It's not a joke. It's not your imagination. It's the return... of The Archive Wrestling Federation. Merry Fleccing Xmas

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It's not a joke. It's not your imagination. It's the return... of The Archive Wrestling Federation. Merry Fleccing Xmas

Post by AWF Press Office » Sun Dec 25, 2011 8:44 pm

The screen is black. Black as pitch.

Suddenly it crackles. Static. A high pitched whine is emitted for the briefest of moments and then…

The screen bursts into life, a cacophony of blacks and reds and whites and greens and apricots and colours you’ve never even seen before. Daft Punk’s “One More Time” soundtracks the assault on your senses as the colours swirl and swerve and dodge and duck and weave and duck again until they form a familiar batch of letters and a bold subtitle.



Fireworks go off as we pan across a sea of people. An ocean of people. A world of people. We see a massive stage with the biggest video wall in the history of video walls. A ramp runs down fifty yards, cutting a swathe through the crowd, where it hits the ground the aisle continues another twenty yards before the space opens up again. In the space are two wrestling rings, sat snugly next to each other. The top ropes are black, the middle ropes red, the bottom white. Emblazoned across the centre of the white canvas in the middle of each ring is the red outlined “AWF ENCORE” logo.

The cameras swirl around the arena once more, taking in a slew of signs. “We love the AWF”, “What took so long”, “I gave up my Christmas for THIS?”, “Who booked this sheet?” and “I don’t know why I’m here” pop out. Another circuit reveals “I remember when this was all fields”, “Marry me, Viewfind” and “Pepper needs new shorts”.

As the crowd cheers relentlessly, we see numerous people wandering up and down the ramp and at ringside, setting up ladders, easily a dozen of them… and maybe there’s a glimpse of a huge metal structure hanging high in the air above the rings.

Eventually we settle at ringside, and zoom in on four faces sat at a table. They are faces we know, but have long since forgotten. They speak.

Joey: “MERRY CHRISTMAS! Hello and welcome back to the Archive Wrestling Federation! This is the sold out Archive Arena, we are LIVE on the TFA Network and this… is AWF ENCORE! I’m Joey Styles, alongside me my broadcast colleague The Flec, and our associates JFA and JHA!”
Flec: “Sup bitches.”
JFA: “Unnecessarily hoarse language. Yes, hello and welcome, everybody. It’s good to be back!”
JHA: “Back? We never left, J. We’ve been locked in a cupboard since the last show. It feels like I’ve been in there for months.”
Flec: “Yeah. Months. That’ll be it.”
Joey: “It’s definitely been a while since our last show, but it definitely is good to be back. And it’s good to see the Archive Arena again, it’s been rebuilt and expanded… possibly now one of the biggest manmade structures on Earth. Flec, how many people would you say this holds?”
Flec: “You may as well ask Gary Oldman, Styles, because the answer is EVERYONE. I have it on good authority that the powers that be sent out free tickets to everybody who ever attended an AWF event, and it seems like they’ve all turned up. Which is crazy, considering that we don’t even know why we’re here.”
JFA: “And that’s the elephant in the room, right there!”
JHA: “I thought Joey was the elephant in the room?”
Flec: “Yeah, you have put on a bit of weight, Joe. Everything alright at home?”
Joey: “Not really. My wife left me, as it happens.”
Flec: “Oh, I knew that. I thought it was something else.”
Joey: “But it won’t affect my work, I’m a professional. How did you know?”
Flec: “Your wife told me. I see her quite regularly. She’s a professional too.”

The camera switches to a lone man strolling down the ramp in a suit, microphone in hand.

JHA: “And here comes our ring announcer, Cliffjumper. Maybe he knows what’s going on.”
JFA: “Yep, as alluded to a moment ago folks, we have no idea what’s in store for us. We know that a large portion of the past AWF roster have been called here. Free tickets sent out as mentioned.”
Flec: “I was minding my own business being awesome somewhere with Joey’s wife when I got served some complicated legal papers that my lawyer says mean I either turn up here today or I never turn up anywhere again ever.”
Joey: “And apparently my contact has a perpetuity clause which means they can call me back whenever they desire, for whatever purpose. Which I think is probably what yours said too, Flec.”
Flec: “Eh. And we all know the Jays are company property anyway. The whole thing’s a mystery. I see two rings, I see more people than I can count…”
Joey: “No comment.”
Flec: “I’m stuck behind a desk with three morons instead of one, there’s ladders everywhere, and when I look up all I can see is metal and… oh my.”
JHA: “Is that?”
JFA: “It looks like a belt being lowered from the rafters.”

An awful feedback squeal rips through the arena, silencing everybody.

Ciffjumper: “What do you mean I’m not allowed to smoke? I’ll smoke where the f--k I want. Where’s my coffee what the… oh, okay then.”

JFA: “And it looks like things are about to get underway!”

Cliffjumper: “Ladies and gentlemen, n00bs and cynical gits, fanboys and people who pretend to be chicks… Merry Christmas and welcome back to the AWF! I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today. As you all know, our good friend Mr Reeves was murdered, and the culprit is in this room. I intend to… ah, f--k it. Just kidding. I’ve no idea why I’m here, but I know a man who does… ladies and gentlemen… the owner, CEO, founder, and head badger of the Archive Wrestling Federation… Mister… Chris… Vaccaro!”

The curtains part and a man in a bright white suit steps out onto the stage, microphone in hand. It is, categorically, unmistakeably, Mr Vaccaro. He is a picture of health.

Joey: “WHAT THE?”
Flec: “Hey, I remember this guy. What happened to him?”
JFA: “He died…”
Flec: “He did a sh-t job of it.”

Vaccaro waits a few moments for the commotion to die down, then speaks… a healthy, spritely voice.

Mr Vaccaro: “HELLO TFARCHIVE! Oh, I’ve missed you. It’s good to be back. Thank you all for coming! Merry Christmas! Or whatever it is you celebrate. Happy eat a chocolate log, kill a turkey ritual sacrifice day. Whatever. I don’t judge. First off, I must apologise for the delay between shows. There were some technical issues and it turns out the only way to resolve them was to boogie on down from my secret hiding place and sort it out myself. Ten years ago… TEN YEARS AGO, can you believe that? Ten years ago I started something magical… I formed the AWF. And now, I must finish it.”

JFA: “What?”

Mr Vaccaro: “I know some of you probably think it died a long time ago, but we all know it deserved better. It didn’t deserve to just stumble into an alley and die alone, cold, drunk and hungry in a cardboard box whilst the world forgot about it. It deserved to go out in a blaze of glory, like Jon Bon Jovi would have wanted. So that’s what we’re giving it. This will be the last ever AWF show.”

Flec: “Small mercies. I can retire and learn to do golf.”
JHA: “Oh god not the cupboard again.”

Mr Vaccaro: “I’ve found the AWF Championship belt, had it polished and soaked with disinfectant… and now it’s time to retire it. Whoever walks out tonight with the title will be the FINAL Archive Wrestling Federation Champion. You can probably spot it above the rings. Yep, there it is, glinting in the light. Hovering like a giant predatory bird, ready to swoop down and die a hero rather than live with the knowledge that it ran. But how, I hear you ask. How do we establish the final ever AWF Champion?”

JFA: “How? How do we establish the final ever AWF Champion?”
JHA: “I never liked you, you utter suck up.”
Flec: “Better be good, I’m giving up my Christmas for this.”
Joey: “What do you mean, my wife’s a professional?”

Mr Vaccaro: “The first ever AWF event was at Christmas ten years ago… and it was a Royal Rumble. So that’s what we’re going to do again, we’re going to finish as we started, because it’s all about symmetry. But it’s not all about symmetry, because we’ve evolved since then.”

JHA: “From dead to living, that’s a hell of an evolution. I wonder if we’ll get an explanation.”
Flec: “I wouldn’t hold your breath. Well, I’d hold YOUR breath, but that’s another matter entirely.”

Mr Vaccaro: “There will be a twist or three. Our ring announcer will explain the rules whilst I head backstage to start assigning numbers to people. It’s going to take a while. Cliffy, the gold envelope! It’s been lovely to see you all again! I hope you enjoy the show. Thank you, and goodnight!”

Vaccaro waves to the crowd, turns and heads back through the curtain. Back in the ring nearest to the aisle, Cliffjumper is handed a golden envelope by one of the referees. He opens it with indifference.

Cliffjumper: “Right, let’s see what bullsh-t the crazy moron has decided on this… ah. Ah. Oh. Oh Christ. I have family at home for god’s sake, I did plan to see them again this decade.”

Flec: “Encouraging words if ever I heard.”
Joey: “Will you be quiet, this is supposed to be dramatic.”

Cliffjumper: “Gulp. Ladies and gentlemen… welcome to AWF Encore. There is ONE match scheduled tonight, and it is for the undisputed, final and permanent position of the Archive Wrestling Federation Champion. Suspended above the rings is the AWF Championship belt. Wrestlers will enter the match every sixty seconds. The participants will include every single combatant to have ever taken part in an AWF Pay Per View event, plus a handful who never had the prilevage.”

JFA: “Oh my god.”
JHA: “Every single Pay Per View combatant…”
Flec: “Merry f--king Christmas, everybody. We’ll be here till Easter.”

Cliffjumper: “Competitors can only be eliminated by leaving the ring over the top rope, with both feet touching the arena floor. The first man, or woman, to retrieve the belt from above the ring will be crowned the Archive Wrestling Federation Champion.”

JHA: “Eh? How the hell does that work then?”

Cliffjumper: “However, god help us, the match WILL CONTINUE until ALL the competitors have entered. Once the belt has been claimed, the Champion must continue to defend it during the match. The Champion can only be defeated via pinfall or submission… should the combatant who retrieves the belt and win the title be defeated in this manner, the title will change hands and the defeated champion will be eliminated from the match. These falls… COUNT… ANYWHERE! However, the challengers can still only be eliminated by going over the top rope with both feet hitting the arena floor.”

JFA: “I’m gonna have to start writing this down.”
Flec: “I need a drink.”

Cliffjumper: “But that’s not all, folks. Kill me. That’s not all, indeed. If you cast your eyes up further, suspended above the ring is THE CELL. Once the final competitor has entered the match, the cell will lower and enclose the rings. From this point, combatants can no longer be eliminated by being thrown over the top rope, look don’t blame me, I’m just reading it. I’m sure it’ll all make sense as the match goes on. Once the cell is lowered, all remaining wrestlers can only be elimated via pinfall or submission. What? Probably because you can’t hit the arena floor when the cell’s lowered, I DIDN’T MAKE THE RULES. The last man, or woman, remaining… will be… the FINAL and UNDISPUTED Archive Wrestling Federation Champion. Forever. And we’ll never have to go through this sh-t again.”

Joey: “Oh my god. This is going to be intense. A Hardcore Rules Royal Rumble Falls Count Anywhere Championship Scramble Ladder Match in a Cell.”
Flec: “Is that really the best name you could come up with?”
Joey: “Do you have a better one?”
Flec: “Ha! Do I have a better one? I don’t even understand what’s going on. I’ve not been this confused since Lost finished. All I know is that we’re over two thousand words in and nobody’s thrown a punch yet.”
JFA: “I think I’ve got it all down. How about you, J? You follow that?”
JHA: “Hmm?”
JFA: “Did you understand the rules?”
JHA: “What rules? I was talking to the blonde behind us. Have you seen her? She’s stunning. I’m fairly sure they’re real, too. You can tell because they go out rather than… what? Why are you looking at me like that? What’s the first match?”
Joey: “It’s going to be a long night.”
Flec: “… wait? Did he say EVERYbody who’s ever been in the AWF?”
Joey: “Everybody who’s ever been on an AWF pay per view, I think. So don’t worry, N*SYNC don’t count.”
Flec: “Yeah… not them I’m worried about.”

Cliffjumper: “Now that you’ve all had time to let that sink in, though I think it’ll take a while… I’ve read it four times and I’m still struggling. Let’s just suck it up, knuckle down and go with the flow, huh? Hopefully it’ll all be much easier to understand once people start hitting each other. It’s time to introduce the poor unfortunate doomed schmuck who drew… the number… one…”

Joey: “Gotta think whoever comes out first is at a huge disadvantage.”
Flec: “I’ve got to think that everybody not in as the last one is at a huge disadvantage. Whoever comes out first is essentially dead in the water.”

The lights dim, with only the flicker of the ArchiveTron illuminating the stadium… the pyros ignite and an unmistakeable beat kicks in…

Y’all gonna make me lose my mind
Up in here
Up in here
Y’all gonna make me go all out
Up in here
Up in here

Cliffjumper: “Making his way to the ring… from Philadelphia, P… A… and reprazenting the GPA az evah… VIEWFIND. Sorry, man.”

Joey: “And here he comes!”
Flec: “Oh, my homeboy… pulling number 1, damn yo.”
JHA: “Blingzilla in the hizouse! John Cena’s Role Model. GPA reprazent!”
JFA: “Like you know what any of those words mean.”
Joey: “Viewfind making his way to the ring… one of the most decorated men in AWF history. Held the Hardcore title and Intercontinental Championship simultaneously… held the former title a record 4 times… and of course a former 2 time AWF Champion.”
JFA: “The last man to hold the AWF Championship, according to the record books…”
Flec: “Never beaten for it.”
Joey: “And he will not be happy about drawing number 1. It’s a difficult enough number to pull out of the hat even before all the stipulations that are in place.”
Flec: “Yeah, I still have no idea what’s going on. He gets the belt down, it’s over yeah?”
JFA: “Not by a long way, Flec.”
JHA: “He’s my pick to win it.”
JFA: “What?”
JHA: “Blingzilla. He’s my pick to win it.”
Joey: “It’s not outside the realms of possibility, J, but I’m not even sure how many competitors we’ll have here tonight.”
JHA: “Viewfdawg. The thinking pimp’s Ric Flair. Going home with the title.”

The Thinking Pimp’s Ric Flair does not look overly impressed as he gangster shuffles down the ramp, weaving in and out of ladders and rolls into the ring. He gestures for Cliffjumper to pass him the microphone.

Viewfind: “Don’t call it a relapse! Let me hollla at you pham! You all miss me? I know I miss all you yo f’real. Bling bling. Now I knowz all o you out there got some questions in your heads, but lemme break it down for you – lot o water gone under the bridge since I was last out here, but one thing that ain’t changed is that the GPA for life yo. They got my back and I got theirs. And whatever happen, we walking out of here as pham you. HOLLA homeslices.”

The crowd erupt in joy at hearing from Philly’s Finest for the first time in years. He throws the microphone back to Cliffjumper and stares up into the rafters at the gold belt glinting above him.

Joey: “Viewfind and the GPA have of course been busy outside the ring during our hiatus. Seven albums released, and of course the biggest selling rap artists in Libya, post-Gadaffi.”

Cliffjumper: “Did not understand a word. Oh well, not to worry. And introducing… the man… who drew… yeah, you’re damn right I’m pausing for dramatic effect, if I’m going to be here the rest of my natural life waiting to announce the winner, we’re at least gonna do this on my terms… number… TWO!”

The ArchiveTron flickers again, crashing black and white to the sound of drumsticks, then the classic AC/DC guitar riff crashes through the arena…

Back in black
I hit the sack
I’ve been too long I’m glad to be back

JFA: “Words that symbolise the entire night!
JHA: “Yes, I can’t wait to hit the sack. And I think it might happen sooner rather than later now that Captain Personality is one of the first out.”
Joey: “One of THE great technical wrestlers of the AWF making his way to the ring to quite an ovation.”

Cliffjumper: “From tropical Madison, Wisconsin… THE MAT MAN, NMATHEW! And I’m done for a while, yeah? The big screen will announce the others? I mean I’ve got no headset to get messages and by the time I’ve realised who it is, the graphic will be up… yeah, I’ll just kick back. I can smoke in here, right?”

Joey: “Another man not unfamiliar with the gold! Former Tag Team Champion, former Hardcore Co-Champion, former TV Champion, former Intercontinental Champion… the only title he’s eligible for but never lifted is the one suspended from the ceiling tonight.”
Flec: “Meaning he’ll never get it.”
JHA: “That’s right, because Blingzilla’s taking it back to Philly with him.”
Flec: “I’d love to see that, but I doubt it.”
JFA: “The odds against both men tonight, but I’m surprised to see you so adamant that Viewfind can’t do it, Flec.”
Flec: “Let’s just say that if tonight goes the way I think it will, only one man’s walking out with the gold.”
JFA: “Care to let us in on the secret?”
Flec: “And ruin the dramatic tension? Spoilers, J. Spoilers.”

The Mat Man is in no rush to make it between the ropes, taking the time at ringside to slap the hand of every single fan in the front row, clearly elated to be so well received by his fans. He takes a pen from a young girl and signs her picture of him and Quick Switch with the Tag Team Championship.

JHA: “Like she was even born when that picture was taken.”

Nmathew rolls into the ring nearest the aisle and stands toe-to-toe with Viewfind. A sixty second clock appears in the corner of the ArchiveTron, and the bell rings.

Joey: “And we’re finally underway at AWF Encore… for the final time!”
JFA: “Viewfind and the Mat Man sizing each other up… nose to nose… eyes flicking upwards to the belt… and now each taking a step backwards.”
Flec: “That’s my homeslice!”
Joey: “And Viewfind with a brutally vicious kick to the groin of the Mat Man! Heinous low blow!”
JHA: “No blow lower!”
Joey: “And a hard right hand knocks the taste right out of Mat’s mouth!”
JHA: “Asserting his authority! If anybody in this arena can claim to be the reigning champ, it’s him! And nobody forget it!”
JFA: “Front facelock by Viewfind… sizing up a DDT… no, Mat grabs the legs and takes him down… still with the hold, lining it up…”
Joey: “SLINGSHOT! Right into the turnbuckle! Viewfind dazed… Mat off the far side… and clothesline!”

The running clothesline takes Viewfind clear over the top rope, but he somehow holds on and sweeps his feet narrowly above the arena floor, hauling himself up onto the apron.

JHA: “Oh my word… Blingzilla…”
JFA: “Viewfind very nearly eliminated right from the bat there! Mat Man limping slightly… very gingerly. Looking up at the belt, now looking for a ladder.”
Flec: “Is he blind? There’s several ladders. All around us.”
Joey: “Mat Man slides out from under the bottom rope… Viewfind still catching his breath on the opposite apron, rubbing his nose, took that slingshot hard into the turnbuckle. And Mat finds himself a ladder.”

The clock on the ArchiveTron reaches zero as Mat Man collapses a ladder and slides it into the ring.

NUMBER 3… SC2K! flashes across the screen.

Cliffjumper: “Ugh. They gave me a radio headset. Number Three…. Sean Coughlin! Who the hell is Sean Coughlin?”

JHA: “Who the hell is Sean Coughlin?”
Flec: “Who the hell is Sean Coughlin?”
JFA: “Er…”
Joey: “A tough AWF competitor, for certain. Sean Coughlin sprinting to the ring as the Mat Man clambers back inside. The man who calls himself SC2K darting in under the bottom rope, but Viewfind is back up and catches him with a stiff boot to the neck before he’s even upright.”
Flec: “You don’t know, do you?”
Joey: “Know what?”
JHA: “Who this guy is.”
Joey: “Of course I do.”
JFA: “Several lesser known stars certain to be involved tonight… SC2K arguably the first of them.”
JHA: “Oh don’t you start pretending as well. Neither of you have any idea who he is.”

