The whole room's gone down, sir.

Keller: I can see that!

Officer: The virus was coded to shut us down. General?

Banachek: I'll take a seat.

Keller: What do you mean, shut us down?

Brigham: They used our network to spread out to the whole world. The blackout's global. We have no communications, satellite and land lines are dead.

Keller: You mean to tell me that I cannot pick up this telephone and call my fam-?

Banachek: Mister Secretary? I'm here under direct order from the President. You really need to see what I have in the case.

Banachek: You'll have to accept that there are certain things you won't understand right away. Sector Seven is a special-access division of the government convened in secret under President Hoover eighty years ago. You may remember NASA JPL lost the Beagle 2 Mars Rover. We told them to report the mission a complete failure. It wasn't. Beagle 2 transmitted thirteen seconds. This was classified above top secret.

Recording: All systems functioning well. Okay, we got a visual. [indistinct overlapping chatter]

Transformer (Blackout? Bumblebee?): [electronic growl]

Recording: EDA ended at 170 hours, 48 minutes.

Banachek: More than just a pile of Martian rocks. This is the image from Mars. Here's the image your Special Ops team was able to retrieve from the base attack. We believe they are of the same exoskeletal type, and obviously not Russian or North Korean.

Keller: Are we talking about an invasion?

Banachek: We intercepted the message from your Special Ops team. These things can be hurt by our weapons and now they know it. That's why the virus shut us down. So we can't coordinate against their next attack, which I would bet my ridiculous government salary is coming. Soon.

Keller: Get word to our fleet commanders over the National Guard frequency. It's a shortwave radio channel. It might be still working. Tell them to turn their ships around and come home. ASAP. And inform all commands to prepare for- imminent attack.

[I]Nellis Air Force Base

Officer: Captain Lennox, we need you and your team to come with us right now! Let's go!

FBI Agent: She's in here.

Maggie: What's going on?

Keller: You're coming with me. You're going to be my advisor.

Glen: Me too?

Keller: Who's this?

Maggie: He's my advisor.

Keller: He comes, too.

Blackjack
2011-01-02, 06:59 PM
Act Twenty:

Sam: So...

Maggie: What did they get you for?

Sam: Uh- I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot.

Glen: [mouths 'Wow.']

Sam: Who knew?

Bumblebee: [electronic whining]

S7 Agent: Make a hole! Watch your back!

Optimus Prime: Please. Let this work.

Jazz: Fire it up, Optimus.

Optimus Prime: The code... The code on these glasses indicates the All Spark is two hundred and thirty miles from here.

Ratchet: I sense the Decepticons are getting ready to mobilize.

Ironhide: They must know it's here, as well.

Jazz: What about Bumblebee? We can't just leave him to die and become some human experiment!

Optimus Prime: He'll die in vain if we don't accomplish our mission. Bumblebee is a brave soldier. This is what he would want.

Ironhide: Why are we fighting to save the humans?

Bumblebee: [pained electronic squealing]

Ironhide: They're a primitive and violent race.

Bumblebee: [pained electronic squealing]

Optimus Prime: Were we so different? They're a young species. They have much to learn. But I've seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. You all know there's only one way to end this war. We must destroy the Cube. If all else fails, I will unite it with the Spark in my chest.

Ratchet: That's suicide. The Cube is raw power. It could destroy you both.

Optimus Prime: A necessary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet. We cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes... It's been an honor serving with you all. Autobots, roll out!

Jazz: We rolling!

Act Twenty-One:

Frenzy: [mutters in Cybertronian] Eeeeeeeyaaaaaaah! Ow! Eeh! Oof! [Chatters in Cybertronian]

<Lennox>: Team attention! Present arms!

Keller: At ease. Captain, Sergeant. Got your intel. Excellent work.

Lennox: Thank you, sir. What about the gunships?

Keller: They're being retrofitted with sabot rounds now. If they hit us again, we'll be ready for them. But, uh, it won't do us much good if we can't get world communications back up.

Simmons: Hey, kid. I think we got off to a bad start, huh? You must be hungry? You want a latte? Ho-Ho? Double venti macchiato?

Sam: Where's my car?

Banachek: Son, I need you to listen to me very carefully. People can die here. We need to know everything you know. We need to know it now.

Sam: Okay. But first, I'll take my car, my parents. Maybe you should write that down. Oh, and her juvie record. That's got to be gone. Like, forever.

Banachek: Come with me. We'll talk about your car.

Mikaela: Thank you.

Simmons: Man's an extortionist.

Simmons: All right, here's the situation. You've all had direct contact with the NBEs.

Epps: NBEs?

Simmons: Non-Biological Extraterrestrials. Try and keep up with the acronyms.

Banachek: What you're about to see is totally classified.

S7 Technicians:

Keller: Dear God. What is this?

Banachek: We think when he made his approach over the north pole, our gravitational field screwed up his telemetry. He crashed in the ice, probably a few thousand years ago. We shipped him here to this facility in 1934.

Simmons: We call him NBE-One.

Sam: Well, sir, I don't mean to correct you on everything you think you know, but- I mean, that's Megatron. He's the leader of the Decepticons.

Banachek: He's been in cryostasis since 1935. Your great-great-grandfather made one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind.

Simmons: Fact is, you're looking at the source of the modern age. The microchip, lasers, spaceflight, cars, all reverse-engineered by studying him. NBE-One. That's what we call it.

Keller: And you didn't think the United States military might need to know that you're keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement?

Banachek: Until these events, we had no credible threat to national security.

Keller: Well you got one now.

Lennox: So why Earth?

Sam: It's the AllSpark.

Keller: AllSpark? What is that?

Sam: Well, yeah, they came here looking for some sort of cube-looking thing. Anyway, mister NBE-One here, a.k.a. Megatron, that's what they call him, who's pretty much the harbinger of death, wants to use the Cube to transform human technology to take over the universe. That's their plan.

Simmons: And you're sure about that?

Sam: Yeah... You guys know where it is, don't you?

Banachek: Follow me.

Simmons: You're about to see our crown jewel.

Sam: Whew.

Banachek: Carbon dating puts the Cube here around 10,000 BC. The first Seven didn't find it until 1913. They knew it was alien because of the matching hieroglyphics on the Cube as well as NBE-One. President Hoover had the dam built around it. Four football fields thick of concrete. A perfect way to hide its energy from being detected by anyone or any alien species on the outside.

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian] [I]All Spark located.

Starscream: This is Starscream: All Decepticons, mobilize.

Barricade: Barricade en-route.

Devastator: Devastator reporting...

Bonecrusher: Bonecrusher rolling...

Blackout: Blackout incoming...

Blackout: All hail Megatron!

Maggie: Wait, back up. You- you said the dam hides the Cube's energy. What kind exactly?

Banachek: Good question.

Banachek: Please step inside. They have to lock us in.

<Glen>: Oh, wow.

Epps: What's that? Freddy Krueger done been up in here or something?

Glen: Oh, no, man. Freddy Krueger have four blades, man. That's only three. That's Wolverine! Hrr! [laughing] Right? That's Wolverine!

Simmons: That's very funny. Anybody have any mechanical devices? BlackBerry? Key alarm? Cell phone?

Glen: I got a phone.

Simmons: Ooh. Nokias are real nasty. You've got to respect the Japanese. They know the way of the samurai.

Maggie: Nokia's from Finland.

Keller: Yes, but he's, you know... a little strange. He's a little strange.

Simmons: We're able to take the Cube radiation... and funnel it into that box.

Glen, Sam, Mikaela and others: [short, surprised yelps]

Nokia Robot: [chatters in Cybertronian] Hiii-yah!

Simmons: Mean little sucker, huh?

Nokia Robot: [chatters in Cybertronian]

Maggie: That thing is freaky!

Simmons: Kind of like the itty-bitty Energizer Bunny from hell, huh?

Nokia Robot: [chatters in Cybertronian]

Maggie: Wha-

Nokia Robot: Hiii-yah! [Chatters in Cybertronian]

Simmons: Oh... He's breaking the box. Hnn!

Starscream: [speaks in Cybertronian] <You'll regret this.>

S7 People: Go! Go! Go! Move!

Keller: Gentlemen, they know the Cube is here.

Banachek: Banachek. What's going on?

S7 Technician: Well, the NBE-One hangar has lost power-

Banachek: What!

S7 Technician: -and the backup generator is just not gonna cut it.

Lennox: Do you have an arms room?

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian] [chuckles] Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! Megatron! Megatron! Megatron!

S7 Agent: I'll bring security to the [trails off]

Banachek: Get everyone to the NBE-One chamber now!

S7 Agent: The lights are out!

<Lennox>: Move it! Move it! Let's go!

Banachek: They're popping our generators!

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian] Oh! Megatron melting!

S7 Announcer: 16502. We're losing pressure.

S7 Technician: Stand by! Set!

S7 Announcer: We're losing pressure! The cryogenic system is failing! We're losing NBE-One!

Simmons: Forty millimeter sabot rounds on that table!

<Lennox>: That's good. Get all the ammo you got. Everything you can carry. Bring it.

Sam: You got to take me to my car. You have to take me to my car. He's gonna know what to do with the Cube.

Simmons: Your car? It's confiscated.

Sam: Then unconfiscate it.

Simmons: We do not know what will happen if we let it near this thing!

Sam: You don't know-

Simmons: Maybe you know, but I don't know.

Sam: You just wanna sit here and wait and see what happens?

Simmons: I have people's lives at stake here, young man.

Lennox: Take him to his car!

Simmons: Wh-

S7 Agent: Whoa!

Lennox: Drop it.

Burke: [grunts twice]

S7 Agents: Nnh!

Banachek: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Simmons: Drop your weapon, soldier. There's an alien war going on and you're gonna shoot me?

Lennox: You know, we didn't ask to be here.

Simmons: I'm ordering you under S-Seven executive jurisdiction.

Epps: S-Seven don't exist.

Lennox: Right. And we don't take orders from people that don't exist.

Simmons: I'm gonna count to five.

Lennox: Well, I'm gonna count to three. Mm?

Keller: Simmons?

Simmons: Yes, sir?

Keller: I'd do what he says. Losing's really not an option for these guys.

Lennox: [Breathing hard]

Simmons: All right. Okay. Hey, you want to lay the fate of the world on the kid's Camaro? That's cool.

Bumblebee: [pained electronic moaning]

S7 Agent: Stand by, stand by!

Sam: No, no! Stop! You got to stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Banachek: No, no, stop, stop, stop!

Sam: You got to let him go! Let him go! You okay?

Bumblebee: [electronic noise]

Sam: They didn't hurt you, right?

Bumblebee: <Yeah!> [Electronic growling and noises]

Sam: Listen to me. The Cube is here and the Decepticons are coming.

Bumblebee: [Electronic growling]

Sam: No, no, don't worry about them. They're okay. Right? They're not gonna hurt you.

Bumblebee: [Electronic growling and noises]

Sam: Just back up a little bit. He's friendly. He's fine. Okay, come on. Put the guns down. They're not gonna hurt you.

Bumblebee: [Electronic noises]

Sam: Here, come with me. I'm gonna take you to the All Spark.

Bumblebee: [Awed electronic squealing]

Epps: Ah, okay, here we go. He doing something. He doing something.

<Sam>: Whoo.

Mikaela: Oh my God.

Bumblebee: {Message from Starfleet, Captain. Let's get to it.}

Lennox: He's right. We stay here, we're screwed with Megatron in the other hangar. Mission City is twenty two miles away. We're gonna sneak that Cube out of here and we're gonna hide it somewhere in the city.

Keller: Good! Right!

Lennox: But we cannot make a stand without the Air Force.

Keller: This place must have some kind of radio link!

Simmons: Yes!

Keller: Shortwave, CB!

Simmons: Right! Yes!

Lennox: Sir, you got to figure out some way to get word out to them. Let's move!

Simmons: In the alien archive, sir!

Keller: The alien archive-

Simmons: There's an old army radio console.

Keller: Will it work?

Simmons: I don't k- Anything's possible! Did you see that? Poof!

Lennox: All right, Sam, get it in the car! Mister Secretary! Get our birds in the air. When we get to the city, we're gonna find a radio, and I'll have Epps vector them in, okay?

Keller: Affirmative!

S7 Announcer: Warning! NBE One cryo-tainment failing.

S7 Technician: Check that backup system!

