A Special GPA Presentation

[Ravage]

This program has been brought to you by the GPA.

A voice over with various pictures and video fills the screen.

Sunny California, home of many things: sun, beaches, Hollywood and this! Suddenly, “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica blasts in the background and the scene changes to pictures of West Coast Choppers and Jesse James.

The camera pans to inside of the shop where the GPA can be seen along with several of the shops workers.

Then the camera pans around the room:

Viewfind is seen with his new 100% O.G shirt on laughing with an employee, Tempest sporting a Human Bulldozer bandana is seen looking at some of Jesse’s choppers, Divebomb is busy sporting his new “NWA and GPA, is There Anything Else?” hoodie finally the camera moves over to Ravage sitting on a bench talking to Jesse, both wearing a “Big Daddy Ravage, He Really is The Big Thing” shirt.

“Hey, hey!” Ravage yells to the camera.

“Welcome to a very special inside look at the GPA. This is going to be great you have our main man Jesse James *the camera pans to him as he nods to it* and his great West Coast Choppers and you have the GPA. This is going to be the closest you can get to us while still being shown on broadcast TV!” Both laugh as a cloud of smoke can be seen in the background with View passing some type of smoking device around.

The camera stops on Ravage again.

“Now it seems that at Mayhem, HBK decided to run his mouth again. You know it’s pretty easy to run your mouth when you have an ocean protecting your broken ass but that is ok. Thanks to the greatest web page on Earth GPA.com. It seems someone was working at the island that old HBK was on. Now this video shows some interesting footage lets take a look.” Ravage stops and points off screen.

Some blurry color footage comes in then suddenly comes into view; it’s the island resort HBK shot his promo at. The camera moves around then HBK and the woman Amy in his promo appear and can be overheard.

“Come on, please I can pay you whatever you want for this chance to get on TV. You know you want too.” Oddly the voice sounds a bit funny almost like a stoned Viewfind.

“Well, you know I really do need the money. And it’s not like Ravage is here. So ok!” The girl hops around happily “Besides I need the money for my boobs!” She chirps sounding an awful lot like Tempest.

After that HBK grabs Amy and they embrace suddenly the picture is jarred back to West Coast Choppers.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! We need to keep this PG-13ish. Man, but don’t worry the rest of that video will be up for purchase on GPA.com. If you’re over 18 of course.” Ravage laughs and looks around the garage.

“Now Jesse why don’t you tell them one of the reasons you’re here today?” Ravage asks Jesse James.

“Well you see, I am a huge GPA fan, as well as of course a fan of Big Daddy Ravage here. So when I saw what HBK did to a cut out of Ravage in the islands, I decided that something needed to be done.” Jesse explains.

“And what was that?” Ravage asks.

*Suddenly the Monster Garage theme can be heard in the background*

“I decided to make a machine to help HBK get rid of his wheelchair when he’s done with it.” Jesse answers.

Suddenly the screen fades out; more of this GPA promotion will be back in a bit an announcer tells the audience.

A commercial airs for the special limited edition GPA action figure set consisting of the whole GPA and autographed by each member limited to 500 pieces and selling for $50.00 act now.

The Monster Garage theme kicks in again.

Monster Garage factoid: Did you know that HBK really is afraid of Ravage. Really!

The screen fades back into the garage with a massive 2005 Dodge Dakota seeing in the garage.

“Now Jesse before we paid our bills, what was this machine you mentioned.” Ravage asks pointed at the truck.

“Well, I decided to make this. The monster truck steel muncher. Nothing like a massive truck with a steel grinder in the back end. We got the grinder special order; its blades can tear apart solid steel like it was nothing more than paper. The collector at the top of the grinder keeps the parts from flying all over the place and collects them in a metal shoot here.” Jesse explains.

After that a quick video shoot is shown of Ravage helping to build the truck, hoisting up massive pieces of metal and equipment used in its design and helping the workers.

“Wow that’s pretty sick. Plus this bad boy was a lot of fun to work on. Now Jesse let’s show HBK what he can do with this beast.” Ravage then reaches out and brings out a wheelchair with a mannequin that looks like a dead ringer for HBK. Jesse hops in the truck and turns on the engine its massive rumble fills the room he then licks a switch and the grinder starts.

An announcer can be heard again.

“Will the Monster Truck Metal Muncher work? There is only one way to find out?” Ravage tosses the chair and mannequin into the top of the machine a sound of tearing metal and shedding dins throughout the garage.

