View Full Version : G.I. Joe Retaliation. SPOILERS

inflatable dalek
2013-03-30, 12:12 AM
Yo Joe! Ect.

If I were a betting man, regardless of behind the scenes claims, I'd say the reshoots were the were the fairly cheap to realise (a fence, four speaking roles and some sheds) pre-credits sequence in North Korea that had nothing to do with the rest of the film and was immediately followed by what felt like another pre-credits sequence with the bomb raid.

The only real thing that suggests it might have always been there and wasn't just added to put that bit more Tatum in is it fits in surprisingly well with the rest of the movie's attempts to homage Die Another Day as much as possible (the rescue the hostage by shooting them bit being the most subtle).

Other than that, a good fun, albeit deeply stupid, film that suffered (possibly because of bits being cut out to keep the running time the same after the new scenes) from characters popping up out of nowhere with very little explanation. Or indeed, as with the case of most of Joe's OAP friends, not to be seen again with very little explanation.

Highlights included Firefly- I didn't know he was going to be in the movie and not only was he well done (thankfully in a film that took a lot from the comics most of his Hama created backstory- of the "Oh yeah, he's also a ninja who was involved in the death of the Hard Master like it turns out everyone else in the book happens to be and he can also move his head so fast you can't photograph him" variety- was ignored) but I liked the misdirection over who it might be with the introduction that made it look like we might be getting another Dreadnok. Or I suppose the first as Movie Zartan seems to not even like bikes.

It was also really cool how the Mummy came back in what was effectively a non-speaking cameo as well (though again, one confused flashback scene suggests he might have had more that was cut).

Willis and the Rock were good solid fun (though the former could basically sleepwalk this and wasn't in as much of the film as his prominence on the posters suggests) but Lady Jaye and Flint were, whilst harmless, completely bland. The former to the point they might as well just have reused Scarlett.

The real fun is to be had with the villains though. As mentioned, Firefly was fun, and Jonathan Pryce- despite looking somewhat frail- got to have a whale of a time hamming it up brilliantly as effectively the main villain. Cobra Commander was basically wasted but looked fantastic if nothing else. And no attempt to impersonate Chris Latta either, which was nice.

I liked the Bill Paxon-ish prison warden as well, it was a nice touch that despite being an immense dick he wasn't completely inept when Storm Shadow and Firely performed the jailbreak and actually got a couple of hits in. I wonder if they got Eccles back in to play popsicle Destro :p

If it has a really big flaw (beyond typical dumb blockbuster things like the President can suddenly announce Cobra as a nice government agency as if no one has heard of them before yet the US have a guy called Cobra Commander in prison and Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow seem to be international celebrities), anyone who doesn't really know their G.I. Joe is going to have the **** confused out of them.

Not only in terms of how closely it follows up the first one but in that you really need to have attended the Larry Hama school of Ninja to understand large chunks of what's going on in the Snake Eyes plot.

The Blind Master is one of the guys who just sort of turns up and I don't think there's even the slightest explanation of where all those Red Ninjas who are so loyal to Storm Shadow came from. And for a film that tried surprisingly hard to follow on from the first like John Barber was the writer (here's a bad idea nobody liked! Lets bring it back!) it completely ignored his death as well.

And was it me or was the final montage nicked, music and all, from the end of every Bay Transformers film? I was expecting Peter Cullen to start doing a voiceover.

Also, of course, they should have had Duke go into a coma.

2013-03-30, 03:28 PM
Sounds awesome! this will be definitely be a pick up from the super market bargain bin job for me. Much like the first one was. And I will probably enjoy it as much as the first :)

2013-03-31, 07:24 PM
1. I must point out (for the 0 people that care) I'M BACK! Cannot remember the last time I visited this here establishment.

2. Saw G.I. Joe Retaliation last night and I pretty much reiterate a lot of what you said.
- On the Joes side the film would fall apart if it wasn't for The Rock, it may be just me, but the guy does have a commanding presence when on screen. Maybe it's just because I'm a wrasslin fan, but it does seem like he makes the films he is in work much better than they should.
- I'm sad we didn't get a suitably epic Storm Shadow/Snake Eyes duel, but I think that at least Snake Eyes translated well on screen.
- Firefly was the nuts.
- Willis was actually better than I expected! Sure, he was sleepwalking, but I groaned when I saw him in the trailer.
- Cobra Commander looked like a boss, they pulled off an incredibly accurate look very very well, didn't look at all cheesy.
- I liked that the warden wasn't some inept idiot who got taken out easily.
- They were definitely going for a Bay/Linkin Park vibe with their musical cues.

As you said, it was really the villainy that made this a fun flick, it was so deliciously evil without veering TOO FAR in to cheesy.

I really only had 3 gripes.

1) Storm Shadow's change in allegiance came very quickly.
2) Why would Cobra Commander stick a big red self-destruct button in the middle of that briefcase console? And how did Roadblock know that was what it was for?
3) Was it too much to ask that they show a reaction from the UK Prime Minister when the whole of London is destroyed? Instead we get what... The Italian Prime Minister?

2013-04-17, 05:27 AM
I saw this last night. It was way, way better than the first one, if for no other reason than I actually felt like I'd finished watching a G.I. Joe movie by the time it was over. It was suitably silly, filled with all sorts of vaguely plausible fictional military vehicles, and a lot of ninja-related stuff that seemed like a complete non sequitur when compared to everything else that was going on in the movie. Or, in other words, it was everything my admittedly vague memory says G.I. Joe should be.

My biggest complaint was The Rock, who was playing The Rock throughout the whole movie rather than Roadblock (I had to stop just now and think about which Joe he was supposed to be...). That sort of thing is funny enough in a short cameo like he had in TF: Prime, but over a feature-length movie it wore a bit. I kept waiting for him to slip and start referring to himself in the third person and/or using his wrestling catch phrases...which would still be better than a rhyming cook, in retrospect.

On the other hand, props for actually letting Lady Jaye be an independent, effective female character. I wasn't expecting that after Scarlett got treated as nothing but a generic love interest in the first movie. They couldn't resist the urge to use her as eye candy in a few scenes, but then they did the same with Storm Shadow so I suppose it's only fair. When the movie's cast was announced I figured she was only there so that Flint could bone her, but they barely even hinted at that.

- Cobra Commander looked like a boss, they pulled off an incredibly accurate look very very well, didn't look at all cheesy.
Definitely agreed. Considering how...strange his portrayal was in the first movie, they managed to pull off a huge U-turn and actually make him seem like a threat while skewing closer to the cartoon look.

2013-04-23, 04:24 PM
It was okay. Nothing mind-numbingly awesome, but to be honest I don't expect much out of these films. I'm just glad I didn't hate it. :p

the nachos sucked though. I got nachos. The cheese-to-nacho ratio was horrible. And they were expeeeenisve and tasted like cardboard. Never making that mistake again.

Don't see it in 3D if you can help it. Godawful pop-up book 3D...

I never thought of The Rock as black. I know he's half-black (which I was reminded of at the movie when I said to Hound "... Isn't he Samoan?"), but seeing him play a black character just seems strange. It probably shouldn't, but it does.

Movie: 3 out of 10. Nachos: -1 out of 10.