S7 Technician: The cryo's failing! You got to bump up the cryo! The cryo's failing!

S7 Technician: Come on! Get out of here!

S7 Technician: Heads up! Look out!

Lennox: Set a perimeter around the yellow vehicle!

Simmons: This way, this way, this way!

S7 Technician: Up there! Let's go!

Megatron: [Growling and annoyed noises] I am... Megatron!

S7 Technicians: [dying screams]

S7 Technician: Look out, look out-

Sam: Cube's okay?

Mikaela: Yeah, it's fine.

Sam: Put the seat belt on it.

S7 Technician: Pour it on him!

Starscream: I live to serve you, lord Megatron.

Megatron: Where is the Cube?

Starscream: The humans have taken it.

Megatron: [deep growl] You fail me yet again, Starscream. Get them!

Simmons: Nyaah!

<Keller>: Come on, Mags!

Simmons: Over here, sir!

Simmons: Give me a minute. Give me a minute. Come to me, Maxwell, come to me. Plugged in there.... We're hot! We're live!

Glen: Where are the mikes?

Simmons: ...Mikes?

Glen: This doesn't work without mikes, Simmons!

Simmons: No, no, no, no, no, no, NO NO!

Keller: Let's find them.

Simmons: Kid, get in the chair! Just get in the chair, all right?

Glen: Okay, I'll sit. I'll sit.

Keller: They steal everything out of this place.

Glen: How do we get the signal out? How do we call the Air Force?

Maggie: Glen?

Glen: Huh?

Maggie: Can you hotwire this computer to transmit a tone- through the radio?

Glen: What good is that?

Maggie: Morse code! You can use this to transmit it through that!

Glen: Okay, I'll do it! Turn it around. Okay, let's see. Uh- Si-Simmons, I need a screwdriver!

[B]Act Twenty-Two:

Sam: There's Optimus.

Glen: Almost done.

Simmons: What the hell was that?

Frenzy: [chattering in Cybertronian]

Keller: Barricade the door!

Maggie, Simmons and Keller: [grunting]

Frenzy: [chattering in Cybertronian]

Simmons: Get something. Watch out!

Glen: Six, five, four, six, three.

Keller: Here! Put some rounds in!

Glen: Master search... I- I got it! We're transmitting!

Keller: Send exactly what I say!

Simmons: Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Burn, you little sucker! Burn!

Frenzy: [shouting in Cybertronian]

Keller: This is Defense Secretary Keller.

Glen: Uh-huh?

Keller: Get me NORTHCOM commander.

Frenzy: <Meddling->

Simmons: Whoa!

Keller: Whoa!

Glen: What was that?

Keller: Authenticate emergency action. Blackbird 1195-

NORTHCOM Officer: Sir, I have an authenticated air strike order from Sec Def.

Bonecrusher: [growling]

Driver: Whoa!

Sam: No, no, no, no, no.

Mikaela: What?

Sam: It's the same cop! Block them, block them, block them.

Bonecrusher: <What's- this? Raaaaargh!>

Optimus Prime: Aarh.

Mikaela: Oh my God.

Bonecrusher: [growling] <Prime!> <Yeeeeah!>

Optimus Prime: Arrh!

Bonecrusher: Wrrrrraaaaaaaah! <Destroy the leader!>

Little Boy: Cool, Mom!

Bonecrusher: Uuaaaaah! [<Bloody hell!> or <I hate ya!>] <B- NO!>

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian]

Simmons: This is so not good.

Frenzy: [growls]

Maggie: [yells]

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian]

Simmons and Keller: [grunt]

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian]

Maggie: Huh! He's behind the pillar!

Frenzy: [chatters in Cybertronian]

Glen: Shoot that motherf- whoa!

Keller: Maggie, cover fire!

Glen: Ah!

Glen: It's the Air Force! They're responding!

Frenzy: [grunts, then chatters in Cybertronian]

Simmons: Sucker, burn!

Frenzy: Yaah!

Keller: Whoah!

Maggie: Aaah!

Frenzy: Oh, shit!

Glen: Yes! They're sending F-22s to the city!

F22 Pilot: Raptors, let's scramble, scramble, scramble.

F22 Pilot: Strike and Dark Star roll call.

F22 Pilot: Looking out the right side.

F22 Pilot: Push to Kill Box One Alpha.

Lennox: Come on, let's go! Mount up!

Soldier: Move out! Move out! Go! Go!

Lennox: Here, I got shortwave radios.

Epps: Wait. What am I supposed to do with these?

Lennox: Well, use them! It's all we got!

Epps: This is like RadioShack dinosaur radios or something, man. I'm only gonna get 20 or 30 miles out of these things. Are there any aircraft orbiting the city?

<Epps>: F-22 at 12:00.

Lennox: All right, I want planes for air cover and get Black Hawks on station to extract that Cube. You got it?

Lennox: Air Force has arrived! Pop smoke!

Epps: Raptor, Raptor, do you copy? We have you visual. Green smoke is the mark. Provide air cover and vector Black Hawks for extraction.

Ironhide: It's Starscream!

Epps: Please tell me you copy.

Civilians and Soldiers: [assorted yelling and shouting]

Ironhide: Back up! Take cover! Bumblebee!

Lennox: No, no, no! Move!

Ironhide: Back up! Back up!

Soldier: Retreat! Fall back!

Ironhide: Incoming! Unnnh!

<Burke>: Anybody hurt? Everyone okay?

Soldier: Clear the area!

Bumblebee: [electronic whining]

Sam: Oh my God. Bumblebee?

Bumblebee: [electronic whining]

Sam: No. Your legs! Your legs.

Bumblebee: [electronic whining]

Sam: Here. Here, back, back, back, back! You all right?

Bumblebee: [pained electronic whining]

Sam: Please get up. Bumblebee? Get up! Ratchet!

Soldiers: [assorted indistinct shouting]

Lennox: What the hell was that?

Epps: What are you talking about?

Lennox: What do you mean, what am I talking about? They shot at us!

Epps: F-22 pilots would never fly below buildings. That's alien. That ain't friendly!

Sam: You got to get up. You're okay. You're okay.

Bumblebee: [electronic groan]

Sam: Come on!

Black Hawk Pilot: Army Black Hawk inbound to your location. Over.

Epps: Alpha two seven three degrees, ten miles. November Victor, one point two clicks north.

Lennox: Whoah!

Lennox: Move out! Let's go!

Civilians: [screaming and shouting]

Sam: I'm not gonna leave you.

Bumblebee: [electronic whining and growling]

Male civilian: Whoah!

Ironhide: [growl and grunt]

Girl: [high pitched scream]

Ironhide: Wr-ah!

Jazz: Come on, Decepticon punk!

Devastator: [growling and roaring]

Civilian: Ah, no!

Jazz: [grunt]

Ironhide: [growl, may be a word]

Devastator: [grunt]

Lennox: Concentrate your fire!

Devastator: [roaring]

Mikaela: Nnh! Hh. Hh. Come on. Come on.

Megatron: Megatron! [Growls something indistinct, may be Cybertronian]

Civilians: [shouting]

Jazz: It's Megatron! Retreat!

Ratchet: Move!

<Jazz>: Fall back!

Lennox: Fall back!

Jazz: Nggaaah! Oh!

Lennox: Get our guys out of the way! Get out of here! Go! Get them out of the buggy! Move out!

Epps: We need air cover down here, now!

Mikaela: Sam, help me with this.

Jazz: That all you got, Megatron?

Megatron: Come here, little cretin.

Jazz: You want a piece of me? You want a piece?

Megatron: No!

Jazz: Yaaah-

Megatron: I want two! [Growl]

Lennox: What's going on?

Burke: Sir! That tank thing's getting back up.

Lennox: Oh, these things just don't die.

Blackout: [roar]

Lennox: Oh, we're so dead.

Sam: Wrap it around the head.

Lennox: Sam! Where's the Cube?

Sam: Right there.

Lennox: Okay.

Sam: And take that and wrap it around the base and then put it around his neck, okay?

Lennox: Epps, get those Black Hawks here! That building.

Lennox: [panting] Okay.

Sam: What?

Lennox: All right, I can't leave my guys back there, so here, take this flare. Okay, there's a tall, white building with statues on top. Go to the roof. Set the flare.

Sam: No.

Lennox: Signal the chopper and set the flare-

Sam: No, no. I can't do this!

Lennox: Listen to me! You're a soldier now! All right? I need you to take this Cube. Get it into military hands while we hold them off, or a lot of people are gonna die.

Lennox: You got to go. You got to go.

Mikaela: No, I'm not leaving.

Lennox: You need to go. No, get out!

Mikaela: No, I'm not leaving till I get Bumblebee out of here, okay?

Epps: Army Black Hawk requested. Immediate evac for civilian boy with precious cargo. Headed to rooftop marked by flare.

Ironhide: Sam, we will protect you.

Sam: Okay.

Mikaela: Hh.

Lennox: Epps, where are those planes?

Mikaela: Sam!

Mikaela: [panting] No matter what happens, I'm really glad I got in that car with you.

Ironhide: Sam! Get to the building!

<Ratchet>: Move!

Megatron: Decepticons, attack!

Burke: Hit it!


Ratchet: Cover fire!

Sam: Hhhh- hhh- aah-

Ironhide: Watch out!

<Burke>: Girl, get that tow truck out of here!

Mikaela: I'm going! I'm going!

Lennox: Get out of here now!

Devastator: [growling]

Optimus Prime: Megatron!

Megatron: Prime! Urrnh!

Optimus Prime: Aaah!

Optimus Prime: [grunting]

Megatron: [growling]Humans don't deserve to live.

Optimus Prime: They deserve to choose for themselves.

Megatron: Then you will die- with them! [Growl] Join them in extinction!

Optimus Prime: [grunts]

Office people: [shouting]

Optimus Prime: Graah! Unnh.

Sam: [panting]

Ironhide: Keep moving, Sam! Don't stop!

Sam: Whoa!

Sam: No!

Ironhide: No! Gah!

Sam: Whoah!

<Ironhide>: Aah!

Sam: Ngaah-

Ironhide: Sam, get to the building!

Sam: [panting]

Megatron: [growl] Give me that Cube, boy!

Sam: [panting] Nnh! Aah! Ah!

Driver: Did that jerk just dent my car?

Driver and friend: [shrieking]

Steering Wheel Robot: [growling]

XBOX boyer: [terrified mewling] Yah!

Sam: [panting] You're not gonna get me. You're not gonna get me!

Megatron: <Chutzpah!> I smell you... boy! [Lots of growling and roaring] Maggot!

Mikaela: Nnh!

Megatron: [growl]

Epps: No, no!

Soldier: Aah!

Bumblebee: [electronic grunt, plays Doomsday Clock]

Mikaela: Nnh!

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Mikaela: I'll drive! You shoot!

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Lennox: Nnh! Oh, this isn't going well!

Mikaela: Shoot! Shoot!

Devastator: [growl]

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Devastator: <Get->

Bumblebee: [electronic grunt]

Soldier: [shouting]

Devastator: [dying growl]

Epps: Oh-

Bumblebee: [electronic squeal]

Mikaela: [heavy panting] Nice shot.

Bumblebee: {Okey-do.}

Lennox: That tank is definitely dead now. All right, let's go! We got business!

Sam: [panting] Heeeey! Heeeey! I'm over hereeee!

Black Hawk Pilot: We've got the boy.

Sam: Watch out!

Black Hawk Guy: Missile!

Sam: [shouting]

Optimus Prime: Hang on, Sam!

Sam: Nuh-

Megatron: [growl]

Sam: No! No!

Megatron: Is it fear or courage that compels you, fleshling?

Sam: Ooooh...

Starscream: [speaks in Cybertronian]

Sam: Where do I go? Nnh. Ah. Hh. No. Nuh no no.

Megatron: [speaks in Cybertronian] Give me the AllSpark and you may live to be my pet.

Sam: Whoah! Oh, no, no, no, no.

Sam: I'm never giving you this AllSpark!

Megatron: Oh, so unwise. [Growl]

Sam: Hh.

Sam: Whoaaaaaaaoaaa!

Optimus Prime: I got you, boy.

Sam: [panting]

Optimus Prime: Hold on to the Cube! [Assorted grunting] Aaaah! Hyah!

Civilians: [screaming and shouting]

Michael Bay: Nnh. No! Oh, no. Oh, no!