Viewfind stomps away on Coughlin as Nmat sets the ladder up in the ring. He glances across, shrugs his shoulders and starts to climb.

Joey: “Viewfind lifting Coughlin up now… Irish whip… right into the ladder! Ladder goes crashing down and the Mat Man sent flying across the ring!”
JHA: “And it’s goodbye Coughman, whoever you were!”

Staggering backwards after being whipped facefirst into the ladder, Coughlin is grabbed by the neck by Viewfind and hurled over the top rope in one fluid motion.

JFA: “Sean Coughlin eliminated straight away, and Viewfind turning his attention back to The Mat Man. Mat took a hell of a dive off the ladder there all the way into the second ring. Viewfind now picking the ladder up himself, is he going to make the climb?”
Flec: “If that’s the plan, he’s doing it wrong…”
Joey: “Viewfind dumping the ladder into the other ring now and stepping through both sets of ropes. Collapsing the ladder, inverts it… and just drives it down hard into Mat Man’s spine as he tries to stand up! Top first, right into the small of the back.”

Viewfind shifts the ladder to hold it across his body, then swings it wildly across his foe’s face.

JHA: “Home run!”
Joey: “Vicious move from Viewfind… and I think Mat Man’s busted open already!”
JHA “Barely touched him. Dirty little blader, I hope he gets fined!”
Joey: “Mat Man flat out in the corner… clutching his face in agony. Viewfind setting the ladder up now, across both sets of ropes. Belt suspended slap bang in the middle obviously, positioning is going to be important here.”
JFA: “Indeed – going to have to be very careful about exactly how you set the ladder up, really the only place to do it to really stand a chance of getting the title may well be between the ropes, on the adjoining aprons.”
Flec: “What the hell are you two? Commentary for the blind? The viewers can see that – they’ve got eyes!”
Joey: “Viewfind struggling to get the ladder to balance over the ropes there… the support getting in the way. And there’s the buzzer!”
JHA: “Another minute gone already? Wow, this is just flying by.”

The ArchiveTron lights up as the counter reaches zero. NUMBER 4… WEIRDWOLF & MONZO

Cliffjumper: “I wanted to be number four, just so I could make a forced movie reference. Anyway, it’s Weirdwolf & Monzo. Huzzah! Remember him everybody?”

Joey: “Weirdwolf pacing his way to the ring. No rush. Viewfind giving up on the ladder for the time being. Perhaps realising he’s not going to have time to get up there without being disturbed.”
JFA: “That young man is plenty disturbed as it is.”
JHA: “OH PLEASE. The freakshows we’ve had through here in the past, and you’re picking up on him? Or was that just a convenient gag you couldn’t resist? I hate the pair of you. It’s Christmas and I’m spending it watching a possibly never-ending stream of nobodies, and listening to you prattle. If I had a gun I’d shoot myself.”
Flec: “Don’t sweat, J. I’m packing, can easily put you out of your misery if you want.”

Viewfind stands patiently in the ring, hands on hips, watching Weirdwolf approach. The returning superstar hops up onto the apron, and Viewfind drops to the mat as the crowd roar in approval.

Joey: “And Nmat with a powerful kneeling European uppercut to the pelvic region of Viewfind!”
JHA: “… A WHAT? He snuck up behind and punched him in the-”
Joey: “Turnabout is fair play! Viewfind completely forgetting he’s not alone in the ring!”

Weirdwolf drops back down to the apron and circles the ring, sliding into the second ring to join the other participants.

JFA: “Sorry, Flec… did you just say you’re armed??!”
Flec: “Hell yeah. I always bring protection. Never know who’s in attendance… there’s people out there want me dead.”
Joey: “You’ve had a gun… at the commentary table… every single broadcast? How am I only just finding this out???”
Flec: “Never came up before.”
JFA: “Never came up before?”
Flec: “Never been relative to the narrative before?”
Joey: “Dare I ask where you acquired this firearm?”
Flec: “Sure. My uncle Chekov gave it to me.”
Joey: “Your uncle Chekov?”
JHA: “… so that’s Chekov’s gun?”
Flec: “Yes indeed. And if tonight gets too much for any of you, just say the word.”
JFA: “Fourth wall’s gonna take a kicking tonight, I can tell…”

The Man Man stares at Weirdwolf as the new participant stands in the ring. Mat delivers a sharp boot to Viewfind’s midsection to roll him out of the way, then immediately engages Weirdwolf in a collar and elbow tie-up.

Joey: “And suddenly we’re in a wrestling match.”
JFA: “Weirdwolf quite the competitor, he can easily give Mat Man a run for his money here. Side headlock from the newcomer, but quickly reversed into a hammerlock from Mat who slips over into a standing side headlock of his own.”
Flec: “Please, Weirdwolf’s a bum. I beat him with minimal effort back in the day.”
Joey: “A damning indictment if ever I heard one.”
Flec: “Screw you. I already told you I’ve got a gun.”
JFA: “Weirdwolf powering out of the headlock now, forcing Mat up in an attempt at an overhead wristlock… but Viewfind’s up and a vicious dropkick to the back of Weirdwolf’s head to break it up!”
JHA: “Pimp Daddy Viewf not kept down that long by a simple low-blow!”
Joey: “Mat Man swings at Viewfind now, but ducked by the GPA man and a hard boot to the gut… and a DDT! DDT from Viewfind on Mat Man. Weirdwolf back up to his feet now and swings at Viewfind with a hard right hand… and another… a third now! And a big clothesline takes Viewfind down!”
JFA: “Of course these two men were on opposite sides in the first ever pay per view match in the AWF. Back at Sky High Redemption in 2002.”
Joey: “They were indeed, so somehow poetic that they should be amongst the first four in the final ever match, too!”
Flec: “… are you two going to be doing this boring history lesson sh-t all through the match?”

The buzzer goes again.

Cliffjumper: “That was quick. NUMBER 5… WILDFIRE HERALD! And I actually got his name right. That is right, isn’t it?”

Joey: “Weirdwolf hauling Viewfind up now, and a big scoop slam puts him down again! Mat Man up again, still bleeding from the looks of it, and stomping away on Viewfind along with Weirdwolf.”
JHA: “But help’s at hand! One of the original GPA members coming to the rescue of Viewfind! Proper flashback city here. Have we worked out who that Shane Crockling was yet?”
JFA: “Wildfire Herald leaping straight into the fray with an elbow to the temple of Weirdwolf! Swings at Man Man, but it’s ducked…”
Joey: “Chicken wing! Mat Man just grabs Wildfire from behind and straight into the double chicken wing! The Death’s Caress as he calls it!”
Flec: “What a moron.”
JFA: “And Wildfire’s tapping out! He’s tapping!”
Flec: “Then he’s a moron too. It’s Royal Rumble rules. That is right, isn’t it? You’ve got to be thrown over the top rope, unless the belt’s down in which case it’s over?”
Joey: “Half right, Flec. Which is closer than usual.”

With Wildfire Herald slapping the mat in agony, Weirdwolf hauls up Viewfind and whips him into the corner. He charges in for a running shoulder block, but Viewfind dodges out of the way.

JFA: “Hard impact from Weirdwolf, straight into the turnbuckle, shoulder first… that’ll wind you. Viewfind backing up as Weirdwolf staggers away from the corner… clothesline!”
JHA: “He’s gone! He is out of here!”
Joey: “Weirdwolf & Monzo cleaned right out by that hard clothesline by Viewfind. Straight over the top rope. And now Viewfind stomps away at the head of Mat Man, breaking up the hold. Hauls him up and going for the DDT again… but Mat Man with an inverted atomic drop to counter!”
JHA: “The poor little Viewfies are taking a pounding tonight! That’ll sting in the morning.”
Joey: “And a big belly to belly suplex by Mat. Viewfind straight back up though… and another… and a third! And finally Viewfind stays down!”
JFA: “Mat Man finally building up some heavy momentum! Wildfire slowly crawling back up to his knees… you’d expect the GPA to have immediately asserted their numerical advantage here, but it just hasn’t happened.”

As Wildfire staggers back up to his feet, Mat Man immediately grabs hold and unleashes a quick snap suplex, before rolling backwards up onto his feet and crouching down, glancing at the recovering Viewfind.

Joey: “And The Mat Man… Nmathew… a House of Fire at the moment. Lining up the GPA leader for something I’d imagine. Viewfind with his back to Mat, using the ropes to pull himself back up…”
JFA: “Did you see that?”
JHA: “Definitely not.”
Flec: “Yeah, I saw it. What’s the problem?”
Joey: “Mat Man charges! And just laid out by Viewfind! Oh my word!”
JFA: “Brass knuckles! I knew it! Viewfind just reached into his trunks and pulled out the brass knuckles! Mat Man had no idea what he was running into!”
JHA: “The Thinking Pimp’s Ric Flair strikes again! Where’s your damn momentum now, Mister Man?”
JFA: “Heinous behaviour from Viewfind!”
Flec: “Oh grow up, it’s legal. I’m so glad I’ll never have to work with you again after today.”

As Mat Man tries pulling himself to his feet, blood streaming from a fresh gash above his eye, the timer hits zero once more.

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 6… PATRICK MCGOOHAN! Nah, I’m just sh-tting you. DAI ATLAS!!”

Joey: “And here comes yet another classic AWF competitor!”
Flec: “Weirdwolf… Wildfire… Dai… seriously, are they getting the nobodies out of the way early or do I just have an awful memory?”
Joey: “Are you suggesting that Viewfind and Mat Man are nobodies?”
Flec: “Are you suggesting that anybody has worked out who Stan Cockburn is yet?”
JFA: “Dai Atlas making his way to the ring. Tag team specialist, competed as part of Blood, Death & Beer you’ll recall.”
JHA: “Yeah, which was he? Blood? Death? Or Beer?”
Flec: “Tables.”

As Viewfind sends the recovering Mat Man to the canvas with a stiff European uppercut, Dai reaches under the ring and slides a table out from beneath it.

JHA: “Here we go. Six people in before anybody thinks to look under the ring.”
Joey: “All the action going on in the second ring, Wildfire back up now and stomping away on Mat Man with Viewfind. But Dai sliding a table into the first ring. And now collapsing one of the ladders and that’s in too.”
JFA: “Two ladders in the ring now. This seldom ends well.”
Flec: “Yes, because every other Royal Rumble match where two ladders and a table have been in the ring together have degenerated into a clichéd parade of tired old spots.”

Viewfind and Wildfire haul Nmat up to his feet and, as one, sling him over the top rope and turn away… but Mat grabs hold of the ropes as he goes over and lands flat on the apron.

Joey: “Mat Man harder than that to eliminate, but the GPA members think the job’s done. Heading towards the rampside ring again, now. Wildfire heading towards Dai to cut him off from the ladder. Viewfind back to trying to work out how to get up to the belt.”
JFA: “I’m going to be honest, Joe, I’m not even sure there’s room for that ladder between the two rings, no matter how it’s positioned.”
Flec: “Yeah, but you’re not sure of blah blah tired insult, god we’re six people in and I already can’t be bothered.”
JHA: “If anybody can figure it out, it’s the thinking pimp’s Ric Flair in there. He’s walking out with the gold.”

Mat Man rests easy on the ring apron, sucking in air and wiping blood from his brow. Dai finally rolls into the ring and is caught by a boot to the gut from Wildfire Herald.

JHA: “Nice of Dai to finally join us.”
JFA: “Nice of Viewfind to delegate the actual competition to his lackey rather than do it himself.”
JHA: “Hey, what are lackeys for? All the dirty jobs, that’s what they’re for!”
JFA: “But what would he be doing if the luck of the draw hadn’t sent Wildfly out here this early?”
JHA: “He’d be doing it himself. Obviously. Could he do less?”

Wildfire pummels Dai with a series of kicks to the chest as the counter reaches zero again.

Flec: “Wow, Dai really took his time getting in the ring!”

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 7… BRETT RAYNE! Seriously?”

The crowd react with overwhelming indifference as Rayne sprints into the ring and dives in to aid Dai Atlas, but is quickly floored by a stiff lariat by Wildfire. The impact sends the newcomer skidding across the width of the ring, where Viewfind is still trying to position the ladder between the two sets of ropes.

Joey: “Huge impact by Wildfire on that! Rayne quickly up again, though and nails Viewfind with a hard right hand! And gets one straight back from the brass knuckles!”
Flec: “Oh baby!”
JHA: “Never do that to the Blingzilla!”
Joey: “Brett Rayne really took his chances hitting Viewfind with a sucker punch – I didn’t realise Viewfind still had that weapon laced between his fingers, but clearly he does have! Rayne flat out on the canvas, I think he’s out cold.”
JFA: “Takes a hard shot to take out somebody of Rayne’s calibre. Oh, and Dai back up now and railing away on Wildfire. Flurry of hard rights and lefts… Wildfire reeling. Whipped into the corner and a big kneelift from Dai!”
JHA: “So we’re all going to act like we remember who this Rayne guy is, yeah? That’s what we decided.”
Flec: “Yep. Though maybe not for long.”
Joey: “Dai climbing the turnbuckles and pummelling Wildfire in the corner! Viewfind dragging Brett Rayne to the ropes. Pulls him up… and trying to force him over the top.”
JFA: “Dead weight, won’t always go.”
JHA: “No, you won’t will you?”
Joey: “Dai down now, and a big DDT to Wildfire!”
JFA: “Viewfind trying to heave Brett Rayne out of the ring, but that massive cheer you hear isn’t for that! Mat Man back into the ring!”

Nmat rolls himself back under the bottom rope, refreshed and recharge, and runs straight at Viewfind!

JHA: “Blingzilla no!”
JFA: “Nmat just scooped Viewind by the ankle! Both he and Rayne go out over the top but…”
Joey: “Not all the way! Brett Rayne crashes down to the arena floor and out of the match, but Viewfind caught between the ropes!”
JFA: “Had a hold of the middle one, but went over in a way that twisted the top rope beneath him… he’s all tied up!”
Joey: “Viewfind in a real tangle. Fortunate for him that his arm’s wedged too, else those ropes would be tight around his neck… as it is, he’s caught one under his shoulder, but still in a tricky situation!”
Flec: “He’s been in trickier, he’ll be fine so long as he’s got Wildfire to... help…”

Dai hits a third successive elbow drop on Wildfire Herald and moves across to set up the ladder he threw into the ring.

JFA: “Mat Man leaving Viewfind to his predicament and coming across to Dai now. The two exchanging looks and words… and now moving that second ladder towards the other ring as well.”
Flec: “Two idiots working in tandem. THAT’s something that never ends well.”
JFA: “Dai and Mat Man now trying to shift the first ladder out from between the rings… over the top into the far side, and setting it up next to the ropes.”
JHA: “Er… they know that won’t work, right? Why aren’t they climbing?”
Joey: “I think I know! Dai now talking to Mat and pointing at the table they slid in. I think… we’re going to have a bridge built!”

The timer on the ArchiveTron once more hits the magical double-nought and the buzzer sounds again.

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 8… KICKBACK! Hey man, long time no see.”

Joey: “And it’s the return of one of the AWF’s original Insecticons!”
Flec: “Wow. I thought we’d never see this guy again.”
JFA: “First ever European Champion!”
Flec: “Yeah, and he hated it so much he vacated the belt and retired! They must have thrown a lot of money at the guy to get him back in.”
Joey: “Kickback diving into the ring and going straight for Dai Atlas! Heads him off before he can lift that table. Series of hard rights, whips him into the ropes and a spinning elbow takes Dai down!”
JFA: “Mat Man coming across to break it up, but Kickback with a headbutt! And a scoop slam on Mat!”

Taking advantage of the extra man in the ring, Wildfire slowly crawls across to Viewfind, but Kickback spots him and darts across to kick the slithering GPA man in the face.

Joey: “Kickback all over everyone! Showing no signs of ring rust at all after his time out!”
Flec: “No signs of ring rust? He’s punching and kicking everybody! Even Hulk Hogan could do that, Styles you hack.”
Joey: “The first ever European Champion… heading towards the ladder now, but Dai and Mat are back up. Mat pulls Kickback away from it… elbow from the Dutchman! Dai grabs him now, elbow for him too!”
JHA: “This is brilliant! They’re getting creamed by somebody who hasn’t been in the ring for ten years!”
JFA: “Kickback the proverbial house of fire. Scaling that ladder again, doubt it’ll do him any good, it’s not near enough the belt unless he’s planning to make a leap of faith!”

Dai grabs for Kickback’s foot, but gets kicked in the face for his trouble. The Mat Man darts up the ladder behind Kickback and grabs the Insecticon’s waist and diving sideways off the ladder, bringing the entire structure down with them… on top of Dai!

Joey: “All comes crashing down!”
JHA: “That’s gonna hurt in the morning!”
JFA: “Nmat, Kickback… both sprawled out on the mat. Dai under the ladder, landed hard on top of him, could have internal bleeding or who knows what else… and Wildfire hauling himself up in the corner now! Wildfire Herald, the only man standing.”
JHA: “That’s it man, go free pimpzilla!”
Joey: “I’m not sure about that… he’s looking, but he’s also looking up!”
Flec: “Always had my doubts about him!”

Glancing up at the belt, Wildfire starts to smile. But then moves across to where Viewfind is yelling gangsta gibberish from his roped prison.

JHA: “There we go, GPA wins through.”
Flec: “Always had faith in that kid.”

The buzzer goes.

Flec: “Already? Wow.”

Cliffjumper: “Time for NUMBER 9. It is… what? Sorry, what? You’re joking. No, I’m not announcing that. Do one and die, man. No way no how.”

JFA: “And Cliffy clearly not happy at the word coming down his radio headset… All eyes on the ArchiveTron…”
JHA: “No way.”
Joey: “It’s ROCK! Rock is back!”
Flec: “Oh boy.”

Cliffjumper: “No. Not you. You retired. I beat you. I SAW YOU LEAVE!”

JHA: “Check another one off the list.”
JFA: “Already on it. We’re rattling through them.”
JHA: “Yep.”
Joey: “What are you two talking about.”
JHA: “Never mind.”

Rock strolls down the ramp with all the time in the world, smirking for all his worth and mocking the fans who clearly have difficulty remembering who he is.

JFA: “Lot of drama for a callback to something few people will remember.”
JHA: “Well, hopefully the angle will be over quickly and we can get back to the real issue at hand. Hey, I wonder what’s happening in the ring.”
Joey: “Well, as Cliffy fumes across from us, Wildfire is still struggling to free Viewfind from the ropes. Kickback and Mat Man are winded on the canvas and Dai is flat out beneath a fallen ladder. And that’s all in the ramp-side ring to our left. The only thing in the right hand ring is another ladder.”
Flec: “Oh, and there’s a collapsed table in the left ring as well which nobody seems to have bothered doing anything with yet.”
JHA: “Good recap, everyone.”

Wildfire finally manages to pry Viewfind free of the ropes.

Joey: “And Viewfind finally released! Catching his breath on the apron. Big embrace with Wildfire by way of thanks.”
Flec: “I never trusted him!”
Joey: “And Wildfire Herald just nailed Viewfind on the apron! Force of the blow knocked him down, but not to the floor. Viewfind did get tangled going over the top, so I’d assume if he were to be knocked the rest of the way down the elimination would be valid!”
JFA: “Have to think that Wildfire is working on the same assumption! No way he’d try that without being sure it would work.”
Joey: “Wildfire holding the middle rope to brace himself now, and trying to force Viewfind off the apron with his feet.”
Flec: “Homeboy’s too smart for that, though, got a hold on that bottom rope, arms and legs wrapped tight!”
JHA: “Boy, is Wildfire in trouble if he lets Viewfind back in the ring!”
Joey: “And doesn’t he know it! No let up, pushing away, but Viewfind immoveable and it’s probably fair to say quite annoyed!”

