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Old 2010-06-23, 10:55 PM   #41
Cliffjumper
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Originally Posted by inflatable dalek View Post
His only really painful jokes are when he's drugged and when he's off duty and trying to get his end away on Scarlette.
No, for the first half of the film (6 hours?) there's very little that doesn't sound like it's from Scary Movie. And yeh, he saved the day (lucky he save the American missile till last, it'd be pretty difficult to care if the last missile was heading for all those foreign ****ers in Moscow, right? Russki doesn't like NASCAR, Russki can ****ing burn).

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Does he actually use the suit that much worse than Duke?
Probably not, but it's only for the black guy that it's played for laughs, LOL comedy black guy.

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He makes a crap joke about the [deeply silly] sight in front of him. I can't see gags about break-dancing as just being a "Black Guy" thing now though, it's fairly mainstream these days isn't it?
Probably not to the guys who made this film. So, there's this deeply silly sight in front of him, and the LOL black guy responds by making a jive-ass whack joke about breakdancing. Completely innocent in context.

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The serious pro faced soldier guy. A cliché yes, but not really anything to do with colour (BlokeFromLost is basically playing the same hard core old soldier guy that Jesse Ventura plays in Predator after all).
Yeh, they did seriously miss a trick by not giving the other black guy any stupid jokes, didn't they?

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I don't mind Eccles in this, he's clearly hamming it up but in a fun way.
No he's not, he's exactly the same as he is in everything else, but occasionally he does a cod Scottish accent if there's nothing particularly complicated he ahs to do like walking and speaking.

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Snake-Eyes himself isn't very much like the original RAH versions though is he? You've got a mute ninja who can't speak because of a hideous disfigurement who was like a brother to Storm Shadow Vs. a ninja who choses not to speak and never much liked the guy in white to start with [Assuming the "aside" bit means "aside from these two what makes it GI Joe"].
Snake-Eyes is changed in a way that makes some sort of sense (though quite why they bothered giving his suit a mouth I don't know... Plus he looks kinda stupid when everyone else is dressed in boring fatigues). Say, Scarlett was changed in such a way as to make it completely pointless (she's a really good shot! With her laser crossbow with its' built in tracking computer, because she can't just be a good shot). As was, basically, everyone else bar Storm Shadow.

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I really can't see how anyone could hate this film. It's very, very, very silly, but it's fun, passes the two hours without getting boring, the cast is pretty much spot on and is all round a better young kids film than Revenge of the Fallen is.
Possibly because it's stupid beyond words and no amount of irony can save it? Seriously, that's a Hell of a lot of money to waste on a film with next to no redeeming features. It gets boring very, very quickly once you realise it has nothing in the tank beyond "This film is really ****ing stupid". Also, fun fact: I'm not a young kid. A 12A certificate suggests this isn't aimed at sugar-driven spastics waiting for Ben 10 or Transformers Animated to come on.

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I don't understand any accusation of racism towards it either
Possibly because there wasn't one. I'm not saying it's racist at all, there are black people out there who are pricks on that quantum level. I'm just saying it was repetitive shit for the sort of people who go and see Epic Movie. It's his standard screen persona? Good for the ****, give him a bun. That makes watching it completely tolerable.
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 01:48 AM   #42
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Originally Posted by Cliffjumper View Post
Flint has more than one line in the animated movie - it's him who suggests taking a team of Joes to look for the team of Joes who got lost because they're short on numbers (go figure), and he calls Falcon to explain the effect of the spores. Not sure if he gets some more generic stuff in there, though.
Yes. I remember him and Iceberg being rounded up by Hawk to lead the rescue mission. That's where he gets the one line I remembered. "We're gonna need all the help we can get to whack back," or something like that. I had forgotten about his call to Falcon.
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 02:28 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by inflatable dalek View Post
And would Hawk really be allowed to have his own brother under his command? We're not allowed family on the same department at work and we're only a supermarket.
Siblings in the same military unit in the US has been outlawed since the early fifties. Aside from the possibility of nepotism, or just the accusation of it, there's the issue of putting a full generation of one family in the same dangerous situation.