Ravage then grabs the metal bin and pulls it out to the camera as mangled metal and plastic can be seen.

The announcer pipes up.

“It worked, now I wonder what will look better after the PPV this box of trash or HBK?”

“Damn Jesse! That’s was some great stuff!” Ravage shakes Jesse’s hand.

“Thanks, but I am not quite done yet. Boys.” Jesse yells and points off camera as four of the employees run off and wheel out 4 brand new custom built choppers for each member of the GPA there.

“In thanks for your time here, plus the fact you guys paid me about a quarter of a million apiece these are your very own choppers. Made by my employees and custom designed by me.

“Damn!” Is the collective reply of the GPA.

Ravage shakes Jesse’s hand again and the camera pans back to him.

“You see that’s it everyone. Jesse knows who’s going to win at the PPV so doesn’t everyone else. So why don’t you quit while your breathing HBK before you end up like this.” He grabs the bin and chucks it into a wall as scraps in the bin fly everywhere.

Then the camera pans to see each GPA member on his chopper laughing as the four bikes peel out and the camera fades to a GPA logo.

Visit GPA.com now.

[Viewfind]

YO YO YO!


See when you roll wit the GPA you get all the find things in life, when you don't...... well just ask HBK!


HOLLA!

[Ignavus]

As a curious side note, I too have a website.

Its called HotNakedIgnavus.com, and I think its pretty obvious what it contains.

So I guess the obvious question is, which website are you gonna go to? A bunch of big, mildly brain dead, men... that worship other mildly brain dead men oooor my infamous milkshake in action.

I don't think it's a very hard decision, now is it?

[Ravage]

What, wait a minute. Who left the thrash can open again?

Now go play with your milkshake elsewhere little man before you get hurt.

[Ignavus]

Yeah! Who left it the trash open?

You all know Ravage gets out when you do! Now Im gonna have to get him back in there... which means... >shudder< touching him...

I'll play with my milkshake anywhere I please, big man. I play with it in a box, or on a train, or in a plane. You don't intimidate me, Rav. I've seen your kind before, and I See right through You.

[Wolfang]

Originally posted by Ignavus
Yeah! Who left it the trash open?

You all know Ravage gets out when you do! Now Im gonna have to get him back in there... which means... >shudder< touching him...

I'll play with my milkshake anywhere I please, big man. I play with it in a box, or on a train, or in a plane. You don't intimidate me, Rav. I've seen your kind before, and I See right through You.

OOC: That's hilarious. It's sick... but it's even more hilarious...

[Ravage]

Just remember to watch where you spill your milk shake you don't want any accidents.

[Ignavus]

Righto. I accidently got it on your moms face once... that did NOT go over well... at all.

[Ravage]

I am sure it didn't. But at least it didn't leave my mom unable to walk for days like it did yours.

[Ignavus]

Tell ya what, big guy, once you get one of your buds from the GPA there to teach you how to string together an insult that makes sense... then we'll talk.

Or I could teach you. My hint: Obscenely annoying pop culture references.

[Ravage]

Tell you what milkshake boy.

Since it makes sense I will break you.

There is your pop culture reference.

Now go play with your milkshake while listening to Micheal Jackson before I decide to make you join the Wheelchair Users of the AWF Fanclub.

[Shockmeister]

Ah...thhe phhrasse iss, "I MUSST break you." Not, "I will break you," lasst time I checked. Or, more accurately, lasst time Auntie Ssslag tried to make you ssay it. And you havve ffinally cavved in...what did (s)he thhreaten to do, exxactly? Do her own rendition off thhe sslowly-making-itss-way-into-mainsstream-radio milkshhake ssong?

[Ravage]

You know, I love people with speak problems. Now go back to the GI Joe movie you dropped out of.

[Shockmeister]

GI Joe? You dare to sspeak off ssuch a cruddy ffranchisse in ffront off me?!

And why no good ressponsse, big guy? Too much sstrain on thhe brain sstem? Ssstarting to get terrible fflashhbackss off your lasst encounter withh Auntie? Perssonally, I do not ssee how, ssincce shhe iss kinda cute...and, withh thhat ssaid, I would like to point out thhat thhiss disscusssion iss offf thhe record...