Rock eventually reaches ringside and does a cocky circuit of the fans in the front row. He strolls past the announce table and heads across to the timekeeper.. and the ring announcer.

JFA: “Oh boy, things could get messy down here. Rock seeming to want to force a confrontation with Cliffjumper. You can bet he leaped at the opportunity to come back to the AWF when the phonecall came. Not only does he get a crack at the belt, but he would have known that Cliffy would be at ringside.”
JHA: “Yeah, he’s a scumbag. Seriously, even I hate this guy.”
Joey: “Mat Man and Kickback starting to get back to their feet now… and the timer is nearly at zero again. Who’s about to spice things up further?”

The buzzer echoes through the arena, but nobody appears on stage.

Cliffjumper: “Ladies and gentlemen, idiot stood before me – yes, Rock, that’s you – I have just been informed that NUMBER 10 is… ME, CLIFFJUMPER! Wang Chung, motherf--kers!”

The crowd erupt. The ones who remember who Rock is erupt louder. Some of them don’t erupt at all.

JFA: “Holy…”
JHA: “Hahahahahahahahahaha!”
Flec: “The look! On Rock’s face! That’s priceless!”

A booming THUD reverberates through the arena’s soundsystem as Cliffy drops the microphone to the floor and tears off his headset. He stands up, grabs the folding chair he was sat on, and before Rock’s brain realises he should run, he smashes it across his former foe’s face.

Joey: “Good god.”
JHA: “Hahahahahahahahahaha!”
JFA: “Rock… flattened by Cliffy. That’s going on my all-time greatest AWF moments compilation that I play in my head every time the sadness takes hold.”
Flec: “Absolutely wonderful.”
Joey: “Cliffy picking up Rock now and rolling him into the ring. One of the big matches at the AWF Sky High Redemption back in 2002, a retirement match between these two. Nobody’s seen Rock since.”
Flec: “Yeah, because he retired. Idiot.”
Joey: “Cliffy up onto the apron now, still got that chair in his hand. Rock on his knees… and it comes down hard across his head!”
JFA: “Huge dent in that chair now.”
Flec: “Yeah, talk about not thinking things through, now he’ll have to find another to sit on!”

Mat Man and Kickback stop and stare at the psychotic ring announcer in the other ring, assaulting a long-forgotten face with a piece of furniture, emnity and competition forgotten.

The events even cause Wildfire to forget about his attempted elimination of his GPA stablemate Viewfind. His gaze drifts across the rings, where Cliffjumper lands a seventh chairshot across the back of Rock.

Viewfind rolls back in under the bottom rope, hauls himself up and stands transfixed by events.

Even Dai’s eyes flicker open as he lies trapped beneath steel, slowly soaking in the scene.

Eventually Cliffjumper tires, deprived of energy having not been allowed a cigarette since the show started. He lifts Rock’s prone form up onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and walks to the corner. The ring announcer scales the turnbuckles to stand on the middle rope, before unceremoniously dumping his adversary’s body over the top and to the arena floor.

Flec: “Good night and good riddance.”
JFA: “Rock’s career in the AWF is finished… again. This time permanently.”
JHA: “He didn’t even die screaming.”
JFA: “Ooh, nice one.”
JHA: “Not even whimpering.”

The buzzer sounds and a shadowy figure emerges onto the ramp, but hangs back to observe events.

Joey: “Rock out cold on the arena floor. Definitely going to need medical attention. Cliffjumper stood on the turnbuckles, soaking up the adulation of the crowd. The other competitors surveying the scene, giving him time and his moment.”
Flec: “And we’ve got somebody else waiting to come down as well.”

Having decided he’s lingered long enough in his middle rope vantage point, Cliffjumper steps over the top turnbuckle and drops to the apron, before strolling casually down the steps and back to the timekeeper. He picks up the microphone once more.

Cliffjumper: “Right, where were we? Oh yes, NUMBER 11… JINEI! Seriously, another one who I have no clue on. How are we meant to hold viewers with a steady flow of nobodies? No wonder we got cancelled.”

Viewfind’s spins round in shock at the announcement of the name.

Flec: “Jinei?”
Joey: “And Viewfind is properly spooked!”
JHA: “Who the hell is Jinei?”
JFA: “Everybody standing off now, letting Jinei slide into the ring… and Viewfind goes straight to town on him! Wildfire joining in too! Nmat and Kickback exchanging knife-edge chops and we’re really back underway now!”
Flec: “Jinei?”
Joey: “You remember, Flec. The mystery man from Viewfind’s past. His debut cost Viewfind a match for the AWF title against Sean O’Con at Overdrive in 2002? They faced each other in a four way ladder match for the Intercontinental title at Duel Destruction?”
Flec: “I have literally no idea what you’re talking about.”
JHA: “Oh, him.”

Viewfind and Wildfire, momentarily forgetting their conflict, whip Jinei into the ropes and go for a double clothesline, but Jinei ducks it.

JFA: “Jinei on the rebound, went to clothesline both of them himself but Viewfind ducks it and Wildfire takes the impact. Viewfind behind now…”
Joey: “Brass knuckles to the back of the skull!”
Joey: “Cheap shot from Viewfind… grabs Jinei by the neck and…”
Flec: “Well that was quick and pointless.”
Joey: “Jinei just tossed over the top in one fluid motion by Viewfind! Barely knew what happened.”
JFA: “Kickback and Nmat still exchanging blows… Kickback trying to duck away now… through the ropes and into the other ring to create some space.”
Joey: “Kickback really knows what he’s doing in this kind of match, he was of course the last man eliminated in the first ever AWF Royal Rumble.”
JHA: “He lost, then. So he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. Plus it’s about getting up the ladder in this one, soooo…”

Wildfire tries to heave himself back upto his feet, but catches a stiff kick across the jaw from Viewfind as he reaches his knees.

Flec: “Guess Viewfind hasn’t forgotten after all.”
Joey: “And how could he!”
JHA: “He never forgets anything. Always thinking. Knows it all. Greatest wrestler in the AWF, he’s got it all. He’s gonna walk out with the belt, I’ll stake my career on it.”
JFA: “The career that’s ending today regardless of the result?”
JHA: “That’s the one.”

The ArchiveTron shows zeroes and the buzzer sounds.

Cliffjumper: “Okay, time for another one. Anybody remember MKAY0? Because he’s NUMBER 12.”

Joey: “Former Hardcore Champion making his way to the ring now.”
JFA: “And Dai finally making his way out from under that ladder! He’s alive!”
Joey: “Mat Man with a big belly to belly suplex on Kickback off the ropes! Huge impact. And Viewfind stomping away on Wildfire Herald.”
JHA: “Taking the ungrateful little snot to school! School with a k!”
Flec: “Skool, then?”
JHA: “That’s what I said.”
Joey: “And I think the stipulations in place my favour our newest entrant. Walked out of the first ArchiveMania with the Hardcore Title. Not afraid of anything in that ring, I’d wager.”

Mkay0 walks around the rings, leaps onto the apron and immediately springboards onto the top turnbuckle, launching himself at Mat Man with a stiff double-axe-handle blow.

Joey: “And Kickback getting some aid there. Mkay0 clearly identifying Mat Man as the biggest threat in the ring right now.”
JHA: “That or he’s too skared to take on Blingzilla?”
Flec: “Scared.”
JHA: “That’s what I said.”

Kickback and mkay0 pull Mat Man up and take turns bringing down hard blows across his neck and shoulders. Kickback whips him into the turnbuckles, but is quickly floored by a Von Erich Tornado Punch by mkay0.

JFA: “No friends in this match! Every man for himself.”
Flec: “Or every mook for himself, as Kickback just found out.”
JHA: “Hey, don’t talk smack about the guy who didn’t go through a hundred men to not win the first Rumble!”
Joey: “Wow, I forget that it was that many the first time. I wonder if we’ll be close to a hundred entrants this time.”
Flec: “IDIOT!”
JHA: “Oh, you had to say it.”
JFA: “Seriously, Styles?”
Joey: “What?”

Dai finally hauls himself up to his feet, before launching himself at Viewfind’s back with a pinpoint dropkick.

Joey: “Looks like Blingzilla took his eye off the ball there. Too preoccupied with exacting revenge upon Wildfire, didn’t realise Dai was right back in the mix.”
JFA: “And mkay0 trying to force Mat Man over the top turnbuckle now, but Kickback pulls him away and a big headbutt from the Insecticon!”

Again the clock ticks down, as Dai Atlas scoops up Viewfind and hits a hard bodyslam on the collapsed table.

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 13... unlucky for some, but not others by the looks of it… QUICK SWITCH!”

Joey: “And listen to that crowd reaction!”
JFA: “Here comes the cavalry!”
JHA: “It’s a fix! There’s no way that’s legit!”
Joey: “Like Viewfind getting GPA help early.”
Flec: “Yeah, because that went really well… you saw them hitting each other, right?”
Joey: “Regardless of your opinion, the fact of the matter is that Quick Switch is marching purposefully to the ring.”
JFA: “And he’s stopped to get another ladder!”
JHA: “Yeah, because we need THREE in there.”
Joey: “Kickback and mkay0 fighting over who gets to try and force Mat Man out over the top rope… but in slides the ladder… and in slides Quick Switch! Unloads on Kickback! Unloads on Mkay0! And another blow to Kickback! And another to mkay0!”
Flec: “Not really a surprise that he’s helping the Mat Man… he was nothing without him.”
JFA: “Controversial.”
Flec: “Name me one thing he won.”
Joey: “Former Tag Team Champion.”
Flec: “With Nmat.”
JFA: “Former Hardcore Champion!”
Flec: “Co-Champion. With Nmat. He’s basically a vestigial limb.”
Joey: “Vestigial limb or not, he’s going to town on Kickback and Mkay0! A one man army!”
Flec: “Nah, RCOSD’s probably out later.”

As Quick Switch unleashes a volley of punches, kicks, clotheslines and bodyslams, Dai Atlas whips Viewfind into the corner of the other ring. He runs in with a shoulder-charge, but the GPA leader vaults out over the top rope to the apron, letting Dai collide arm-first with the top turnbuckle.

JFA: “Acrobatics from Viewfind… springboards… big armdrag on Dai! Sends him flying. Dai back up though… and a spinning heel kick takes him back down!”
Joey: “Quick Switch pulling up Kickback… Nmat grabbing Mkay… DDTs! In stereo!”
Flec: “Do kids today still have stereos?”
Joey: “Well, stereo sound still exists…”
Flec “Do kids today still say kids? God I feel old.”

Viewfind whips Dai up to his feet and flings him into the ropes. As Mr Atlas comes back on the rebound, the GPA man drops his head for a back body drop, but Dai stops in his tracks and nails a hard kick to chest.

Joey: “Viewfind caught napping there, took his eye off Dai for a second time. Staggered by it. Dai backing up for the clothesline… rushes in…”
JHA: “Goodbye!”
Joey: “And the experience shows through there! Viewfind dropping the shoulder again as Dai ran in, timed it right that time though and a big back body drop takes Dai Atlas over the top rope, to the floor and out of the match.”
Flec: “And out of the AWF. Bye, Dai. Nice heckling you!”

As Dai Atlas heaves himself to his feet, breathes a heavy sigh and starts back up the ramp, another competitor parts the curtains to replace him.

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 14… is, er, something called a RAVEN DARKSTORM. Your guess is as good as mine.”

JFA: “And big snap suplexes in tandem by Mat Man and Quick Switch! And listen to the crowd react to that high five!
JHA: “And listen to the crowd react to Quick Switch nailing Mat Man with the Cocky Jerk Kick!”
JFA: “It’s called an enziguri.”
JHA: “Seriously, I’ve been doing this job for a decade. It’s the Cocky Jerk Kick.”
Flec: “STARSTORM! That’s him! Well, half of him anyway.”
Joey: “Well done, Flec. Always a step ahead.”
Flec: “Sorry, I stopped caring about thirteen entries ago. They’re all just padding until the real winner makes his entrance.”
Joey: “And that would be?”
Flec: “Spoilers, Styles. Ooh, Whichever one of Starstorm that is just dived straight into the pimpknuckles!”
JFA: “Harsh introduction for Raven… Viewfind nailing him with the brass knuckles straight away. And a DDT onto the table!”
JHA: “That’s broken it.”
JFA: “Yep, that table now fractured. The plan to use it as a bridge seems to have fallen by the wayside entirely now.”

With Raven Darkstorm slumped in the splinters of the table, Viewfind sits up and glances back towards the ladder. He hops up and kicks the prone body of Wildfire Herald to make sure his friend isn’t getting up.

JHA: “What’s he doing?”
JFA: “Looks like he’s dragging Wildfire into the centre of the ring…”
JHA: “Such a humanitarian, helping him after what he did.”
JFA: “And now dragging Darkstorm alongside… what the hell…”

As Viewfind positions the two fallen men, the action continues in the other ring.

Joey: “Quick Switch laughing off the jeers from this capacity crowd as he hits Mat Man with a gutwrench backbreaker. Now setting up the ladder that he slid into the ring.”
Flec: “Idiot won’t reach the belt from there. Completely the wrong side of the ring.”
Joey: “I suspect he knows that. Quick Switch quite adept at this kind of contest. Let’s not forget that he and Mat Man won the Tag Team Titles in a TLC match.”
Flec: “Oh, but I like to forget things they were involved in.”

Kickback starts to stir, dragging himself to a corner and resting himself against the bottom rope.

JFA: “And Viewfind now slowly pulling himself up the ladder. Match so far has taken its toll on him. Not sure he’ll have much luck, fairly certain the belt’s out of reach with the ladder actually inside one of the rings.”
JHA: “Go on, Blingzilla! Go for gold!”
Joey: “Quick Switch showing his freshness… darting to the top of that ladder… Mat Man prone beneath him…”
JFA: “What’s Viewfind doing… firm grip on the top of the ladder, but not going further… looks like… he’s… rocking it…”
Joey: “OH MY WORD!”

Viewfind leaps backwards off the ladder, hands around the top, slamming it beneath him to bring it crashing down nd across the prone bodies of Wildfire and Darkstorm. Simultaneously, Quick Switch vaults backwards from his own ladder, nailing a perfect moonsault across his former tag team partner.


As Quick Switch rolls up to his feet, Kickback launches himself from the corner with a running tackle, but QS sidesteps and sends the Insecticon facefirst into the ring’s second ladder, causing it to collapse across the ropes, but as it does so the feet swing up and smack Quick Switch beneath the jaw, laying him out as well.

JHA: “What the hell just happened?!!”

The buzzer sounds again.

Cliffjumper: “Finally, somebody I remember! Ladies and gentlemen, NUMBER 15 - THE LOCK!”

Joey: “And speaking of former Tag Team Champions!”
JFA: “The very first Intercontinental Champion as well… very much a crowd favourite before it went to his head, but receiving a strong reception here as he marches to the ring.”
JHA: “Murder… Incorporated… that was it, right? I remember! I don’t like him.”
JFA: “You don’t like anybody. The Lock jumping in now and Viewfind the only combatant still standing… Viewfind swings, but Locky ducks… right jab… another… left jab! Big swing, ducked by Viewfind, who nails a kick to the gut as a response, goes for the side headlock… DINOBOT SLAM!!!”
Joey: “Across the ladder! Viewfind just took a Dinobot Slam ONTO the ladder!”
Flec: “Onto the ladder that’s across Wildfire and the one who isn’t the other half of StarStorm!”
JFA: “Actually, come to think of it , he actually calls it The Big Payback now.”
Flec: “Nobody cares, J.”

The Lock takes a moment to breathe and soak up the roar of the crowd, before stepping through the ropes and into the other ring.

JFA: “Mkay0 finally back upto his feet now… Locky backing him into the corner with a volley of punches… hard elbow across the face…”
JHA: “Locky’s on absolute fire here! That’s what happens when you bribe them into letting you come in when everybody else is broken!”
Joey: “The Lock pulling mkay out of the corner by the scruff of the neck… gets a run up… and just tosses him over the top, Mkay0 is gone!”

Quick Switch rolls over onto his stomach and pulls himself to his knees, shaking the cobwebs from his head. The Lock turns back from the ropes, sees QS and nails him with a stiff martial arts kick to the face while his opponent is still kneeling.

Flec: “Ouch. That’s one for if you’ve ever wanted to swallow a tooth.”
Joey: “The Lock picking up Kickback now, and trying to force him over the top rope. Struggling though.”
JFA: “Kickback’s out cold, went facefirst into that steel ladder – dead weight don’t shift easy.”
Joey: “Mat Man starting to move again now. Rolling along the mat… and slides out of the ring in front of us. I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing.”
Flec: “I’d guess he’s running scared, but I doubt he’s got the sense.”

Mat Man crouches on the arena floor to catch his breath. A referee wanders across to instruct him back in the ring, but Nmat just ignores him. Back in the ring, The Lock still struggles to heave Kickback over the top, while Quick Switch slowly pulls himself back to his feet.

JFA: “Quick Switch up again now. Sees Mat isn’t there… now he’s spotted him… and a big running suicide dive!”
Joey: “Pinpoint topé from Quick Switch onto his former partner! Through the ropes, so he’s still in the match.”
Flec: “Gee, thanks. Glad you clarified that. How would I cope without you?”

The timer ticks down and the buzzer sounds for the next entrant.

Cliffjumper: “Let’s go round again, kids. It’s time to see… who drew… oh, the drarmar… NUMBER 16… BATMANNERS. Yeah, me neither.”

JHA: “Oh, for crying out loud, I need some form of chart here. Who the hell? This one I’m absolutely certain I’ve never seen before.”
Joey: “Batmanners here, a late addition to the AWF roster in the weeks before cancellation. Never made it onto a major event.”
Flec: “So why is he HERE?”
Joey: “I’d guess it’s Mr Vaccaro honouring his contract. Pay Per View debut for this young combatant.”

Quick Switch heaves Mat Man up and goes to perform an Irish whip on the floor, but Nmat reverses it and flings his partner facefirst into the ring post, sending him spinning across and flat out onto the matting.

JFA: “Quick Switch and the Mat Man of course started out as rivals before a mutual respect forged a team out of them. That friendship seemingly in tatters now.”
Flec: “Oh, boo hoo. It’s every man for himself. They both know that. And to be honest who cares? I doubt anybody at home is even still watching this.”

Batmanners jogs down around ringside, away from the feuding friends and leaps onto the apron where The Lock is still trying to find a way of forcing Kickback’s unconscious form over the top.

JHA: “Oh, tasty punch on that kid! Brave lad!”
Joey: “Batmanners introducing himself to the AWF with a sucker punch on The Lock! Staggers him. Steps between the ropes now… going for another – no! Ducked by the Lock, who goes straight for the ankle and there it is! The ankle lock on Batmanners!”
Flec: “Now THAT’s an introduction!”
Joey: “The crowd rapturous, and The Lock has the ankle lock hooked in tight on Batmanners in the middle of the ring. The rookie slapping the mat in agony!”
JHA: “That’s what you get for sucker punching a superst- HEY!”