The Sullivan brothers are often cited as inspiring this. (I couldn't find anything officiating this, but I've heard it since at least having to watch their movie in middle school, and the timeline makes it seem likely.) All five died during the same week in WWII while stationed on the same ship. The movie, of course, is sensationalized, making it appear as if they all died at the exact same time. As if the truth weren't bad enough.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fighting_Sullivans

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IIRC the only reason it doesn't really happen in the army now is to avoid Saving Private Ryan-style scenarios, as much for PR as anything else.
For whatever reason, I've never seen Private Ryan. But the wiki entry for the Sullivan Bros. movie agrees...

"The story inspired, in part, the 1998 movie Saving Private Ryan."
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 07:51 AM   #44
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Rise of Cobra is a staggeringly abysmal film. Awful dialogue, trite plotting, panto acting, cliché twists and moralising, bad cgi and it's got a ****ing Wayans brother in it.

But, all that aside, I couldn't help but enjoy it. It was ****ing terrible and I felt dirty, but I was smiling as I walked out of the cinema.

I like to think that, on some level, it knew it was terrible so decided to embrace the fact and run with it. I like to think that.

[EDIT] Aha. Found my initial reaction thread:
http://www.tfarchive.com/community/s...ad.php?t=47246
Bear in mind I didn't technically pay to see it, either, which often helps.
 

Last edited by Halfshell; 2010-06-24 at 08:02 AM.
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Old 2010-06-24, 01:49 PM   #45
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Originally Posted by Cliffjumper View Post
No, for the first half of the film (6 hours?) there's very little that doesn't sound like it's from Scary Movie. And yeh, he saved the day (lucky he save the American missile till last, it'd be pretty difficult to care if the last missile was heading for all those foreign ****ers in Moscow, right? Russki doesn't like NASCAR, Russki can ****ing burn).
See, this is what I meant about how they might as well have not bothered trying to make the film as unjingoistic as possible. You've got an international team based outside of the US fighting a terrorist group led be a bitter ex-US soldier vying over a plot to take over the world where attacking America isn't the most important part of it and people still complain about things like them making the rescuing of Washington the films climax. Which seems fair enough to me for an American made film.

Plus, in terms of ecconomy of stroytelling, if he'd done the Russian missile last and crashed into the Kremlin it would have just made the ending go on longer as the Russians would no doubt be a bit pissed at a seemingly random attack by an American pilot.

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Probably not, but it's only for the black guy that it's played for laughs, LOL comedy black guy.
I'll take that over Duke's pro faced dullness. He was by far the real weak link in the film for me, whilst it was understandable to have a "Normal" soldier as the lead who can ask all the exposition questions and center the films (God help me) "Emotional Core" how it's done does make him instantly forgettable.

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Probably not to the guys who made this film. So, there's this deeply silly sight in front of him, and the LOL black guy responds by making a jive-ass whack joke about breakdancing. Completely innocent in context.
Alright then, considering there's pretty much certainly a joke needed there (mainly for younger viewers to distract them from what's basically a really gtimace inducing thing being done to the body) and Ripcord's the most likely of the characters there to make a quip at that (Breaker's the only other one with a sense of humour and he's busy) point what would you have had him say? And even if he'd done a completely different gag would you still be going LOL Comedy Black Guy at it?

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No he's not, he's exactly the same as he is in everything else, but occasionally he does a cod Scottish accent if there's nothing particularly complicated he ahs to do like walking and speaking.
His schit worked fine for the role of an arrogant tosser though. I also liked how they pre-empted him not coming back for any sequels by making sure they could easily recast for the next one as well (indeed, I don't think that was him at all after the characters last line).

