Right, I've had en-flipping-uff of this sitting around talking like old women...

Chat about stuff other than Transformers.

Target:

France. Won't put up much of a fight, lots of crossaints
11
73%
Sealand. Possibly a bit small, but some of you can hang on to the outside or something.
1
7%
Florence. Minister Of Advanced Invasion Scouting Runamok says it's nice.
0
No votes
Next Door To My House: I can house one person in the spare during the invasion, so it'd be pretty convenient, I think.
2
13%
Andorra - I'm pretty sure most of us would get on the football team.
1
7%
 
Total votes: 15

Cliffjumper
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Right, I've had en-flipping-uff of this sitting around talking like old women...

Post by Cliffjumper »

...WE are going to get up off our arses and invade somewhere. We need a target. Select one. Then we talk cabinet positions. Obviously, I'm Minister of Space. We'll need more than that, though. First, though, we need a target, and some sort of invasion plan drawn up.
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Post by Halfshell »

I don't see why we should change the target this late into proceedings. France it is.

The classic plan has always been to just point G91 at it, but that might be impractical.

Addl was meant to scout the area, but seems to have vanished.

I say we send Sixy down there (Portsmouth is virtually France anyway). She can distract them by talking or something. Totally confuse them.

Then we all, like, hit them over the head with a hammer and steal their country.

... could be tricky, though. If I understand correctly, they already have a flag. So the standard approach is out.
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Post by Cliffjumper »

Hmmm, maybe get Slarti on it? Addl's probably discovered Absinthe or something. Which may be a handy factor later on, but we'd have to get over there first to point him in the right direction, turn his Porsche bakc onto its' wheels, etc.

Or... how about we change the TF Archive flag for the tricolour? That way we can claim it was ours in the first place. Stuff them all over on Corsica, then change the flag to, I dunno, a three-mile high advertising hoarding with a picture of a hand doing a V-sign, pointing at the aforementioned Corsica?
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Post by Silly Cow »

Originally posted by Halfshell
Then we all, like, hit them over the head with a hammer and steal their country.

But, there are about 64 million French. You do realize, that's quite a lot. And at least a bit more that 8000 members we have here. Up to that point, your plan seemed to be very well thought of and quite practical. But the execution needs more work, methinks.

And after we take France, what then? I mean it's pretty but what do you do with it.
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Post by secretcode »

I nominate myself for the Head of Annoyance. I can annoy the hell out of the french.
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Post by Cliffjumper »

Originally posted by Silly Cow
But, there are about 64 million French. You do realize, that's quite a lot. And at least a bit more that 8000 members we have here. Up to that point, your plan seemed to be very well thought of and quite practical. But the execution needs more work, methinks.


Which works out at 8000 Frenchmen/women per Archiver. Are you honestly saying you couldn't single-handedly drive off eight thousand Frenchmen?
Originally posted by Silly Cow
And after we take France, what then? I mean it's pretty but what do you do with it.


Use it as a base to plan invasions of Belgium, Germany and France.
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Post by optimusskids »

Votes for Andorra the perfect Mountain stronghold for the invasion of the rest of Europe.

Plus there's no VAT although as the conquering heroes we should get everything for free anyone

We could manipulate the smuggling of Duty free cigarettes into France and thus bring the whole French Nation to its Knees Bwahahaha.
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Post by Silly Cow »

Originally posted by Cliffjumper
Which works out at 8000 Frenchmen/women per Archiver. Are you honestly saying you couldn't single-handedly drive off eight thousand Frenchmen?
Well I certainly can. I'm not that convinced about the guy who'll post in this thread next. He can't be counted on, I say.

Use it as a base to plan invasions of Belgium, Germany and France.

Ah, c'mon. I know you're going to double cross us, but you don't have to be so blunt about it.
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Post by secretcode »

As the "Commander of Annoyance", I want to bring up the idea of using Siberia as a place for POWs. Nothing says "F*** Off My Plans" then someone's nuts falling off.
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Post by Cliffjumper »

I meant Spain. Don't make me fit you up with being a covert Gallic spy now.

To be honest, I think a lot of us are going to be standing around bored after our own 8000... The average non-Frenchman can handle around 32,000 Frenchmen. I don't foresee this being much of a problem
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Post by Wildrider »

As the Right Honourable Bastard for Wigan South I will defeat the Dutch using an army of Wiganers dessed as Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink. We will gain their trust over a period of months and then one day, when they're out, lock the door.

Holland is in the bag my friends.
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Post by Cliffjumper »

Originally posted by Wildrider
Holland is in the bag my friends.


You're right, it's probably not even worth planning for Belgium. We'll get that place when we stop for a piss at the services on the way.
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Post by secretcode »

Originally posted by Cliffjumper
You're right, it's probably not even worth planning for Belgium. We'll get that place when we stop for a piss at the services on the way.


What should we do about Italy and Spain? I say we just blindfold everyone and then let all the bulls lose in Spain, and then just take out italy by playing "Barbie Girl" over every speaker in the country at max volume for 3 weeks non stop. That outta do it.
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Post by optimusskids »

Unfortunatley the playing of Barbie Girl more than twice a decade is banned under the Geneva Convention as Cruel and Unusual.

Except in Holland and Student Unions or during Eurovision to make the other songs look good.
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Post by Cliffjumper »

Originally posted by optimusskids
Unfortunatley the playing of Barbie Girl more than twice a decade is banned under the Geneva Convention as Cruel and Unusual.


I don't remember agreeing to recognise the Geneva convention. I've been buying bloody anti-personnel clusters bombs off ebay for weeks now. Why wasn't I informed we recognised the Convention? God Doammit, i'm Minister for Space, you're meant to tell me this sort of thing. I'm going to kill... oh, I dunno, Clay for this.
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Post by secretcode »

Originally posted by Cliffjumper
I don't remember agreeing to recognise the Geneva convention. I've been buying bloody anti-personnel clusters bombs off ebay for weeks now. Why wasn't I informed we recognised the Convention? God Doammit, i'm Minister for Space, you're meant to tell me this sort of thing. I'm going to kill... oh, I dunno, Clay for this.


Screw Geneva. I propose the Cliffjumper Convention... everything f***ing works.
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Post by Zeeks »

Good deal; I'm down wif' whatever, Cliffy. Being a sentient glitch and all, I could really mess s**t up with their electronics and stuff. What will I be the minister of in your cabinet?
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Post by 13thScorpio »

Gonna have to go with france(Sorry Slarts),and go with Cliffy's convention too. Hell,8000 members vs. France,France seems a little outnumbered....:eyebrow:
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Post by redman prime »

Originally posted by Cliffjumper
Or... how about we change the TF Archive flag for the tricolour?


wait, we have a flag?
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Post by Halfshell »

Of course we have a flag. That's how wars are fought, don't you know.

If you don't have a flag, you've got no chance.
Originally posted by Silly Cow
And after we take France, what then? I mean it's pretty but what do you do with it.


There are options.

We can use if for storage. We can rent it out. We can set it on fire just to see how long it takes to burn out. We can set on fire just because it would be funny.

We can hold a festival. We can fence the entire area off and run around naked. We can use it as a secret staging ground for the attempt to retake our homeworld (all we'd need is a little energon and a lot of luck).

Then there's the other options. The secret CLASSIFIED options.

And seriously, people. Don't underestimate the Dutch. They speak four languages despite smoking dope. Plus don't think the Dutch Conspiracy isn't still about just because it hasn't been mentioned in years - that's exactly what they want us to think.

They could be anywhere. Any one of us. They could even be in this thread right now...
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