As JHA speaks, Nmat slams Quick Switch’s face down hard on the commentary table in front of him.

Flec: “Good seats, huh? Right up close to the action. Hey, Mat. You suck.”

Pulling Quick Switch away, Mat Man rolls him back into the ring.

Joey: “Action moving back where it belongs now, it seems. Quick Switch thrown into the ring where Viewfind is finally dragging himself off that collapsed ladder.”
JFA: “And Mat Man going under the ring now… and pulls out a table. One table already in that ring, of course, but smashed in half before it could be put to any form of use.”
Flec: “Dunno. Viewfind got good use out of it putting Darkstorm’s face through it.”
Joey: “The Lock still wrenching away with the ankle lock on Batmanners…”

Suddenly, the crowd start gasping and jeering, as Kickback springs to his feet, completely alert, and advances from behind the distracted Lock.

JHA: “Look who was playing possum! Incredible acting!”
JFA: “Yeah, I’m sure playing dead is a skill in your book. Kickback moving in on The Lock… arms raised – NO! Lock heard it coming, released the ankle lock and just nailed Kickback with an elbow! Kickback sent reeling. Running clothesline from The Lock and he’s out of there! The Lock with a big clothesline on Kickback finally eliminates the Insecticon!”
Flec: “So much for him being the last man out twice. Goodbye, Kickback. I’d say it was good to see you again but to be honest I’m really not bothered.”

The Man Man slings a table into the second ring, away from the first ring where Quick Switch and Viewfind are pulling himself up to his feet. The Lock sees the furniture land at his feet and pulls it up, setting it up in the centre of the ring as the klaxon sounds once more.

Cliffjumper: “It’s time! It’s time! It’s… er, NUMBER 17 time. We really are starting to make some headway. Of course it would be easier if I knew how many we had left to come out. Or who half these people are. Anyway, this one’s called WHIPLASH. Who I’m sure was one of Skeletor’s friends, but whatever.”

Whiplash sprints down the aisle.

Flec: “Whiplash?”
Joey: “Well, he… er… yeah, I got nothing.”
JFA: “He must have appeared somewhere.”
JHA: “Meh.”

Viewfind and Quick Switch both reach their feet at the same time. As Viewfind does so, Wildfire sits up, pushing the ladder away and Raven Darkstorm rolls to his knees as well.

Flec: “Oh, nice of them all to join us again. I hope they’re well rested.”
JFA: “Mat Man up onto the ring apron now, gesturing to The Lock. Having some sort of discussion as Nmat re-enters the fray. So now we’ve got The Mat Man, The Lock and Batmanners in one ring, with a ladder set up in the outer corner and a table now set up. Plus another ladder lying collapsed across the ropes that adjoin it to the ring nearest the ramp. And in that ring we’ve got Quick Switch, Viewfind, Wildfire Herald, Raven Darkstorm, a broken table and a collapsed ladder.”
JHA: “Good recap.”
Joey: “And Whiplash entering the first ring now too. Going straight for Quick Switch… who just clotheslines him back out over the top rope.”
Flec: “Well, that was mercifully brief.”
JHA: “Glad we didn’t waste time trying to work out who he is.”

As Quick Switch watches Whiplash tumble back down to the floor, Viewfind jumps him from behind with a double axehandle before grabbing his knee and trying to lift him over the top. But before he can, Wildfire Herald steams in and starts punching away on the GPA leader, breaking it up. Raven Darkstorm hangs back in the corner, letting things develop.

Mat Man and The Lock conclude their discussion. The Lock collapses the table that he’d set up, and props it up in the corner against the turnbuckles.

JHA: “Alright, I don’t get it. The table’s under the ring, the table’s in the ring, the table’s up, the table’s down, now the table’s in the corner. What is going on?”
JFA: “Mat Man pulling that ladder off the ropes, now, setting it back up again. If they’re planning what I think they’re planning, they may need some help from the other ring.”
Joey: “And that’s where he’s going now. Mat Man stepping between the ropes and joining the fray, leaving The Lock and Batmanners to – Oh my word.”
Flec: “Right in the locks!”
Joey: “Batmanners, who I think The Lock had forgotten about, just sneaking up behind and a big low blow on the former Intercontinental champion. And a swinging neckbreaker lays him out in the middle of the ring! Batmanners limping quite heavily, but still enough about him to just completely blindside The Lock.”
JFA: “Firm right hand from Viewfind on Wildfire… and an elbow to the jaw. Irish whip into the corner… and runs in to connect with a knee-lift. Quick Switch across to intercept Mat Man… but Raven Darkstorm takes out both of them with a double clothesline!”
JHA: “Can’t take your eyes off anybody in this one!”
JFA: “Darkstorm lifting Quick Switch up now, but Viewfind across from the corner and a kick to the back of Darkstorm’s knee!”
JHA: “And the Philly Pimp Drop!”
Joey: “Viewfind coming to Quick Switch’s aid and hitting Raven Darkstorm with the Philly Pimp Drop! Quick Switch seeing Nmat still prone… drops the elbow – no! Mat Man rolled out of the way!”

The buzzer sounds again as the ArchiveTron replaces the action with a series of zeroes.

Cliffjumper: “Exciting isn’t it? NUMBER 18… D-EXTREME! Another one who I actually remember. YAY!”

Batmanners lifts The Lock up and goes for a suplex, but The Lock blocks it and counters with an inverted suplex, dropping his opponent gut-first across the top rope.

Joey: “Gourdbuster from The Lock! Right across the rope. And a hard right hand takes Batmanners over the top and to the floor!”
Flec: “Alas. And here ends the AWF career of whatever-his-name-was.”
JFA: “It started with a hard right to The Lock on the apron, and it finished with a hard right from The Lock on the apron.”
Joey: “Who would have thought there’d be room for poetic symmetry tonight?”
JHA: “Oh shut up you pretentious oaf.”
JFA: “Anyway, listen to the crowd go wild for another former Tag Team Champion making his way to the ring – D-Extreme! Two time Tag Team Champion.”
Joey: “And of course the Serial Slackaz were the reigning champions when we got cancelled, so technically he could argue that he still is the champion.”
Flec: “Except that the 30 day rule means that he was stripped of it years ago.”
JHA: “Oh like that ever got enforced unless somebody had failed a drugs test.”

Back with the action, Mat Man, holding the ladder in front of him as a shield, swings it at Quick Switch, catching his former partner square in the chest and knocking him to the mat. Viewfind lifts Raven Darkstorm from the canvas and heaves him up.

Joey: “Bodyslam coming up from Viewfind… no – big physicality in lifting Darkstorm up in a gorilla press…”
JHA: “Looks like we’re about to lose another one.”
Joey: “And drops him over the top rope at the feet of D-Extreme!”

The newcomer steps over the eliminated Raven Darkstorm and pulls himself onto the apron, before stepping over the top rope. Viewfind throws a right hand at him, but D-Extreme blocks it and in one motion slings the GPA man over the top rope!

Joey: “Viewfind oh so nearly eliminated there!”

As D-Extreme strolls into the middle of the ring, Viewfind swings frantically in mid-air, both hands gripped tight around the middle rope, his left foot touching the floor as he desperately tries to get the momentum to lift his right onto the apron.

JFA: “Blingzilla hanging loose there!”
Flec: “Like you know what any of that means.”
Joey: “Mat Man setting up the ladder now. The Lock coming across to help him… everybody in the rampside ring now. D-Extreme grabbing Wildfire… but a punch to the gut from Herald. Tries to whip D-Ex to the ropes, but reversed…”

As Wildfire is flung into the ropes, Viewfind manages to swing himself up, grabbing the top rope and pulling down on it in the process – as Wildfire turns to hit the strand!

Joey: “… and Wildfire sent tumbling to the outside! Viewfind conspiring to help eliminate him, thought I doubt he knew much about it!”
JHA: “He meant that. He knows what he’s doing every step of the way! Wildfire out at the hands of Blingzilla.”
JFA: “Well, given earlier events I’m sure that Viewfind will take great pleasure in the elimination of Wilberforce, I think officially that goes down in the books as an elimination for D-Extreme.”
Flec: “Like anybody actually cares about that stuff.”

The Lock and the Mat Man position the ladder in the ring, parallel with the ladder in the second ring, but as they go to step through the ropes, The Lock nails the Mat Man from behind.

Joey: “Heinous sneak attack from The Lock!”
Flec: “Every… man… for… himself. Say it with me, Styles. How many times?”
JFA: “Mat Man on the receiving end of another double-cross. Seemingly a recurring theme for him today. The Lock stomping away now, and D-Extreme coming across to break it up. Hard right hand to the Lock, bounces off the ropes and a big clothesline takes him down.”
Joey: “D-Extreme going up the ladder, now! But The Lock up again and pulls him down.”

Cliffjumper: “And we know what that sound means… it’s time to see who’s behind door NUMBER 19… IGNAVUS!”

JHA: “Oh what?”
JFA: “It’s Ignavus! D-Extreme’s former tag team partner! The other half of the Serial Slackaz!”
Flec: “Well now that’s definitely a fix.”
Joey: “Ignavus making his way very slowly to the ring. Never was the most energetic of competitors.”
JFA: “I did hear word that he’d retired.”
Flec: “How would anybody notice the difference? Anyway, how can you be hearing rumours when you’ve been locked in a cupboard for years? Who’s in charge of continuity around here?”
Joey: “Mat Man back up now, and a big belly-to-belly on The Lock! D-Extreme swings and catches one himself!”

As the Mat Man catches a rush of adrenaline, Quick Switch decides to rejoin proceedings, moving gingerly.

JFA: “Quick Switch looks to have at least bruised some ribs along the way… and a side Russian legsweep on The Lock!”
Joey: “Quick Switch suddenly deciding it’s better to help the Mat Man than hinder him, it seems. And Viewfind rolling back into the ring now, having taken another breather on the apron.”
JHA: “He’s earned a break, Blingzilla’s been in there since the start!”
JFA: “And so has the Mat Man.”
JHA: “Yeah, but he’s got his tag team partner in there to help!”
JFA: “… have you been paying attention to ANYTHING other than the blonde in the front row?”
JHA: “Not really. Hey, I told you I think they’re real, right? I’m gonna try to find out later.”
Joey: “Speaking of tag team partners, Ignavus now rolling into the ring. Mat Man with a German suplex on D-Extreme… and Quick Switch hits a double-underhook DDT on The Lock!”
JFA: “Ignavus coming across to break it up, but Viewfind heads him off with a knee-lift to the gut… backs him into the corner now…”

But before Viewfind can take advantage, Ignavus rakes his eyes, hops onto the middle rope and counters with a devastating tornado DDT!

Joey: “And listen to the crowd go wild for that! Ignavus announcing himself in spectacular style! And a big lazy dropkick to the Mat Man! Coming to D-Extreme’s aid.”
JFA: “D-Ex gesturing to the other ring now, and Ignavus going through the ropes.”
JHA: “He’s running away already. What a coward!”
Joey: “Of the nineteen men to have entered so far, only six remain in the match. Including the first two competitors out. Viewfind and Mat Man both sprawled out in the ring, Quick Switch now climbing the ladder… and nails a big elbow drop on The Lock from off the sixth rung!”
Flec: “You know, Styles, I’m surprised we haven’t seen those ladders used more as weapons or for elevation in this contest.”
JFA: “… they’ve been used, Flec.”
Flec: “Yeah, but if I were in there they’d have been used more.”
Joey: “If you were in there. Why don’t you tell all the viewers how you’re a former Tag Team Champion again.”
Flec: “Screw you, fatboy. I’m awesome.”

Cliffjumper: “Time for another? 20 down, chaps and chapettes. It’s… DR EVIL. Yay.”

Flec: “Dr Evil? I thought this guy was OP2005?”
JFA: “A lot of our roster have been through several gimmicks, it’s true. Often hard to keep up with who’s who nowadays!”
Joey: “D-Extreme going through to the other ring now to joing Ignavus. Quick Switch slapping Mat Man across the face to bring him around!”
JHA: “Oh, make your mind up!”
JFA: “Interesting turn of events here as Dr Evil enters the ring. Mat Man being helped to his feet by Quick Switch, and now the pair of them head through the ropes to take on the Serial Slackaz!”

Dr Evil pulls up Viewfind upon his arrival and lines up a big clubbing blow, but Viewfind dodges, ducks around and lands a stiff kick to the small of Dr Evil’s back.

Joey: “Viewfind setting him up here… and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Dr Evil!”
Flec: “That’s a welcome and a half!”
Joey: “Viewfind looking around… and he’s going up the ladder!”
JHA: “Quicker than that, Blingzilla!”
JFA: “Mat Man and the Switch exchanging blows with D-Ex and Ignavus now… Quick Switch whips Ignavus to the ropes, ducks the rebound and the Mat Man with a big belly-to-belly suplex! D-Ex grabbing that table and dragging it to the ladder, now. I’ve no idea what’s going on here.”
Flec: “You really are an idiot. It’s a race to bridge the two ladders, fool.”

Viewfind slowly nears the top of the ladder in his ring, as The Lock gets to his feet. The Australian sees what’s happening, so moves to follow the GPA leader up the rungs, but his foot is grabbed by Dr Evil, who brings a clubbing blow down on the back of his shoulder, then hits him with a big back suplex.

JFA: “Quick Switch with a knife-edge chop sends D-Ex staggering back. But a big boot reply knocks him down himself! Nmat darting in, but Ignavus grabs his boot while still on the canvas!”
JHA: “Oh there’s a surprise, can’t even summon the energy to stand up!”
Joey: “Single leg takedown by Ignavus… and D-Ex drops an elbow on the Mat Man!”
Flec: “Viewfind’s nearly at the top of the ladder! Belt’s out of his reach, though.”

Clambering back up, Ignavus starts to step backwards up the other ladder as D-Extreme picks the table back up. Ignavus glances over his shoulder and sees Viewfind reaching desperately, clutching at thin air.

JHA: “You can’t call Blingzilla that! He’ll put a cap in yo ass!”
JFA: “A novel way of getting Viewfind’s attention there from Ignavus. If you couldn’t make it out at home, well then that’s probably for the best. But Ignavus and Viewfind certainly having some form of dialogue now!”

Cliffjumper: “Oh, you know what that sound means! It’s the dinner bell. NUMBER 21… BEEF… CHOW… MEIN! Nah, I’m messing. It’s, er, oh. BRAVE MAXIMUS!”

Flec: “Oh sh-t.”
JFA: “And it looks like business is about to pick up! Ignavus and Viewfind coming to some kind of accord at the top of those ladders as Brave Max stalks his way down to the ring.”
Joey: “D-Extreme carefully passing the table up to Ignavus… struggling to lift it to the top. Viewfind atop the ladder in the other ring… as The Lock and Dr Evil scrap away beneath him.”

As Ignavus finally takes the weight of the ladder and balances it across the top of his ladder, he looks across to Viewfind, only to see the Philly Superstar drop away as The Lock sends Dr Evil facefirst into the ladder!

JHA: “Blingbaby! Oh god, I think I’m having a heart attack here! I’m hyperventilating! GIVE ME AIR!”
Joey: “The force of that whip just collapsed the ladder under Viewfind and sent him crashing back down to earth!”
JFA: “There’s another.”

As Evil staggers backwards, he turns straight into a huge DDT from The Lock, who springs up and grabs the collapsed ladder from off Viewfind’s body. He glances up at Ignavus in the other ring, who’s gesturing frantically to reposition the ladder as he tries to balance a table atop his own vantage point.

Joey: “The Lock setting that ladder back up again now, but in no hurry to climb it. Brave Max into the ring now, and The Lock straight towards him with a series of right hands.”
Flec: “Ch-chokeslam!”
JFA: “Brave Max just grabbed the Lock and PLANTED him! Dr Evil back up now… and Brave Max gives him more of the same! Business has really picked up here! Now dragging Viewfind to his feet by the throat… and drives him to the mat with another one!”
JHA: “Now where’s he going?!!”
Joey: “Brave Max stepping through the ropes now, into the other ring… Mat Man and Quick Switch back to their feet… and quickly get out of Dodge! Both out under the bottom rope to escape.”
JFA: “D-Extreme moving to head Max off… caught by the throat… and a chokeslam! Brave Max absolutely cleaning house here! And look at the look on Ignavus’ face! Stranded atop that ladder, surveying the carnage below… and now Max is heading for-”
Flec: “Oh, that was smart!”

Desperate for a plan of action, Ignavus leaves the table collapsed flat on its perch atop the ladder, and dives off the top rung straight at Brave Max with a clothesline… but Max sees it coming and catches him hard by the throat, spinning around and using the Slacka’s momentum to drive him into the canvas even harder.

JFA: “Brave Max… dishing out chokeslams like Santa dishes out presents. Except he doesn’t care if you’re naughty or nice. Now will he climb the ladder? Yes! He’s going for it!”
JHA: “Oh, hello.”
Joey: “Quick Switch and the Mat Man back into the ring now that the initial onslaught has calmed, and both have steel chairs now!”

The timer on the ArchiveTron counts down again and a now-annoying sound fills the speakers.

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 22… TWO LITTLE DUCKS! No, sorry. STARSCREAMER!”

Flec: “Oh joy.”
Joey: “Nmat and Switch converging on Brave Max as he ascends the ladder… and stereo chairshots to his back bring him down. But he doesn’t stay down… Brave Max pulling himself back… and a con-chair-to! Former Tag Team and Hardcore specialists with simultaneous chairshots to the head of Brave Max!”
JHA: “They stole that from the GPA! Pimpzilla should sue!”
JFA: “Knocking Brave Max down isn’t difficult – it’s getting him to stay down that’s the problem!”
Flec: “Well that seems to have done it for the time being.”
Joey: “Absolute carnage in the ring at the moment. Everybody down from Brave Max’s onslaught with the exception of Quick Switch and the Mat Man… Starscreamer in absolutely no hurry to join proceedings… and here go the former champions! Capitalising on the situation!”
Flec: “And stealing the idea of the Slackaz.”
JFA: “Well, I think it was Dai initially struck upon the solution, but no longer around to capitalise on it, so it’s all up for grabs. Mat Man and QS splitting up now. Mat Man heading up the ladder that Viewfind fell from… Quick Switch taking over from Ignavus. Other people in the rings starting to stir now.”

As Mat Man pulls himself to the top of the ladder, his oft-time tag partner slowly feeds the table across the adjoining ring aprons to position it perfectly between the two, forming a makeshift platform to bridge the gap… directly beneath the suspended AWF Championship belt.

Joey: “The Mat Man, Nmathew… and Quick Switch… have bridged the divide! The opportunity is there… now… which one of them…”
JFA: “Looks like both, Joey! I don’t think they thought far enough ahead to decide who would grab the gold!”
Flec: “This suddenly went from depressing to hilarious!”

As both men balance on the table, they start to exchange words, both pointing at themselves and vocalising their view that they deserve it.

JFA: “These two shared the Tag and Hardcore titles, but Nmat the only one to have won belts on his own… Quick Switch not wanting him to take this, too. But they can’t share it!”
JHA: “If anybody could find a way, they could.”
Joey: “Arguing quite vociferously… meanwhile, the Serial Slackaz are stirring. As is Brave Max! And Starscreamer’s in the ring, too!”

