Darren Bent and Michael Chopra (both enthusiastic applauders of the fans - they've read my handbook) scored yesterday, which has really put the pressure on. They are two of the worst strikers I have ever seen and I frequently rely on the incompetence of them and others to make my mishaps less noteworthy (I was devestated, for instance, when Samaras left Man City).
As the supply of quality football from me dries up, the demand for it from my teammates rises. I am therefore directly responsible for the continual improvement of the players around me.
Time after time Stevie picked me out with raking forty-yard cross-field passes. I waited in desperation for someone to come tearing down the inside channel offering me an overlap or the chance of an easy short pass. With Carra as my wing-man, however...
hehe, being genuine would have made it even funnier. I feel sorry for kuyt, he's even less suited to wing play than heskey was under houllier. It won't stop me from distributing this round work tomorrow though...
Neuronutter wrote:Is this really a blog by Dirk Kuyt? If it's a piss-take by someone else then it's brilliant. If it's really by him then its unbelievably bad.
"Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly - the ill deeds, along with the good - and let me be judged accordingly. The rest... is silence." Dinobot - Code Of Hero
Neuronutter wrote:I guess that was a bit of a stupid question!
:P
"Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly - the ill deeds, along with the good - and let me be judged accordingly. The rest... is silence." Dinobot - Code Of Hero
Absolute quality find there Cliffy.
The bit about the identity fraud because someone was spending Premier League Goalscorers levels of money was hilarious.
Our glorious leader, the 'man in cherge' himself, the bold Jocky Scott, must have picked up on my dip in form and mood because he let me play a key role in Monday's training session. It's a familiar routine and a much-loved ritual we all enjoy immensely. As the players play British Bulldogs in front of the Main Stand a giant cannon is wheeled out into the centre circle. The perma-topless Jocky gets his megaphone out and announces it's time for the weekly attack on Tannadice. We gather round the cannon and watch in awe as Eddie Malone is stripped to his pants, greased up, and issued with a crash helmet bearing the legend, 'ONE TEAM IN DUNDEE.' He is then loaded into the cannon and given a large hunting knife, which he clasps between his teeth. Jocky proclaims, 'Lads, it's that time of the week when we get United telt by firing Eddie into Tannadice. Those tangerine-wearing ****ers are over there thinking they rule the roost in this toon. DO THEY ****, LADS! DO THEY ****ING ****! THERE'S ONLY ONE TEAM IN DUNDEE AND THIS IS HOW WE REMIND THEM IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE WE'RE PUMPING THEIR ARSE FOUR TIMES A SEASON AGAIN! YAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS!' We all cheer. As far as motivational techniques go it's highly unconventional, but firing a semi-naked, knife-wielding Eddie Malone from a cannon into the midst of United's training session at Tannadice is one heck of a team building exercise.
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