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Paul053
2013-09-13, 03:18 PM
I just want to make sure, not because of my age (well, I'm not that old, only getting closer and closer to 40 everyday) or my understanding of English or my culture. But when someone said she started dating with someone. That means they are REALLY being together and going to build deeper relationship, right? Right? Or there are more other meanings?

angloconvoy
2013-09-13, 03:39 PM
Honestly this one varies a lot, especially depending on which country the person is from and what age they are. Could be deep, could be casual, could be a starting point with a "see how it goes" mentality.

inflatable dalek
2013-09-13, 03:57 PM
The definition of dating? Pain.

Paul053
2013-09-13, 04:01 PM
Yea, I figured I should give some background. The woman (although an Asia, but pretty much grew up in US) is at her 40s and has three kids and a husband working overseas. Just told us she is dating a guy and that guy is at his 20s. Not too long ago she kept complaining to us saying that guy kept approaching her, blah, blah, blah. But last night she committed they started dating. Both me and my wife's jaw were totally dropped on the ground. And the worse part is we know both of them pretty well. Sigh. Life is so complicate. So that's why I want to know the meaning of the word she used "dating", not just my understanding of this word (plus I don't really think I'm that old school). And no, I don't really want to ask her or him "what do you mean dating".

Denyer
2013-09-13, 07:25 PM
Being social together. Not necessarily exclusively. Often implies couple-y socialising rather than with other people as well.

If the partner you do know about's cool with it, eh. People have quite varied boundaries -- some being okay with SOs ****ing other people but not getting deeply involved.

edit:

Would've been easier to follow up in that conversation with "how so?" I'd see if it comes up again.

inflatable dalek
2013-09-13, 09:31 PM
More helpful:


The way the rumour mill works at my place, there's just a general assumption that everyone knows everything about everyone else whether they do or not.

So, for example, one lady I work with has been knocked up (to put it delicately) by someone else on our department, officially I don't even know they're dating let alone that he's stuck his penis in her as neither has said anything whatsoever about their relationship to me (nor should they have to). But because of that general assumption, if Lady R happened to say to me now casually "Oh, my baby kicked" because she just thought I must know like everyone else, but I happened to have missed (or dismissed) every bit of gossip I'd probably be mildly confused.

So, if your female friend happened to mention this in the most casual and throwaway manner possible, without any "You must keep this a secret" style stuff... is it likely she split up from her husband and just doesn't realise you haven't heard about it?

Inaction Master
2013-09-13, 09:54 PM
The definition of dating? Pain.
-golf clap-

Paul053
2013-09-14, 04:41 AM
Would've been easier to follow up in that conversation with "how so?" I'd see if it comes up again.
Yea, maybe I should. Me and my wife still couldn't recover from the shock.

So, if your female friend happened to mention this in the most casual and throwaway manner possible, without any "You must keep this a secret" style stuff... is it likely she split up from her husband and just doesn't realise you haven't heard about it?
Sigh. A FB message. What do you think? And what makes me so uncomfortable is she knows we are Christians and even want us to pray for their "odd situation" relationship. WUT??? I'm confused.

And today, I happened to have some 1 on 1 chances to have some casual conversations with the guy. I didn't get right in to the point but kind of hinted and tempted to see how much he will say. His reply didn't make me feel like they are "dating".

Maybe we should pull ourselves out of this mess.

angloconvoy
2013-09-14, 07:48 AM
At the end of the day it's not your relationship so it's best to stay as uninvolved as possible.
If you're really a Christian then surely your real Christian duty is just to pray that everyone finds their way through the mess with as little harm done as possible. That's what Jesus would advocate surely?
Not asking you condone, but don't be too quick to condemn either.

Paul053
2013-09-15, 05:06 AM
Not asking you condone, but don't be too quick to condemn either.
This is exactly the reason why I choose to post here first. I don't want to misunderstand and I have no rights judging people. Prayers had been done and of course not by what she suggested. And I know I don't want to do anymore things beyond that. Recently don't know why but enough people troubles around me that I had to listen to.

Knightdramon
2013-09-15, 10:20 AM
Well, shit happens to even the best of families, as we say in Greece.

Dating can have many meanings, from "just started going out, to socialize together" to "having sex each night".

In your context, it's somewhere in-between.

Sades
2013-09-18, 05:21 AM
At the end of the day it's not your relationship so it's best to stay as uninvolved as possible.

^ This.

Nothing you can do in this case, asides from what you've already done.

If you're uncomfortable with the situation and she keeps wanting to talk to you two about it, you're fully within your right to inform her that you're not comfortable with that, as well.