Tut, women.

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Cliffjumper
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Tut, women.

Post by Cliffjumper » Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:07 pm

Watching RotF with my girlfriend.

HER: I wish I had a figure like Megan Fox does.
ME: Nah, I prefer you. Curves are good.
HER: Are you saying I'm fat?

I know this sounds sort-of stand-up, but sometimes even those idiots have a point.

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Halfshell
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Post by Halfshell » Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:13 pm

"Nah luv, I'm saying you're not ****ing anorexic" or "That's not a woman, it's a Twiglet" are my two standbys.

Most of the wimmin I know regard Fox as a figure of fun. In the "yeah, like she'll keep that figure for another three years without getting seriously ill" sense.

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Cliffjumper
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Post by Cliffjumper » Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:16 pm

Where the Hell were you two hours ago? Still, not too late...

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Cliffjumper
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Post by Cliffjumper » Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:19 pm

Nope, too late, she doesn't have a clue what I'm on about. And tomorrow I'm leaving her in the house by herself for six hours... Doesn't bear thinking about...

EDIT: If she happens to swing by, remember that I changed my screenname to "Clay" about a year ago, and someone else took over the Cliffjumper ID...

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Halfshell
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Post by Halfshell » Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:26 pm

Cliffjumper wrote:Where the Hell were you two hours ago? Still, not too late...
Sat watching season 3 of The Wire. Mouzone's back. Somebody gonna get shot. Not unlike at your house, I'm guessing.

Bear in mind that a lot of wimmin like being called a twiglet. But they're odd that way.

Seriously man, how do you not know the first response?

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Cliffjumper
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Post by Cliffjumper » Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:38 pm

There were giant ****ing robots throwing stuff around. What am I, Dr. Who?

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Sades
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Post by Sades » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:01 am

I sometimes use any of the "fat" lines [does my ass/legs/else look fat in this, does this make me look fat, are you saying I'm fat, etc when I want to see men squirm, personally... or as a joke.

Most people [fam] know this, so the response I generally get is "no, your fat makes you look fat/ yes, you giant cow/etc. Feel bad for my boyfriend- I've cornered him with the "Is she prettier/does she have bigger boobs-smaller thighs-something else- than me" type of questions, just for a laugh at his expense. He generally takes it well, though... y'know, after he realises I'm just being a dick.

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Savannahtron
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Post by Savannahtron » Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:01 am

Sades wrote:I sometimes use any of the "fat" lines [does my ass/legs/else look fat in this, does this make me look fat, are you saying I'm fat, etc when I want to see men squirm, personally... or as a joke.

Most people [fam] know this, so the response I generally get is "no, your fat makes you look fat/ yes, you giant cow/etc. Feel bad for my boyfriend- I've cornered him with the "Is she prettier/does she have bigger boobs-smaller thighs-something else- than me" type of questions, just for a laugh at his expense. He generally takes it well, though... y'know, after he realises I'm just being a dick.
I really never knew you were a woman...I like when a woman asks me something like that (i.e. my wife never asks me that) but sometimes women at work try to do the trick question...I always answer, "My wife won't let me comment" ahahahahahahaha.

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angloconvoy
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Post by angloconvoy » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:34 pm

With me it normally goes like, "Are you saying I'm fat?"
"Yes but don't stress about it." It's amazing how often confused silence ensues, leaving me in peace to continue whatever.
Image

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RID Scourge
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Post by RID Scourge » Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:22 pm

Nice. :up:

My best friend, whom I'm crazy about, once told me she needed to go to the gym because her butt was getting fat, and as a response I youtubed Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby got back". She thought that was hillarious. :)

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Halfshell
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Post by Halfshell » Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:04 pm

You have the coolest friends and stories.

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RID Scourge
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Post by RID Scourge » Wed Aug 26, 2009 6:23 pm

Thank you. I'll let her know.

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Pun-3X
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Post by Pun-3X » Thu Aug 27, 2009 6:07 am

You say "yes." You always say yes. As quickly as you can. As soon as you know that's where she's going. Hell, if you can cut her off somewhere in the segment of "saying I'm," do so.

They want to hear it so bad, give it to 'em. Just do it with a face that they can't tell is being smart-ass or not. And put a "just kidding" elbow out to guard for when they smack you (often a body shot), and be sure to give that "just kidding" smile/chuckle thing to go with it.

Why?
Sades wrote:I sometimes use any of the "fat" lines [does my ass/legs/else look fat in this, does this make me look fat, are you saying I'm fat, etc] when I want to see men squirm, personally...
Yeah, see that? I'm on to you... ⌐_⌐

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horizon
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Post by horizon » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:32 am

lol, my wife thinks Megan Fox was the perfect choice for Transformers. Looking good and all.

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