Quick Switch acts first, nailing Mat Man with a hard knife edge chop, but Mat keeps his balance and replies with a stiff right hand. As Quick Switch wobbles on the platform, Mat Man reaches up to get his finger tips on the gold, but QS hits him with a boot to the gut.

Flec: “This is actual comedy gold up there!”
Joey: “Both men with a real chance of becoming the Archive Wrestling Federation Champion for the first time right now!”
JHA: “And that ends the match, yeah?”
Joey: “Not by a long way. Starscreamer caught by Brave Max… and a big chokeslam coming… no… lifting him high… carrying him across the ring by the throat… and just dumps him over the top and to the floor!”
JFA: “Starscreamer eliminated! Thrown over the top rope by his throat! Quick Switch trying to grab the belt now!”
Joey: “Tackled by Nmat! Down to the surface of the table! And they’re lucky it’s intact! These AWF tables aren’t really built to withstand that sort of impact.”

The buzzer sounds again.

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 23… BLITZWING 2!”

Blitzwing 2 emerges through the curtain, but hangs back on the stage to see what’s happening.

JFA: “Switch and Mat tussling on top of that table… neither letting the other man back up to his feet… and the Slackaz are back up!”
JHA: “This does not look good for our zeroes.”
Joey: “Ignavus heading into the other ring now… what are these two doing? D-Extreme grabbing the ladder in his ring… Ignavus grabbing the other… Quick Switch and Mat Man reaching for the belt above them…”
Flec: “TIMBERRRRR!!!!!”
Joey: “Oh my god.”
JFA: “Sweet merciful Christmas!”
JHA: “Odin’s raven!”

The Serial Slackaz push their respective ladders over, sending the entire structure tipping sideways across the ring… and spilling the ladder and the men atop it out to the arena floor!

Flec: “They’re out of here!”
Joey: “Quick Switch… The Mat Man… they had their hands on the gold… and now both eliminated in spectacular fashion! The table is in splinters on the floor… both men could be out cold. I think Quick Switch hit his head on the protective railings. The crowd chanting in disbelief at what they’ve just seen. Mat Man the second man in today… gave it is all and nearly got the reward, came so close.”
Flec: “Yeah well close only counts in… whatever the rest of that saying is. The point is they’re gone! And their careers gone with them!”
JFA: “Seven participants left now: Viewfind, The Lock, D-Extreme, Ignavus, Dr Evil, Brave Maximus and now Blitzwing 2 entering the fray.”

As D-Extreme surveys the wreckage outside the ring, Brave Max stalks up behind him and nails a hard clubbing blow to the back of his neck. Ignavus turns to witness the event but gets chop-blocked by Blitzwing 2 as he enters the ring. B2 then starts stomping away on the Slacka as Viewfind, The Lock and Dr Evil all start to climb back to their feet.

Joey: “Brave Max looks weakened from those chairshots, understandably so. Not getting the power on those blows that you’d expect… D-Extreme shrugging them off. Boot to Brave Max’s midsection and THERE IT IS.”
JFA: “X-ocution on Brave Max! But he doesn’t stay down. It’s slowed him, but he’s getting back up again.”

The Lock ignores Blitzwing 2’s assault on Ignavus and steps through the ropes to aid D-Extreme against Max. Dr Evil follows him.

Flec: “Oh, and here come the calvalry.”
Joey: “Three men now, working together, pulling Brave Max up and backing him up to the ropes… trying to force him over as a team. Not working so far, Max not in a condition to fight them all off though. He’ll land a blow on one and the other two just punching away to force him back.”
JFA: “Blitzwing 2 still stomping away on Ignavus. But Viewfind’s back up now and behind B2… and a reverse DDT!”

Again the counter hits zero.

JHA: “Is it me, or are the intervals between entrances really erratic?”
JFA: “I think you’re imgianing things J. Probably down to us doing more talking one minute than another.”
JHA: “Riiiiight.”

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 24… GRAND CONVOY! Answers on a postcard.”

Flec: “What the hell is that and why is it wearing a cape?”
Joey: “You’ve seen him in action before Flec. ArchiveBowl? Teamed with occasional rival Arcee to defeat Erik Summers and StoneCold Skywarp? Your memory is appalling, you know that?”
Flec: “Yes. I struggle with alcoholism, depression and steroid abuse, as well you know, you insensitive prick. Concentration lapses and memory loss are a side-effect of my medication. At least I’ve got an excuse. You’re the walking AWF history book but not once did you mention Nmathew’s fleeting association with the GPA.”
Joey: “… sh-tballs.”
JFA: “Aaaanyway. Viewfind hauling Blitzwing 2 up now, and drops him across the knee with that backbreaker. Ignavus up again now… and a hard lariat takes down Viewfind!”
JHA: “And here comes the freaky weirdo in the cloak.”

Grand Convoy shrugs off his cape on the arena floor and rolls under the bottom rope into the second ring, where a coalition of AWF combatants are trying to force Brave Max out over the top.

Joey: “Grand Convoy picking up one of those chairs, now. Of course left in the ring from when Mat Man and Quick Switch took on Brave Max.”
JHA: “Are they still out cold on the floor?”
Flec: “Yeah. It’s funny.”
JFA: “Our expert team of EMTs are slowly making their way down here with the trolleys.”
Flec: “I hope they’re quicker than that if I get hurt. Not that that’s likely.”
JFA: “Are you not stepping into the ring tonight then Flec?”
Flec: “Please. I’m a broadcast journalist. I’m retired.”
Joey: “So was Rock.”
Flec: “I can neither confirm nor deny my involvement.”
JFA: “Definitely in it, then?”
Joey: “I reckon so.”
Flec: “Shut up.”
JHA: “Medication affecting your memory, man?”
Flec: “You’re all on the list.”

Grand Convoy takes his time in eyeing up the throng at the ring’s edge, before swinging the chair firmly at the back of Dr Evil.

Joey: “And that’ll scramble his lungs.”
Flec: “Are you drunk? I know it’s Christmas, but I didn’t see any drinks.”
JFA: “Dr Evil staggering away from Brave Max now.. and Grand Convoy with a chairshot to D-Extreme now!”

As two of the men trying to force him over the ropes fall, Brave Max forces himself away from The Lock and charges straight back to the middle of the ring, gripping the first throat he sees… that of Grand Convoy.

JHA: “Oh well that was a great plan. Sorry, a Grand plan. Have to go for the pun.”
JFA: “Chokeslam! Brave Max unleashed again by Grand Convoy, but it looks like he’s now reaping the whirlwind.”
JHA: “Forced. But it counts.”
Joey: “The Lock grabbing the other chair now… and smashes it down across the head of Brave Max… and again… and a third time! And finally he falls!”

The Lock slams the chair down again on the prone form of Brave Max for good measure, before tossing it across the ring where it slides out under the bottom rope.

JFA: “Ignavus pulling Viewfind up and floors him with a DDT. Blitzwing 2 up again now, and a boot to the midsection of Ignavus… setting him up for a piledriver, it looks like – no! Great athleticism from Ignavus, and counters with a huracanrana!”
Flec: “Great athleticism. From Ignavus. Kill me.”

Cliffjumper: “Thank you sir, may I have another. NUMBER 25… MACCLESFIELD TOWN. Sorry, no. Look, it’s not my fault. I’M BORED. Ok, it’s RAIDEN! THE RAID! There’s a flashback for you.”

Joey: “And here comes another member of the GPA.”
Flec: “Oh, you remembered with him then. Idiot.”
JHA: “I wonder if this member of the GPA will sell out Viewfind like Wildfrog did.”
JFA: “Only every man for himself when it doesn’t detriment your pick, isn’t it?”
JHA: “Exactly. Wait, what does detriment mean?”
Joey: “The Raid heading down the ramp, and The Lock picking up Grand Convoy… and hits the Big Payback!”
Flec: “Remembered what it’s called now?”
Joey: “Let’s not dress it up, it’s an Olympic slam. Though it could be seen as payback for Grand Convoy breaking up The Lock’s attempt to eliminate Brave Max. Of all the competitors in the ring right now, The Lock has been in there the second longest. Entered at number 15, only Viewfind has been in longer.”
JHA: “And he’s been in since the beginning! First in, last out. He’ll be turning out the lights.”
JFA: “Sideline in janitorial work?”
JHA: “Don’t make me ask you to leave.”

The Raid hops onto the apron and steps in to assist Viewfind by hitting a double clothesline on Ignavus and Blitzwing 2. In the other ring, The Lock starts kicking away frantically at the prone form of Grand Convoy.

Flec: “Looks like The Lock has snapped!”
Joey: “Definite case of tunnel vision, it seems. D-Extreme back up again now, as is Dr Evil. D-Ex up first though… and grabs the good Doctor in a bearhug… no, double leg takedown… and a slingshot!”
JFA: “Into the ringpost! Evil went all the way over the turnbuckle and hit the post! Staggered now… and D-Extreme with a big clothesline finishes the job! Dr Evil out of the match.”
Joey: “D-Ex grabbing the ladder now. Setting it up again, maybe going to take a tilt at going for the belt.”
JHA: “Well he’s an idiot to try, we know you can’t reach it without throwing a table in the mix.”
JFA: “No, not setting it up…”
Flec: “What’s that darn fool doing?”
Joey: “D-Extreme… slams the ladder down across the back of The Lock!”
JFA: “Raiden and Viewfind picking up Ignavus and B2 now… Raiden with a big gutwrench suplex on Blitzwing, and Viewfind slams Ignavus facefirst into the top turnbuckle.”
Joey: “The Raid no stranger to battle royals, won the first ever ArchiveBowl if memory serves. But D-Extreme picking up The Lock now and trying to force him out over the top.”

Grand Convoy pulls himself to his feet and starts stomping away at Brave Max, while Viewfind lifts Ignavus and dumps him down across the top rope.

Joey: “Viewfind going for a superplex here, it seems. Risky strategy.”
JHA: “It’s ok, The Raid has his back.”

The buzzer goes again.

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 26… BRAWN!”

JFA: “And here comes Brawn! The other half of Blood, Death and Beer. His former partner Dai obviously out here earlier, let’s see if he can fair better.”
Joey: “Viewfind pummelling Ignavus with punches, trying to get him in a position where he can hit that superplex. The Raid with a DDT on Blitzwing 2.”
Flec: “What’s Brawn doing now?”
JFA: “Heading under the ring… much as his partner did earlier… and pulls out a table! Looks like he’s got the same plan Dai had.”
Flec: “Because that ended well.”
Joey: “Raiden across to help Viewfind it looks like… clambering up the ropes alongside him. Going for a two man suplex, it looks like.”
JHA: “See that’s a team-mate. That’s how you do it. You see that your boss is struggling, so you go across and WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!!”
Joey: “THE RAID! With a jumping neckbreaker on Viewfind! Brings him back down to the canvas hard!”
JFA: “So much for teamwork!”
JHA: “That is not fair! That is unkind!”
JFA: “Who said anything about fair or kind?”
JHA: “You have to be kind. You have to be kind to Viewfind!”
JFA: “Oh brother.”

Brawn slides the table into the ring and jumps onto the apron. He climbs the turnbuckles and launches himself at Raiden with a flying clothesline.

JHA: “Oh thank you. Thank you Brawn.”
Joey: “Grand Convoy stomping on Brave Max. Heads across to help D-Extreme with The Lock now. Both men trying to force the Australian over.”
Flec: “Not gonna happen, he’s got a death grip on that top rope. He’s not going anywhere.”
JFA: “Blitzwing 2 now… back up again, but moving away from Brawn and The Raid. Heading across to the other ring, and now joining in trying to force The Lock out.”
Joey: “Ignavus still sat perched on that top turnbuckle. Brawn stomping away on The Raid, hauls him up and whips him across towards Ignavus… who leapfrogs out of the corner! Perfect somersault on the landing brings him to his feet!”
Flec: “And straight into an inverted atomic drop from Brawn! That’s what you get for showing off in a match like this.”
Joey: “Brawn with an arm-wringer now, going for a short clothesline… but Ignavus with a poke to the eye!”
Flec: “Ha! The little runt can be taught after all.”

Ignavus takes advantage of the distraction and darts across past Brawn and towards the other ring, but before he can reach the group of wrestlers trying to force out The Lock, Brave Maximus grabs his ankle and trips him to the mat.

JHA: “Oh dear. He’s back up.”
JFA: “And I think the crowd reaction tipped off the others. Blitzwing 2 and Grand Convoy breaking off now, clubbing away on Brave Maximus, and together trying to drag him to the side of the ring to force him over the top rope.”
Joey: “Raiden charging out of the corner now like a freight train and levelling Brawn with a clothesline!”
JHA: “No, The A-Train is a different member of the GPA. Keep it straight, Styles.”
Joey: “Just D-Extreme trying to eliminate The Lock now… and Locky kicks him away. D-Ex giving it up as a bad idea, and now joins the team trying to oust Brave Max.”
Flec: “Sensible plan. Might take all of them to do it.”
Joey: “Locky joining in now, too. The Raid stomping away on Brawn.”
JHA: “Where’s Viewfind? Where’d he go? I can’t see him in the ring! Where is he??”
JFA: “Beats me, J. I didn’t see him leave.”

The buzzer sounds again as the commentary team fail to see Viewfind crouched on the arena floor, rummaging around behind the ring apron.

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 27… AXER! Yeah, I know.”

Joey: “Raiden picking up Brawn… but Brawn with a stiff uppercut and a snapmare takedown… oh, and a hard boot to the back of Raiden’s head!”
JHA: “I see him! It’s ok, it’s ok! I’ve spotted Blingzilla. He’s just taking a rest on the outside after another member of the GPA sold him the hell out.”
JFA: “You sure he’s taking a rest? You didn’t see how he went out. You sure he didn’t go over the top?”
JHA: “I… I mean… you shut up! Shut up, all of you shut up!”
Flec: “Who the hell is Axer? Why do I have to sit through these nobodies while the a-list cool their heels backstage?”
Joey: “Getting nervous about who’ll still be in there when you get called?”
Flec: “I’ve nothing to be nervous about, Joey. Man with a plan. The Flec prevails, no diggity, no doubt.”

With Raiden laid out, Brawn heads across to the cluster of wrestlers crowded around Brave Max.

JHA: “And another one joins the fray. How many men does it take to eliminate Brave Max? There’s a riddle for you.”
JFA: “He’s nearly out, though, clinging on to that top rope… The Lock, Blitzwing 2, the Serial Slackaz, Grand Convoy, all pushing away now. And Brawn up behind them.”

But rather than adding his weight to the project, Brawn reaches down, grabs the ankles of Grand Convoy and Blitzwing 2 and lifts them, the momentum taking the entire group over the top.

Joey: “Oh my word.”
Flec: “That’s what happens when you take the eye off the ball!”
Joey: “Elimination en masse there! Brawn taking advantage of the situation, all those bodies in close proximity, already leaning forward... all they needed was a little push!”
JHA: “And Blingzilla nowhere near it! Not all of them went though, who did we lose?”
JFA: “Brave Max down on the floor, as are Grand Convoy and both the Serial Slackaz!”
Joey: “The Lock lying on the apron, and Blitzwing 2 desperately hanging onto the middle rope, his feet inches from the floor… and Brawn with a hard boot to the back of B2’s head breaks it up and he tumbles down.”
JFA: “And The Lock rolls back in!”
JHA: “So who’s left then? Brawn, The Lock, that backstabber Raiden, Blingzilla and this nobody Axer who’s on his way in.”
Joey: “That’s the size of it.”

Raiden rolls back up to his feet in time to catch Axer with a powerslam as the newcomer charges him.

Joey: “Brawn busy celebrating his mass elimination. Playing up to the crowd… doesn’t see The Lock back in the ring…”
JFA: “And a running knee to the back… and Brawn straight into the turnbuckle and crashes to the canvas!”
Flec: “Proof you should never turn your back on an Australian. They’re a nation of convicts, J. Being sneaky is genetic.”

Raiden scoops Axer up and throws him over the top rope in one fluid motion.

JHA: “Goodbye to another one. And here comes Viewfind back in again.”
JFA: “Yeah, but what’s that in his hand?”
JHA: “I don’t see anything.”
Joey: “Looks like a kendo stick…”
JHA: “Don’t be ridiculous. Why would there be a kendo stick under the ring? You’re drunk, Styles.”
Joey: “A little bit, yes. But it’s Christmas. And Viewfind with a vicious sneak attack on Raiden! Smashed that kendo stick right across his skull as he turned around!”
JHA: “Sneak attack? You want to talk sneak attack, how about what Raiden did to Viewfind? That was a sneak attack.”

As Viewfind smacks the stick down hard on the fallen Raiden’s ribcage, The Lock clambers the turnbuckles with Brawn trapped in the corner and works the crowd with a meticulous ten-punch.

JFA: “The Lock going to town there.”
Flec: “Which town?”
JFA: “Er…”

Cliffjumper: “Ladies and gentlemen the buzzer sounds once more, please allow me to introduce NUMBER 28… HELLRAISER. Whoever he is.”

Flec: “Wow, he’s enthusiastic.”
Joey: “Hellraiser sprinting down the aisle.”
JHA: “Idiot. Expending energy when he doesn’t need to.”
Joey: “And he dives straight in on Viewfind.”
JHA: “Why? Why? Why is everybody picking on him? It’s not kind to Viewfind.”
Joey: “Hellraiser with a series of punches to Viewfind… forcing him to the ropes… clubbing blows now… Viewfind’s head dropped by it… bringing them down hard on the back of the neck.”
JFA: “And a backdrop! Viewfind counters with a backdrop, and Hellraiser is dumped straight back to the outside and out!”
JHA: “That’s why he’s going to win it! The thinking pimp’s Ric Flair always has a counter!”

Brawn slumps to the mat in the corner as The Lock steps away from him.

Joey: “The Lock going to the ladder now. No, walking past it, coming across into the other ring with Viewfind and The Raid. And grabbing the table!”
Flec: “It’s not dinner time, Lock. There’s no barby to serve up, and you can’t steal a table. What do you think you’re doing?”
JFA: “Will you stop? Viewfind picking up Raiden now… and the Lock dragging that table to the space between the rings.”
Flec: “Seriously, what the hell is he playing at?”
Joey: “The Lock with some form of plan, it seems. Feeding the table above the middle ropes where the rings adjoin…”
JHA: “He’s an idiot. You need to put the table on top of the ladder, not between the ropes.”
JFA: “Legs down on it, table traversing both rings through the ropes.”
Joey: “And Viewfind with a clothesline sends Raiden to the outside! The Raid is out of here!”
JHA: “Good! Good riddance to bad rubbish, you don’t need anyone Viewfy, they all turn on you in the end.”

With the table set up, The Lock comes across and nails Viewfind with a right hand then whips him into the corner.

Joey: “Locky going to town on Viewfind now. But breaks away. And slides under the bottom rope.”
JHA: “Thank you Lock. Give Blingzilla a break. Is he going under the ring? What’s he playing at?”
JFA: “The Lock dragging another table out from under there.”
Flec: “ANOTHER ONE? How many damn tables are under there? Is there some subspace compartment down there with infinite tables?”
Joey: “The Lock sliding a second table into the ring, he’s clearly got some plan to put into action.”
JFA: “And the turnbuckle cover just came away! Viewfind just pulled off the covering for the turnbuckle!”
JHA: “Must have come away in his hand.”
Flec: “The ring techs do shoddy work, that’s for sure. Faulty design.”
Joey: “Locky going across to Viewfind now, going to take another crack at eliminating him before putting that table to use… and Viewfind just dodged aside and slammed The Lock facefirst into the exposed steel of the turnbuckle!”