Megatron: Dis- gusting.

Michael Bay: Aaaaaah!

Sam: Hh.

Optimus Prime: Sam?

Optimus Prime: You risked your life to protect the Cube.

Sam: No sacrifice. Hh. No victory.

Optimus Prime: If I cannot defeat Megatron, you must push the Cube into my chest. I will sacrifice myself to destroy it. Get behind me.

Optimus Prime: It's you and me, Megatron.

Megatron: No, it's just me, Prime.

Sam: Ah.

Optimus Prime: At the end of this day, one shall stand, one shall fall.

Megatron: You still fight for the weak! That is why you- lose!

Sam: [grunting]

Soldier: Move it! Let's go!

Epps: Fighter jets in 60 seconds. We got friendlies mixed with bad guys. Targets will be marked.

Lennox: Hey.... Bring the rain. All right? Let's kill these things.

<Epps>: Move, move, move!

Lennox: Remember, aim low. Armor's weak under the chest. [Grunt]

Epps: Target marked. Still waiting.

F22 Pilot: Time on target, 20 seconds.

Epps: F-22s, we're still waiting.

Blackout: [electronic sound]

Epps: Move out!

Epps: Incoming!

F22 Pilot: Weapons armed. Status green.

Lennox: Eeyaaaaaaaaahaha!

Blackout: [dying growl]

Lennox: Hyah! Whoa! Run! Move!

Optimus Prime: [grunting]

F22 Pilot: Second wave's on approach.

F22 Pilot: What is that? Break off!

F22 Pilot: Copy.

F22 Pilot: It's either a massive amount of-

F22 Pilot: Two, get a lock! Pop that guy!

F22 Pilot: Stay on him. Keep him in your sights.

Lennox: Take him out!

Sam: Aah!

Megatron: <Mine! Oh-> [growl]

Soldier: Two's down!

Sam: Whoa!

Optimus Prime: [grunt]

Sam: Oh. Hh! Woah! Whoah!

Megatron: I'll kill you!

Sam: Whoa-

Megatron: Mine! AllSpark-hh!

Optimus Prime: Sam! Put the Cube in my chest! Now! Sam!

Megatron: [loud growl]

Optimus Prime: No, Sam!

Sam: [grunting]

Megatron: Wrraah- [dying throes]

Lennox: Hold up.

Optimus Prime: You left me no... choice, brother.

Optimus Prime: Sam, I owe you my life. We are in your debt.

Ironhide: Prime, we couldn't save him.

Optimus Prime: Oh, Jazz. We lost a great comrade. But gained new ones. Thank you. All of you. You honor us with your bravery.

Bumblebee: Permission to speak, sir?

Optimus Prime: Permission granted, old friend.

Sam: You speak now?

Bumblebee: I wish to stay with the boy.

Optimus Prime: If that is his choice.

Sam: Yes.

Act Twenty-Three:

Keller: Gentlemen, the President has ordered Sector Seven... be terminated and the remains of the dead aliens- disposed of. The Laurentian Abyss is seven miles below sea level, deepest place on our planet. The massive depth and pressure there, coupled with subfreezing temperatures, would crush and entomb them, leaving no evidence.

Optimus Prime: With the AllSpark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward-

Lennox's daughter: Goo?

Optimus Prime: -A new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage. And though we are worlds apart. Like us, there's more to them... than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime. And I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We... are waiting.

Epilogue 1:

Reporter: Uh, can you shed any light on the recent, so-called alien activity in the area?

Judy: Uh... Do- do you know what? I think that if there was some sort of an alien-

Ron: Yeah.

Judy: Infestation....

Ron: They, the government, would be the first to let you know.

Judy: Yeah, the government would let us know.

Ron: I mean, this is America.

Judy: Yeah. You know, that's how we know we live in a free land, because there's no secrets. They'd say: hey! Duck and cover.

Judy: Your head is kind of a- kind of a different size than it is on the television.

Epilogue 2:

Starscream: [speaks in Cybertronian] <I'll- be back!>

Blackjack
2011-02-18, 04:13 PM
God, you don't want to know how long this bit took... Just wait. The rest of the humans are done. I DID IT, BIAAATCH!
_________________________

Main Humans

-Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
"Get in the car. Trust me. "
Samuel James Witwicky is just an average kid, rather geeky and unpopular. He gave a genealogy report on his great-great-grandfather, an Arctic explorer, and despite basically turning the presentation into an unsuccessful auction begged with his teacher to give him an A- in order to meet the qualifications for his father to buy him a car. Ron took him first to Bobby Bolivia's car lot. Sam found a mysterious yellow Camaro he liked, but it was beyond Ron's cheapskate budget. Suddenly all the windows in the car lot blew up, forcing Bolivia to sell the Camaro to the Witwickies. In his first outing with his new car, Sam took his friend Miles to the lake. They met with Mikaela and her boyfriend Trent. Sam and Trent nearly came to blows after trading insults, but Mikaela dumped Trent. Sam then abandoned Miles, and offered Mikaela a ride home. During the ride Sam found it hard to start a conversation, but the car suddenly had some engine trouble. Mikaela proved rather proficient with engines. Although Sam nearly drove Mikaela away by asking her about Trent, Sam successfully gave Mikaela a ride home. He was happy and he loves his car. Later that night, however, his car suddenly left. Believing it to be stolen, Sam followed his car to an abandoned junkyard, and was shocked to see the car... transform, in reality the Autobot Bumblebee. He recorded a message in his cell phone, but he was then chased by some guard dogs. The police came, and Sam had to face some overzealous deputy that thought Mojo's pain pills were drugs. The next day Satan's Camaro returned, and Sam fled on his mother's pink bike. He fell flat in front of Mikaela and her friends, and escaped into a parking lot. He asked for the help of a police car... who transformed into Barricade, and demanded the location of Sam's eBay items. Sam fled and ran into Mikaela. Bumblebee sideswiped Barricade and both Sam and Mikaela entered Bumblebee. They were taken to a power plant. Bumblebee and Barricade clashed, while Frenzy was deployed against Sam. The two struggled and Frenzy tore Sam's jeans off, but Mikaela arrived with a chainsaw and hacked off Frenzy's head. Sam punted it away. Sam and Mikaela approached Bumblebee, who only could speak through the radio. While riding Sam suggested Mikaela sit in his lap because his seat is the only one with seatbelts, a move Mikaela admits as smooth. Some comment from Mikaela caused Bumblebee to scan a new and improved Camaro as his alternate mode. Bumblebee took Sam and Mikaela to see as the Autobots made planetfall, and then brought them to an abandoned alley where they were introduced to Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Jazz and Ratchet. Optimus Prime explained the war and the importance of the glasses — which had the location of the AllSpark imprinted on it — to them. The Autobots brought Sam to his house to search for the glasses, wrecking the Witwickies' backyard in the process. It also put him in a kind of awkward situation with his parents when he acted kind of shifty, but thankfully Mikaela bailed him out. No sooner than this, however, Sector Seven government agents led by Agent Simmons arrested the entire family into custody after waving some kind of device on Sam. Simmons threatened Sam and Mikaela, but Optimus Prime ripped off the roof of the Sector Seven SUV, and they proceeded to tie up the S7 agents. Backup arrived, and in the process Sam and Mikaela slipped from Optimus Prime's grip. Bumblebee rescued them but all three were captured in the process.

They were taken to the Sector Seven base in the Hoover Dam along with everyone else who had contact with the Transformers. To get them to cooperate Agent Simmons tried to be friendly, but Sam demanded Tom Banachek and Simmons to free Bumblebee, his parents and clearing Mikaela's crime record. They were taken into the Hoover Dam, where Sector Seven told them that they have obtained both the AllSpark and Megatron from many years ago, while Sam told the others about the Autobot-Decepticon war. The Decepticons attacked, and Sam demanded Simmons release Bumblebee. After Lennox held Simmons at gunpoint, he finally relented. Bumblebee was released, and he shrunk the AllSpark to a size Sam can carry. Sam, Mikaela, Bumblebee, the rangers and some S7 personnel set off to hide the Cube from the Decepticons in Mission City, and they met the Autobots shortly afterwards. As they reached Mission City, Bumblebee's legs were blown off by Starscream. While the soldiers and Autobots engaged the Decepticons, Sam and Mikaela tried to extricate Bumblebee from the battle with a tow truck. Captain Lennox arrived and ordered a reluctant Sam to take the Cube to an extraction point atop a building. Sam's way was barred by Blackout and Starscream, but covering fire from Ironhide and Ratchet cleared a path for Sam. Both Autobots were damaged by Starscream, and Sam was forced to run by himself (falling and bringing a bunch of machines to life in the process) with Megatron hot on his tail. As he ran up the building (with Megatron tearing his way up) Sam was within reach of giving the Cube to a helicopter... when Starscream blew the helicopter up. Cornered on the edge of the roof, Megatron rose up and demanded the AllSpark in exchange for sparing Sam's life. Sam adamantly refused, and Megatron tore the chunk of roof apart with his mace. Optimus caught him, and impressed with Sam's sacrifice, told him that if he couldn't defeat Megatron, Sam is to destroy the AllSpark by merging it with Optimus' spark. Megatron was trashing Optimus Prime, but an air strike and Lennox's group provided enough distraction for Sam to run at Megatron... and plunge the spark into the Decepticon, overloading him. Optimus extended his thanks to Sam, while Bumblebee requested permission to stay with Sam. Afterwards, Sam and Mikaela continued on with their relationships, making out on Bumblebee's hood.

"Because I believe."
Two years after Mission City, Sam is preparing to go to college. While packing, he had differing reactions from his parents. Mikaela called Sam for a faux break-up, but Sam had apparently thought of everything by making a long-distance relationship kit. However, when digging through his closet, Sam found a splinter of the AllSpark stuckon the shirt he wore during the Mission City battle. Sam touched it, and it imprinted its knowledge into Sam's mind (although he doesn't know it yet). Sam dropped the splinter, which burnt through the floor, and brought his kitchen to life. Sam jumped out of his room and took cover behind the fountain with his father while Bumblebee blew up the Appliancebots. Sam then met up with Bumblebee and had a tear-jerking farewell with him. Another goodbye soon followed suit with Mikaela, but neither would say 'I love you' first. Sam passed the splinter to Mikaela at this point. Arriving at college, Sam met his roommate, Leo Spitz. Despite some tensions, Sam and Leo hit it off pretty smoothly. His day, however, was ruined when his mother ate some brownies baked in reefer and made an ass out of herself. Leo dragged Sam out to a frat party, where he began to spaz out and draw Cybertronian glyphs on the table. Another student, Alice, tried none-too-subtly to seduce Sam. Bumblebee abruptly showed up, and Sam had to go in. After Bumblebee rudely got rid of Alice, who hopped in, Sam was taken to a graveyard to see Optimus Prime. Optimus told him of their problems, and asked Sam to talk to the humans on their behalf. Wanting to be normal, Sam declined. However, shortly after in an astronomy class Sam had another breakdown, and began to babble about Einstein being wrong and other dimensions right in front of his teacher, scratching symbols on the blackboard. Professor Colan understandably sent him out. Sam immediately contacted Mikaela to tell him about what has happened, and warned him not to touch the shard. Sam had another breakdown, and covered his and Leo's shared room with glyphs again. Alice chose this moment to try and bed Sam (well, and kill him too, but the bedding part was all that it appeared like to Sam). Mikaela then chose this moment to enter, and exit. Sam tried to explain to Mikaela, but Alice revealed herself to be a Decepticon. Mikaela and Leo rushed in upon hearing loud noises, and the trio were running around the campus. Mikaela wasn't too happy about Sam's unfaithfulness but let it slide. After getting rid of Alice the trio were captured by Grindor and brought to a foundry where Sam met face-to-face with Megatron. Megatron swiped Sam onto a lower level and pinned him down with his fingers, telling him that he has something he needed. Sam tried to talk his way out, but Megatron ordered the Doctor and his assistants to investigate Sam. After finding out about the symbols, the Doctor was prepared to cut Sam's brain out.

