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CUTTING THOUGH THE CHAFF TO PRESENT THE NEWS FOR THE IMPATIENT TRANSFORMERS FAN!

MP-04 THROUGH MP-16 ANNOUNCED!


MP04
Starscream GT

MP05
Rumble

MP06 GlowintehDark
Ghost Starscream

MP07
AngloTron

MP08
Purple

MP09
Mudscream
Click on a thumbnail 
for a bigger image

Hot on the heels of the announcement of the criminally undersized, overpriced, and drop-shouldered Masterpiece Starscream, eHobby have announced that they're set to cash in on it by releasing a dozen brightly coloured redecos as homages to random background characters from the cartoon. "We are pleased at having the opportunity to give an added layer of depth to the Transformers mythos," A diligent lackey for HasTakTomeHobby bellowed "Whilst simultaneously getting lots of money out of gullible idiots who'd crucify us if we tried to put these toys out in the North American market." He probably wanted to add, but wisely didn't.

And, furthering our exclusive, we have obtained top secret artist's impression concept art of the product line, which will be double packed in blind assortments, priced at $119 each. Each toy will also come with a piece of dust - collect all the pieces of dust to create the exclusive "Starscream - Post Death Movie Edition!!!1"

ATTers have praised HasTakTomeHobby for passing up the chance to milk such overexposed characters as Skywarp and Thundercracker, in favour of reviving these lesser known characters with no commercial viability that they alone can fanwank over.

Crusty ATTers, on the other hand, have been far more scathing. "It's absolutely scandalous" ranted one barely literate fanboy to our thankfully spittle-proof special corespondent Batman, "HasTakTomeHobby have no respect for the fans. I'll now have to go back and rewrite ten years worth of Green-Jet-centric fanwank now that they've changed UberL33tSexx0rWing's name to Quintesson27. They didn't even let me write the tech spec. And I bet the bastards change it so she's no longer female."

INFILTRATION #5 - IS IT OUT?

Plucky Little IDW comics have thrown fandom into confusion as comic buyers attempt to work out whether the latest issue of Infiltration has been released or not. Subscribers report opening empty envelopes around the world, while Diamond have shipped a number of empty boxes to retail outlets. It is widely believed that Plucky Little IDW and veteran Transformers writer Simon Furman, 97, have taken the only possible direction following the non-events of the previous five four five four issues, and produced a comic that is so lacking in substance it cannot be detected to the naked eye, and has an atomic weight of zero.

Several fans have posted reviews of the comic, though these are difficult to quantify. Former comedian Neil Stuke noted "The problem is that nothing at all has happened in the preceding issues, so it's very hard to tell whether these reviews are faked or not." Diamond Publishing have insisted that the issue has indeed shipped on time, but that customers may have either forgotten they purchased it due to its' groundbreaking pointlessness.

An attempt to gain clarification from Plucky Little IDW's diligent lackey Chris Ryall was inconclusive, as when asked to comment by WWT, he simply waved a Transformers The War Within Stormbringer wallpaper at us while singing "We're not Pat Lee so you love us!", while dressed like a fat chick at an Anime convention

TRANSFORMERS VOYAGER ON HOLD?!?!?!?

HasbroSuXX0rOMGLOL have announced that the neo-G1 Transformers Voyager series will be put on hold due to concerns about the fan reaction to photographs of the line. Their diligent lackey Aaron Archer takes up the story: -

"HasbroSuXX0rOMGLOL have said they're very worried about the fandom's reaction to the first wave of figures. With Armada, Energon and Cybertron, the figures were slated, and went on to sell very, very well. For voyager, the fans seem to love them, and that's probably going to be very bad from sales, because most of these people are idiots, and our main target demographic is the less fickle, smarter 8 to 10 year olds."

Aaarcher's limiter chip then kicked in, but WWT was able to wrestle his designer carbon-fibre briefcase from him, and lock him in a handy stationary cupboard. The briefcase's contents were as follows: -

- Around 32 pages of shredded newspaper
- Four Sugar Puff and Chocolate sandwiches
- A piece of Hello Kitty notepaper, detailing the revised Voyager Wave 1 toyline

Optimus Prime's mould will be fattened up for the line, and have a new gimmick of a small button that totally ruins either mode for no readily apparent reason. Rodimus and Starscream will be reworked into a combining robot named Botcon (to keep some fans happy). Astrotrain will now be a redeco of the Mini-Con Space team. Hasbro have decided the new Megatron figure is chunky and ugly enough to remain unchanged. HasbroSuXX0rOMGLOL hope to have fans' dreams comprehensively crushed well before the figures begin shipping.

MOVIE SCRIPT IS A FAKE!

In response to a draft script for the forthcoming Don Murphy's The Transformers Worst Film Evar1 being reviewed by some guy for his site, Murphy's diligent lackey Michael Bay has spoken out to reassure whinging bitches.

"Scripts are just a *KABLOOM* alias in the movie business for *ZAPOW* lighting. The 'script' is written in a complex code that can only be understood by myself and my [diligent lackey] Angelina *BOOM* Jolie's Dad. Even the writers don't actually understand *KERPOW* what they're writing, which is the way films should be. I'd like to *SPLAZOW* reassure the whinging bitches by saying that the final product will *KERKUNCH* have considerably more explosions and casual racism, and the final names for the Transformers will be *ZOWEY* randomised - should the robots actually make the final edit of the film. And I *FADOOM* know you'll all be going to see it twice anyway, haha!"

* HasbroSuXX0rOMGLOL have announced that the Voyager line's role-play toy will be Scattershot, with the original design updated with new technology suck as jelly-feel plastic and interchangeable heads * Soundwave will be an iPod for the forthcoming Don Murphy's The Transformers Worst Film Evar1, with Ravage, Rumble and Laserbeak but not Frenzy and Buzzsaw as they were barely in Season 1 and certainly not Ratbat LOL available as downloads exclusively from the iTunes website *

DISCLAIMER: In the course of frontline journalism, mistakes are sometimes made. Therefore, despite the
best efforts of the WWT staff, some facts may have sneaked into this baseless rumour column.
 
 
 
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