As The Lock staggers backwards out of the corner, Viewfind shuffles backwards and springs forward with a clothesline, sending Locky out over the top and to the floor!

JFA: “He’s gone! Oh my word, Viewfind just eliminated The Lock! And now we’re down to two!”
JHA: “Yes! YES! YES!!”
Joey: “The Lock finally eliminated, and that just leaves Viewfind and Brawn! Brawn slumped in the corner of one ring, and Viewfind collapses in the centre of the other – he has to be absolutely exhausted, a phenomenal feat from the last man to hold the AWF Title, the first man in the match tonight! A staggering display of stamina and determination.”
JHA: “And skillz! Don’t forget the skillz yo! Bling blingsta! Let me holla at ya, pham – Viewfdaddy walking out with the gold!”
Joey: “Well that remains to be seen… the gold still suspended from the rafters… hanging down above the ring… and let’s not forget, suspended above that is The Cell!”
JHA: “Oh god, the Cell. I’d forgotten about that. What happens when the belt’s down? The cell comes down right?”

The buzzer goes again.

Cliffjumper: “Exciting, isn’t it? Anyway, here’s another nobody to help spice things up! NUMBER 29… VANTH DREADSTAR!”

Joey: “Not quite. When the belt’s down, whoever grabbed it is the Champion.”
JHA: “Yeah, I get that!”
JFA: “But the match continues! The Champion will officially have the title, but also have the advantage that they can only be eliminated by pinfall or submission, at which point the title is then transferred to whoever eliminated them.”
JHA: “But does that mean they have to pin people too?”
Flec: “Give me strength.”
Joey: “Vanth Dreadstar making his way down the ramp now. The other half of StarStorm, his brother Raven Darkstorm has already made an appearance.”
JFA: “No, everybody else still has to be eliminated under the battle royale rules – over the top rope and to the floor.”
JHA: “So what’s the cell for?”
Joey: “When the last man is out, the cell comes down and then it’s pinfall or submission for everybody.”
JHA: “My head hurts. How do you know all this? How many people are in this match? Who’s got my shoes?”

Dreadstar reaches the ring and rolls in under the bottom rope, heading straight for Viewfind.

JHA: “Oh come on!”
Joey: “Vanth Dreadstar clearly deciding that Viewfind is the better target, been in the ring the longest. Dragging him up and punching away. Viewfind just about getting his guard up.”
JFA: “Viewfind taking a pummelling… not even trying to fight back, just throwing his fists up to try and fend off the blows. If this were a boxing match, the referee would be breaking this up.”
Flec: “If this were a boxing match there wouldn’t be a belt and cage hanging from the rafters and two tables and a ladder in the ring. Idiot. Boxing. What kind of fight has three different people making up numbers and the result judged on that? Keep going until one of them’s out cold.”
Joey: “Had money on Amir Khan by any chance?”
Flec: “That’s none of your damn business. What kind of a name is Vanth?”
JFA: “Dreadstar backing Viewfind into the corner now, and stomping away… pulls him out and looking for a powerbomb…”

Viewfind is flipped up in the attempted powerbomb, but forces his momentum through in an incredible somersault to land on his feet in front of Dreadstar. Seizing on his adversary’s surprise, he immediately counters with a devastating DDT that flips Vanth over onto his back.

Joey: “Phenomenal counter!”
JHA: “That’s why he’s the Champion, Styles! Because he’s never beaten!”
JFA: “Hence why he just collapsed in the ring again.”
JHA: “He’s earned a lie-down, he’s tired.”
Joey: “Also not the Champion, J. The belt’s suspended from the ceiling.”
JHA: “He never lost the belt, Joey. As far as I’m concerned, he’s still the real AWF Champion. To be the man, you have to beat the man and until anybody’s beaten Viewfdaddy, he’s still the Champ in my book.”
Flec: “Your book is mostly pictures and fun little activities, isn’t it?”

Cliffjumper: “And whilst we wait for one of the three people actually in the match to get off their arse and do something – seriously guys, stop just lying around – let’s introduce NUMBER 30… THE ONE MAN ARMY… RCOSD!”

Joey: “And things may be about to get very interesting indeed. Two time former Hardcore Champion making his way to the ring. He lives for this sort of thing.”
Flec: “He’s Scottish - he was born with a broken beer bottle in each hand. Delivery was a bitch, the mothers seldom survive.”

Brawn finally finishes recuperating from the beating handed out by The Lock and pulls himself to his feet. RCOSD dives straight into his ring and they exchange a volley of punches, neither man seemingly feeling the effects of the others blows.

JFA: “RCOSD and the recharged Brawn both houses of fire here! Going at it hammer and tongs!”
Flec: “Clearly both got an F when it came to selling.”
JFA: “RCOSD the fresher… getting the better of it now and whips Brawn into the ropes, but Brawn with a shoulder block on the return sends the Scotsman to the mat. RCOSD back up now.”
JHA: “Always confused me, shouldn’t this guy be wearing a dress? I mean he is Scottish.”
Joey: “It’s called a kilt, J. And they’re not mandatory.”
Flec: “Speaking of guys who wear dresses, I wonder if Auntie Slag’s in the building.”

Brawn catches RCOSD in a standing side headlock, but it’s reversed into a back suplex before RCOSD gets to his feet and goes for an elbow drop.

Joey: “Power move by RCOSD… but Brawn rolls out of the way. Backs up as R gets back to his feet… and a running kneelift from Brawn right into the jaw!”
JFA: “Viewfind back up again now… but Dreadstar clambering to his feet too. Viewfind doesn’t really seem to know where he is… staring at that table that The Lock slid into the ring.”
JHA: “Look out V!”
Joey: “And a drop toe-hold from Viewfind onto the table! Dreadstar tried to rush him, but Viewfind was onto it and showed great timing and technique there to step aside and use Vanth’s own momentum to drill him facefirst into the table!”
JHA: “My boy Bling’s all about timing and technique.”
Joey: “Picking up Dreadstar now… and just flings him over the top rope… but no!”

As he’s thrown headfirst over the top, Vanth grabs the top rope with both hands and shows great power to pull himself back and upright again into the ring… only for Viewfind to slam an elbow into the back of his head and repeat the job properly.

JHA: “But yes! Tried to be flashy but he was dealing with the real AWF Champion. He doesn’t fall for that sh-t. And the one who isn’t the other half of StarStorm is out of here.”
Joey: “Brawn tying up with RCOSD again now… and lifts him wayyy up for a vertical suplex. Holding him up there, sheer strength and brawn from Brawn.”
Flec: “Brawn from brawn? How much longer must I endure this mockery of language?”

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 31… JUDGE DEATH!”

JHA: “Oh great, another skinny turd.”
JFA: “One half of Ravenous Justice… one of the more unorthodox characters to pass through the AWF roster.”
Flec: “Unorthodox? The guy believes he’s a dead alien. He should be president of the nut-house!”
JFA: “And Judge Death going straight for Viewfind with a series of knife-edge chops, backs him into the corner and now trying to lift Viewfind out over the top.”
JHA: “Why? Why do they always go straight for the Champ? They’re jealous and scared, that’s why!”
Joey: “Yeah, nothing to do with him being the most fatigued.”

As RCOSD clambers back up, Brawn moves in again but the Scot elbows him in the face and lifts him up into a torture rack.

JFA: “Great show of power from RCOSD! And just like that the tide turns in his favour!”
Flec: “Bad show of brains though, there’s no submissions. No point lifting him up unless you’re going to drop him over the top.”
JFA: “I think he heard you! RCOSD heading for the ropes now… and dumps Brawn down, but the Blood Death and Beer man grabs the top strand and lands on the apron. Hard right hand now sends RCOSD back away…”
Joey: “Brawn climbing the turnbuckles now… biiig dropkick!”
Flec: “Nothing but mat! Telegraphed it a mile off. RCOSD well clear by the time it hit.”
JFA: “Viewfind with a rake to the eyes of Judge Death, side headlock now…. Oh and just raking his eyes across the top rope. Dragged facefirst along the strand… and now a hard punch to the face sends Judge Death back down to the mat.”
Joey: “RCOSD pulling Brawn up… gutwrench suplex takes him back down.”
JFA: “Viewfind picking up Judge Death… going for a piledriver… no! Back body-drop counter from the Judge! Viewfind back up and a release fisherman’s suplex from Death! Viewfind taking a pounding!”
JHA: “He can take it all night, J! He’ll never give up! So long as he doesn’t go over the top, he’s still the Champion!”

The buzzer sounds.

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 32… CLAYPOOL!”

Joey: “And now it gets interesting! The first entrant since Viewfind to have held the AWF Championship.”
Flec: “Another one who was never beaten for it. How’s that sit with you J?”
JHA: “He had his chance and he blew it! Viewfind lost it through a ratings crash!
JFA: “Ratings dropped while he was he champ, maybe that was his fault?”
JHA: “You shut up!”

Claypool strolls out past the stage and down the ramp with a microphone in hand.

Claypool: “It’s not Claypool, it’s Lord Claypool! Get it right or not at all, I didn’t win a tournament for nothing.”

Flec: “Looks like you’re the one who should shut up, J – The first ever Lord of the Mat is speaking!”

Claypool: “Once upon a time I was the big noise around here, and I still should be. You two! Brawn! RCOSD! My former loyal subjects, it’s time to put aside our differences and unite in pursuit of a common glory: mine!”

Joey: “Brawn and RCOSD of course both former members of the Clay World Order…”
JFA: “Don’t remind me. Everybody in the ring has stopped what they’re doing to listen to Claypool.”
Flec: “LORD Claypool. Get it right, J”

Claypool: “The cWo ruled the AWF once, and it can do so again. Come, stop fighting. Unite and we can win this together!”

RCOSD and Brawn exchange a look with each other as Claypool clambers up the steps… and they embrace!

JHA: “Looks like the reunion is on!!”
JFA: “Yeah, three men. Big time reunion.”
Flec: “Well, I’m in no way underwhelmed. The cWo is back! Do you realise what this means???”
JFA: “Hour-long backslapping group promos that don’t really go anywhere?”
Flec: “EXACTLY! The ratings will go through the roof!”
JFA: “This is the last show, Flec.”
Flec: “What’s your point?”

Judge Death and Viewfind look on anxiously as RCOSD and Brawn sit apart from each other on the middle rope and raise the top strand to let Claypool enter.

Claypool: “Yes, yes. We’re back! Hahahaha! Now, you two – eliminate those two losers in the other ring for me. I’ve got a belt to retrieve!”

Brawn and RCOSD look at each other, nod and smile… and then double clothesline Claypool right off his feet!

JHA: “Oh my god!”
Joey: “And listen to the crowd go wild for that! The cWo reunion is over!”
Flec: “Does that mean no promos? However will I cope?”
JFA: “Brawn and RCOSD stomping away on Claypool now!”

The buzzer sounds.

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 33… OMEGA! Yeah, look, don’t blame me.”

JHA: “Hey, it’s Omega. I like this guy.”
Joey: “Well done for remembering who somebody is.”
JHA: “Yeah, he bought me a coffee once. Nice to meet a jobber who actually cares occasionally.”
JFA: “Claypool being absolutely pounded by Brawn and RCOSD as Viewfind and Judge Death look on… Irish whip by Brawn… and a big clothesline by RCOSD. Both picking him up now… and over he goes!”
Joey: “RCOSD and Brawn lifting Claypool up between them and just propelling him over the top rope and to the floor. The cWo reunion didn’t go in anywhere near as planned, I think.”
Flec: “That’s why you get the big bucks, Styles. Omega in and pounding on Judge Death now…”
JFA: “But Judge Death throttling him… and a two handed sit-out chokeslam takes him down!”

Brawn and RCOSD look down on Claypool as he lies on the arena floor gasping for air and rolling in agony. The two look to each other and exchange high fives.

Flec: “Look at those two clowns. Selling out their old boss, they’re worse than the GPA. I hope they’re happy.”
Joey: “They look happy to me Flec. Brawn turning away now and… oh my word!”
Flec: “Hahaha! Now that’s funny!”
Joey: “RCOSD letting Brawn turn his back and then just catching him with a neckbreaker! Heaving him up now… press slam… and out over the top! Right next to Claypool!”
JHA: “That’s why you should never turn your back on anybody in this type of match! Even the guys you think are friends are just waiting for the chance to stick a knife in your back, it’s a metaphor for life in many ways.”
JFA: “You’re a very ‘up’ person, you know that?”
Flec: “Brawn obviously deemed surplus to requirements by RCOSD.”
JHA: “Oh, well played.”
Flec: “Thank you.”

With Claypool and Brawn eliminated, RCOSD steps through the ropes to join Judge Death, Omega and Viewfind in the other ring. He nails Judge Death with a kick to the back of the head, before a forearm smash takes down Omega. Viewfind lunges at him but an elbow slows the GPA man down long enough for RCOSD to dump him to the mat with a sidewalk slam.

Joey: “RCOSD going to town now, everybody’s a target.”
Flec: “Well they don’t call him the One Man Army for nothing, Joey. There’s a very specific reason behind it.”
JFA: “RCOSD picking up that other table now… and… what is he doing? Is he? Setting it up on top of the other table?”
Joey: “Looks that way. That first table still there from when The Lock set it up earlier, positioned very specifically across the adjoining aprons, above the second rope. RCOSD now setting a second one up atop it… taking the platform above the top rope… directly below…”
JHA: “Directly below the title belt! Oh, it’s a genius plan. The two ladders with a table bridging them didn’t work… so now we build a tower!”
Joey: “Definitely looks like that’s the plan. A tower of tables up to the belt.”

The buzzer goes again, but nobody emerges.

Cliffjumper: “And… well, it clearly isn’t is it? He’s not here? What do you mean, look – nobody.”

JFA: “And our ring announcer having an argument with whoever’s feeding him information from backstage through that radio headset.”
JHA: “I bet it’s Kincaid, he never could do anything right.”

Joey: “RCOSD with that table balanced on the other… and now, well it looks like he’s going after the ladder.”
Flec: “Yep. The one ladder wouldn’t fit between the rings because the ropes were too close, but now the table’s given a surface above the top rope… well, that’ll easily get you up there. The tricky part is gonna be getting up there without anybody interrupting… did somebody just jump the guardrail? Where’s security?”
JFA: “It’s Redstreak! Redstreak just came out of the crowd! Into the ring, RCOSD doesn’t see him!”
Joey: “Redstreak entering through the spectators so as not to draw attention… his former tag team partner completely oblivious… RCOSD turns… SPEAR! SPEAR FROM REDSTREAK ON RCOSD!”

Cliffjumper: “Ah. There he is. Sorry, my bad everyone. NUMBER 34… REDSTREAK!”

Joey: “Redstreak! Four time former Hardcore Champion! Former Intercontinental Champion! Defeated Viewfind for the Intercontinental belt!”
Flec: “Yeah, but lost the Hardcore title to Viewfind too, don’t forget.”
Joey: “They’re no strangers, definitely unfinished business between them. But now delivering a string of mounted punches to his former tag team partner RCOSD.”
Flec: “Yeah, how many times did they win the belts? None, wasn’t it?”
JFA: “And you could be forgiven to having a flashback to the basement brawl, right now. Redstreak up again and playing to the crowd.”
Joey: “Heading into the other ring, now. Omega up… spear! Spear to Omega… drags him up and tosses him straight over the top rope to the floor!”

Omega hits the ground hard as Redstreak turns and throws himself shoulder-first through the rising Judge Death, sending him somersaulting forwards and back down the mat. Redstreak turns, pulls him up and then hits a high-elevation DDT to plant him straight back down.

JFA: “Redocution to Judge Death!”
JHA: “Oh, no, Blingzilla don’t get up!”
JFA: “Viewfind pulling himself up in the corner… Redstreak teeing it up… and goes for the spear! No! Viewfind out of the way and Redstreak all the way through the turnbuckles to the ringpost!”
Flec: “Idiot just speared the post! That’s hilarious!”

Redstreak pulls himself backwards out from between the ropes, but Viewfind is waiting to scoop him up in a fireman’s carry.

Joey: “Philly Pimp Drop! The Death Valley driver to Redstreak! And Viewfind spitting on the body of Redstreak! And collapses back down in the corner!”
JHA: “It’s okay, Viewf! You take another rest. It’s only fair. Needs to recover, he’s done his part. Broke the momentum.”

The timer approaches zero again.

Joey: “Not that it’ll do much help, we’re about to get another entrant!”
JHA: “Already! That’s not fair!”
JFA: “Redstreak took his time making his way down through the crowd. Late out by the time he arrived, we’re right on schedule, J.”

Cliffjumper: “OK then. NUMBER 35… ICE SHARD! Right, I know this isn’t just me being awkward. What the actual hell?”

Joey: “Ice Shard another in the mould of Batmanners. Never made it to Pay Per View before we were cancelled, being given his shot now.”
Flec: “Whatever. It’s not like he’s actually going to win, so why even bother explaining?”
Joey: “Because he’s a person and because I care.”
Flec: “Whatever.”

Ice Shard sprints into the ring and immediately hops up onto the stacked tables, staring up at the gold hanging above him.

JHA: “Wow. This one’s a special case. You can’t reach from there, dummy!”
JFA: “I think he’s just getting a look at it, J. Sizing up the task.”
JHA: “Here’s a clue - the task is about the size of a ladder!”
Joey: “RCOSD now, back up… Ice Shard now with a double axe-handle from off the table on RCOSD, but doesn’t knock him down. Hits the ropes… and a big powerslam from the One Man Army takes Ice Shard to the mat.”
JFA: “Redstreak back up now, Viewfind up too though and pounding away on that shoulder with clubbing right hands. Could easily have separated it when he hit the post. Injury to be exploited.”
JHA: “And here comes that runt Judge Death again.”

The Judge moves in on Viewfind and Redstreak, looking to join in the offensive as Redstreak is forced backfirst against the ropes.

Joey: “Red up against it now if he is seriously injured. Death with a stabbing chop to the jaw… but Red with a hard right fist back at him… pushes Viewfind away… grabs Judge Death by the collar…”

With a grip on Death’s neck and his back to the ropes, Redstreak drops to the mat, throwing his feet into his gut and flipping backwards.

JFA: “Oh my word! I don’t believe it! Redstreak just monkey-flipped Judge Death OVER the top rope and to the floor!”
JHA: “No, no no no no... Viewfy he’s not hurt as bad as you thought!”
JFA: “Redstreak back up now… Side effect on Viewfind!”
Joey: “RCOSD with a press slam on Ice Shard… and drops him throat first across the top rope! Not even trying to eliminate him, just leaves him gasping for air in the ring. Grabbing the ladder now, and trying to set it up on the table!”
JHA: “Stop him, Blingzilla! He makes it up there, he’s the Champ!”
Joey: “Viewfind not in a position to stop much of anything, J. Redstreak coming across now… and pulls RCOSD away from the ladder before he can start the climb.”

The former tag team partners start exchanging a flurry of punches in the ring, neither giving any quarter and completely oblivious to Viewfind finding his feet again.

The buzzer goes as Viewfind starts to clamber up onto the tables… the ladder set up and stretching up like the Tower of Babel into the promised land.

JHA: “Go on, Viewfy! Go for the belt while they’re distracted, you’re the real Champion, it’s yours anyway!”