Fortunately Optimus Prime and Bumblebee intervened. Sam and Optimus Prime drove away from the foundry, but were soon smack dab in a battle against Optimus Prime, Starscream and Grindor. Optimus Prime, putting Sam's concern above all else, went to a beserker rage and held his own against the three Decepticons, even killing Grindor, but Optimus was killed by Megatron. Sam watched in horror as his friend fell, telling him to run. Sam did so, and was rescued by the rest of the Autobots. However, shortly after the Fallen made a public broadcast, making Sam a wanted fugitive. Sam, Mikaela, Bumblebee, Leo and the Twins hid out in an abandoned house. Sam was ready to turn himself in but Bumblebee and Mikaela talked him down. They followed Leo's lead to find 'Robo-Warrior', who turned out to be Seymour Simmons. Sam managed to convince an initially reluctant Simmons to help them. Pooling information, Sam and Simmons, with the help of Mikaela's captive Decepticon prisoner Wheelie, connected the dots. Soon the team headed to the Smithsonian Museum. Wheelie told Sam to point the shard at a Blackbird jet, who turned out to be an ex-Decepticon called Jetfire. Sam tried to talk sense to the crazy old Autobot, but after carving symbols in the sand, Jetfire teleported them all to Egypt. Sam broke his hand. After Sam and Simmons got Jetfire to calm down, Jetfire told him about the story of the Fallen, the seven Primes, the Solar Harvester, and that the symbols in Sam's head is a map to the Solar Harvester. They decide to follow Jetfire's clue to find the Tomb of the Primes, to find the Matrix of Leadership, which Sam thinks could resurrect Optimus Prime. Hey, if it can activate a doomsday weapon, it can resurrect a robot, right? They travelled through the Middle East. Sam told Simmons to contact NEST to get Optimus Prime to Egypt. They arrived in Petra, and after a squabble between the Twins, they discovered the Tomb of the Primes. However, the Matrix inside crumbled into dust when Sam touched it. However Sam was dead-set with determination that it would work, and gathered the Matrix dust into his sock. Sam and Mikaela split up from the rest of the team, and first hid out in a house. Sam tore Insecticon apart with his fingers, but the dying Decepticon alerted the others to their presence. Sam and Mikaela evaded Starscream and Scrapper, but were stopped by Rampage, who used Sam's parents as hostages. Sam, knowing that Bumblebee was nearby, stalled time and his friend was able to kill Rampage. After convincing his father, Sam ordered Bumblebee to get his parents to safety while he and Mikaela gets the Matrix to Optimus. They met Lennox and Epps, and ran from the airstrike that destroyed the Decepticon troops. However, Sam was mortally wounded by a blast from Megatron. When he apparently died, he found himself in a vision, where the six ancient Primes spoke to him, telling him that he had earned the Matrix of Leadership. The Primes resurrected Sam and reconstructed the Matrix. Sam woke up and told Mikaela he loved her, and stabbed the Matrix onto Optimus Prime's chest, reviving the Autobot leader. With Jetfire's sacrifice Optimus was able to fly and destroy the Solar Harvester and the Fallen. Sam and Mikaela embraced after the battle, as did Sam and his parents. Sam and friends are returned to USA aboard an aircraft carrier, and he shared some dialogue with Optimus. Afterwards, his relationship with Mikaela went steady, and he returned to college.

-Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
"I'll drive, you shoot."
Mikaela Banes is a rarity among women — she has both beauty and brains. But mostly people just see the first, including her boyfriend Trent. This led to her breaking up at a lake with Trent when it was clear that he didn't respect Mikaela as an equal. She was offered a ride home from the lake by the boy Trent picked upon earlier, Sam Witwicky. Apparently Sam had been classmates with her since fourth grade. Mikaela proved proficient with automobiles, and helped Sam check out that impressive engine of his new car. Mikaela almost walked away when Sam asked her about why she dated Trent, but finally Sam drove her home. Sam didn't think her shallow, which was good. The next day Mikaela was having lunch with her friends when Sam passed by on his mother's bike, screaming about how his car was chasing him. Mikaela followed with her moped, and was knocked off it by Sam abruptly. Mikaela was justifiably angry with Sam, but when the Decepticon Barricade came charging towards them, she got in with Sam into Sam's car, who drove himself. They were taken to an abandoned power plant, and Sam's car transformed into the Autobot Bumblebee. While Bumblebee and Barricade battled, the smaller Decepticon Frenzy assaulted Sam. Mikaela appropriated a chainsaw and hacked off Frenzy's head. The two then met with Bumblebee again. Mikaela originally didn't want to enter the alien robot but was convinced by Sam. She didn't realize that Frenzy's head had taken the form of her cell phone. Mikaela was later smooth-talked into sitting on Sam's lap with the excuse of seat belts, something Mikaela said was a smooth move. She asked why Bumblebee turned into such a crappy Camaro, prompting Bumblebee to scan a spanking-new vehicle mode. They were taken to see as the four Autobots shot through the air, and later Bumblebee introduced the humans to Optimus Prime and the Autobots, who told them the story of their war. Mikaela and Sam went to Sam's house to find his glasses, and Mikaela was picked up and delivered to Sam's room to help the boy look. When Sam's parents were suspicious following the blackout, Mikaela revealed herself as 'a friend', the one Sam was talking to. However, Sector Seven agents soon arrested the Witwickies and Mikaela, and then Agent Simmons interrogated them. Mikaela's juvenile records for assisting her father's grand theft auto crimes was revealed, and Simmons threatened her father's upcoming parole hearing. Mikaela was shocked speechless... until Optimus Prime came and tore off the roof of the SUV. Mikaela lockpicked their handcuffs and confided in Sam that her record stemmed from refusing to turn over her father. Sam and Mikaela handcuffed the Sector Seven Agents, and Mikaela ordered Simmons to strip to his underwear. Sector Seven backup arrived, and Optimus Prime spirited Sam and Mikaela away. Howeverr, Mikaela slipped from her grip on Optimus, and this led to both her and Sam falling down. Bumblebee caught them, but this in turn led to the capture of the three of them.

They were brought to Hoover Dam along with everyone else who had contact with the Transformers. Sam told a awkwardly-civil Simmons and his fellow agent Banachek that he only wanted to cooperate if Mikaela's record was wiped, something she was grateful about. Information about the Transformers, Sector Seven the AllSpark and Megatron were pooled by Sam, Simmons and Banachek, but the Decepticons attacked. Bumblebee, Sam, Mikaela and a bunch of rangers took a shrunken AllSpark away from the Hoover Dam towards nearby Mission City. Mikaela tagged along with Sam, and hotwired a tow truck to take the injured and legless Bumblebee out of the battlezone. Sam and the rest of the Autobots rushed away to get the AllSpark out, while Mikaela drove Bumblebee well away from the battlefield. Guilt took her over, and with Bumblebee's consent she drove backwards towards battle, while Bumblebee opened fire, killing Devastator and saving the soldiers. After the crisis, Mikaela and Sam continued dating, at one point making out atop Bumblebee.

"Do you realize that I just flew three thousand miles to keep you from getting killed?"
Two years after Mission City, Mikaela was now working at a garage, and his father has recently been bailed out. She was still going steady with Sam, and when Sam packed for college, Mikaela made a mock break-up call, but noises on the other end caused Mikaela to drive to the Witwickies' house, which is in quite a sorry state. She met Bumblebee, and as Sam said farewell to the Autobot she changed (and plucked some flowers from Judy's garden) in an effort to impress Sam enough to say 'I love you' first. But neither was willing to say it first. Before Sam left, he entrusted Mikaela with the AllSpark splinter that he found. At one point Mikaela got ready for her first webcam date with Sam, but she was left alone in front of her computer waiting. The next day Mikaela was justifiably pissed off at Sam, but Sam told her that he had a breakdown in his class and was convinced it was because of touching the AllSpark splinter. Mikaela noticed a tiny Decepticon trying to break into the safe with the splinter, and Mikaela attacked the Decepticon, Wheelie, with a pair of tongs, and burnt out one of his eyes with a blowtorch before tossing him into a metal box. She took the splinter and the Decepticon to Sam's college. The moment she arrived, the sight that greeted her was Sam making out with Alice on top of a bed. She left, but burst back when she heard struggling noises. Alice revealed herself to be a Decepticon, and Mikaela threw the box at Alice. Mikaela, Sam and Leo escaped around the campus as Alice pursued them. In the lull of battle Mikaela snapped at Sam for his betrayal. The trio finally managed to reach the parking lot. Mikaela hotwired a car, and ran down Alice onto a lightpost, and ran over her.

The car was abducted by Grindor, and they were brought to an abandoned warehouse. Mikaela and Leo escaped in Bumblebee when the Autobots came to their rescue, and later rendezvoused with Sam and the Twins in an abandoned location. Mikaela and Bumblebee gave Sam enough convincing not to turn him in. By one way or another they met up with former S7 Agent Simmons, and Mikaela freed Wheelie to try and translate the glyphs, threatening nicely to fry his other optic. They snuck into the Smithsonian and inadvertently activated ex-Decepticon Seeker Jetfire. Wheelie humped Mikaela's leg when he learnt he could also defect. Mikaela apparently didn't mind that much. Jetfire abruptly teleported them to Egypt, and Mikaela landed on Leo's balls. Mikaela bandaged Sam's hand as Jetfire explained about the backstory. Mikaela accompanied the group as they travelled around the Middle East, mending her strained relationship with Sam along the way. After obtaining the Matrix, the Decepticons attacked. Mikaela faithfully remained on Sam's side, and was present as they escaped Decepticons. The two finally met up with Lennox and Epps and managed to get away safely from the air strike. Megatron appeared and killed Sam. As Sam died, Mikaela screamed that she loved him. Sam was revived by the spirit of the seven Primes, and Optimus Prime was revived as well by Sam using the Matrix. After the battle, Sam and Mikaela cradled each other. Some time after, Mikaela and Sam were still in a relationship.

-Seymour Simmons (John Turturro)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
"See this? This is my I-can-do-whatever-I-want-and-get-away-with-it badge."
Agent Seymour Simmons was one of the operatives for Sector Seven. After several reports of asteroids landing nearby, Simmons was dispatched to investigate the matter. He went to the Witwicky residence when he suspected that Sam Witwicky (descendant of Archibald Witwicky, who had found NBE-1) had made contact with an NBE after an unusual stolen car report. After a confrontation with the Witwickies, Simmons found that the radiation around Sam was high, and took the entire family into custody. Sitting in the same SUV with Sam and his girlfriend Mikaela Banes, Simmons threatened the two with life imprisonment, as well as Mikaela's father's parole. However, Optimus Prime appeared in front of their SUV and proceeded to tear the roof off. The rest of the Autobots disarmed Simmons' men.

To his credit, Simmons remained calm and said 'hey there', telling Optimus that he wasn't authorized to communicate with aliens. He refused to say anymore, though. Bumblebee proceeded to leak lubricant all over him in the what was probably the most embarrassing moment of his career. Mikaela then had Simmons strip to his underwear before chaining him as revenge for threatening her father. However, backup had been called by Simmons' second. They managed to capture Bumblebee and the humans, and they all arrived at the Hoover Dam. Simmons approached Sam and Mikaela and awkwardly told them that they may have gotten off on the wrong foot, since they needed their help now. Simmons and fellow agent Banachek showed their host of people who had interacted with the Transformers (plus Sec-Def John Keller) NBE-1. Sam told them the Decepticons' plans, and Simmons showed them the AllSpark Cube, also placed in Hoover Dam. Simmons then took the guests to see a demonstration of the Cube. Taking Glen's volunteered Nokia, Simmons turned the cell phone into a robot with radiation from the Cube. Simmons seemed to enjoy the whole ordeal, even up to the point where he zapped the little mutant. The Decepticons attacked, and Sam urged Simmons to release Bumblebee. Simmons stubbornly refused, but Captain Lennox put him at gunpoint, leading to a standoff. Simmons' tactics of intimidation failed and he grudgingly complied after some advice from Keller. As Bumblebee, the kids and the ranger team headed off to hide the view, Simmons and Keller tried to figure out a way to contact the Air Force. Simmons led Keller and hackers Maggie Madsen and Glen Whitmann to the alien archives. Simmons managed to switch on an old shortwave radio, but the mikes were missing. As Glen tried to hotwire a computer to transmit morse code, they came under attack by Frenzy. Simmons, Keller and Maggie barricaded the door and opened fire at the tiny Decepticon. Simmons appropriated a flamethrower to attack Frenzy, and his flamethrower later proved a distraction enough for Frenzy to be hit by his own weapon. Sector Seven was disbanded shortly afterwards, though.

