CUTTING THOUGH THE CHAFF TO PRESENT THE NEWS FOR THE IMPATIENT TRANSFORMERS FAN!
Transformers movie producer and professional jock Don Murphy has hit out at humanity in general to scotch scurrilous rumours about the production. "I read a lot of bull$#! about my Transformers movie on the intraweb" He ranted. "So I want to use this opportunity to say that there isn't a Transformers movie, it won't be out in 2007, it won't feature about six members of each faction and sundry humans, probably without a primary human lead and his love interest, Michael Bay won't be directing, Transformers doesn't exist, and there's no such person as Don Murphy". When pressed for further comment, Mr Murphy replied "It's MY movie. You can't see it.", at which point the valiant WWT was chased away from his trailer park by three of his diligent lackeys waving pitchforks.
with the Don Murphy's The Transformers Movie, WWT can confirm the
casting of Avril Lavigne as Optimus Prime. Our inside source, who
wishes only to be known as UltraPrimeMaximusMagnusMegatron, revealed
this information after digging through a clearance bin in Woolies,
and finding a copy of the warbling alien's CD "Sk8r Boi",
in which she sings "More than Meets the Eye". This cements
her casting, forcing out long-time front-runner Tom Hanks, as well
as hopefuls The Late Ian McKellen, Anthony DaCosta and former Oldham
defender Paul Warhurst.
Lavigne is, of course, well-versed in Transformers lore, having seen
the hoodies a couple of times and, of course, starred in IDW's "Infiltration".
Rumours that professional car crash Colin Farrel has been cast as Megatron having been seen (by an anonymous source) "quite near a Toys R Us" have been debunked - it turns out the noted pugilist was simply vomiting in their car park.
NEO-G1 WAVE 1 BARCODES!
With anticipation building over Hasbro at last giving in to seven whingeing fanboys and commissioning a new G1 series, WWT can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the barcodes for the forthcoming figures: -
|Decepticon Hot Rodimus||5023117789741|
diligent lackey Aaron Archer has feigned surprise at fickle bitches
complaining about the barcodes. "Certain fans are demanding that
if the line's a new Generation 1, then the barcodes should be the
old 12-digit numbers, as opposed to the current 13-digit system. I
tried explaining to them that the 13-digit numbers won't scan at any
store in the world, but they won't listen."
Alt.transformers.backwards militant George Tully issued a video-taped statement from his basement stockpile of MISB figures. "Hasbro make out like the barcodes are something they can't sort out. The answer is what we've always been saying. Simply move everything back to 1984 and keep it there. The barcodes could then be changed to the Classic 12-digit system. Hasbro are just being their usual, lazy, slapdash selves." Tully then issued a chilling ultimatum of the action she and her cultist will undertake if their demands aren't met. "We will buy two of every figure, but bitch about the line on the intraweb. We know we'll be hitting Hasbro where it hurts then."
Hasbro's diligent lackey Aaron Archer was unavailable for further comment, having been distracted by what eyewitnesses later referred to as "something shiny" and wandering away from the phone.
IDW NEED YOU!
Little IDW comics, current milker of the TF comic cash cow, have asked
WWT to issue a heartfelt plea to the Transformers community via this
As you know, Plucky Little IDW have been busy enhancing your enjoyment of our Generation 1 title by trying to produce as many variant covers as humanly possible. However, we've hit a vital snag for the forthcoming Transformers -
The War Within Stormbringer comic. We were planning
to produce 452 unique covers in order to keep the book ahead of 'Russell
Beardsmore's Star Bar' in the charts. However, due to several of the
artists we enlisted having died several years ago, we don't have enough
pencillers. If you can draw - heck, if you can hold a pencil - please
please please draw a Transformer or a Gundam or someone in a hoody
and sent it our way. We'd love to offer you money, but truth is we're
actually making a Transformers comic, so $#ut !t.
Plucky Little IDW Comics
Remember: We're Not Pat Lee"
ball's in your court now. You wouldn't want to let Plucky Little IDW
down, would you?