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Possibly because it's stupid beyond words and no amount of irony can save it? Seriously, that's a Hell of a lot of money to waste on a film with next to no redeeming features. It gets boring very, very quickly once you realise it has nothing in the tank beyond "This film is really ****ing stupid". Also, fun fact: I'm not a young kid. A 12A certificate suggests this isn't aimed at sugar-driven spastics waiting for Ben 10 or Transformers Animated to come on.
I don't know, it's obviously fairly cheap as far as these films go, most of the effects sequences are terrible and don't actually seem to have been finished (the Eiffel Tower in particular looked like an animatic). As a film that doesn't have any pretensions over than to be fun though it's a decent enough way to pass a couple of hours. Not by any means the greatest film ever made, but not really deserving of any (Aha!)venom(Aha!) either.

I hadn't noticed it was a 12A before, seems a little high considering the gernerally bloodless nature of the film and the way they're careful to keep plenty of gags going to stop the more violent bits getting to intense. Something to do with the mind control bits perhaps? Either way though, nothing to stop those kids going to see it at the cinema with their parents anyway.

Not that they, or much of anyone, went to see it in this country anyway.

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Possibly because there wasn't one. I'm not saying it's racist at all, there are black people out there who are pricks on that quantum level. I'm just saying it was repetitive shit for the sort of people who go and see Epic Movie. It's his standard screen persona? Good for the ****, give him a bun. That makes watching it completely tolerable.
Well, if you're not saying how the character's written was racist I'm not sure why you mention his colour every time you slag him off.

Persoanlly with more "Wacky" comedians I tend to find how much I tolerate them varies from film to film depending on how the script and direction handles them. Jim Carry and Eddie Murphy can be either brilliant or terrible from film to film. With this Waynas guy the one other thing I've seen him in was a ****ing terrible performance (Dungeon's and Dragons IIRC), here I found he actually worked though. The people I saw it with who've had the misfortune to see some of those -Movie movies were actually surprised at how much they liked his character here.
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 05:59 PM   #46
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I'll take that over Duke's pro faced dullness. He was by far the real weak link in the film for me, whilst it was understandable to have a "Normal" soldier as the lead who can ask all the exposition questions and center the films (God help me) "Emotional Core" how it's done does make him instantly forgettable.
I'd take neither of them, and next time not watch something so monumentally shitty. Duke being a dull prick doesn't somehow make people around him better. On their own merits, basically none of the actors or characters were any good at all, trying to rate them in order is like trying to rank issues of Youngblood - they're all shit, so what's the point? I will say that Duke was easier to ignore than most of the characters, though.

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And even if he'd done a completely different gag would you still be going LOL Comedy Black Guy at it?
Yup, because he was the LOL Comedy Black Guy. That was his character. His actions didn't change that, regardless of what he was doing he was only five seconds away from making some inane quip in case we forget that he might be a soldier, but hey, he's pretry chilled out and craaazy.

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His schit worked fine for the role of an arrogant tosser though.
No it didn't. It worked fine for a piece of formica from Salford doing a ninth-rate Jocky Scott impression. Wha's in cherge here? Teckle! It says something that he stood out as bad and unconvincing in a film packed to overflowing with the bad and unconvincing.

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As a film that doesn't have any pretensions over than to be fun though it's a decent enough way to pass a couple of hours.
Shame it doesn't manage it. I can't, offhand, think of many films that are actually less fun. In every respect - the effects, the plot, the acting, the level of excitement - it was like watching the world's longest PS1 cutscene. I like big dumb action, but the film is moronic in every way possible, probably making up a couple more along the way.

And the film has plenty of pretensions - there are a number of scenes (like the dreadful Paris chase) that are clearly meant to blow my socks off that fail through the people involved not having enough talent. There are scenes which are meant to have an emotional payoff (such as the whole Duke/Baroness crap) that fail because they're trite, badly written and badly acted. I'm probably meant to give a shit about Comedy Black Guy and Crap Scarlett's will-they-won't-they shit, but I actually can't remember if they get it together at the end of the film or not.

Now, those might not be the lofty aims that a film made by someone other than the director of the Mummy Returns (and the Mummy films do work, because the lead character's fun, and played by a fairly decent action/comedy actor - rather than a bunch of ****s played by a bunch of ****s) would aspire to, but they're still clear aims of the film that it can't follow through on because nobody involved has the talent to pull them off.