"One man. Alone. Betrayed by the country he loves."
Two years later, Seymour Simmons had fallen from grace. Without any pension from his career in Sector Seven, Simmons was forced to work in a deli owned by his mother (though he claims it's the other way around). Posing as 'Robo-Warrior', he ran a conspiracy website called GiantEffingRobots.com, an internet rival to Sam's roommate Leo. He scooped the Shanghai footage before Leo's team could upload it. Shortly after the Fallen's broadcast, Sam, Mikaela and Leo arrived to check out Robo-Warrior, and Simmons was unpleasantly surprised to see his two old nemesis. While he was initially unhelpful to the two kids who caused Sector Seven to be shut down, Sam managed to convince Simmons to help them after describing his ordeals. Simmons led the trio of children to the meat locker under his deli, where he had amassed lots of files from Sector Seven (as well as Frenzy's head). He showed a file called 'Operation: Black Knife' to Sam and Mikaela, telling them that the Transformers' glyphs have been found in sites all over the world. Simmons also told them that there has been possible transformers, but Sector Seven's higher-ups had denied him permission to investigate them, citing his obsession. After brainstorming with Sam, Mikaela and their Decepticon captive Wheelie, Simmons then led the kids and the Autobots to investigate the nearest Seeker, who, according to Wheelie could translate the symbols. They arrived at the Smithsonian Museum. Simmons' expertise as a Sector Seven agent proved infinitely advantageous, as he doled out tasers, and pills that would fool lie detectors. Simmons successfully took out several guards by the unorthodox method of pretending to be a wax figurine, but was astounded to see that Leo had tasered himself. Simmons used a radiation detector, and both he and Sam came at the same conclusion — the Blackbird.

Wheelie tricked Sam into reviving the Decepticon Jetfire, who seemed rather scatterbrained. After some talking with Sam, Jetfire abruptly teleported them to Egypt. Simmons tumbled down some dunes, and both he and Sam scolded Jetfire and forced him to talk coherently. After Jetfire told them the story about the Solar Harvester and the Seven Primes and stuff, he sent them off with a clue that could hopefully allow them to obtain the Matrix that could revive Optimus Prime. Simmons managed to contact a CIA friend, who told him that 'the Dagger's Tip' in Jetfire's riddle is the Gulf of Aqaba. Simmons called Major Lennox of NEST and sneaked out the information to bring Optimus' body, without slipping up anyone's names. Simmons later managed to smooth-talk a customs official by saying they're from New York into letting his 'family' pass. They arrived in Petra, where Simmons defended Sam's determination from Leo's complaining. They found the Matrix, however, and despite it crumbling into dust, they raced towards NEST's position nevertheless. They were attacked by Starscream, and Simmons tasered a panicking Leo to shut him up. When the team split up, Simmons believed Sam's plan enough to offer to distract the Decepticons with the Twins. Riding Skids, Simmons relished the role of helping his country despite being betrayed by it. Of course, his moment had to be ruined by Leo insisting he tag along. Simmons, Leo and the Twins arrived in a quarry, just in time for Megatron to sound the attack. Simmons recognized that it was going to get bad... which it did, when several construction vehicles combined into the combiner Devastator, who proceeded to suck up everything around it. Simmons nearly lost his grip had it not been for Leo. When Mudflap was apparently eaten, Simmons was the one who suggested they use the lull to hide under Devastator, out of reach of the monster's vortex grinder. Devastator was ordered into work, and ignored the quartet. Simmons and Leo came to aid of a Jordanian helicopter shot down by Megatron. Simmons appropriated a radio from a soldier, and began to dash towards Devastator, climbing up the Great Pyramid after the Constructicon combiner. He realized that the Pyramid was built over the Solar Harvester, and managed to contact Captain Wilder of the U.S.S. John C. Stennis. After a little exchange about credentials, Simmons told Wilder to fire the top-secret railgun that he knew was on board one of the destroyers in the gulf. This weapon managed to destroy Devastator, toppling the massive Decepticon. Later on Simmons was congratulated by Lennox after the battle.

-Major William Lennox (Josh Duhamel)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
"You're a soldier now!"
Captain William Lennox was the leader of a ranger team stationed at the SOCCENT base. Having been in the line of duty, Lennox had never personally met his newborn daughter, although he kept in touch with his wife via webcam. It was on one such meeting, after returning from a mission, that the Decepticon Blackout arrived on the military base. Lennox's connection to his wife was cut, and he was plunged into chaos. With his ranger team and local boy Mahfouz, Lennox managed to escape the base's destruction. His right-hand man, Epps, had caught a thermal photograph of the robot that attacked their base, and Lennox decided to travel to Mahfouz's village to contact the Pentagon. While on their way, Lennox was unaware as some metallic thing was about to impale him through the neck, and only Epps's firing at the thing saved Lennox's life. The thing burst out of the ground, revealing itself to be another Decepticon, this one Scorponok, and swiftly killed Donnelly. Lennox led the rest of his team in a mad dash to Mahfouz's village. Lennox and Mahfouz approached the child's father. Borrowing a mobile phone, Lennox was placed in the awkward situation of having to pay with a credit card for an international call, nevermind the fact that he was in a war. After taking Epps' credit card from one of his back pockets, Lennox contacted the Pentagon. While Epps' coordinated with the Air Force, Lennox and the other rangers laser-marked Scorponok. The Decepticon was driven off, but Figueroa was mortally wounded. During the flight back to the United States, Lennox and his team investigated the burnt-out piece of Scorponok's tail. Lennox told Epps to recommend the Air Force to load magnesium sabot rounds after noting how heat seemed to be effective against these robots. When they returned to the US, however, they were immediately ordered to go to the Hoover Dam. There, Secretary of Defense John Keller, Sector Seven and several people who had contact with the aliens began to explain everything to them, two of them a pair of teenagers who seemed to know more about things than the shifty Sector Seven. When the Decepticons attacked, the boy, Sam, demanded to S7 Agent Simmons to release his car, the 'good robot'. Knowing that any delays would be catastrophic, Lennox charged Simmons and held him at gunpoint while his ranger team attacked the S7 Agents. Lennox threatened to shoot Simmons, intimidating the S7 Agent enough (with a little help from Keller) to convince him to release Bumblebee. After Bumblebee shrunk the AllSpark, Lennox was the one who came up with the idea to hide the AllSpark in Mission City. When they arrived, they were attacked by a F22 jet which was in reality the Decepticon Starscream. Lennox, the ranger team and a bunch of S7 commandos who came with them opened fire at Devastator. Lennox saw more Decepticons — including Blackout, who destroyed his old base — arrive, and approached Sam. Telling the kid that he's a soldier now, Lennox ordered Sam to run towards a building to evac the AllSpark. Lennox then continued to fire at Devastator until the tank Decepticon was killed by Bumblebee. Lennox and his team then approached the main battle between Optimus Prime and Megatron, but Blackout landed and was about to interfere. Lennox commandeered a motorcycle while Epps called down an airstrike. Driving and evading Blackout's machinegun, Lennox slid between Blackout's leg and opened fire at the Decepticon's unprotected lower chest with a missile launcher while screaming like a madman. Blackout fell to this attack as well as the air strike. Lennox then led his team in firing at Megatron to distract the Decepticon leader before Sam finally killed the Decepticon by thrusting the AllSpark into Megatron's chest. After the crisis, one of the Autobots, Ironhide, drove Lennox home to be reunited with his family.

"We got a whole lotta fight coming out way!"
Two years later, Lennox has been promoted to the rank of Major and was the operational leader of the Autobot-human military team called NEST. He led NEST into Shanghai, to hunt down the Decepticons there. After their mission, they returned to Diego Garcia. Lennox had to force himself to be diplomatic with the newly-appointed Director Galloway, who was being an ass and basically insulting all of NEST. Lennox's attempts to defend themselves and the Autobots were shot down. However, Optimus Prime managed to end the discussion with a clincher line that Lennox noted was good. Some time after the AllSpark shard was stolen, the Autobots headed off by their own to hunt down multiple Decepticon signals, and Lennox deployed the rest of NEST team. However, by the time they arrived, Lennox, still in the plane, was informed of Optimus Prime's death. Lennox and NEST returned to a New Jersey Air Force base, but was surrounded by soldiers. Lennox demanded them to lower their weapons, but learnt that Galloway has shut down NEST. Lennox argued vehemently for the Autobots and Sam, but Galloway stripped Lennox of his badge. Lennox then was contacted by Seymour Simmons, who had a message from Sam to tell him to bring Optimus' corps to the Gulf of Aqaba. Lennox found it strange but he decided to trust them. Lennox contacted Morshower, then while they were in the air, the pilot faked some turbulences, prompting an evac. Lennox took this moment to trick a panicked Galloway to pull the chute of his parachute while inside the plane. Lennox and the team landed on a village near the gulf, and ordered NEST ready for combat. The Decepticons soon attacked, however, and Lennox again took command of the forces as they attacked the Decepticon forces whilst trying to reach Sam. After others were unable to do so, Lennox and Epps personally reached Sam and Mikaela, but the airstrike forced them to make a mad dash, but Megatron fired and killed Sam. Lennox started CPR on the dead Sam, but somehow Sam was revived, and used the Matrix to revive Optimus Prime. The Fallen arrived, however, and activated the Solar Harvester. Lennox led the rest of NEST in a dash towards the pyramid but Optimus Prime finished the job first. After the battle Lennox congratulated Simmons for his help.

-Master Sergeant Robert Epps (Tyrese Gibson)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
"Bring the rain!"
Sergeant Robert Epps was Captain Lennox's right-hand man. They were just returning from some mission to the SOCCENT base. That night, a mysterious helicopter landed on the base and revealed itself to be the Decepticon Blackout. Epps alerted a bunch of other soldiers that they were under attack. Blackout nearly stepped on him, and Epps got a thermal snapshot of the Decepticon with his camera. Blackout was about to eliminate Epps with his chest cannon but Figueroa shot Blackout in the face, allowing Epps to hightail it. The team, along with Mahfouz, were the only survivors of the attack. As they travelled towards Mahfouz's village, Epps reviewed the photograph, and told the others that there seemed to be some sort of invisible force field around the robot, and that it seemed to be self-aware. As they made their way towards the village Epps spotted some kind of metal spike about to impale Lennox, and opened fire at it. The thing revealed itself to be Scorponok, and after killing Sergeant Donnelly, pursued the rest of the team as they escaped to the village. As he opened fire at Scorponok along with the other soldiers and some locals, Lennox demanded his credit card. Epps shouted that it was in his back pocket — specifically, the left cheek. Once they contacted the Pentagon, Lennox handed the phone to Epps, who coordinated with the Air Force. It took two different airstrikes to cause Scorponok to retreat. Epps helped Lennox and Burke evacuate the wounded Figueroa out of the area. During the flight back to the US, the team investigated the burnt-out piece of Scorponok's tail, which suddenly spasmed and nearly sliced off Epps' hand, something he didn't really appreciate. He contacted the Air Force to tell them of the robots' weakness to extreme heat. When they returned to the US, however, they were immediately ordered to go to the Hoover Dam. There, John Keller and a bunch of guys who had contact with the aliens began to explain everything to them. When the Decepticons attacked, Simmons and Sam got into an argument about whether to release Bumblebee, and Lennox held the S7 Agent at gunpoint to resolve the matter. Epps and Burke backed their commanding officer up by subduing the Sector Seven agents who were about to point their weapons at Lennox. Banachek and Keller managed to defuse the situation. Epps and the rest of the rangers accompanied the kids and the Autobots to Mission City to try and hide the AllSpark there. Epps complained at having to try to work with RadioShack Dinosaur shortwave radios. Epps coordinated with an F22 Raptor (which turned out to be Starscream), and then with Black Hawk helicopters between opening fire at the Decepticon Devastator. The helicopter which destroyed their base soon arrived, and Epps called in an airstrike. However, while trying to laser-mark Blackout, the Decepticon noticed them, but Blackout was killed by Lennox and the airstrike. Epps participated in firing at Megatron at the end of the battle.