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 36… AUROS!”

Flec: “So much for that plan! El Chingador! Now here’s a man who’s trouble. He’ll spit in your face then steal your shoes if you so much as ask him the time!”
JFA: “Part of the old Murder Incorporated alongside The Lock. Sprinting down the aisle and into the ring… and hauls Viewfind back off the ladder and to the ground.”
JHA: “God damn it!”
Joey: “And another Hardcore Champion in the ring now
Flec: “Seriously, how many people won that belt? It seems every other competitor to come down is a former Hardcore Champion. Talk about a meaningless strap, sounds like half the fed wore it at some point.”
Joey: “How many times did you win the Hardcore title, Flec?”
Flec: “I retired before I had to lower myself to such a division.”
Joey: “Of course. Auros stomping away on Viewfind now. Into the other ring now… RCOSD with a big scoop slam on Redstreak. Ice Shard up again, gasping… and Auros with a big clothesline clears him out! Ice Shard gone!”
JHA: “Lasted longer than I expected! Good for him! Now get back up the ladder Viewfind, quickly while the others are distracted!”

Auros pushes RCOSD out of his way and then pokes him in the eye, before bouncing off the ropes and forcing him down with a bulldog.

Joey: “Viewfind coming across into the second ring now, seems to have spent most of the match rampside, but now spreading his wings. That ladder still positioned perfectly atop the tables for anybody who wants a crack at the gold.”
JHA: “No silver or bronze on offer today, just gold. That’s all there is.”
Flec: “And steel. A lot of steel up above the belt too.”
JHA: “… yeah. Steel too.”
Joey: “We’ve had thirty-six men enter this match so far… and only four of them remain… one of them the very first man to enter.”
JHA: “Wooo!”
JFA: “And when the last man enters, that cage comes down. Whoever walks out with the gold, nobody will be able to say he didn’t earn the title!”
Joey: “Viewfind now… moving in on Auros, the freshest combatant… elbow to the head. And a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Auros dumped to the mat.”

Redstreak climbs to his feet at the same time as RCOSD, but catches the Scotsman with a boot to the gut before clamping on the front facelock.

JFA: “Redocution coming up! No, RCOSD blocking it… lifts him high, inverted atomic drop… but Redstreak pushes away and lands safe… spins behind in a waistlock, trying to take him down but RCOSD shrugs him off.”

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 37… PROFESSOR SMOOTH!”

JHA: “And here comes the Smooth One!”
JFA: “And RCOSD hits a huge spinebuster on Redstreak!”
Joey: “Professor Smooth entering the ring now as Viewfind makes for the ladder. Smooth pulling him back, but Auros coming back across now and a hard knife-edge chop to the Professor.”
Flec: “And RCOSD’s going back up to the ladder now. No idea how much weight those tables can support… the history of the AWF would suggest generally not much.”
JFA: “I think they’ll be able to take the weight of one ladder and a wrestler, almost certainly. They’ve got the ropes underneath to add support, as well.”
Flec: “Ah, trusty pseudo-physics. Where would we be without you?”

Auros plants Professor Smooth with a powerful gutwrench powerbomb as Viewfind himself heads towards the ladder.

JHA: “Go on, Viewf! Head off RCOSD!”
JFA: “And Auros bizarrely standing back, letting Viewfind clamber up unimpeded. Straight race between Viewfind and RCOSD for the title now.”
Flec: “Auros is smart. And lazy. Mostly lazy. But also smart. It’s the Mexican in him, he’s going to let the others do all the hard work, then mug them. It’s what I’d do.”
Joey: “I don’t doubt that for a second.”
JFA: “Redstreak up again now, though! And heading up the ladder after RCOSD. Viewfind and the One Man Army both near the top of the ladder… exchanging punches… Redstreak up behind RCOSD…”

As the GPA man and the Glaswegian trade blows, Redstreak hauls himself up behind his former tag team partner and pushes him sideways off the ladder… RCOSD drops straight down and lands precariously across the top rope.

Joey: “Oh my word!”
Flec: “Ohhhhh… that’ll hurt.”
JFA: “RCOSD will be singing a little higher in the shower when this is all said and done!”
Flec: “I really can’t imagine RCOSD singing in the shower, J. Nor do I want to.”
Joey: “Redstreak and Viewfind now… both at the top of the ladder! So close! These two men who share the record for the most Hardcore Title wins! Viewfind, who won the AWF title twice!”
JHA: “And was never beaten for it! The real AWF Champion!”
Joey: “And Redstreak! Who’s never won the main prize… he’s coveted it… he’s obsessed over it!”
Flec: “That and many other things.”
Joey: “And now… it’s within touching distance for both of them… another right hand from Redstreak… and a chop from Viewfind!”

The buzzer sounds once more.

Cliffjumper: “Making his way to the ring… NUMBER 38… THE BRIGADIER!!”

The newcomer slowly stalks his way to the rings, cautiously observing the situation within.

Viewfind suddenly pokes Redstreak in the eye and makes a darting lunge for the belt.

JHA: “He’s got it!”
JFA: “No! Redstreak with an instinctive punch to the gut stops him!”
Flec: “Oh, here’s trouble. What’s Auros doing?”
Joey: “Auros… between the rings now… arms folded on that top table, just watching…”
Flec: “Like hell is he just watching. El Chingador’s up to something, Styles. Guaranteed.”
JFA: “Professor Smooth up to his feet now… and RCOSD untangling himself from the ropes. Gasping for air on the mat, thought. Precious cargo damaged somewhat.”

His vision impaired, Redstreak swings wildly at Viewfind. The Philly man dodges easily, but on the pull back Redstreak elbows him across the jaw… then, with his foe staggered, lunges forward with both palms and shoves him clean off the ladder.

Joey: “Oh my lord, Viewfind just propelled backwards a clear ten foot! Plus a drop of around twenty!”
Flec: “He’s toast, Styles! He landed right on the back of his head, he ain’t getting up from that.”
JHA: “Blingzilla…”
JFA: “And now! Redstreak! Slowly… pulling himself up the last few rungs… the prize… finally… in his sights… unchallenged… Redstreak… wraps his hands around the AWF Championship… just has to unfasten it…”

Suddenly, Redstreak’s entire world falls away as the ladder disappears from beneath his feet, falling sideways into the space between the two rings, crashing down onto the apron.

Flec: “El Chingador! A genius! I told you he was upto something Styles!”
Joey: “But Redstreak held on! Somehow! The belt was in his grasp and he wasn’t letting go!”

High above the ring, the Michigan native dangles in mid-air, his feet flailing in the nothingness… But his hands gripped tight around the leather strap of the Archive Wrestling Federation Championship belt.

JFA: “Redstreak with a desperate grasp on the ultimate prize! A pure all-or-nothing moment for him!”
JHA: “He’s gonna let go. He’s gonna slip. He’s gonna slip. He’s gonna slip. He’s got to let go…”
JFA: “Auros… waiting below. The Brig finally into the ring now, but Professor Smooth heads him off and goes to work in the corner…”

Time seems to stand still as slowly the fasteners on the belt start to pop. One by one. Until eventually… suddenly…

Joey: “HE’S GOT IT!”

The belt releases, and Redstreak descends from the sky, the AWF title falling with him… straight through the two tables stacked beneath him and onto the adjoining aprons.

Flec: “SH-T”

Quick as a flash, Auros dives into the wreckage, turns Redstreak onto his back and hooks the leg.

JHA: “What the?”
Joey: “Referee straight into the ring! One! Two! Three! Oh my word!”
JHA: “What the hell just happened??”

The bell rings as the referee signals to the timekeeper, then quickly rings again.

Auros lifts himself up, digs the Championship belt out of the debris from the tables and raises it above his head, triumphant.

Cliffjumper: “Ladies and gentlemen, the belt has been retrieved from above the ring… so your AWF Champion… REDSTREAK! However, he was pinned in what’s got to be record time, so your new Archive Wrestling Federation Champion… AUROS!”

JHA: “My head hurts.”
Joey: “Redstreak… he fought hard all his career… and he finally got there… he finally won the AWF Title!”
Flec: “Got to figure he didn’t know much about it though.”
Joey: “Certainly no time to appreciate it. Auros… pushing the ladder out from under him, but Red had the belt in his hand. Ultimately, the fall ended his reign though.”
JFA: “Redstreak’s reign somewhat reminiscent of Icarus… he soared high, but in doing so fell.”
Flec: “Yeahhhh… wasn’t the fall that did for him, idiots. It was the landing. Straight through two tables from about twenty-five foot. I told you El Chingador had a plan!”

The buzzer sounds again as Professor Smooth tries to lift the Brigadier out over the turnbuckles, to no avail. Viewfind still lies unconscious in the ring.

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 39… TURBO CHARGER!”

Joey: “Auros a target now for everybody coming in… as RCOSD nails him with a double axehandle from behind… but Auros just turned and smashed him right in the face with the title belt! Stomping away on RCOSD now.”
JHA: “Right… so what happened?”
JFA: “Redstreak became champion by retrieving the belt. Then Auros pinned him to win the title and eliminate him.”
Flec: “Shortest reign ever. There’s a record to go right next to “joint-most-times-won-a-title-every-man-and-their-dog-won” on Redstreak’s mantlepiece.
JHA: “But it was between the rings… on the aprons… how does that count.”
Joey: “Falls count anywhere, J.”

Auros drags RCOSD up and flings him over the top rope, but the Scotsman grabs hold of the strand and lands safely on the apron before rolling back in and clotheslining Auros to the mat.

JFA: “RCOSD with a cover on Auros now! One! Two! Auros kicks out.”
JHA: “So is it just pinfalls from now on?”
Flec: “Didn’t we already explain this to you?”
JHA: “I’m confused! I’m traumatised! Blingzilla took a swan dive off an elevated ladder! He should have the belt and the match should be over!”
JFA: “Auros is the Champion. The only way he can lose the title is by pinfall or submission, and those falls count anywhere. Everybody else, the only way they can be eliminated is by being thrown over the top.”
JHA: “Right. How the hell is that fair to the Champion?”
Flec: “What, that all he has to do is throw them out but they’ve got to pin him? You’re an even bigger idiot that the other two. To be the man, you have to beat the man.”

Turbo Charger dives into the ring and immediately tries to help Professor Smooth eliminate Brigadier, the two of them lifting his feet into the air as he drives his back into the top turnbuckle, arms hooked securely under the top rope.

Joey: “RCOSD picking Auros up again now… but a crafty low blow from the Champion. And boy does that ever taste bad to say. Auros is the AWF Champion.”
Flec: “I think it’s fantastic. And crafty doesn’t cover it. Compared to the rest of the entrants the man’s a genius. Everybody else ran around climbing ladders, balancing tables, throwing themselves off things. But not him. Auros didn’t go after the belt, he let somebody else go up and get it for him. Sublime.”
JFA: “Auros with a side headlock… and drops down to one knee, driving RCOSD’s face into the other.”

As RCOSD twitches on the floor, clutching his nose, Auros picks the belt back up and fastens it around his waist.

JHA: “Ha. Class.”
JFA: “Is that really practical?”
JHA: “Who cares, he’s won the belt, he’s going to wear it!”
Joey: “Auros grabbing RCOSD in a standing armbar now.”
JHA: “I think I heard him give up!”
JFA: “That was the buzzer.”

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 40… wow, we’re really getting through these. Wish I knew how many there were, though. POWERMASTER PRIME! Presumably not dosed up on Nucleon.”

JHA: “No, I heard him submit.”
Joey: “Ravage can’t submit, J. We’ve been through this.”
JHA: “I don’t care, I definitely heard him submit.”
JFA: “To an standing armbar? I doubt that.”
JHA: “What? I’ve seen it before? I’ve seen people tap out to a wristlock, to a side headlock.”
Flec: “It’s true. One time somebody even tapped out to me during his intro fireworks.”
JFA: “He did not. Will you stop? Both of you.”

Powermaster Prime sprints down the aisle and joins Smooth and Turbo Charger in trying to hoist Brigadier out of the ring, but catches a boot in the jaw for his troubles.

Suddenly Auros springs forward in a somersault, still holding onto RCOSD’s arm, but leaping straight over him and wrenching the shoulder.

JFA: “Brutal move from Auros… an attempt to completely dislocate RCOSD’s shoulder.”
JHA: “And the belt came loose! That’s not fair!”
Joey: “Auros leaving the belt on the mat now… and a kick to RCOSD’s face. Heading across into the other ring, now… looking to join in with the elimination of Brigadier, perhaps. Viewfind still out cold on the canvas.”
JFA: “No, Auros heading for the body of Viewfind. Heaves him up and looking to maybe dump him out of the match now.”
JHA: “Awh no, that’s not kind to Viewfind.”

But Professor Smooth spots Auros and breaks away from trying to put out Brigadier.

Joey: “Broken up by Smooth! Pounding away on Auros. Looks like El Chingador’s made himself a target now.”
Flec: “Of course he’s a target, Styles. Anybody in this match with half a brain should go straight for him. But no, they zeroed in on dumping the big talentless machine out of the ring. But not Smooth, he’s a Professor after all.”
JFA: “Quite what he’s a professor in is something I for one have never quite established.”
Flec: “Kicking ass, J. He’s a professor in kicking ass.”
Joey: “And Auros with a boot to the Professor’s stomach… and a big chokeslam from the Champion!”
Flec: “El Chupacabre, that’s called! Or rather El Champacabre, I suppose it is now.”

Turbo Charger and Powermaster Prime are sent flying by Brigadier as he finally kicks his way free of the corner. Viewfind, stirred from his dazed state after being lifted by Auros, rolls away and slides under the bottom rope.

JHA: “Oh, Blingzilla’s awake, they’re all in trouble now.”
JFA: “Funny how being awake looks a lot like running away.”

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 41… ADOLF!”

Viewfind goes to the outside and heads straight for one of the cameramen, pushing him over and stealing his camera.

Flec: “And we’re LIVE on GPA-TV!”
Joey: “Viewfind with that hefty video camera, back up onto the apron… and just brings it down hard across the back of Auros’ head!”
JFA: “But it’s Brigadier with the cover!”

Dropping the camera back down to the arena floor, Viewfind steps between the ropes and stomps on Brigadier’s head to break up the pin before a referee can even dive in to make the count.

Joey: “Adolf into the ring now, and Turbo Charger whips him straight into the ropes… big back body-drop! Adolf crashing to the mat. Viewfind with a cover on Auros now, but only gets the two.”
JHA: “Would have been three if Brigadier hadn’t gotten in the way. Viewfind gonna get his belt back eventually, yo.”
Flec: “Right, so we’ve got Adolf, Turbo Charger, Powermaster Prime and Brigadier all in the ring together. For this, I’m missing Kiss Saves Santa.”
JFA: “Viewfind pulls Auros up and whips him across the ring hard… straight into Turbo Charger. Turbo sent crashing to the mat by that. And Viewfind runs in with a big knee to the back of the Champion.”

Auros is sent tumbling forward into the turnbuckle, prompting Viewfind to sneak in behind and catch him with a roll-up.

JHA: “Viewfind wins back the belt! One! Two! Awh, rats.”
Joey: “Kick-out from Auros, and Powermaster Prime across now, but Auros with a poke to the eye. Viewfind with a knife edge chop to Auros… but a headbutt from the Champ, and a big belly to belly suplex takes the number one entrant to the mat.”
JFA: “And Brigadier across now with a double axehandle to the back of Auros... the champ turning around… big boot to the gut…”
Flec: “And the piledriver! Boom!”

Adolf and Turbo Charger link up with a collar-and-elbow tie-up that Turbo shifts into a standing side headlock, but as they struggle for domination, RCOSD re-enters the match by charging across the ring and launching himself plancha-style at the pair, pushing them both into the ropes. He quickly follows up by grabbing Adolf’s ankle and heaving him over the top rope, but Turbo Charger manages to dodge back out of the way and keep himself in the match.

Flec: “So much for that prick Adolf. I mean who the hell runs with a Nazi gimmick in this day and age? He’s not part of the British Royal Family, for crying out loud.”

Cliffjumper: “One in, one out. Not the rules, but the way it’s worked there. NUMBER 42… CLOUDSTRIFER.”

Flec: “Speaking of racist pricks.”
Joey: “RCOSD pounding Turbo Charger with a series of rights and lefts now. Auros leaving Brigadier flat on the mat and locking up with Professor Smooth… smooth with an elbow to the jaw, but Auros… oh that’s disgusting.”
JHA: “Haha.”
Joey: “Despicable behaviour from our Champion, just spitting in the face of Smooth… and a big DDT takes him to the canvas. I can’t believe a man who would do that holds the AWF Championship.”
Flec: “I can’t believe it’s taken so long for a man like that to win the title! You notice how long that shot from the camera kept him out for, too? Barely dented his momentum.”
JFA: “Well, HD cameras don’t really weigh much.”

CloudStrifer leaps onto the ring apron and turns to soak up the boos of the crowd. He steps through the ropes and is immediately clotheslined back out again by RCOSD.

Flec: “Good shout by the One Man Army. Wastes no time getting rid of him.”
JFA: “And CloudStrifer skulking straight back to the dressing room, to nobody’s disappointment.”
Joey: “Viewfind up and forcing Turbo Charger into the corner with a series of chops… and a tornado DDT brings him back down to Earth!”
JFA: “Brigadier back up again now… big boot to Professor Smooth as he climbs back up, but the Prof doesn’t down again…”
Joey: “Smooth with a punch to the gut… and spins round into a side Russian legsweep to take Brig to the mat. All the action contained in the one ring at the moment.”
Flec: “One ring to bind them.”

As Smooth stomps away on Brigadier, Viewfind picks up Turbo Charger and slams his head into the exposed steel of the turnbuckle. RCOSD flips Powermaster Prime up over his shoulder in a backbreaker, but Auros charges in from behind and sends them both sprawling to the mat. As they land, the klaxon goes again.


JHA: “Oh boy. This is going to get interesting now.”
Flec: “Big. Daddy. Rav. Former cWo. Former Tag Team Champion. One of the meanest men to ever step foot in an AWF ring. Apart from me and Auros, obviously.”
Joey: “Nearly won the AWF title once, of course. Joint-pinned Morpheus along with his former tag team partner TC. Belt declared vacant… TC went on to win that and become a three time AWF Champion…”
JHA: “Lost it to my boy Viewf.”
Joey: “… but Rav himself never got his hands on any gold outside of his stint in the Mav’ricks.”
JHA: “Because he’s back-up muscle. He was never smart enough to do anything right on his own.”

Ravage marches purposefully down the aisle, leaps onto the apron and steps over the top rope. Immediately Professor Smooth charges at him, but gets a big boot for his troubles.

Joey: “Ravage straight to work… boot to Smooth… picks him up again and a big sidewalk slam. Powermaster Prime across now… and straight over the top rope!”
JHA: “Oh my god. He threw him. He grabbed him by the neck and just tossed him like a ragdoll! Like he was nothing!”
JFA: “Powermaster Prime out of the match. Ravage going for Viewfind now, but Turbo Charger in the way… big elbow from Rav...”
Flec: “HANGOVER! Ravage cleaning house!”
Joey: “Ravage with a hangover to Turbo Charger. Brigadier up now and a big boot from Ravage staggers him… and a clothesline clears him out! Brigadier gone now!”