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Well, if you're not saying how the character's written was racist I'm not sure why you mention his colour every time you slag him off.
Because that's what his character was - Comedy Black Guy. Happens in lots of films (Rush Hour leaps to mind). Not racist, just unimaginative. In this case, incredibly laboured and not funny, and indicative of the production-line don't-give-a-shit nature of the film.

This film, basically, is a mix of everything people feared the Bay films would be, both from its' relation to its' origins (remove Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow - which in plot terms wouldn't actually cause too many problems - and change a few names and you've got yourself a licence free film, albeit of incredibly low quality) and in terms of its actual quality.
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 06:14 PM   #47
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Yup, because he was the LOL Comedy Black Guy. That was his character. His actions didn't change that, regardless of what he was doing he was only five seconds away from making some inane quip in case we forget that he might be a soldier, but hey, he's pretry chilled out and craaazy.
"Man you got some realistic hair... and a kung fu grip!" is perhaps the single stupidest line of dialogue I've ever encountered in a film. Forget the "ha - injoke"ness of it, it makes absolutely no sense in any context whatsoever.

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there are a number of scenes (like the dreadful Paris chase) that are clearly meant to blow my socks off that fail through the people involved not having enough talent.
With bits of it being oddly reminiscent of the Mission City battle from TF. Ie Ironhide's flip. Weird.

I enjoyed it. Not sure I'd watch it again, but I enjoyed it. Though not enough to actually defend it on any level whatsoever. It's awful. Being vaguely aware of its shitness and thus having a slight air of fun if you're in the right mood is its only redeeming feature. And that's the only thing really lifting it above, say, AvP2. Pretty damning.
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 06:35 PM   #48
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Yeh, that and the "Real American Hero" bit just didn't make any sense, because there's no reason anyone would say those things unless they were trying to work references to a certain toyline into things. Minor crimes in the grand scheme of the film, though...

Found the thing very low on irony and self-awareness myself. They all seemed to be taking it very, very seriously - not just playing it straight as opposed to camping it up, but actually aiming for intensity.

And yup, there were definite attempts to tap the Baygeist in there. I think that's what made it so utterly pointless - Lennox & Epps actually did GI Joe better (having read the Joe comics since seeing the TF films, they're not a million miles away from being comic Duke & Roadblock), plus it really highlighted a) just how derivative the film was and b) just how bad it was.

If it was the only brainless action film ever made, I could maybe see that as some sort of credit to the thing. However, there are already plenty of two hours of stupid films out there that aren't as badly made, what's the point? What does this actually have to recommend it over any other film people are actually likely to choose to watch?
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 09:40 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by Cliffjumper View Post
I can't, offhand, think of many films that are actually less fun.
I can:
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Batman and Robin
Whichever Harry Potter it was that came out last.
TF Revenge of the Fallen
That Treasure Planet Disney movie.
The last Pirates of the Caribbean
Gladiator
X-Men 3
Star Trek 1 & 5
Superman Returns
Both Scooby-Doo movies
Alvin and the Chipmunks

There are probably more but that's what I got so far...
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 10:33 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by Hound View Post
I can:
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Might actually run it close.

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Batman and Robin
Nah, Schwartzenegger's funnier than anything in this.

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Whichever Harry Potter it was that came out last.
Nope, a lot more fun there, even if it's not really my thing.

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TF Revenge of the Fallen
...had competently directed action scenes, quality special effects, more likable actors, at least some heroic characters who didn't earn themselves a healthy dose of cancer.

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That Treasure Planet Disney movie.
The last Pirates of the Caribbean
...
X-Men 3
Not seen.

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Gladiator
Seriously?

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Star Trek 1 & 5
1 has some serious visual imagination. V is B-movie terrible, and occasionally amusing. V is also a lot shorter than GI Joe...


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Superman Returns
Both Scooby-Doo movies
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Not seen. Hard to imagine Returns is much worse than III, though. And III isn't as bad as RoC.