"How is this little kid supposed to bring him back to life?"
Two years later Epps was part of NEST, still serving as Major Lennox's right-hand man. He was at the front lines during the Shanghai op, and detected Demolishor hiding near a foundry. He called in for Optimus Prime to be dropped in, who dispatched the massive Decepticon, who gave a cryptic warning that Epps noted as being not exactly good. When they returned to the NEST base in Diego Garcia, they were met with Director Galloway, who proved quite a jerk. Epps spoke up in defense of both Lennox and the Autobots, but Galloway snapped at him that he wasn't paid to speak. Optimus Prime told him to take it easy. Their tension with Galloway grew worse when Optimus Prime was killed and the Decepticons attacked several places worldwide whilst demanding Sam. Galloway had shut NEST down, and Epps called Galloway a serious asshole. However, their old friend Seymour Simmons, former Sector Seven agent, contacted them with a message from Sam in possibly bringing Optimus Prime back to life. Epps had doubts in the possibility of a kid bringing back Optimus, but that's better than what they were doing. Epps was particularly smug when they tricked Galloway into being flushed out of the cargo plane. They airdropped into a site near some ruins, and were soon attacked by a full-scale Decepticon army. Epps opened fire at the Decepticons, and together with Lennox got towards Sam and Mikaela. However, a bad throw in part of Epps. Caused the orange smoke that marked the airstrike signal to bloom up around them. The quartet managed to run away from the airstrike. Upon the Fallen's arrival Epps commanded everything to be fired upon the Solar Harvester, and watched as Optimus beat the Fallen. Epps and Lennox later welcomed Simmons and Leo as they arrived.

-Ron Witwicky (Kevin Dunn)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
"You think I'd really get you a Porsche?"
Ronald Witwicky is Sam's father. Picking Sam up from school one day, he agreed to buy Sam have his first car. After teasing his son by driving past a Porsche dealership, Ron brought Sam to Bobby Bolivia's used car lot. After negotiations, somehow all the windows of the cars in the lot blew up bar the yellow Camaro Sam had shown interest earlier (but was outlandishly expensive). Ron brought it. Ron was tending to his garden, which he takes a lot of pride of, when Sam walked over it to his car, which blanketed the garden in exhaust. For some reason the following night Sam was caught when he filed a stolen car report. Despite being head of the neighbourhood watch, it took some time for Ron to convince the cops that the pills Sam was carrying was for their pet chihuahua. Later on, Sam came home late but after some talk with Ron he decided to let it go. Something that felt like an earthquake, followed by a blackout (in reality Ratchet crashing onto a power line) caused Ron to run under the table, not spilling his wine bottle. Ron and Judy walked up to their son's room, and he was less than pleased to find it locked. He counted down, and was confronting Sam about his secretiveness until Mikaela Banes popped out. However, the house was suddenly swarmed with government agents from Sector Seven, and despite Ron's protests, the whole family was arrested. Ron told Sam not to say anything until they got a lawyer. After the crisis is over Ron had apparently been sworn into secrecy by the government, since when interviewed by reporters later they feigned ignorance.

"You're my son! We all go together!"
Two years later, Ron was immensely proud of Sam being the first Witwicky ever to go to college. While he tried to remain nonchalant (and indifferent for the sake of compensating for Judy's emotional outbursts) there was no hiding his pride. Ron told Sam that he had to let his mind open about dating other girls. While they were packing suitcases into their car, out of a sudden Sam jumped from the second floor, and they took cover behind the fountain as the Appliancebots attacked. Bumblebee killed them all, and while a chunk of their house was destroyed Ron was more calm than his wife, putting up a cover story about an old furnace, knowing that the government will handle it. The family arrived at the college, but after meeting with Sam's roommate Leo Spitz, Judy walked around the campus stoned after eating some brownies baked in reefer. Ron barely got his wife under control and dragged her to their car. Ron and Judy finally in Paris. Their lunch was interrupted first by a mime, then by Decepticons landing on Paris. Ron and Judy were captured by one. They were somehow flown to Egypt, and were held inside Rampage, and released as bait to lure Sam into a trap. Ron insisted Sam run, knowing that the bad guys will kill them anyway. Bumblebee arrived and killed the Decepticons. Ron insisted vehemently that they stay together, not willing to see his son run into the line of fire, but Sam and Judy convinced Ron to get into Bumblebee. The trio arrived on Sam's location just in time for Ron, to his horror, to see Sam die. Sam somehow came back to life, and after the battle Ron and Judy gave him a proud hug.

-Judy Witwicky (Julie White)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
"That's his bling!"
Judith Witwicky was Sam Witwicky's mother. She is an average, if quirky, mother — she lamented Ron's work on their garden, she decks out their pet chihuahua with jewelry, she sets a curfew for her son... until one day, when she was watching the news about asteroids on the TV with her husband Ron when her son came home late. Judy felt Sam should be grounded but Ron didn't do it. However, what they took to be an earthquake, followed by a blackout (in reality caused by Ratchet crashing onto the power cables and falling down) led Judy and Ron towards Sam's room, where they investigated some lights. To their displeasure, Sam had locked the room. Seeing Sam grimy and sweaty, Judy jumped into the conclusion that Sam has been masturbating, prompting Sam and Ron to basically diss her off. Judy was about to go into a rant to call masturbation by some other name, but Mikaela showed up, ending the discussion there. Their house was for some reason swarmed by government agents, and Judy appeared with a baseball bat and threatened to beat the crap out of them for tearing their plants apart. For some reason the entire family was placed under arrest. Much, much later, Judy and Ron were interviewed by some news reporters about reported alien sightings in the area. Seemingly having been sworn to secrecy, and expressed faith that the government would let them know if there is an alien infestation. After all, it's a free country.

"It's my cheat day. I can eat whatever I want."
Two years later, Judy was highly emotional about letting Sam go to college, especially when she found his baby booties. She insisted Sam come home for every single holiday. Before she could go too far, Ron rescued Sam. She cried a lot, and threw a tantrum when Ron was less than sympathetic. However, she ran out of the house when explosions rocked it apart, and slammed her head on a flower pot. She scooped the dogs and ran out to the front yard. Judy later informed Sam that Bumblebee can't stay when he's gone. When Ron told her to protect national security, who'll pay for damages, Judy demanded a hot pool. The family arrived at the college, and Judy was impressed by the college. However, she purchased some brownies baked with reefer, leaving her high. She wandered around the campus, telling girls about her sons baby booties, sex life, talking car, and later tackled a frisbee player. Ron and Sam managed to get her back into the car. Judy and Ron had a vacation to Paris. Judy was contacted by Soundwave, but she thought it was a pervert and shut him off. The Decepticons landed in Paris, and during the mad rush Ron and Judy were captured. They were taken to Egypt and were held inside Rampage, and were released as bait to lure Sam into a trap. Bumblebee killed Rampage, and the Witwickies and Mikaela survived. Ron refused to let Sam go alone, but Judy managed to convince Ron to come with Bumblebee. The trio made their way around, just in time for Judy, in their horror, to see Sam die. Sam somehow came back to life, and after the battle Ron and Judy gave him a proud hug.


-Secretary John Keller (Jon Voight)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"This is as real as it's ever gonna get."
John Keller is the Secretary of Defense. He debriefed a room of analysts to investigate the mysterious signal the hacked and destroyed the SOCCENT air base. Keller told them that they are on a hair-trigger to attack whatever country proved responsible. A second incursion was detected, and Keller was furious and demanded the President to be transported into a secure bunker before they even attempt to do anything. Keller was discussing the possible military consequences with Admiral Brigham and several others when Maggie Madsen, the analyst who detected the hack, interrupted them. While Keller appreciated Maggie's efforts he told her to have some proof before shooting her mouth, else she'll be off the team. However, shortly afterwards he was met by an SOS from a group of survivors of the SOCCENT base attack, and was astounded when a Predator drone revealed a metallic monster battling against the soldiers. After an air strike drove off the creature Keller ordered for the rangers to be brought home. However, things escalated when a global blackout ensued. Already tense, Keller initially ignored Sector Seven agent Tom Banachek, but was forced to listen to him. Keller was informed of the Transformers' existence, by being shown the Beagle 2 Rover footage. Keller brought Maggie and Glen as his advisors to the Hoover Dam, and was astounded and appalled when Sector Seven, plus Sam Witwicky, told them about the Transformers war, the AllSpark Cube, NBE-1 and stuff. During this visit Keller commented that S7 Agent Simmons was a bit strange. However, the Decepticons attacked the base, during which Captain Lennox held Simmons at gunpoint and demanded them take Sam to his car, since the boy seems to be the one who knows about anything around there. Keller advised Simmons to listen to Lennox. As Sam, the rangers and their team headed off to Mission City, Keller and Simmons tried to find a way to contact the Air Force, prompting Simmons to lead him, Maggie and Glen to the alien archives. While Glen tried to hotwire an old shortwave radio together with a computer to transmit morse code, they were attacked by Frenzy. Keller, Simmons and Maggie barricaded the door, and Keller utilized an old shotgun he found to hold off the Decepticons. Glen managed to contact the Air Force, and Keller used his authorization to get F22 jets to head to Mission City. After a short stand-off, Frenzy was killed by his own ricocheted weapon. After the crisis was over, Keller informed the military that Sector Seven was to be shut down, and that the Decepticons' remains were dropped into the Laurentian Abyss.

-Maggie Madsen (Rachael Taylor)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"I'm just the analyst who detected the hack."
Maggie is one of the top hackers and analysts in the world, despite her relatively young age. She was present at the emergency briefing when John Keller informed them of the attack on the SOCCENT base, with the only clue being a mysterious high-pitched frequency. Maggie and her team were put to work in investigating said frequency, but while doing so Maggie detected a second intrusion to their mainframe by Frenzy, and alerted everybody to it. She advocated severing the connection, something that prevented the Decepticons from finishing their download. Maggie later sneaked into a meeting room where Keller and some generals, and interrupted it, theorizing that the virus was probably a living organism, something that got her a telling off from Keller. Maggie copied the data into a SD card and brought them to Glen's place, convincing her friend to try and crack the data. However, while they were just beginning to do so, FBI agents stormed the house and arrested Maggie and Glen. She was placed in a holding room with Glen, and after Glen placed all the blame on her following a sugar rush she tried to defend themselves to the FBI. Much later Keller came into the room, asking Maggie to come along to the Hoover Dam as his advisor. Glen, being Maggie's newly-appointed advisor, got to tag along. Maggie was then introduced to Sector Seven, NBE-1, the Transformers and the Cube. Hoover Dam soon came under attack by the Decepticons, and Maggie, alongside Keller, Glen and Agent Simmons, rushed to the alien archives to try and contact the Air Force. While Glen tried to hotwire the computers to transmit through the shortwave radio, the room was under attack by Frenzy. Maggie, Simmons and Keller barricaded the door, and Maggie helped hold Frenzy back with a bunch of antique shotguns.

-Glen Whitmann (Anthony Anderson)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Don't talk to me! Don't talk to me, criminal!"
Glen is, as described by Maggie, the only hacker who can crack the Transformers' code. Glen lived with his grandmother and cousin, and was in the middle of a game of Dance Dance Revolution when Maggie arrived. While initially furious at being disturbed, he was molified when Maggie told him that she needed him to crack through highly classified data. Glen managed to read several phrases like 'Project Iceman' and 'Sector Seven', but a squad of FBI Agents arrived and arrested the duo. They were placed in a holding room, and a plate of donuts was placed in front of them. Glen told Maggie that a guilty person would ignore the donuts, but Glen ate everything on the plate. This caused a sugar rush that caused Glen to blab out and point all the blame onto Maggie when the FBI agents tossed a thick folder onto the table. As he slunk away in embarrassment he allowed Maggie to try to explain. But they were stuck in the holding room for some time until John Keller asked Maggie to come with him as his advisor. Glen, being Maggie's advisor, managed to tag along. He was introduced to Sector Seven and the Transformers by the S-7 Agents as well as a pair of teenagers. When they entered a room to demonstrate the power of the AllSpark, Glen joked about claw marks on the wall, but is shut up by Simmons' deadpan comment. Glen volunteered his Nokia for Simmons to show the power of the AllSpark... and promptly watched as his phone transformed and was summarily executed when it got violent. The Decepticons attacked, and Glen ran with Maggie, Keller and Simmons to the alien archives to try and contact the Air Force. Glen is able to hotwire a computer to the shortwave radio to transmit morse code. While he worked the other three had to hold back Frenzy. He succeeded, and Keller's message was able to be sent through.