Or maybe you are jusst ssmarting ovver thhe ffact thhat thhe Ssslag rendition off thhe Milkshhake Sssong rated higher thhan your covver off Jenny Fffrom Thhe Block on thhe AWFff karaoke album. It iss nothhing to be ashhamed off, really, we were all drunk thhat night...

OOC: I'd like to apologise to anyone who thinks GI Joe is good. Personally, I've very little experience with it; in fact, I had no idea I sounded like one of the characters when I write IC.

[Ravage]

OOC- No worries

You know, I am sure Chris Latta is roto-tilling his grave just like Asivom was after that crap with Will Smith this summer but thats beside the point.

And why did I not waste my time with a decent reply to you. Here's why and I will tell you in a way you might understand.

Youuuuu Arettthhhh Not Worrrttttthhhh MYYYTH TIMETH!

After I finish off HBK at the PPV and then I will stomp out the gay.. I mean Game soon after I will rule the AWF with the GPA if I have to rip skin and snap every bone of every useless jobber in this fed so be it.

Now do what you should be doing and carry my duffle back jobber.

[Shockmeister]

Oh, right, I shhould indeed be carrying your back. Sssincce you havve no sspine to ssupport it, affter all.

And ffrankly, iff you jabber on about ssomeone who iss sstuck in a wheelchair ass iff he iss all thhat matterss to you, I do not ssee how I - who iss quite capable off ussing motor ffunctionss - warrantss your ignorancce. Thhen again, iff I had an ego thhe ssizze off yourss, I would havve trouble sseeing passt it too.

Oh yeass, and you will deffinitely rule thhe AWFff. Becausse, y'know, beating evveryone up automatically qualiffiess you to become part off thhe upper management. Yesss...And thhiss GPA sstufff; I nevver undersstood why thhey put up withh you. Thhey're sssuppossed to be rapperss, or emcceess, or whatevver thosse kidss call thhemsselvvess thhesse dayss. Yet you...rarely evven attempt to rhyme, and it ssoundss painffully fforcced, and devvasstatingly unentertaining, when you do. 'Coursse, thhe ssame could be ssaid off Divvebomb, exxccept, well, he can utilisse hiss neural cortexx. You havve not masstered thhat technique yet. Givve it time.

[Ravage]

Yawns, look Snakeeyes.

You know I am too good for you. I could break you like the spineless creature you talk like in a blink of an eye. But what would be the point?

You are no good to me, you'd do nothing to farther my time here other than be another body.

And how dare you question why I am in the GPA. Unlike you they have talent. And let's face it having the biggest dog in the yard in your pack is a pretty good idea.

So keep running your mouth Shocky because I am sure soon I will shut it for you if you keep it up.

[Ignavus]

Originally posted by Ravage
And let's face it having the biggest dog in the yard in your pack is a pretty good idea.

What're you talking about, Rav? I'm not in the GPA!








Ooooooh, you mean the heaviest person. I was thinking of something totally different.

[Shockmeister]

"Urrrk...ack...n-no...cannot be..."

<Death promptly collapses to his knees and begins to rhythmically beat his helmet-wearing head off the concrete floor, moaning in agony. After twenty seconds or so, he stops, breathing ragged.>

"N-nevver...nevver...mention thhat name. Thhere iss no Shhockmeisster. He iss gone. Thhere iss only Deathh."

<Death staggers back up again, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose.>

"And I am glad thhat you havve been intrigued enoughh to actually conssider movving toward me, Ravvage; ass I havve ssaid elssewhere, judgement iss eassier withh willing prey. Ssso all I havve to do iss keep sspeaking, and you will be drivven into a ffoaming ffrenzzy? Good, thhat ssoundss eassy enoughh."

<Death stands up straight again, the corners of his lipless mouth turning up into a smile.>

"And pleasse...Biggesst Dog? Iss thhat thhe besst thhing you can call yoursselff - an ovverssizzed mongrel? Humility iss a nicce quality, but really, it iss not recommended in thhiss line off work, drokkhead. And how do I dare? I dare by opening my jaw and ssaying ssomethhing in a challenging tone thhat no-one hass ssaid prevvioussly. Sssimple, no? Or would you preffer it in monossyllabic termss, jusst ffor your kindergarten mental age?"

<Death tilts his head to one side.>

"And jusst for thhe record...Sssnakess do, in ffact, havve sspiness. But again, I would not exxpect you to know thhat."

[Ravage]

Snakes have spines. Good, but it looks as though they lack the intellgence needed to not piss off larger predators.