I don't know how to get up in the mornings

Galvatron91 · Post by **Galvatron91** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 5:06 pm

My life has completely fallen apart. My previous rants give you an indication of how bad my mental state had become, now I pay the price for not getting the help I needed. Last week, my wife told me that she didn't think she could take any more...that she was tired, exhausted, that she had been carrying the load alone, her feelings ignored and she can't do it anymore. We haven't spoken much since then...I'm broken and lost without her. I cry so much now and I'm so scared I can't even explain it.

I'm trying so hard to put things right. I'm meeting with the pastor who married us, I'm in therapy and will remain there until the therapist deems me finished, I'm even on medication and will remain so for as long as I live if that is what is needed. I'm trying to have faith that with space and proof that I'm getting better, she will give me one last chance to be the husband she deserves.

I can't even begin to explain to you all how much I love my wife and how much it hurts me to know that I hurt her. The pain is constant and I have a hard time doing anything. I just finally started sleeping again yesterday, mostly because I was too exhausted to do anything else. Nothing seems real, but I'm working hard to have the faith and trust that the situation will work out. I want my Sara to be happy, I pray that it is with me that she will be...but it might be too late. I'm so lonely now, without her. The medication is already making more aware of reality, turning my emotions back on, hence the crying and hurt. God, I miss her...

angloconvoy · Post by **angloconvoy** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 5:22 pm

Dude, you've taken a big, and way braver step than I could in getting all that help. Goes without saying I'm sure but I think its safe to say we're all rooting for you.

Dead Man Wade · Post by **Dead Man Wade** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 5:40 pm

Seconded.

Best of luck, man. I've been in a similar situation (although, admittedly with less on the line), but I didn't get the help I needed until it was far too late.

No matter what, keep doing what you're doing. Given time away to get her head together, I'm sure she'll see the improvement you've already made, and be willing to give you another shot.

slartibartfast · Post by **slartibartfast** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:04 pm

To be honest, I have no idea what you're going through. I wouldn't be so pretentious as to think I could offer you advice, but I feel your pain, I really do.

I pretty much vowed to myself never to let anyone close enough to hurt me that way again... the internet's good for that. An open heart bleeds, but at least it's open, so you could say I took the cowards' way out, I applaud your faith and courage.

Post by **Sades** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:13 pm

All the best Erik.

If she's reaching out, don't pull away. Or even if it seems that she's pulling away, try to reach out to her.

Don't know if that situation is familiar at all but I've done similar in the past- Tell a person one thing and say I don't want them anywhere near me but mean the exact opposite. I'm not saying I think it's a great way or the right way to handle a situastion, I'm just saying that it's been done so I know that it gets done, if that makes sense.

Sounds to me like you're going in the right direction at any rate. Muchly hope that things go well...

Cliffjumper · Post by **Cliffjumper** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:16 pm

I'm **** at this sort of thing face-to-face, let alone across a board, but you've always been a bit of a hero of mine, Erik - you just seem like a top bloke. I don't want to just do a "me too" comment, but I'm not kitted out to be helpful. Just hang on in there, you're too good of a chap to not have things work out for you.

Tom

Halfshell · Post by **Halfshell** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:23 pm

Originally posted by Cliffjumper
I'm **** at this sort of thing face-to-face, let alone across a board, but you've always been a bit of a hero of mine, Erik - you just seem like a top bloke. I don't want to just do a "me too" comment, but I'm not kitted out to be helpful. Just hang on in there, you're too good of a chap to not have things work out for you.

Like what he said.

Post by **Hound** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:34 pm

What? All he needs is to be told how to get out of bed.

Umm, first thing lifts the covers off of you, then sit up and swing rour legs out to the side of the bed, then put your feet on the floor and stand up. That's how I do it anyways...

Erik, you can get through this, you've survived worse.

Take care,
Joshua

Post by **inflatable dalek** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:47 pm

Originally posted by Brendocon
Like what he said.

Thirded.

Wolfang · Post by **Wolfang** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:39 pm

Face-to-face, I might be able to give you some help. Over the board, not a chance. I'm not stupid or arrogant enough to say 'I understand what you're going through', but I really honestly hope it turns out for the best for you Erik.

Cyberstrike nTo · Post by **Cyberstrike nTo** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 9:07 pm

I know I'll probably going to regret this in the morning but...

Erik, while me and you have our differences in the past, and since
I haven't been around (I've been in a self-imposed exile for my own personal reasons and I won't bore you with them) so I don't know much about your current problems and I don't have the time, energy, or the patience to try and find them (if you ever did post them) so I'll give you my advice based on what you posted here.

