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Old 2017-03-10, 01:10 PM   #45
inflatable dalek
Duke of Kidderminster
inflatable dalek's Avatar
Kidderminster UK

Two weeks after Hachette dispatched 5 and 6 (and a week after the subscribers not having multiple problems had gotten theirs) I still haven't gotten mine.

Sadly, because it's not fair on the people who man the phones who are just doing their job (albeit badly so far), I discovered today the best way of getting anywhere with with them on issues like this is to be a complete and utter dick.

This was after two attempts to get through to the correct number (not the one they tell you to ring on the your subscription page on the website) which wasted ten minutes of my life as they just hung up after leaving me on hold.

So I called the number on the website instead. And this is roughly what followed (and yes, there is some twattishness on my part here):

Hachette Man 1: Oh, I'm sorry, this is the wrong number for the Transformers Partwork, you'll need to call...

Me: No. This is the number on the website, You are going to help me with this.

HM1: This number being on there is a mistake I'm afraid, I could have them call you back?

Me: It's a mistake that's been on there for months, if you were aware of it, you should have fixed it by now. And the last time you said you were going to get someone to call me back they never did. You will sort this issue out now or I will have to insist on cancelling my subscription. Is there a manager there I can speak to?

HM1: They won't be able to help you either...

Me: I don't care, I would like to complain about the appalling customer service to a manager.

*Brief Hold*

HM1: I'll transfer you directly to someone who will be able to deal with your problem.

Me: Oh, you can actually do that from this number can you? Great.

*Brief Hold*

Hachette Man 2: (After I briefly explained the situation) Well, issues 5 and 6 were dispatched on the 24th of February, but you need to allow 14 working days for delivery so you need to wait until the 16th before we will do anything.

Me: Not good enough, the majority of subscribers got theirs last week and this is part of a ridiculous number of problems I have had with this service. Read me the address you sent it to.

*They read out the wrong address*

That is not the right address! I have on at least three prior occasions attempted to get you to correct that mistake (which wasn't mine incidentally, the original confirmation email from last year shows I gave you the right one). Without the flat number or flat block on it Royal Mail have to take a guess at where on a street with two flat blocks with over 60 flats each in they should deliver it to. That's why it's gone missing. It's a miracle this didn't happen with the previous mis-labbled packages.

HM2: Well we still can't do anything until the 16th.

Me: You will do something now or not only will I cancel my subscription immediately, I will also use my position as a podcaster and blogger to share these experiences with your key audience.

HM2: Replacements order placed, it'll be sent recorded delivery to the right address. It'll take about a week, should definitely be with you by the 20th.

Me: It had better be. I do hope I don't need to call again. Goodbye.

I mean, really I was a complete areshole there, but it got the job done. I would recommend to anyone else having to call them to go "I will cancel my subscription now" and "I will blog about this" (or anything like that, a friend on Facebook told me he only got anywhere with BT when he said he edited a magazine, without mentioning it was a magazine that did nothing but adverts for tractors, but they went instantly from beligerant to rimming him over the phone) any time they run into difficulty. They had no way of knowing if I was really a blogger (nor of the, let's be honest, meagre reach I have as one) so it's a tactic anyone can use.

Just a shame they're not interested in helping customers who aren't threatening to cancel or give them bad PR.
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