-Tom Banachek (Michael O'Neill)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"You'll have to accept that there are certain things you won't understand right away."
Agent Tom Banachek, of Sector Seven's Advanced Research Division. Banachek arrived at the Pentagon under the orders of the President to bring John Keller into awareness of the Transformers. While initially Keller ignored him, Banachek was patient enough to sit down and waited until the global communications blackout forced Keller to listen to Banachek. Banachek showed Simmons footage deemed beyond top secret of the Beagle 2 Mars rover being destroyed by a Transformer. Banachek brought Keller and a host of others to the Hoover Dam, and negotiated with Sam Witwicky to tell them everything he knew. Banachek and fellow agent Simmons alternated in telling the others about the Cube, NBE-1 and Sector Seven. However, things fell apart when the Decepticons attacked the Hoover Dam, and Megatron broke free. Banachek did not participate with the soldiers or with Simmons' group, and his fate after Sector Seven was disbanded is unknown.


-Director Theodore Galloway (John Benjamin Hickey)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"I'll see your Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and I will raise you a President of the United States."
Theodore Galloway had been recently promoted into liaison between NEST and the President. Galloway then proved to be quite a bastard. While he was stunned speechless by seeing Optimus Prime transform, he then proceeded to insult and berate the Autobots, as well as NEST, citing their refusal to share their weapons advancement, as well as inviting other Autobots to Earth. He made it quite clear that he did not really like NEST. He flat out blamed Optimus for the Decepticons' presence on Earth and asked if they would leave if the President asked them to. Optimus counters with a question of his own: what if they leave and he is wrong? Galloway's conversation, however, has allowed Soundwave to obtain information about Megatron and the AllSpark's location. Much later Galloway used the Fallen's broadcast to shut down NEST, and makes it clear that he intends to use Sam as a bargaining chip in negotiations with the Decepticons, and tore off Lennox's badge when the major questioned him. However, when Galloway was in the NEST cargo ship, Lennox ordered the pilot to fake some turbulence. With the pretense of securing the VIPs, Lennox took the opportunity to try and convince Galloway that it is a bailout. The panicked and blubbering Galloway was tricked to pulling the parachute while the plane was still in the air, and he was pulled out. He landed safely in some random desert, borrowed a phone from a clueless local, and phoned General Morshower. Morshower listened to Galloway rant for a bit, then hung up.

-Leo Spitz (Ramon Rodriguez)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"I'm the key to this. The aliens, they want me 'cause of my site."
Leonardo Ponce De Leon Spitz was Sam's assigned roommate at college. Leo, along with Sharsky and Fassbinder, has set up an alien conspiracy website called TheRealEffingDeal.com. He tried to impress Sam with his 'empire', as well as the kitten calenders he sold via his site, but Sam wasn't much impressed. Despite initial tensions between the two due to some insults, Leo showed Sam his major crush, Alice. Leo later dragged Sam to a frat party, dancing it away. Some time later Leo watched (and tried to prevent) as Sam had a mental breakdown in their astronomy class. Afterwards Leo tried to impress Alice with a pizza, but Alice asked to see Sam. Alice and Leo are greeted with the sight of Sam covering their room with alien scribbles, seemingly having lost his mind. Alice pushed Leo out of the room, even though he asked to watch. However, Alice turned out to be a Decepticon. He initially thought that the aliens are after him. Leo, Sam and Mikaela made a mad dash, and managed to run down Alice, but were captured by Grindor and dropped into a warehouse. Leo, scared to death, could only watch as big robots fought around him. Leo and Mikaela escaped with Bumblebee, and later regrouped with Sam and the Twins at an abandoned location. When Leo saw from his phone that Sam has became a wanted fugitive due to the Fallen's broadcast, Leo threatened to sell them out, but Sam angrily told him that if he wanted the real deal, this was it. And Sam totally crushed Leo's phone under his foot. Jerk. Combined with the Twins' insults, Leo calmed down, and led the group to find his competitor, Robo-Warrior, who had seen the symbols before. Apparently Robo-Warrior was former Sector Seven agent Simmons, and he knew Sam from before. Leo watched as they discussed some stuff with their captive Decepticon Wheelie, and they decided to infiltrate the Smithsonian Museum. Leo was forced to act as a distraction, walking pantless and asking a guard for toilet paper. When the guard handed him said paper, Leo attacked the guard with a taser Simmons had given him. He walked out... only to trip and taser himself in the groin. Simmons dragged Leo as they accidentally activated the Decepticon convert Jetfire. Leo wasn't very sure about the batty old Transformer, especially when they were whisked to Egypt. Mikaela landed on his abused balls. Leo stuck with the group through their journey in the Middle East, at one point wearing a disguise to scout around, and informing Sam and the others that cops are coming. They finally made their way to the Tomb of the Primes, but Leo and Mudflap's patience have ran out and they began to question Sam. The Twins' fight managed to uncover the Tomb, however. They soon had to rendezvous with the NEST team, but an attack by Starscream caused Leo to freak out, forcing Simmons to taser him. When the team split up, Leo, barely recovering from the shock, demanded to follow Simmons and the Twins. It was a bad move, however, since the quartet was beset by the largest Decepticon, the combiner Devastator. All was chaos as Devastator began sucking everything into his maw, and Leo's grip was all that prevented Simmons from being sucked in. The quartet survived the battle when Devastator was called away, and Leo was presumably sent back to college.

-General Morshower (Glenn Morshower)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"Well, I guess I didn't get that memo."
General Morshower is the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and oversees NEST's operations in real-time from the Pentagon. He oversaw the Shanghai op. Afterwards, Major Lennox, Optimus Prime and Theodore Galloway had a teleconference with Morshower. Morshower listened to Galloway's rant (noting that he missed the memo about Galloway's promotion), but defended Lennox and his men. Things soon spiralled into chaos, however. A few days later Morshower was informed of simultaneous Decepticon incursions, he saw the message from the Fallen. Morshower wasn't pleased with Galloway shutting down NEST afterwards, but when Lennox gave him a message preparing to bring the rain to the Gulf of Aqaba. Morshower is prepared to support Lennox's team, especially after learning of a sighting of Sam Witwicky in the area. Morshower was contacted by Galloway (who had been tricked into parachuting out of a NEST cargo plane) and hung up, then demanded his analysts why Galloway can call him while they lost radio and satellite contact with Lennox's team. Morshower was instrumental in contacting the Egyptians and Jordanians to investigate, and once a Predator drone has confirmed the Decepticon presence Morshower directed all available assets to that area in 'Operation: Firestorm'.

Blackjack
2011-02-18, 04:23 PM
Supporting Humans

-Sergeant Patrick Donnelly (Zack Ward)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"There's no such thing as invisible force fields except in, like, comic book stuff, right?"
Donnelly was part of Captain Lennox's team. He speaks with a Boston accent. The team discussed what they would do when they are about to go home as they landed on the SOCCENT base. However, they came under attack by Blackout. Donnelly and the rest of the team escaped into the desert. While they were discussing, Donnelly expressed disbelief in Epps' theory of a force field, and dissed Figueroa's premonitions. However, they were pursued by Scorponok, who tried to kill Lennox stealthily. Epps and Donnelly fired at the sand, but Scorponok's tail dived back in. The Decepticon burst out of the sand, impaled Donnelly on its tail and dragged him down under the sand.

-ACWD Jorge Figueroa (Amaury Nolasco)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Why you got to ruin it for me, man? That's my heritage."
The Spanish-speaking Figueroa was part of Captain Lennox's team. Often times he would forget that his teammates don't speak Spanish and revert to his native language. When the team returned in a pair of V22 Ospreys, Fig tried to convince the others that alligators have the most succulent meat, something Epps isn't keen about. The SOCCENT base came under attack by Blackout, and Fig was instrumental in helping Epps escape from Blackout's chest cannon by shooting the Decepticon. The team escaped Blackout, but was pursued by Scorponok. Fig was worried that it wasn't over, a gift of seeing that he said was inherited from his mother. True enough, Scorponok attacked soon afterwards, toppling a tower that nearly flattened Fig, and later killing Donnelly. The team made a mad dash to Mahfouz's village, where Figueroa did his best to damage the Decepticons while Lennox and Epps called in an air strike. During the battle Figueroa was injured mortally, but Scorponok was damaged and forced to retreat, and Fig was evacuated out of the area.
Notes: Fig's death scene aboard the ship was shot, but cut out of the movie. He was slated to appear in ROTF but the actor was unable to do so. In the Spanish dubs, his Spanish dialogue is in English.

-Burke (Brian A Shehan)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
"Sir, that tank thing's getting back up!"
Burke is one of the rangers on Captain Lennox's team that survived Blackout's assault on the SOCCENT base. Burke participated in the lengthy battle against Scorponok, and followed Lennox with the other rangers as they were sent to the Hoover Dam. Burke beat up a couple of Sector Seven agents when Lennox turned on Simmons, but tensions were quickly resolved. Burke participated in firing at Devastator during the battle of Mission City.

"Fire!"
Two years later Burke was integrated into NEST alongside Lennox and Epps, and was present in the battle in Egypt.

-Colonel Sharp (Glenn Morshower)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Have your crew step out or we will kill you."
Colonel Sharp was the ranking officer in the SOCCENT air base. He was confounded when a mysterious helicopter arrived, with the tail number which should've been destroyed. Sharp was ready to order his men to open fire, but the helicopter turned out to be the Decepticon Blackout. As Blackout tore the base apart, Sharp had the presence of mind to cut the hard lines with a fire ax when the Decepticon tried to download files. Presumably he died shortly afterwards.

-Mahfouz (Ashkan Kashanchi)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Water?"
Mahfouz is a local child who somehow finds himself in the SOCCENT base, possibly helping out. He greeted Lennox's team when they returned, and offered the captain some water. Mahfouz stuck with Lennox's group when Blackout attacked the base, a move that saved the child's life. Mahfouz led the rangers to his village so they could use the telephone there to contact the Pentagon. However they were attacked by Scorponok. Mahfouz and Lennox ran towards his father's house, obtaining a cell phone.

-Akram (Rizwan Manji)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Cell phone!"
Akram is Mahfouz's father. When Lennox and his rangers, pursued by Scorponok, made a dash towards Akram's village, Lennox and Mahfouz ran towards Akram's house. Grateful to Lennox for rescuing his child, the rather panicked Akram handed over his cell phone to Lennox when the soldier requested one.

-Captain Archibald Witwicky (W. Morgan Sheppard)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, mentioned in Revenge of the Fallen
"No sacrifice, no victory!"
Archibald Witwicky is the great-great-grandfather of Sam Witwicky. He is one of the first to explore the Arctic Circle. While his ship was stuck in some ice, the dogs ran off towards an area. Digging in the ice, Archibald fell down into a chasm, and found himself face to face with a frozen Megatron. Touching the Transformer's outstretched hand, he activated Megatron's guidance systems, causing the Transformer to zap him. The coordinates to the AllSpark is imprinted in Archibald's glasses, and the explorer reportedly went insane afterwards.

-Bobby Bolivia (Bernie Mac)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Let me tell you something, son. A driver don't pick the car. The car'll pick the driver."
Bobby Bolivia is a used-car salesman. His car lot also doubles as a petting zoo. Ron brought Sam to see Bobby to buy his first car, something the smooth-talking salesman was thrilled about. He told Sam that cars pick their drivers. He also claimed he would never lie, especially not in front of his mammy. They chanced upon a mysterious yellow Camaro with racing stripes, something both Bobby and his employee Manny are clueless about. Bobby has no reservations about selling the mysterious car, but the five grand price he gave led the Witwickies to go consider another car. The Volkswagen that Bobby tried to sell was abruptly slammed from the side by the Camaro's door. Bobby was unphased, telling Manny and the Clown to hammer it out. However, out of a sudden all the windows of the cars in the lot shattered, leading a distressed Bobby to sell the only remaining car in good quality — the mysterious Camaro — to the Witwickies at four grand.

-Manny (Carlos Moreno Jr)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"That's loco!"
Manny is one of the men working for Bobby Bolivia. His cousin wears a clown outfit to attract customers. Manny loves to impersonate Ricky Ricardo, and he's clueless where that weird Camaro came from. Later Bobby told Manny to use a sledgehammer to hammer the Volkswagen that Bumblebee trashed back into place.

