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Vampires are one of the most powerful forms of undead so you will need all the help you can get to defeat them. Of course, you won't find that help here, but read on anyway!
Vampire powers
Vampires can do all of the following:
- *Turn into a bat like creature, or otherwise be able to levitate at will
*Bite people on the neck, which may or may not turn them into a vampire
*Use a power similar to the Jedi mind trick only evil
*Live for centuries
*Create Transylvanian castles that appear on craggy mountaintops at will
*Use amazing regenerative powers
Defining Features
Above all else, vampires are rich, due to their control of the Coca-Cola Corporation, the fake vampire teeth market and the country Poland. Of course most of this money goes to making their mansion's extra dilapidated and suing the makers of poorly made vampire films, so don't count on finding a huge, gold filled treasure room in your vampires mansion after their defeat. Here are several other characteristics of vampires I have pieced together from movies and reviews of movies:
- *Swanky evening wear
*Pale Skin
*Long fangs
*Penchant for lesbianism
If you accidentally kill someone who matches this criteria but isn't a vampire merely state they were 'turning into a vampire' and calmly walk away.
Weaknesses
Just to make up for their terrifying powers, vampires have more weaknesses then you can shake a holy water at, if you’re into that kind of thing. For instance, vampires die when you shove a stake through their hearts, much like anything else but its more vampire-y. They also seem to have a weakness for holy water and holy relics, both of which can be found all over their castles or mansions (this really takes effect in video games) because vampires think they look splendid. Also a vampires greatest weakness is sunlight, which causes their skin to burn off and turn into dust, similar to what happens to me when I get to close to a church. Not that I sold my soul to the devil or anything. Granted I have done business with Satan before with other peoples souls but mine is still relatively intact.
What to do when confronted with a vampire
- *Do not go to a vampire’s house for dinner, especially if he uses such witty veiled threats as 'it's to die for', or 'come in for a quick bite', 'I'd love to have you over for dinner' and the classic 'come to my castle so I can drink your blood and make you my undead slave'
*Never try to make friends with a vampire. At first it may seem cool to have an evil Transylvanian castle to hang around in but vampires tend to be jerks and will often borrow money off you and never give it back. Also the whole blood sucking thing can get on your nerves.
*Always confront the vampire with a small group = three at the most, as vampires aren't very sportsman-like and will not hesitate to kill you at once, instead of the traditional one by one method
*Always remember your vampire will come back after you kill him/her, especially if you take special protective measures. Eventually some evil foreign guy (because foreigners are evil) will free the vampire and promptly get killed (this also applies to mummies)
*When entering a vampire castle it is customary to tip the retarded hunchback who opens the door. He's a hardworking .... thing and will be out of the job soon, so you should give the little guy a few bucks to make up for the trouble your about to cause it.