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There are probably more but that's what I got so far...
I've got League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, V for Vendetta, Heaven's Gate (believe the hype on that one, trust me), The Rookie, The Grandmother, Castle of Fu Manchu, Siesta, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and The Green Berets. Up until about 2002 I had a computer with an old bit of OS software called Cinemania, which you could use to keep track of all the films you'd seen... the last time I remember taking note of the number I'd seen it was something like 1200.

I can think of nine that were worse than this after some thought, and I went through some serious completist binges (e.g. I've seen every film Steve McQueen was ever in, I think all of Hammer horror, everything Andy Garcia/Clint Eastwood/Mickey Rourke/David Bowie/Johnny Depp/Gabriel Byrne/Malcolm McDowell was in up until about 2000, most survivng Lugosis, probably a hundred or so Spaghetti westerns...).
 
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Old 2010-06-24, 11:09 PM   #51
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Might actually run it close.
I think what hurts LoEG so much more than GIJoe is the quality of the source material.

You cannot possibly know how much I envy you having not seen those 6 movies I listed.

There is nothing funny in Batman and Robin, it's so bad that it's gone past "so bad it's funny". It might be one of the worst films of all time. Absolutely nothing in it that isn't completely mindless Hollywood playing to the lowest common denominator bullshit.

STI suffers from being at least an hour longer than it had any business being.

I'll give you STV, I actually find Spock and McCoy mostly brilliant considering the story they find themselves in and Kirk not completely awful for the whole film despite Shatner being the director.

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...had competently directed action scenes
That all the Transformers look like shit in.

RotF is almost as sorry as Batman and Robin in that it shamelessly (and shamefully, at the same time) manages to reach that same Plataea of mindless lowest common denominator bullshit and might even push it a bit farther.

It's only redeeming quality being that it manages a couple of characters that aren't so awful that you want to rip a limb from and beat them to death with it.

As for Gladiator, I don't know that it's fair I include it as I bought the DVD when it first came out having not seen the movie prior and found it so horribly dull and pointless that I've not watched it ever again. I actually don't remember almost anything about the movie anymore. I couldn't argue anything specific about the movie, I just feel angry that I paid for it and it was boring as hell.
 
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Old 2010-06-25, 12:36 AM   #52
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I think what hurts LoEG so much more than GIJoe is the quality of the source material.
See, the problem with source material is that quality matters less than compatibility (have ou read the book Bullitt is based on? It's dire). The problem with Alan Moore's stuff is that he's the best ****ing comic writer ever simply because he uses the medium to its' fullest extent - his comics are written to be comics, and are difficult to transfer to another medium. I mean, if you take Watchmen, the film went down pretty well and was seen as a fairly faithful adaptation (that seems to be the general consenus anyway - I couldn't stand it, though felt it's the best Moore-based film yet) - what that means is that they didn't change too much and didn't get too much wrong. For something as good as Moore's work, you're always going to have an imperfect adaptation, it's just a question of how much it misses by.

Whereas I'd say GI Joe would be a good source for adaptation - the basic material was created for two medias, after all. The concepts are fairly simple and hard to **** up.

(None of which, incidentally, exonerates LoEG from being a complete piece of shit)

To segue for a second, if I was in charge I'd have basically knobbed the loose concept of the Dirty Dozen, in loose terms of concept. Have your Duke character as a rookie still, establish Cobra as these bad bastards, have a team of a half-dozen or so Joes drilling to drop into Cobra Island and stop them. Establish a more comicbook/retro feel, brighten up the uniforms a bit (hell, give them uniforms rather than wetsuits).

TBH, all the OTT gadgetry made it feel like it was a SpyKids film with GI Joe grafted onto it at the last moment. As the above hopefully demonstrates, I wasn't expecting a serious war movie (TBH, I'm fed up to the back teeth of practically every single war film preaching how war is Hell - we know, for ****'s sake, let's have some variety), but I wasn't expecting some stupid spy-cum-scifi movie.