With The Brigadier flat out on the arena floor, Ravage picks Turbo Charger up off the mat, holds him high above his head in a press slam, and then just drops him out of the ring to land on top of the nTo member.

JFA: “Ravage absolutely going to town now! Three men out at his hands within moments of entering the match. And Auros jumps him from behind!”
Flec: “Go on, El Chingador! Just dump him now! Now! No, don’t hit him, push him over!”
Joey: “And Ravage just shrugging off those blows from Auros… big clothesline takes him to the mat! Picks him up again… HANGOVER! HANGOVER TO AUROS! Big Daddy Rav with the hangover on the AWF Champion!”
Flec: “Oh, thank you RCOSD!”
JFA: “Broken up by the One Man Army before Ravage could make the pin. Whips him to the ropes, reversed by Ravage… and a big boot flattens RCOSD!”

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 44… BAXTER!

Joey: “The other half of Ravenous Justice on his way to the ring now! Sprinting down the ramp!”
JHA: “In a hurry to get a whooping, looks like.”
JFA: “Viewfind now, trying to force Ravage back with a series of quick punches. The most fatigued man in the ring against the freshest… he’d do better if he still had those brass knuckles. Not sure where they went, but he seems to have dropped them somewhere along the way. And Ravage just swats him away!”
Flec: “Baxter! Going straight for Auros!”
Joey: “Baxter with the pin on Auros! One! Two! Shoulder comes up! That’s why he was sprinting – Auros still flat out from the hangover, Ravage distracted. Thought he could steal the title!”
Flec: “Not as dumb as he looks! But then that would be hard.”

Professor Smooth clambers back up and joins Viewfind in trying to back Ravage into a corner, but Big Daddy Rav hits him with a big right hand, drops the shoulder and lifts the Professor in a backdrop over the ropes.

JFA: “Smooth nearly eliminated there! But holds onto the top rope… climbing to the top turnbuckle now… and a flying body press!”
JHA: “Caught! Caught by Ravage… HANGOVER! Oh my stars. He’s on fire.”
Joey: “Ravage catching Smooth in mid air and driving him to the mat with the hangover. Devastating move… Viewfind backing away now. Baxter pulling Auros up and punching away, but Auros fighting back… chokeslam! Chokeslam from Auros fends off Baxter.”

Staggering back to his feet, Auros spins away from the newcomer… and straight into a big boot from Ravage.

Flec: “No, no, no, no!”
Joey: “Ravage now… picking up Auros… the AWF Champion about to go for a ride, it looks like… HANGOVER! A second hangover on Auros! Ravage with the cover, hooks the leg. One! Two!”
Flec: “Kick out!”
Joey: “THREE! He’s done it!”

Cliffjumper: “Ladies and gentlemen, the new AWF Champion… RAVAGE!”

But before Big Daddy Rav can even get to his feet, Viewfind runs across and dives over to catch him in a magistral cradle.

JFA: “Viewfind! Pinning combination!”
JHA: “He’s got him! One! Two!”
Joey: “But Ravage powers out! Oh my word, he just flipped himself backwards… onto his feet… Viewfind trapped now… in a crucifix across Rav’s back… and a Samoan drop!”
Flec: “Ravage’s reign was nearly shorter than Redstreak’s! I can’t believe Ravage is the damn Champion.”
JFA: “Believe it! Big Daddy Rav! Auros is out of here.”

The buzzer goes as Auros rolls out of the ring, spitting profanities in a language that is probably supposed to be Spanish.

Cliffjumper: “And entrant NUMBER 45… THE GRUFF!”

Flec: “The Gruffalo?”
JFA: “Yes, Flec. It’s the Gruffalo.”
Flec: “I’m missing the Gruffalo’s Child!”
Joey: “The Gruff racing down into the ring now. RCOSD and Baxter back up now… RCOSD with an elbow to Baxter and now trying to push him over the top, but Bax has a hold on the middle rope.”
JFA: “Big Daddy Rav picking up Viewfind now… going for a powerbomb… and a low blow by Viewfind! DDT! DDT by Viewfind on Ravage!”
JHA: “Wooooo!”
Joey: “Cover by Viewfind! One! Two! Broken up by the Gruff as he enters the ring.”
Flec: “Oh, and Blingzilla unhappy about that!”

Viewfind scrambles to his feet and shoves Gruff in the chest. The newcomer responds with a wild swing, but misses completely, spinning a hundred and eighty degrees. Viewfind quickly drops down low behind him and scoops him up with an electric chair, but falls forward instead, dropping Gruff throat-first across the top rope.

JFA: “And the Gruff nearly has his head taken off by Viewfind there! Smooth up and trying to push both RCOSD and Baxter over the top, but no avail.”
Flec: “Torture rack! RCOSD with a torture rack on Smooth for his troubles.”
Joey: “Ravage back to his feet now… and a clothesline to Viewfind from behind. Picking up Gruff now and slams him facefirst into the top turnbuckle… and plants him to the mat with a sidewalk slam.”

Ravage spots RCOSD holding Smooth across his shoulders, and launches himself across with a massive crunching clothesline that flattens both men.

JFA: “Baxter throwing himself at Ravage now… but a boot from the champion… powerbomb coming up!”
JHA: “Reversal!”
JFA: “Baxter somehow flipping himself up and a sunset flip… but Ravage won’t go down… toppling…”

The Champion regains his balance and throws a big fist downwards towards Baxter’s face, but it’s dodged and Rav punches nothing but mat. Baxter slings himself into the ropes to build momentum, but Ravage charges him down with a running clothesline that flips him through 450 degrees and flat onto his back.

Flec: “Monster clothesline! Baxter turned inside out there! Not even Marty Jannetty could have survived that!”
Joey: “Ravage picking up Baxter now… and just flings him over the top rope and outside!”
JFA: “Viewfind dusting himself up again now… pulls up the Gruff… and a big piledriver!”

The counter once more reaches zero on the ArchiveTron screen, but it’s a different timer to before. A familiar clock ticking 00:03, 00:002, 00:01… the buzzer sounds.

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 46… Y3B BLASTER!”

Flec: “Reach out and touch cloth. Our own personal douchebag!”
Joey: “And here comes another former AWF Champion! The big guns starting to appear now.”

Blaster sprints down the aisle, leaps onto the apron and springboards in off the top rope, hitting Ravage with a spinning heel kick.

JFA: “Big entrance from the Canadian! Ravage not floored though… hits the ropes, clothesline from Blaster. No effect… Ravage just laughs at him… Blaster goes again… Powerslam! Ravage with a powerslam on Blaster.”
Joey: “Viewfind picking the Gruff up now… and he’s gone. Casual as you like, Gruff flung over the top.”
JHA: “Looks like Big Daddy Rav isn’t done with Y3B yet.”
JFA: “Nope, Ravage hauling Blaster straight back up again… looking for the hangover… no! Blaster spins away over the top and a big dropkick to Rav’s back! Hits the ropes… and a bulldog takes him down!”
Flec: “And there’s the soundsault from the little brat! Oh, please not a cover… Two count! Phew. I couldn’t live through another reign of his, no matter how brief.”

Professor Smooth launches himself at Blaster as the Canadian gets back to his feet, but Y3B takes him down with an armdrag and then clotheslines him out over the top as the Professor staggers back up.

Joey: “And Smooth’s gone! Blaster full of momentum here today!
Flec: “Not the only thing he’s full of.”
JFA: “What’s your problem with him anyway?”
Flec: “He’s Canadian. Never trust somebody from Canadia, Joe. They choose to live in the snow amongst the French, that’s just unnatural. And then there’s also the other thing that we’re not allowed to talk about.”
Joey: “I still don’t understand why the police made such a big deal about that.”
Flec: “Maybe because she was seventeen?”

As Blaster raises his arms to the crowd triumphantly, RCOSD clatters into him from behind and dumps him to the mat with a German suplex.

JFA: “No matter what his personal issues are, the crowd reaction for Blaster reaffirming something that’s been present throughout most of the night – regardless of any previous history, the fans in attendance giving a warm and positive response to pretty much every returning AWF superstar here.”
Joey: “An excellent observation, J.”

The buzzer sounds again, and another familiar face walks through the curtains, to a cacophony of jeers and catcalls.

JHA: “You were saying?”

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 47… ugh. CYBERSTRIKE.”

Viewfind joins RCOSD in stomping away on Blaster, as Ravage picks himself back up and casts his eyes up the ramp.

JHA: “What the hell is that ugly thing on Cyberstrike’s shoulder?”
Flec: “If memory serves, that’s the Championship belt for an entirely different wrestling promotion.”
JHA: “Wow. That place is still going?”
Flec: “Surprisingly yes.”
JHA: “And he’s still the champion?”
Flec: “I genuinely don’t care enough to have the vaguest idea. Even if he isn’t, turning up here with the belt is totally the sort of thing he’d do.”

Cyberstrike takes his time strolling to the ring, trying his best to ignore the pure hatred coming off every single fan.

Joey: “Cyberstrike, or Chris Back, or whatever he’s called. One of the more surprising entrants given the legal situation. But he is a registered AWF competitor, probably advised by his solicitor that turning up today would be the best thing.”
Flec: “Contractual obligation. I know that feeling. Though I’m not also being sued by the company, so it’s all good on that score. I mean lying about buying the Fed is one thing, but not even Jim Ross’s Razor and Diesel were as pathetic as the passing-off job he’s foisting on his audience.”

Before Cyberstrike can even get through the ropes, Big Daddy Rav has grabbed him by the throat and tossed him into the corner. A cascade of punches and kicks forcing him down to the mat right from the start.

JHA: “He’s in good form, then.”
JFA: “The AWF Champion Ravage going to town on Cyberstrike. RCOSD and Viewfind picking up Blaster, and a double team whip into the corner. Now Viewfind whips RCOSD in and a big avalanche from the Scotsman!”
Joey: “And a crunching enziguri from Viewfind on RCOSD as he comes back out!”
JHA: “That’s my Blingzilla!”

As RCOSD hits the mat, Viewfind heads back into the corner and tries to heave Blaster out over the top rope, but the Canadian headbutts him and forces his way back out into the ring with a series of knife-edge chops.”

The timer slowly ticks down.

Flec: “Well fellows, I’d say that it’s been nice knowing you all but it would be a complete and utter fabrication. Do forget to write. It’s been an emotional journey, but I have to finish as I started… and you won’t believe the things I can do now.”
JFA: “I don’t understand?”
Flec: “You never did.”

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 48… REFLECTOR!”

Joey: “And The Flec! Leaving the broadcast position… to enter the match. How long for is anybody’s guess. He said his goodbyes, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see him back in two minutes.”
JFA: “Heading across to Cliffjumper, what on Earth is he doing?”
JHA: “Getting a microphone it looks like.”

The Flec grabs a microphone from the timekeeper’s table, taps it twice to send a thudding sound echoing through the arena’s main soundsystem. He jumps up onto the apron, reaches behind his back… and pulls out his uncle’s gun.

Flec: “Everybody be cool! This is a robbery.”

The crowd gasp in shock and then fall into silence. Flec steps between the ropes. Ravage stops pounding on Cyberstrike. Viewfind and Blaster stop exchanging blows. RCOSD rolls into a sitting position by the ropes, glancing up in confusion.

Joey: “Oh my word.”

Reflector brandishes the gun nonchalantly, waving it haphazardly at each competitor in turn.

Flec: “Any of you try any hero stuff and Flec Daddy Cool will start perforating random organs, y’dig? Finally The Flec has come back to active competition! I said earlier only one man was walking out with the gold, and it’s me! The Flec! Flecinio Heat! Flec Daddy Flec! The Flecbreak Kid! Pimp Daddy Flec! Fleczilla! The Big Flecbowski! It’s all about the Flec and how you Flec it! You! Champion boy, get over here!”

JFA: “I don’t believe this.”
JHA: “This is funnier than the Simpsons.”
Joey: “The Flec has really lost it, folks. It finally happened.”

Ravage slowly approaches Reflector cautiously as the gun points to his face.

Flec: “Come, son of whomever, KNEEL before Flec!”

Joey: “Ravage… being beckoned by our broadcast colleague. Flec pointing that gun, I figure Rav has got little choice but to do as he’s asked. Down on his knees now. And Flec grabbing his wrist… the most pathetic armbar I’ve ever seen…”

Flec: “Quit. Come on, Rav. Say ‘I quit’. I remember War Games, I know how much you love to tap out.”

The Flec drives the barrel of the gun into Ravage’s temple.”

JFA: “This is obscene, we need the police out here. Security, somebody. A psychiatrist.”

Flec: “TAP OUT YOU MOTHERF--KER! Or Redstreak won’t be the only red streak that got splattered across the canvas today!”

The buzzer sounds again.

Cliffjumper: “And NUMBER 49…


Blaster, Viewfind, RCOSD and Cyberstrike look on in horror as Ravage shakes his head, his eyes steel as he stares back up at Reflector.

Joey: “This is unbelievable. Ravage literally has a gun to his head, and he still won’t surrender the AWF Title!”
JHA: “Well then he’s an idiot.”

Flec: “What’s the matter? Don’t believe I’ll do it? I’ll do it. I swear, I will.”

Suddenly, Reflector spins around and randomly fires off behind him. The sound cracks through the air like a whip.

Joey: “OH MY GOD.”

The Flec presses the gun barrel back into Ravage’s temple.

Flec: “TAP OUT!”

JFA: “It just get cold in here?”

Reluctantly, Ravage slaps the mat three times and nods in the direction of the referee. The bell rings. The referee picks up the Championship belt from between the rings and hands it to Reflector.

Flec: “YES! FINALLY! I AM THE CHAMPION MY FRIENDS! TO BE THE MAN, YOU HAVE TO BEAT THE FLEC! I AM AT THE TOP OF SPACE MOUNTAIN! Hey, Flec. Now you’ve won the AWF Championship, what are you going to do? CALL IT, CLIFFY!”

Cliffjumper: “Ladies and gentlemen… the new Archive Wrestling Federation Champion… THE FLEC.”

Joey: “I don’t believe this. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. The Flec… holding up Ravage to become AWF Champion. I guess that’s now they roll in Pennsylvania, huh J? And now Cyberstrike! Seizing his opportunity!”
JHA: “Ugh. Is it raining? Why am I… wet… what the…”

The nTo man tries to take advantage of the confusion by rushing the new Champion.

Joey: “Cyberstrike tackling The Flec! And… oh my word, that gun just went off! I… I think the Flec just shot Cyberstrike!”
JHA: “Joe…”

Heaving Cyberstrike’s body off him, The Flec waves his gun in the direction of RCOSD, Viewfind, Blaster and Ravage.

Flec: “Yeah. It’s been great fun catching up, really it has, but I think it’s time I was somewhere else. Peace out, kids.”

Reflector rolls out of the ring with the belt in hand.

The buzzer sounds again.

Cliffjumper: “NUMBER 50... THE WILD ONE! Number 49 was OMEGA DENMAD, for the record.”

Denmad and The Wild One slowly start to head down the ramp together, the former having decided to postpone his entrance during the chaos in the ring. The other combatants in the ring stand in absolute shock. Ravage gets to his feet, hands on hips and eyes like thunder. He moves to the ring ropes and spits down in the direction of The Flec.

Joey: “This is absolute chaos. Carnage. Bedlam. It defies description. Insanity springs to mind. The Flec heading up the ramp now… referees trying to point him back to the ring, but nobody wanting to get close to him with that gun in hand. Cyberstrike looks to be badly injured, shot in the gut by the looks of it… Ravage absolutely furious… he was unstoppable today. He finally had the title and now he’s been mugged for it. And The Flec is the Archive Wrestling Federation Champion. My broadcast colleagues, have you ever seen anything like this before?”
JHA: “He’s not breathing, Joe.
Joey: “Sorry… what?”
JHA: “He’s not breathing. JFA… he’s been shot. He’s been shot, Joe. The Flec shot JFA. We need medical attention. I think he’s dead. FOR GOD’S SAKE SOMEBODY GET A MEDIC DOWN HERE!”

The screen goes black.

We fade up in a bedroom. A brunette slowly wakes from beneath the white sheets of her double bed. The sound of running water is coming from nearby.

She lifts the back of her hand to her brow, then glances off to her left.

She sits up, looking around, confused. She should be alone.

She gets out of bed and walks cautiously through to the en suite bathroom. The sound of water is much louder now. Somebody is in the shower.

She reaches forward, nervous… and opens the shower door.

Bobby turns to greet her, smiling.

Bobby: “Good morning!”

Pam looks confused.

Bobby: “What’s the matter?”

Pam: “Oh, Bobby. It was terrible. I had the most awful dream. The AWF was back, and Mr Vaccaro was still alive, and it was the most insane convoluted and badly written match ever. Cliffy was there. JFA and JHA had been locked in a cupboard… and then the Flec… oh, Bobby. The Flec went completely and utterly batsh-t insane and started shooting the place up. It was awful!”

Bobby: “Oh, there there, dear. It’s okay. Have you been drinking Uncle Snake’s before bed again?”

Pam: “Why, Bobby. You know I have.”

Bobby: “Well then, what do you expect?”

The two smile, the picture freezes. A caption comes up across the screen.

Archive Wrestling Federation: Encore is sponsored by Uncle Snake’s.




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inflatable dalek
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Post by inflatable dalek » Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:18 am

So.... does anyone have any idea?

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Post by Warcry » Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:32 am

We used to do this in, like, 2002 or something. I think there's maybe ten of us left who know what he's talking about.

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Post by inflatable dalek » Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:34 am

Yeah, this place really was odd before I turned up and made it cool.

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Post by Cliffjumper » Mon Dec 26, 2011 9:29 am

w00t AWF

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Post by Sixswitch » Wed Dec 28, 2011 12:21 am

inflatable dalek wrote:Yeah, this place really was odd before I turned up and made it cool.
You were never cool.

And call yourself staff? Go do your homework, young man! ... y.php?f=35


-Double S
I found God. Then I lost him. He'll probably turn up down the back of the sofa someday.
"The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm is ****ed."
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Post by Sades » Wed Dec 28, 2011 6:58 am


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Post by Shrapnel Clone » Thu Dec 29, 2011 3:11 am


So.... where is GoD? :P
"I dunno about you, but whenever I get confused I always mutilate the person next to me."

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Post by Galvatron91 » Wed Jan 04, 2012 8:13 pm

Shrapnel Clone wrote::D

So.... where is GoD? :P
I'm right here...I just don't always have much to say! :)

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Post by StoneCold Skywarp » Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:48 pm

This is awesome! Kudos to whoever is writing it.
:) Twitter - @stncldskywarp :) PS4 - StoneColdSkywarp :)

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Post by Jim » Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:19 am

inflatable dalek wrote:Yeah, this place really was odd before I turned up and made it cool.
AWF was always a pleasant read way back when. This is just a great read.

Oh, hello all, just stopping in. Been awhile. :wave:

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Post by Lady Quickswitch » Mon Mar 05, 2012 7:18 am

Agreed. The AWF warms my heart. A great piece of writing, right here.

And hurts my face. (Ow, my face....)

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Post by Blaster » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:55 am

You know, the downside to being away from this place is missing gems like this.

Probably two of my happiest days on this forum were winning the fictional title and then being asked to be part of the writing staff. I still miss it.
"You’re still a slave, Angron. Enslaved by your past, blind to the future. Too hateful to learn. Too spiteful to prosper."

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Post by Baxter » Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:22 am

Glad to see that I survived that massive heart attack

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