If you need a reason to get up in the morning here's one: you won't save your marriage by hiding from your problems, deal with them and remember that some problems won't go away over night.

Instead of telling an Internet message board about how you're trying to get life in order try this: SHOW AND/OR TELL YOUR WIFE about this. And if she's not going to listen to you then tell her family and friends that you're making an effort to get your **** together. Now you say your seeing the Pastor that married you, going to therapy, and taking medication, now you sound like that you're doing everything in your power to save the marriage.

If she and her family can't see that you are trying to make a serious effort to save the marriage then get a divorce and move on with your life.

I'll now return to my self-imposed exile see you guys around.

Zisteau · Post by **Zisteau** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 9:21 pm

Originally posted by inflatable dalek
Thirded.

Fourtheded.

I've been in a situation like that, felt like I was standing on the edge of the cliff being pushed over or something. I made it through and my life is really good right now. It actually took me seeing the cliff edge and confronting it to improve my life. Hope you find your answers or solution or whatever.

Jetfire · Post by **Jetfire** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 9:24 pm

Erik. You have been one of the stars, no! The Superstars of this forum.

We've known each other on some level since 2000. You are intelligent, witty and a genuinely good person. I hope and pray thinsg work out for you. Because I love you and you deserve to. You've taken the right steps, I know it won't be easy but I hope it works out.

Just make time for your wife. Easier said then done I know but you will find the strength. We are all with you mate. I'll hope, wish and pray for you

.

Civ · Post by **Civ** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 11:15 pm

Originally posted by Zisteau
Fourtheded.

Fifthed. I think that's right. It's times like these I wish I knew what to do or to say or to...well...just something. I hate feeling absolutely helpless when a good person is going through **** and there's not a damn thing I can do other than listen (or in this case, read) and wish them luck. Good luck, man and keep getting the help you need, as Cyberstrike said, do it for her but also do it for you.

If it helps, you can play the Rocky theme song to get you motivated.

Sir Auros · Post by **Sir Auros** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 11:41 pm

I love you man, and I hope so hard that things go right for you.

What's up with my friends here having such a bad time of it right now?

Sociopathic Autobot · Wed Aug 15, 2007 12:27 am

I think the problem with getting to these threads late, is everything that can be said about a person has be said.

You know I hope everything works out for you, and I know you will find a way to fight through the problem. You've done it in the past with everything you've come against.

RID Scourge · Post by **RID Scourge** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:17 am

I haven't been through what you've been, and I haven't reached your level of depression, but I have my suspicions that I have a slight bit of depression, myself, and it's crippling. I hope you pull through, and things get better. I'll be praying for you.

I've just made it through a bit of a rough patch. For the past year and a half, I felt like I was being antagonized by my boss, to the point, where I didn't feel like I could do anything right, and I just didn't bother. So then, she spoke to me one more time, and we had an exchange over email and then when I was leaving, that day, we had a discussion, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt like she was on my side. That seems to be making me feel a bit more like my old self.

Best of luck with reconciling with your wife.

redman prime · Post by **redman prime** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:41 am

I wish you the best, and hope that everything comes out ok in the end.

that sounds simplistic, but it's the truth.

Good luck and God bless

Ackula · Post by **Ackula** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:59 am

I don't know you that well at all, but I know how you feel. I've been to the edge and leaped to an extent. I've been on medication and I've been extremely self destructive and at time outright insane.

The best advice I can give would be to always hold on to what little sanity you can grasp at, even if it is a tiny thread. Always look at the bright side of things, as cheesy as that sounds. Don't turn your back on the ones you love and care about or treat them any less than what they are, you will need them in the times that are coming. Most importantly, do not depend too much on the other things that may help you, be they therapy, drugs, alcohol, or whatever form of release you may have...do not become dependent upon them...remember that YOU have to make the difference in the end..and only you.

Last bit of advice I can give would be to find some outlet. A safe and constructive outlet for your pain. Mine took the form of writing, and I created a whole website around the things I wrote and the pain I felt. That was a great help in the end.

-Kali

Chromia · Post by **Chromia** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:30 am

As a person still going through a divorce, along with all the other crap in my life..

It sounds like you are doing the right thing. even is it is "just" on a message board, sometimes, writing everything down can help.

Reaching out to your wife is a very good step. Just do what you can. That's all anyone should ever expect.

Like what was said above, don't hide from your issues, and do everything you can to keep your family and friends involved.

No matter what happens, you will need their support.