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There is nothing funny in Batman and Robin, it's so bad that it's gone past "so bad it's funny". It might be one of the worst films of all time. Absolutely nothing in it that isn't completely mindless Hollywood playing to the lowest common denominator bullshit.
Yup. And exactly the same can be said of GI Joe, but I'd probably watch B&R before I thought of watching RoC again (thankfully it's not a choice I'll ever have to make).

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STI suffers from being at least an hour longer than it had any business being.
I quite like the slow pace and visuals of the thing if I'm in the right mood. But I'll agree for the sake of argument - the thing is, if you sat down with an editing suite you could probably solve that, or at least cut it down a bit. Not for RoC, though.

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I'll give you STV, I actually find Spock and McCoy mostly brilliant considering the story they find themselves in and Kirk not completely awful for the whole film despite Shatner being the director.
Yeh, it's a very hokey kind of bad (and probably benefits from being part of a long-established series with decent films either side). Some of the little bits are alright, it never feels very long, and is rarely boring.

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That all the Transformers look like shit in.

RotF is almost as sorry as Batman and Robin in that it shamelessly (and shamefully, at the same time) manages to reach that same Plataea of mindless lowest common denominator bullshit and might even push it a bit farther.
I'd say it doesn't even come close to RoC in terms of the lowest common denominator, which takes the GI Joe concept and thinks "Right, how much do we have to change this so everyone will think it's awesome?". Cobra are in Paris? Better have a car chase. But wait, we can't have tanks or anything chasing Cobra, what to do? I know, we'll have some sort of magic exosuits that make the characters run really fast and jump really high! Infiltrate an underwater base? We can't just have trained troops slipping in, let's throw in a massed submarine assault!".

And the worst bit? Most of the dreadful bits come from these things that are grafted on - the Paris chase is incredibly inept when there's surely no need to have GI Joe characters running around in indestructible speed-suits. Again, someone involved somewhere in the process had the idea of the chase scene in their head before they knew what film they were making, and it was bolted onto GI Joe. RoC is a production line film which nobody involved in gave a flying **** about, dumbed to appeal to spastics and trying to check every box on the blockbuster checklist.

Whether you like the robot designs or not, ROTF has the effects talent to pull off pretty much everything it aims for (which is especially impressive considering it aims a lot higher visuals-wise). ROTF is also peppered with lots of good bits - the entire Shanghai sequence, Bay's loyalty to Ironhide, Prime unleashed in the forest, Bumblebee's friendship with Sam, Simmons, Ravage's raid on Diego Garcia. You can argue whether the film has much more, and whether or not other aspects overrule them, but there are good bits in. There was nothing good about RoC.

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It's only redeeming quality being that it manages a couple of characters that aren't so awful that you want to rip a limb from and beat them to death with it.
I don't agree, but again let's say I do: that's more than RoC acheived. I even wished pain on the relatively well-realised Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow by the end once it became clear we were going to have a leaden flashback every time they appeared in the same damn shot.

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As for Gladiator, I don't know that it's fair I include it as I bought the DVD when it first came out having not seen the movie prior and found it so horribly dull and pointless that I've not watched it ever again. I actually don't remember almost anything about the movie anymore. I couldn't argue anything specific about the movie, I just feel angry that I paid for it and it was boring as hell.
Russell Crowe puts in a good, macho performance, it pulls off practically all the spectacle it aims for, makes the most of a fairly slight plot and is fairly well placed. It's not quite the all-conquering epic many make it out to be (for my money, Master and Commander is far superior), but it's a decent action film that's something of a throwback. It's basically everything RoC completely fails to be.
 
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Old 2010-06-25, 12:50 AM   #53
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I liked the A-Team movie?
 

