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CUTTING THOUGH THE CHAFF TO PRESENT THE NEWS FOR THE IMPATIENT TRANSFORMERS FAN!

Angry maniac Don MurphyMURPHY DENIES MOVIE!!!

Transformers movie producer and professional jock Don Murphy has hit out at humanity in general to scotch scurrilous rumours about the production. "I read a lot of bull$#! about my Transformers movie on the intraweb" He ranted. "So I want to use this opportunity to say that there isn't a Transformers movie, it won't be out in 2007, it won't feature about six members of each faction and sundry humans, probably without a primary human lead and his love interest, Michael Bay won't be directing, Transformers doesn't exist, and there's no such person as Don Murphy". When pressed for further comment, Mr Murphy replied "It's MY movie. You can't see it.", at which point the valiant WWT was chased away from his trailer park by three of his diligent lackeys waving pitchforks.

Avril LavigneAVRIL PRIME?

Staying with the Don Murphy's The Transformers Movie, WWT can confirm the casting of Avril Lavigne as Optimus Prime. Our inside source, who wishes only to be known as UltraPrimeMaximusMagnusMegatron, revealed this information after digging through a clearance bin in Woolies, and finding a copy of the warbling alien's CD "Sk8r Boi", in which she sings "More than Meets the Eye". This cements her casting, forcing out long-time front-runner Tom Hanks, as well as hopefuls The Late Ian McKellen, Anthony DaCosta and former Oldham defender Paul Warhurst. Lavigne is, of course, well-versed in Transformers lore, having seen the hoodies a couple of times and, of course, starred in IDW's "Infiltration".

Rumours that professional car crash Colin Farrel has been cast as Megatron having been seen (by an anonymous source) "quite near a Toys R Us" have been debunked - it turns out the noted pugilist was simply vomiting in their car park.

NEO-G1 WAVE 1 BARCODES!

With anticipation building over Hasbro at last giving in to seven whingeing fanboys and commissioning a new G1 series, WWT can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the barcodes for the forthcoming figures: -

Optimus Prime 5023117794835
Megatron 5023117798347
Astrotrain 5023117786136
Starscream 5023117790483
Daytonus 5023117792139
Street Bumblebee 5023117763816
X-Treme Perceptor 5023117773653
ZilverZtreak 5023117746786
Wingthing 5023117756731
Decepticon Hot Rodimus 5023117789741
Sh0k\^/@\/3 5023117797863
Nemesis Jazz 5023117783761

A barcode, yesterdayHasbro's diligent lackey Aaron Archer has feigned surprise at fickle bitches complaining about the barcodes. "Certain fans are demanding that if the line's a new Generation 1, then the barcodes should be the old 12-digit numbers, as opposed to the current 13-digit system. I tried explaining to them that the 13-digit numbers won't scan at any store in the world, but they won't listen."

Alt.transformers.backwards militant George Tully issued a video-taped statement from his basement stockpile of MISB figures. "Hasbro make out like the barcodes are something they can't sort out. The answer is what we've always been saying. Simply move everything back to 1984 and keep it there. The barcodes could then be changed to the Classic 12-digit system. Hasbro are just being their usual, lazy, slapdash selves." Tully then issued a chilling ultimatum of the action she and her cultist will undertake if their demands aren't met. "We will buy two of every figure, but bitch about the line on the intraweb. We know we'll be hitting Hasbro where it hurts then."

Hasbro's diligent lackey Aaron Archer was unavailable for further comment, having been distracted by what eyewitnesses later referred to as "something shiny" and wandering away from the phone.

IDW NEED YOU!

Plucky Little IDW's overworked  Infiltration Cover Art Department, Shift 23Plucky Little IDW comics, current milker of the TF comic cash cow, have asked WWT to issue a heartfelt plea to the Transformers community via this press release:

"Dear Customers,

As you know, Plucky Little IDW have been busy enhancing your enjoyment of our Generation 1 title by trying to produce as many variant covers as humanly possible. However, we've hit a vital snag for the forthcoming Transformers - The War Within Stormbringer comic. We were planning to produce 452 unique covers in order to keep the book ahead of 'Russell Beardsmore's Star Bar' in the charts. However, due to several of the artists we enlisted having died several years ago, we don't have enough pencillers. If you can draw - heck, if you can hold a pencil - please please please draw a Transformer or a Gundam or someone in a hoody and sent it our way. We'd love to offer you money, but truth is we're actually making a Transformers comic, so $#ut !t.

Thanks!

Roman Abrahamovitch
Plucky Little IDW Comics
Remember: We're Not Pat Lee"

The ball's in your court now. You wouldn't want to let Plucky Little IDW down, would you?

* Hasbro have admitted that the Beast Wars 10th anniversary Silverbolt figure hasn't been shipped yet "because we didn't think anyone would notice" * Titan have announced they think they can get more money out of the Marvel Transformers material by stapling together photocopies of the TF:TM limited series, with a foreword in which Dick Gautier recounts his memories of the film * Talks between Hasbro and Maserati to produce an Alternator based on the Phallus sportscar have been abandoned after market research discovered the car didn't exist * TakaraTomy Toy Concern have withdrawn the centrepiece of their new Binaltech Kiss range (a six foot version of Tai with vibrating orifices) when feedback from buyers indicated they'd prefer the same functions and dimensions on the robots instead *
 
DISCLAIMER: In the course of frontline journalism, mistakes are sometimes made. Therefore, despite the
best efforts of the WWT staff, some facts may have sneaked into this baseless rumour column.
 
 
 
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