-Miles (John Robinson)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Bros before hos!"
Miles Lancaster is Sam's friend. Miles went with Sam to the lake in Sam's first outing with his new car. Miles immediately embarrassed Sam in front of Trent and Mikaela by climbing a tree like a monkey. He thinks it's cool. However, when Mikaela gets dumped by Trent, Sam pleaded with Miles to get out of his car so he could give Mikaela a ride home. Miles wasn't thrilled. Later on, he was giving his dog a bath when a panicked Sam called him about Satan's Camaro or something.

-Trent (Travis Van Winkle)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Why doesn't my little bunny just hop in the back seat?"
Trent DeMarco is the local jock in Sam's class. Mikaela's boyfriend, he snapped a rubber band at Sam during his genealogy presentation. At the lake he confronted Sam when he arrived with a new car, but insults nearly got into punches if not for Mikaela's intervention. He refused to let Mikaela drive his car, telling his 'little bunny' to hop in the back seat. That caused Mikaela to dump him. Trent was confident that Mikaela will call him. She didn't.

-Mr Hosney (Peter Jacobson)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Might be a pop quiz tomorrow. Might not. Sleep in fear tonight."
Sam's teacher. He ordered his students to make a genealogy report, and was less than impressed at Sam trying to sell his great-grandfather's articles to his classmates. He was about to give a B- to Sam, but after some pleading and a 'what would Jesus do?' from Sam, Mr Hosney relented and gave him an A-.

-Admiral Brigham (Chris Ellis)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Obviously the first phase of a major attack against the US. "
Admiral Brigham is the resident military expert in the Pentagon that discussed with John Keller about the details of their situation during the crisis. He was advising Keller during Maggie Madsen's absurd suggestion of aliens, during their discovery of Scorponok fighting Lennox's team and later on when worldwide communications was shut down.

-President of the United States
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Can you wrangle me up some Ding Dongs, darling?"
The President was aboard the Air Force One when Frenzy infiltrated it. He told Tracy to wrangle him some ding-dongs. After the Mission City battle was over he ordered Sector Seven disbanded. Two years later he was succeeded by Barack Obama.

-Enlisted Aide Tracy (Colleen Porch)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"I joined the Air Force to bring the man Ding Dongs."
Tracy is sent by the President to get some ding-dongs for him. She wasn't pleased. On the way she gave a lift to a mysterious silver boom box, but was distracted by the ding-dongs to notice the boom box transforming into Frenzy. She dropped one of the ding-dongs onto the floor, but bit it nevertheless.

-Sarah Lennox (Samantha Smith)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"She doesn't know you yet, but she will."
Sarah is Captain William Lennox's wife. She had a webcam meet with her husband just before Blackout's arrival, showing little Annabelle to her father. Sarah says that ladies don't fart. Their conversation was cut short by Blackout's jamming. She later watched in horror as a news report detailed that no survivors of the SOCCENT attack was found. However, after the battle in Mission City Sarah was reunited with her husband.

-Annabelle Lennox
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
Captain Lennox's adorable baby daughter. She has Lennox's laugh. When the report of the SOCCENT base's destruction was heard, Annabelle cried. She was reunited with her father soon afterwards, though.

-Telephone Operator (Ravi Patel)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Have you heard about our premium plus world service gold package?"
A decidedly nonchalant and unhelpful telephone operator picked up Lennox's emergency call to the Pentagon. He had Lennox read out a credit card number before allowing the call to be processed.

-Glen's Grandmother (Esther Scott)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"Are you playing those video games again?"
Glen's grandmother keeps shouting at Glen, and interrupted Glen when he is working at cracking the Decepticons' code, mistaking it for video games. Whether she was arrested by the FBI is unknown.

-Simmons' Partner (Brian Stepanek)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
"This is such a felony, what you're doing."
Agent Simmons' right hand man followed him when investigating the Witwickies, and suggested 'direct contact' in dealing with them. He rode in the same car with Simmons, Sam and Mikaela and thus had the misfortune to be attacked by Optimus Prime. His gun was pulled off magnetically and he was chained to a pillar alongside Simmons. Thankfully he had the presence of mind to stealthily contact the other Sector 7 agents with a cell phone.



-SASF Agent Graham (Matthew Mardsen)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"Whatever the Decepticons are after, this is just the start."
Graham is one of the NEST agents that served as part of the strike force. He is present during the Shanghai op, and when NEST was ordered to shut down Graham warned Galloway that this was just the start. Graham was present during the final battle in Egypt, and had the hindsight to order his men to cover Optimus' body. Graham's team was pinned down by the Decepticon forces, however, and he reported to Lennox that he was unable to get to Sam.

-Cal (Michael Papajohn)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen, mentioned in Transformers the Movie
"I heard that."
Cal is Mikaela's manchild father. After Sam's blackmailing of Sector Seven during the events of the first movie, Cal was released from prison from his charges of grand theft auto, and is now working in his garage with his daughter.

-Fassbinder (Jonathan Trent)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"The internet is pure truth!"
Fassbinder and Sharsky are Leo's tech gurus, helping him to set up RealEffingDeal.com. Fassbinder was present in an incident in Los Angeles where the Transformers battled two years ago, and is confident that giant transforming robots do exist. The duo works in part of Leo's room, and when Sam was present they tried hard to get a video of the Shanghai incident up but they were scooped by their competitor Robo-Warrior. He argues vehemently with Sam who tries to cover it up. Fassbinder was present at the frat party.

-Sharsky (Howard Walker)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"The ball sack."
Along with Fassbinder, Sharsky is one of Leo's geek buddies that maintain the RealEffingDeal.com. He the silent one, content to let Fassbinder and Leo do the talking while he probably gets the job done. He was present at the frat party.

-Professor Colan (Rainn Wilson)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"I am the alpha and the omega. Get out of my class."
Professor Colan is the resident astronomy lecturer in the college that Sam attends. He's kind of a flirt, dropping suggestive double entrendes in his lecture. However, Sam had an AllSpark-induced fit in the middle of his class, babbling about other dimensions that Einstein is wrong. Thinking that Sam is trying to punk him in front of the Dean, Colan sent him out of his class. After the crisis is over Colan teased Sam when he came back to his class again.
Notes: reportedly Colan was based on Michael Bay's college lecturer.

-April the Resident Assistant (Katie Lowes)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"Let's turn that smile upside-down!"
April is the resident assistant in the campus that Sam and Leo attended. She refuses to allow Sam to switch rooms after his initial meeting with Leo.

-Simmons' Mother (Annie Korzen)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"You ruined a beautiful piece of fish, you retard!"
Seymour Simmons' mother lives with him at a deli. She isn't terribly impressed with her son's handiwork at cutting meat.
Notes: The novels give Simmons' mother's name as Tova Simmons, while IDW comics go by the name Anne Fischer. It is possible she changed names in the interim, though.

-Yakov (Sean T Krishnan)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"It's my dream!"
Yakov is one of the employees at Simmons' deli. He doesn't appreciate the pork around. His dream is to get brand new teeth he saw at Sky Mall.

-Captain Wilder (John Nielsen)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
"Identify yourself."
Captain Wilder is the captain of the U.S.S. John C. Stennis. During the Decepticon attack on Egypt, Agent Seymour Simmons contacted Wilder. Despite Simmons' seeming mental instability and lack of clearance, Wilder followed Simmons' instructions to fire the railgun onboard the aircraft carrier at Devastator, destroying the Decepticon.
______________________

Credited Background Humans

-Ranger Team: Luis Echagarruga, Patrick Mulderrig, Michael Trisler
-Sailor: CJ Thomason
-Clown: Johnny Sanchez
-Soccent Op-Centre Techs: Lt Frederic Doss, Charlie Bodin
-USAF Staff Sergeant: Josh Feinman
-Four Star General: Steven Ford
-Two Star General: Michael Shamus Wiles
-Air Force Major General: Craig Barnett
-Keller's Aide: Brian Prescott
-Pentagon Watch Commander: Scott Peat
-FBI Agents: Jamie McBride, Wiley Pickett
-R&D Team Leader: Andy Milder
-Sheriff: Rick Gomez
-Deputy: Andy Dominguez
-Football Coach: Mike Fisher
-Analysts: Colin Fickes, Tom Lenk, Jamison Yang
-CNN Reporter: Madison Mason
-News Reporters: Jeremy Jojola, Jessica Kartalija
-Cafe Kids: Andrew Altonji, Andrew Caldwell
-Witness: J.P. Mandux
-Tooth Fairy Girl: Sophie Bobal
-Tooth Fairy Girl's Dad: Pete Gardner
-Mom in Car: Laurel Garner
-Boy in Car: Chip Hormess
-Pilot: Ray Toth
-AWACS Controllers: Michael Adams, Ron Henry, Benjamin Hoffman, Michael McNabb, Jason T White
-Control Tower Tech: Adam Ratajczak
-Socialites: Maya Klayn, Michelle Pierce, Odette Yustman
-XBox Guy: Bob Stephenson

-Special Air Service Forces: Andrew Howard
-Frisbee Girl: America Olivo
-Frat Guys: Aaron Hill, Jareb Dauplaise
-Pundits: John Sanderford, Christopher Curry
-Morshower's Aide: John Eric Bentley
-Egyptian Interpol Officers: Cas Anvar, Michael Benyaer
-Egyptian Guard: Deep Roy
-Bedouin with Donkey: Ruben Martinez
-Air Force Chief of Staff: Spencer Garrett
-NORAD General: Ralph Meyering Jr
-Air Force Military Police: Aaron Norvell
-NSA Officer: Eric Pierpoint
-Smithsonian Guards: David Bowe, Kamal Jones
-Reporters: Aaron Lustig, Jim Holmes, Kristen Welker
-FBI Director: Cornell Womack
-Ticket Agent: David Luengas
-Joint Ops Staff: Derek Alvarado, Alex Fernandez, Casey Nelson, Jason Roehm
-Diego Garcia Soldiers: Rick Cramer, Arnold Chun, Marvin Jordan
-Commander, US Central Command: Marc Evan Jackson
-Strike Force Team: Jayson Floyd, Aaron Garrido, Josh Kelly, Joel Lambert, Dave Olsen, Geoff Reeves
______________________

Non-Humans

-Mustache Man (Brian Reece)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
The Mustache Man is a hologram employed by Blackout, Barricade and Starscream to simulate drivers in their vehicle modes. They have a tendency to shimmer a bit.
Notes: Actor Brian Reece had to reschedule his wedding and honeymoon plans just to shoot as Mustache Man. Now that's dedication.

-Mojo
Appearances: Transformers the Movie, Revenge of the Fallen
Mojo is the Witwickies' resident pampered pain-drug addicted chihuahua with a superiority complex and lots of bling. He pissed on Ironhide at one point and nearly got himself vaporized if it weren't for Sam intervening. Mojo was arrested along with the rest of the Witwickies by Sector Seven, but was returned safe and sound.

Two years later, Mojo shared the status of household pet with Frankie. Mojo loves to dominate. His doghouse was destroyed by the Appliancebots, but neither canine was harmed.

-Mason (Mason)
Appearances: Transformers the Movie
Mason the mastiff is Miles' pet. Miles was giving him a bath when Sam called him.
Notes: Mason is director Michael Bay's pet mastiff.


-Arcee Rider (Erin Naas)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
All three components of Arcee employ holographic riders during the Shanghai op.

-Frankie
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
The Witwickies' new pet dog. Mojo loves to dominate Frankie. Frankie and Mojo's doghouse was blown up by the Appliancebots.

-Bonecrusher the Mastiff (Bonecrusher)
Appearances: Revenge of the Fallen
'Bones' is Mikaela's pet mastiff. He stays in her garage, and witnessed Wheelie trying to break into the garage safe. Wheelie called him 'slobberpuss'.
Notes: Bonecrusher is, again, Michael Bay's pet mastiff, obtained during the shooting of the first Transformers movie. He was named after Bay's favourite character from the first movie.

Blackjack
2011-12-20, 08:20 AM
Right, so I wanted to upload the DOTM review and notes... and I reread my reviews for the first two movies.

They're pretty terrible, so I'm going to restructure them a bit. So don't be surprised if the drafts archived here are quite different from the ones you'll eventually see on the site. (Of course, my love for the movies haven't changed at all, so content-wise it's not different. I'm just making it more... readable)

Just a heads-up.