No longer looking for RID Dreadwind, but I still need Smokejumper. I'm also in need of Mammoth Nemesis Prime's tail piece, as my figure lacks it. Send me a PM.
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Old 2010-06-25, 05:15 AM   #54
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I quite like the slow pace and visuals of the thing if I'm in the right mood. But I'll agree for the sake of argument - the thing is, if you sat down with an editing suite you could probably solve that, or at least cut it down a bit. Not for RoC, though.
Ok, but I can sit down and watch the GIJoe movie and enjoy it for what it is, probably get a chuckle here and there and say what parts I like and don't. STI I can sit down and watch, cringe at the acting mostly and more to the point probably fall asleep to it before it reaches the half way mark. It's boring.
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I'd say it doesn't even come close to RoC in terms of the lowest common denominator, which takes the GI Joe concept and thinks "Right, how much do we have to change this so everyone will think it's awesome?"
No, I'm sure they didn't right away take a look at Transformers and go, "Right, how much do we have to change this so everyone will think it's awesome?" Heh...

The first shot of Megan Fox is her ass. I'm sure Bay was all about substance...
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I don't agree, but again let's say I do: that's more than RoC acheived.
Oh yeah, the two robots badly pretending to be Marlan Wayans in Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood were just genius. Wheelie was also grand. Those were the TFs that actually had any character and they were played entirely for laughs. Which would have been fine except instead of amused I found myself annoyed. Then there's the human characters which all get the same treatment except for Sam and Mikaela and the two military guys, even then Sam and Mikaela still manage to mostly annoy.

While the characters in GIJoe aren't exceptional I don't hate them. Even Wayans is remarkably toned down from anything else I've seen him in.

Of course it's also possible that because I've more emotionally invested in TFs than GIJoe my perception of each isn't entirely unbiased.
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Russell Crowe puts in a good, macho performance, it pulls off practically all the spectacle it aims for, makes the most of a fairly slight plot and is fairly well placed. It's not quite the all-conquering epic many make it out to be (for my money, Master and Commander is far superior), but it's a decent action film that's something of a throwback. It's basically everything RoC completely fails to be.
Maybe I need to give the movie another watch one of these days. I just don't remember having any emotional reaction to the movie at all while watching it. I was just uninterested or maybe just really tired that day and couldn't focus, I dunno...
 
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Old 2010-06-25, 08:15 AM   #55
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Found the thing very low on irony and self-awareness myself. They all seemed to be taking it very, very seriously - not just playing it straight as opposed to camping it up, but actually aiming for intensity.
I meant that the film itself knows it's shit, rather than the actors playing it as knowing it's shit. Almost as if it's doing it all on purpose... genetically designed to be godawful, even down to playing it deadly straight.

I hope, anyway. Because let's face it, the alternative is that everybody involved actually thought they were making a genuine action film. Which is too scary to put into words, given the overall content.

I like Gladiator.
 
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Old 2010-06-25, 10:57 AM   #56
inflatable dalek
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This thread broke my internet yesterday.

So, quick as possible catchup...

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"Man you got some realistic hair... and a kung fu grip!" is perhaps the single stupidest line of dialogue I've ever encountered in a film. Forget the "ha - injoke"ness of it, it makes absolutely no sense in any context whatsoever.
I've seen people say stranger things that that under medication (and other, less legal substances).


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Yeh, that and the "Real American Hero" bit just didn't make any sense, because there's no reason anyone would say those things unless they were trying to work references to a certain toyline into things. Minor crimes in the grand scheme of the film, though...
I don't know, would the RAH bit have actually stood out to you at all if you hadn't been aware of it's meaning beforehand? It seems fairly natural dialogue to me, Ripcord bigging up his friend as the dogs bollocks.

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Found the thing very low on irony and self-awareness myself. They all seemed to be taking it very, very seriously - not just playing it straight as opposed to camping it up, but actually aiming for intensity.
Duke was (though that's the nature of the part), just about everyone else seemed to be having fun to me though. Especially the Third Rock From the Sun bloke, absolutely nailed that part perfectly. Special mention to Pryce for hamming it up marvellously as a cowardly President but still showing his skills as an actor in his last scene by managing to seem like a different person when just relaxing in his office (to the point where they almost didn't need the whistling). Quaid, The Mummy and Breaker were also having a blast as well.

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V is also a lot shorter than GI Joe...
By 11 minuets. It might have seemed an eternity to you but there's not much in it and both are unusually short for big Summer blockbusters (not that that's automatically a bad thing).

