TFARCHIVE FORUMS

Ok I am in a real hole right now as far as my relationship is concerned. Nutshell: My Ex, the girl I dumped, is coming to see me and it's with my mom's approval. Ok the whole story..

Back in November of 2003 my friend called me up and invited me to a lunch with a friend of his, which he revealed is a girl. I agreed to go cuz it's been about a year since my last relationship and I've not had good luck finding girls. Well I took my first look at this girl and became very interested in her. She's the right height, long hair, big eyes, slim figure, and has cute smile. I found out that she's here for her best friend's wedding, that she actually lives in Taiwan and will be returning in 6 days with her parents who are friends with bride's family. I have no illusion that I will be with her since I hate long distance relationship but nevertheless since I want to be a good host (and I think she's cute) I offered to take her to a mall afterall so I can get to know her. For the next several days I always pick her up after work and we'd go window shopping, visiting beach at night, and just having fun. I summoned the courage to tell her I like her and even held her hand. But all the while I just think that it's not gonna work out so I just enjoy the time I spent with her.

I live in a pretty big house and after seeing my house she told her best friend, who by this time has taken interest in our friendship and her parents along with that friend and her parents wanted to see my big house. I thought nothing of it and tried to be a good host. Anyways she went back and I was sad but thought we'll keep in touch with IM and phone. Early on it was very cool with us talking on phone and later using webcam so we can see each other while we IM. But very soon problems developed when she started calling me any time during the day. From early morning to late at night. She started demanding me to log on MSN every night so I can talk to her, even when I was tired and have nothing to say. And she keeps letting me talk to her mom and I was very reluctant to do so. She also like to ask me psychological questions, have her friends analyse my answer, then call me back to tell me what she thinks. I finally had enough and during one of the IM session I told her I want to be just friends and log off. I thought it's the end of our brief relationship. It wasn't.

One day her best friend called me and asked me the reason we broke up (although we never officially got together) and I gave her a diplomatic response. Well she told me to my utter surprise that that girl (we'll just call her Gina from now on) is actually here and wants to see me. Well I acted like a good host and had lunch with them and later on Gina and I have dinner together. I kept things civil and never touch her or anything that may come off as intimate. One night she calls me and told me she's on her way to my house, I told her no but she still came over with her best friend. Gina's friend then made excuse about picking up her brother and left her here. I grew agitated as I realize she planned to stay over at my house that night and I told her to call her friend to come back and pick her up. Me and her then go into animated argument with her pleading to stay and I adamant about kicking her out of the house. Anyways she was gone and I didn't think I'll see her again ever. Wrong.

She called me after few weeks and just wanted to be friends so I thought its ok since we live so far apart she can't do anything to me. I casually mentioned about my coworker who's my friend and a guy she met during a dinner going back to Taiwan. Since she worked for at airport she tracked him down and when he's in a lobby waiting for his flight she visited him and gave him whole bunch of stuff to give to me. He asked her what she likes about me and she just said she likes my teeth. No kidding. I often wonder why she likes me so much even though we only got to know each other for 6 days. Seems like she's after me for reasons other than my personality. Anyways he returned with bunch of stuff from her. She followed up with phone calls and I thanked her. She told me she'll come over again soon.

To make rest of story short over several of her visits I realize that she don't try to get to know me at all. Our conversation is mostly her talking about taboids and her friends/family. She don't ask me what I want or like. She disapproves of my interest in video gaming. When I start accepting her as my gf (just to put up with her) she resisted my attempts at intimacy until I threated to kick her out of my room. My friends who talked to her found that she's always hiding something and not very truthful or forthright on her answers. She's not very social and prefers to cling to me or hang out with her friends only. I suspect that since she's 30 yr old (same as me) she's looking for a guy to get married and sees me as her last hope. Her family was impressed with my house and maybe they influenced her to go after me. Not really accusing her of being a gold digger but she told me her ex whom she dated for 7 years met with disapproval by her mom cuz he's a soldier and is quite poor. He dumped her after attending a school to get a degree at her urging so he can make more money, claiming that he's met some other girl.

I went back to Taiwan February of this year and my mom and sister had the chance to meet her and thought she's a great person. She really knows how to impress them during the trip. I have her help my mom on several occassions with luggages and stuff since she works at airport. My mom and her kept up communication after I came back. Few weeks ago my mom told me she invited her to come to Las Vegas during 4th of July weekend with her and my sister's family. Then me and her got into another big fight about some old issues and afterward she wrote me a email telling me to find another girl if those issues are so important to me cuz she can't do what I wanted in a girlfriend. I wrote her back essentially telling her it's over between us. I also told her I don't want her to come with us to Vegas. Since my mom knows about her I told my mom about the breakup and that's when things start to go out of control. My mom refuses my request to stop her from coming. After the breakup Gina keeps calling me while I refuse to take her calls. My mom is always on her side telling me couples fight and asks me to give her another chance. Now Gina is still going to come and I don't want to get back with her ever again but I can't act like a dick while she and my family are here, nor can I act too nice or we'll be back together in my mom's eyes. What should I do?

P.S. I left a lot of things out cuz the post is long enough as it is but if you have any questions feel free to ask me.

I think I'll go with the simplist but most difficult answer. What does your heart say? Whatever it says is probably the way to go.

Dude, that whole situation's messed up. I think you really need to make it clear to her that it's over, and you need to explain to your mother that the relationship is a very unhealthy one, and if she continues to try to side with this girl, you should tell her to butt out of it. Also, it's probably best if you don't go to Vegas if she's going. Avoid the girl like the plague.

Originally posted by -Predaking-
she resisted my attempts at intimacy until I threated to kick her out of my room.

Bad idea to do something like that with a clingy girl, as that kind of stuff tends to only strengthen the attachment.

You've been too polite in the past, and thus inadvertently led her to believe you were interested when you weren't. You need to make it clear to everyone (her, your mam, her mam, her best friend, her best friend's pet hamster... You get the picture) that you're really not interested.

You also need to have a chat with your mam. She might have your best intentions at heart, but she's doing you absolutely no favours here.

-Ss