Of the long list of films mentioned, I'd suppose being completely objective Trek V is by far the most incompetently made, but I still have a sneaking fondness for it. I actually fell asleep during Gladiator and haven't been overwhelmed to revisit up, but that's more to do with my post-Beautiful Mind Crowe hatred than anything else.

Batman and Robin is also fairly terrible (nothing wrong with a camp comedy Batman, but the 60's show cast new to make it work they had to play it straight, everyones to arch in this film), but Arnie is fun, it's endlessly quotable and is probably a better young kids film than any of the others, my six year old cousin loves it. The guy who says "...AND YOU ARRRRRRE?" to Poison Ivy in the auction and manages to put the emphasis on every word was very nearly the 8th Doctor as well.

Though at the end of the day, I could spend hours naming films I've found to be worse (and films I've found to be much better. I'm not claiming it to be at either end of the quality scale, just that I enjoyed it.

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The first shot of Megan Fox is her ass. I'm sure Bay was all about substance...
I have no objections to Megan Fox's arse. IIRC from his SFX interview Bay decided to put that shot in because every single teenage boy he'd met since the first one had asked more questions about Fox than they had the robots. Give the people what they want.

Quote:
Of course it's also possible that because I've more emotionally invested in TFs than GIJoe my perception of each isn't entirely unbiased.
To b fair, I would probably die a thousand death's if a Transformers movie turned out like this. My complete detachment from the Joe source material means I don't care the movie is frothy nonsense. Perhaps that's a double standard, so shoot me.

Quote:
nd the worst bit? Most of the dreadful bits come from these things that are grafted on - the Paris chase is incredibly inept when there's surely no need to have GI Joe characters running around in indestructible speed-suits.
Now there's where we differ again, I thought the super suit chase, something that on paper shouldn't have worked, was the highlight of the film. Fast paced, coupled with some decent real stunts with the cars (better than the dodgy CGI going on the other side of Paris) and fun.
 
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Old 2010-06-25, 11:51 PM   #57
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Okay, guess you guys either never saw the A-Team movie or liked it.
 

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Old 2010-06-29, 06:29 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by inflatable dalek View Post
I've seen people say stranger things that that under medication (and other, less legal substances).
Rarely - they usually just say everyday things in strange contexts.

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I don't know, would the RAH bit have actually stood out to you at all if you hadn't been aware of it's meaning beforehand? It seems fairly natural dialogue to me, Ripcord bigging up his friend as the dogs bollocks.
Nothing in the film sounded like natural dialogue. The leaden delivery of that line, like the little pauses for everyone to laugh at the crazy black guy, killed any chance of subtlety.

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Quaid, The Mummy and Breaker were also having a blast as well.
Well, there we go, as long as the well-paid actors are having a fun jolly why give a shit about the end product, eh?

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Now there's where we differ again, I thought the super suit chase, something that on paper shouldn't have worked, was the highlight of the film. Fast paced, coupled with some decent real stunts with the cars (better than the dodgy CGI going on the other side of Paris) and fun.
Which good stunts? It looked like something out of SkyKids 3, and was basically the moment any patina of credibility disappeared.
 
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Old 2010-06-29, 06:37 PM   #59
inflatable dalek
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Originally Posted by Cliffjumper View Post
Well, there we go, as long as the well-paid actors are having a fun jolly why give a shit about the end product, eh?
Personally I found the fact the cast were enjoying themselves helped the overall film greatly.



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Which good stunts? It looked like something out of SkyKids 3, and was basically the moment any patina of credibility disappeared.
The bit with them going right through the train was especially fun.

What's wrong with being like Spy Kids anyway?
 
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Old 2010-06-29, 07:06 PM   #60
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That Skykids had already done it and if they'd wanted to do a Spykids film they should have done that.

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Personally I found the fact the cast were enjoying themselves helped the overall film greatly.
Personally I'd rather they did their jobs and acted instead. Maybe I'm just too used to watching actual good films.
 
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